Like a rolling stone.

Today is my last day at my current position at my current institution.

On Sunday, Schmoobles and I will load up what few necessities I think I will need for our temporary (read: tiny ass) studio apartment and head off together to the new city. On Tuesday, I will begin my new position at my new institution.

I don't know what traumatic event happened to me in my childhood* that makes saying goodbyes very emotional. As much as I am looking forward to new settings, a new institution, and new adventures, if someone I am even marginally fond of says a personal individual goodbye to me I will get verklempt AF. I really need to get better at thinking of all the asshole douchebags that also occupy this space that I will be very happy to leave behind so that I don't get all weepy and annoying.
#remembertheaholes


* MAYBE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH MOVING HALFWAY ACROSS THE WORLD TO ANOTHER HEMISPHERE AT AGE SEVEN AND THEN MOVING ACROSS THE COUNTRY SPONTANEOUSLY AND LEAVING MY ENTIRE FAMILY AFTER COLLEGE AND THEN SPENDING MY TWENTIES AND EARLY THIRTIES MOVING TO FOUR DIFFERENT STATES WHO KNOWS JUST A GUESS. It could also be the final scene of The Little Mermaid where Ariel is saying goodbye to King Triton before she joins her non-fish dreamboat Prince Eric that I have never gotten over since 1989.

Make the Pulitzer Great Again!

Deplorable! This is the bigliest scandal to rock the classical music world since we heard about that opera conductor being a bad hombre...and then allowed him to have a celebrated career for decades. The Deep State has infiltrated the Pulitzer Board and awarded the prize for Music to a Kendrick Lamar. When the “urban” music scene sends its people, they’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime. They’re rappers.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I have lots of friends who are (whispered) rappers. I love (whispered) rappers. They’re fine people! It’s just that rap isn’t art, okay? Art is beautiful. Art is elite. Art doesn’t have curse words!

Russia, are you listening? I hope you’re able to find the missing Pulitzer votes. Don’t listen to the fake news mainstream media. And don’t even get me started on the failing Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times!

Look, I’m not a rap-ist. I just want us to go back to the good old days of the Pulitzer, when prizes were given to hyper-intellectual art pieces whose framework comes from centuries-long Western traditions that definitely don't intentionally exclude specific genres based on outdated paradigms. 

Or at least give it to a piece of music that most Americans don't even like.

I mean, DAMN.

How To: Not Be An Asshole—A 12-Step Program!

Step 1. Give the courtesy wave.

Okay, this is the first step, so we need to start off with a soft lob. I don't want anyone straining any muscles. (Did you know the heart is a muscle? Anyway.) When you are driving down a narrow street and a car approaching you pulls over to allow you to pass, give them a little courtesy wave, will you? Please notice that I'm not suggesting you actually be the one to pull over and acquiesce to the other driver. (That's, like, full Step Thirteen Asshole-Sober level behavior.) Just express a quick acknowledgment and show some momentary gratitude for their lack of assholery. You don't even have to do a full wave. Do that thing where you continue gripping your steering wheel but raise three, maybe four fingers from their curved position to, like, slightly less curved and almost straight. Maybe even throw in a nearly imperceptible head nod. You know what the other person will think? "Huh, that was nice. They're definitely probably not an asshole."

(Bro tip: Also give a courtesy wave behind you when somebody lets you merge or turn into their lane. That's super non-asshole behavior right there.)

Step 2. Smile at a stranger on the sidewalk.

Alright. At this point, you should be fairly comfortable with the feeling of acknowledging a complete stranger with a minimally positive gesture. It's time to take it to the next level. Try to catch a person's eye as you pass them on the sidewalk and give them a small smile. Don't be, like, creepy. Give a quick look in their direction; if they reciprocate and you happen to make eye contact, follow through with the smile equivalent of, "Hey." not "Haaaaayyyyyy." Do you know why this is good? Because it allows you to give that other person acknowledgment that they freaking exist. Also, people used to do this sort of thing all the time Before Steve Jobs. And honestly? You will look like a self-confident badass because nobody does this anymore.

