Things I Wanted To Blog While Waiting In Line At The Social Security Office And DMV But Couldn't Because The Blogger App Kept Crashing.

• Somebody near me smells of spoiling milk mixed with overripe jackfruit. It better be a baby who has spit up. If it's not a baby who has spit up, then that is inexcusable and disgusting.
• The security officer here looks like Dwight Schrute. Also, I caught him picking both his nose and his ear - WITH THE SAME PINKY. Ewwww. I made sure to stay a very safe distance from that pinky when I had to go up and ask him a question.
• A fun (not really) game to play while waiting in a crammed government service administrative office is "Meth Addict or Not A Meth Addict?" (I've been really into watching past episodes of 'Intervention' on Hulu, so I'm pretty much an expert at this game.)
• After waiting over two hours - TWO HOURS!!! - at the Social Security office, I finally made my triumphant way to a service window, where the nice government worker had a really creepy (nervous?) laugh that he punctuated literally every single statement with: "Oh, yes, you're passport will do... *HEEheeheehee!*" and "Oh! This program just won't let me in for some reason... *HeeHEEEEhee!*" After sitting at the window another ten minutes while he tried to get the program to work - the program that would print out the two pages of paperwork that I needed to get my driver's license at the DMV (up next) and that I had just waited over two hours for, he started saying things like, "Well...either I'll get you your form today...or I won't. *HEEHEEheeee!*" and then I smiled politely while simultaneously stabbing him in the face metaphorically with my icy death eyeballs. Needless to say, he got the program to work and I walked away finally with the social security letter that I needed. *HEEHEEheeeEEE!*
• Two silver linings: 1) There was no fee for applying for a new Social Security card or receipt letter. Me to goverment worker at window: "There's no fee for this? Well, at least that's one piece of good news since I lost my wallet!" and 2) The DMV was super fast and I had the $20 cash in my purse that I needed to pay for the new license. Yay.
• Meanwhile, at the DMV office: There was absolutely zero point in me picking a cute colorful top and straightening my hair this morning because it pretty much GOT COMPLETELY CUT OUT of my license photo!! Go figure. Whatever. I have my new Social Security card coming in the mail (Note to self: Don't keep your card in your wallet anymore, you effing dummy.) and a new Kentucky driver's license in my purse. Mission accomplished today. The reward is Cheez-Its. The end.

My New Year's Resolution should be to get back to blogging.

Or something to do with daily lunges and squats.

30+ year old butts, you guys. It's not automatic anymore.

Anyway, 2012 in a nutshell?

Left Texas.
Moved to Kentucky to start the long-awaited Ph.D.
Gave myself bangs.
Lost my wallet.

That's about it.

I have a lot to say about this Ph.D. business. Some good. Also some not good. Hopefully I'll get to all that when I start this "New Year's Resolution" blogging thing. In the meantime, I have one week until the start of the second semester, so I am doing as much Real Housewives viewing as possible. While waiting for my good karma points to return my wallet back to me, that is.

Oy vey. Get off of Facebook if you don't know how to use it right!

Case in point:

Geez, woman. It's called a JOKE. And the people who understand said joke are the ones who have taught these non-major music appreciation classes before. As in, our mutual friend who posted this status and me. i.e. NOT YOU. Ugh.

For an example of how to use Facebook properly, note the following:

You, dear former students, get extra credit from me, even though I don't teach you anymore!

You guys. I have bangs now.

Well, I've had bangs for about two weeks, but I've been too busy fantasizing about throwing myself in front of oncoming traffic in order to avoid writing any more papers to blog about my bangs. But anyway. I am totally into them. And for the first time in my life, I've had bangs for longer than two days without totally regretting the decision.

These are terrible pictures of me being an idiot on Photobooth after drinking some bourbon, but you get the idea.

 Also, I thought that bangs were supposed to be cut kind of at small snips at a diagonal angle so that it looked more natural and less blunt. But looking at this picture, it appears as though a kindergartener with a pair of special scissors cut my bangs. But no. It was me. I'm an adult. What the hell.

It's a little better when I sweep it slightly to the side. But seriously. Did I go to Edward Scissorhands for my bangs? Also, when I wet my bangs and trimmed them, they were really even from left to right. But when they dried and I tried to spread them out my forehead, the hair on the left side was significantly longer than the hair on the right side. What's up with that. Is my skull uneven?

The moral of this story is that nothing exciting happened since August, since this is the evening after the final day of classes after my first semester as a Ph.D. student and I am blogging about my bangs.

***

Apparently I'm not done talking about my bangs yet.

Do the bangs emphasize my Asian-ness? My Asianity? I feel as though they might.

Speaking of: A couple of weeks ago, I was in the library making copies of some manuscripts along with another grad student in my Medieval and Renaissance Notation class and he was like, "Did I hear you say to somebody something about being Asian? Because all semester I thought you were hispanic." And I was like, "Say whaaat?" No really, I was actually all, "Well, it's funny that you ask that..." And then he was all, "...Unless you're Filipino, in which case you're kind of both." And then I was like, "Ding!"

Anyway, I thought that was funny. Is it the tan skin, I wonder? Or the name?

This was all a lead up to say that, this afternoon, our musicology division used our weekly colloquium meeting to just have a potluck end-of-semester party, to which I brought my world-famous (in California and Texas) guacamole. Of course, I made the pico ahead of time, but brought some avocados to prepare there on campus in order to avoid having the guacamole turn brown and gross in transit. Anyway, the guys saw me start preparing the avocados before their very eyes and they flipped out. (Seriously though, fresh guac is the only way to go.) Then one of my fellow Ph.D.-ers was like, "It's like in Benihana when they make your food right there!" And then I looked him dead in the face and said, "Hey. Don't be racist." Haha.