Step 3. Do not block an intersection.

I know. You're busy. You have places to be. Here's the thing: SO DOES EVERYBODY ELSE. But even more importantly: Do you know what happens when you nudge yourself in there to catch the tail of that yellow light and end up in the middle of the intersection? You get to your destination roughly twenty seconds earlier than if you had just goddamn waited AND you get to sit there—yep, like an asshole—while everybody throws their rightfully venomous angry eyeballs at you. Just don't do it, okay? As a bonus, you get a few extra seconds to chill in your car at a stop light and do some Kegels or something.

I Made This! Celebratory Multicultural Ambiguously Ethnic Tacos Edition.

Today, Schmoobs finally came home after spending the near entirety of June traveling to and fro, hither and thither, participating in a multitude of musicky symposiums and workshops and such. The good news is that we have had plenty of experience dealing with long summertime stretches apart (read: Nerd Corps and summer festivals), but it's still always a nice return to banal normalcy when he comes home. Fast forward to two days later when he has an errant sock or something on the living room floor and I'll be ready to send him away again. Hahaha. (I KID.)

Also, while I was playing Miss Independent for the past month, I have been trying really (really really) hard to maintain a somewhat healthy, disciplined, and responsible lifestyle, in the way of not buying convenient and easy fast food. And since I am completely incapable of cooking meals for only one or two people, I usually ended up cooking one meal that yielded enough to last me an entire week. Which is fantastic in theory, given my aforementioned goals. But no matter how delicious a home cooked meal is, there are only so many straight days of eating the same thing that you can take before your taste buds begin waging protests. Long story short, I made this tasty spaghetti dish at the beginning of this past week. It had chicken, and marinara sauce, and watercress (healthy super food!), and vegan cheese (blergh). It also yielded about twenty servings. I was pretty over it by Wednesday. And really over it by Thursday. But I pushed through like a champion and ate that goddamn final serving for dinner on Friday and dreamt that night of the Trader Joe's cabernet beef pot roast thawing in the refrigerator just waiting to be turned into a New Freaking Meal At Last the next day, just in time for Schmoobins to come home!

So here's what I did:

Dog Vlog!

Yes, my dog has a vlog. It is the twenty-first century.

I Made This! Hipster Toad-in-the-Hole edition.

I present to you a breakfast specially curated for Instagram if ever there was one: Hipster Toad in the Hole. This toad carries organic beard wax in his ironic fanny pack and brings his own French press out to brunch. Rye sourdough pumpkin seed bread, two eggs, butter, and avocado.

Recipe:

1. Go to Costco and buy this amazing looking and tasting rye sourdough harvest bread with pumpkin and other seeds, at a very reasonable price. Do not tell anyone that it is from Costco because it can totally pass as being from a local organic bakery. Hipstergrammers prefer local organic things over Costcto things. Damnit, I already messed up on the first step of this recipe. Oh well.

2. Slice off as many slices of this Secret Costco Bread as people you are feeding. On this morning, it was just one (me.) as Schmoobles has been away on work trips for pretty much the entire month. HEY WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT EMOTIONAL EATING? Oh I did. Then carve out a hole in the middle of the bread slice. Large enough to hold the number of eggs you envision cooking in there. (I did two. #emotionaleating) You can eat the bread scraps, or, do what I did, which is head outside to your backyard wearing only an oversized t-shirt, and toss the bread scraps onto your lawn while singing Mary Poppins tunes while your neighbors call 911.

3. In a large pan (preferably copper because copper cookware is freaking beautiful and if you're not cooking for Instagram, who even are you cooking for I don't get it), melt some butter. Jesus, we're not on a diet here. Put more butter in there. Make sure your pan is on medium or medium-high.

4. Place your Secret Costco Bread Slice in the pan and allow the butter to work its magical sexiness on that toast. Leave them to do their business for, what, like a minute? Two? I don't know. Just don't burn it like I came about ten seconds away from doing. But when one side is golden and toasted and buttery, flip it over and do the same on the other side.