And so the semester (almost) ends...

...not with a bang, but with Ysabel sitting in our musicology seminar while the class watches a clip of Brünnhilde's immolation scene from the Metropolitan Opera's 1990 production of the Ring and tapping one of my fellow Ph.D. classmates on the shoulder so I could giggle and make nipple indications with my two pointer fingers.

I mean, look! You expect me to do nothing?

I believe his exact words were, "*sigh*...You're such a guy."

Haha.

One more week to go and then it's finals week.

Finals week as an undergraduate: WAAAAH!

Finals week as a graduate student: WHEEEE!

Let's play...You Guess The Context!

"That was a Hot Brown fart! ...I hope not literally."

***

ETA: I think something crawled inside Schmoobs' butt and died and its ghost is trying to get out. And it STINKS. I took a picture of him lighting matches in our living room to try and exorcize the demons. The picture is blurry because I was laughing.

In which I've had a few days to gather myself and retain a positive attitude.

So, last Friday I got a call from our vet. They had sent Bela's Lump of Doom in to get tested and the pathology results came back: fibrosarcoma.

We are sad.

Schmoobs hasn't shed a tear, but I know that when I told him the news, he was devastated. It was Scott and Bela before it was Scott, Ys and Bela - and surely before Scott, Ys, Bela and BB. When I think about how much I love Bela (even though he has moments of psychosis where his eyeballs get all dilated and then he tries to eat my toes!), I think about how much he really must mean to Scott and I get doubly sad for him.

All the literature I've read online about this type of feline cancer conveys that it is basically a death sentence - the only recourses to take being surgery after surgery and radiation treatments. Just after this one surgery to remove the initial tumor, we both know that we would never want to put our President of the Finer Things Club through that kind of trauma again and again just so that we can buy a couple more months with him at a time. He'd be in recovery and dealing with pain meds and being drugged out all the time. That's no life for our Bela.

Our focus is just on making sure Bela lives the happiest and most normal of kitty lives for as long as we can give him.

But after crying and being very sad for 24 hours, I sat myself down at the computer and read Google page after Google page of trying to find some alternatives - any alternative - to help Bela. And somewhere in about the tenth layer of Google results pages, I started finding forums and mention of flax seed oil as a supplement that might have possible anti-cancer properties. Specifically, flax seed oil mixed with low-fat cottage cheese for pets. Some stuff I've read include this, this, and this.

I know there are a lot of people out there who view this kind of holistic mumbo jumbo as hippie nonsense, but I am embracing it full on. We have nothing to lose. Plus, I drink an organic apple cider vinegar and water tonic mixture every day, take daily papaya enzyme tablets, slug green sludge from a bottle and eat quinoa on a regular basis, so you know I am totally into this hippie wizardry. I've also started to transition him off of his normal grocery store cat food and onto a more specialized low-wheat, low-sugar diet. I've also read material talking about the advent of processed pet foods in the 1950s and how it has contributed to an increase in pet diseases. It makes sense, if you think about it. Before then, families generally fed their household pets scraps from the table and plain cooked meat. Now, our pets commonly eat food mixed with high amounts of fillers, grain and sugars. So Schmoobs has been totally on board with paying for some special food for Bela that is grain free and rich in natural proteins.

I have been having the darnedest time getting Bela to take his flax seed oil, even when I mix it in with his special delicious new wet food, so I have resorted to just making him take his daily dose by using the little plastic syringe from the vet when we were giving him his pain meds. The process is that I give him his beloved wet food breakfast treat in order to make him happy and off guard. Then I have to hold him down while I stick the syringe of flax seed oil through his bared fangs. And then I give him more special wet food deliciousness right after so that I may buy back his love and affection. It's a new routine, and one that I embrace.

Anyway, here is to hoping, wishing and praying that this helps Bela have a longer and healthier remainder of his life than he would otherwise. We are not ready to let him go quite so soon.

***

In other news, do you know what kinds of things Ysabel would buy at the grocery store after an especially long, never-ending and school-filled day during which she consumes nothing but 3 cups of black coffee, half a banana and half a rice krispie treat until 7pm?

and the piece de resistance:

Don't try to make sense of it. There is no sense to be made. Although, it makes you understand more clearly why it is so important that I take those hippie wizard organic vinegar tonic supplements.

Also, did you know that Kentucky closes its schools during election day? Including the school currently affiliated with both me and Schmoobles? Huzzah! Kentucky also makes it illegal to serve alcohol anywhere on election day until the polls close at 6. Kentucky, you so crazy! Anyway, since today is a blissfully rare day off for both of us, we woke up and voted at the elementary school that is literally around the corner from our place (easiest walk to the voting booths ever!) where there were only two people in line in front of me (easiest walk to the voting booth ever!), then we gathered BB and took a walk down the road to the Dunkin' Donuts where we got pumpkin coffees, donuts and some breakfast sandwiches, and then Schmoobliedoos gave BB a bath that she SORELY NEEDED. Oof, that thing was stanky. And it's not even noon yet! Later, we plan on driving through some neighborhoods to look at some real estate and then it's off to Target to get some Christmas decorations. I love days off!

"She farted as soon as you closed the bathroom door!" Hahahaha. Nice job BB. That's what Schmoobles gets for hot-boxing me in the car last night!

So fresh and so clean clean!

Sometimes, Bela is just such a...cat.

My furry loves.