5. BUT immediately after you flip it over, quickly grab your butter and put some more inside the Secret Costco Bread Slice hole. Don't be scared. You need to make sure there is plenty of butter in the pan in preparation of the eggs.

"Be not afraid. I come before you always. Come, follow me, and I will give you rest." - The butter singing gently to your eggs, probably (Is this joke sacrilegious? Do I have to go to confession now?)

6. Crack your eggs gently into the buttered Secret Costco Bread slice hole. Depending on how hot your pan is and how much butter you put in there, the length of time it will take to cook your egg whites will vary. If you are getting impatient and are worried that the bottom of your toast and eggs may burn before the eggs fully set to your liking, you can always put a lid on the pan. Just know that this will facilitate more cooking through of the egg yolks, and you may not get as Instagram-worthy of an egg action shot.

7. While you are waiting for the eggs to cook, you can go ahead and slice half an avocado. Again, make sure it is organic. Avocados don't even show up on Instagram unless they are organic. But not local, unless you live in California or a south American country. I mean, what even is a Kentucky avocado, or a Michigan avocado? Crap, that's what.

8. When everything is ready, plate your Hipster Toad in the Hole on your favorite social media-worthy serving dish (I prefer plain white dishware myself, so as to not distract from your Instamasterpiece). Arrange the avocado slices on top in an aesthetically-pleasing manner, being careful not to completely cover the eggy center. After all, you want everyone to know that this is not just some stupid ordinary boring old avocado toast. Sprinkle on top with some type of pretentious salt: Himalayan pink? Volcanic black? At the very least, make sure it's not granulated table salt *shudder*. Also add some freshly ground black pepper. And then some red chili flakes. Not necessarily because you are fond of chili flakes, but because it looks good. 

9. Position your plate casually next to a carefully-chosen ironic coffee mug, find the best natural light in your kitchen (or, hell, go outside to snap your photo), and set the world ablaze with your Instagramtastic meal. 

10. Enjoy your delicious Hipster Toad in the Hole. (But never forget that eating your dish is only secondary to posting a photo of it on social media.)

But what if I'm a little stubborn and a little nutty?

So I started this other other blog a while ago. Again, I kind of got distracted by life and forgot to write in it. Whoops. But now I'm kind of getting the blogging itch again, and can't decide whether I want to forge ahead with Stubborn Tomato or Acadaemia Nut. Well, I mean, seeing as how I'm writing this new post here, I guess I've decided to go along with Acadaemia Nut, mainly because it has more already-existing posts.

It's been a Q.U.I.E.T. summer. My office desk job is in an arts center on a University campus, so, while there is still the occasional event that takes place during the summer months, 99.9% of the time I can be found sitting at my desk, propping my eyelids open with toothpicks, browsing the internet, occasionally reading about sixteenth-century Spanish mystics, engaging in stressful and frustrating political discussions with Bossman, refreshing all my social media accounts every ten seconds, daydreaming about what I am going to cook and eat that evening, and generally feeling guilty about not spending more time dissertating. The more things change, the more they stay the same...

Anyway. This week our arts center is hosting the big State Pageant, and on the schedule for today are talent rehearsals in preparation for the first official evening of competition tonight. The best part is that my office is separated from the main concert stage, so Bossman and I are being treated to a wonderfully eclectic office soundtrack today:

Pageant contestant: *general caterwauling*
Bossman: "Oof. Terrible."
Me: "I don't even recognize what that song was."
Bossman: "Nobody would."

Hahaha.

I may spend a portion of my day transferring some old posts from Stubborn Tomato on over here. And maybe some past recipe/cooking posts that I've been wanting to blog. Anything to get the sounds of Aretha Franklin and Adele songs being sung a semitone flat over a canned orchestral track out of my head.

Update: One of the pageant contestants just wandered into the office hallway and started warming up her Smooth-Criminal-on-violin routine. Bossman immediately banished her. Hahaha.