(You wish.)
(Or, more likely, I wish.)
Anyway. The other night I dreamt that I was sitting in a men's barbershop with a whole bunch of generic MMA fighters (what?) and assorted blue collar manly men. They were all just casually sitting and debating the recent Manny Pacquiao fight while I sat directly behind two of the gentlemen sitting on a bench. Only I was sitting on a toilet. A toilet that was completely exposed to everybody in the room, although nobody seemed to notice/care. Also, I was going number twosies. Like, no big deal. Anyway, "it" (you know what) was seemingly happening in slow motion and riiiight before I finished...I woke up.
What the hell was that?
***
Also, in preparation for Turkey Turkey Gobble Gobble Day, Schmoobs and I actually drove into Dallas this past Sunday, to the nearest Central Market (i.e. Whole Foods, Natural Foods, Trader Joe's, etc.) so that we could get a nice, happy organic free-range chicken (No way in hell I'm cooking a turkey for three people. Also, organic turkeys there were a minimum of $45...criminy.) and some happy bacon (For this.) and some actual real genuine lumpia wrapper (This will be the first year I will not have had to substitute inferior eggroll wrapper!) and an assortment of other goodies. Schmoobles was good to willingly go with me and brave the nasty horde of rich, quasi-elitist white folk in un-holiday-like mean spirits. Also, he was good to willingly pay for the overpriced admittedly-elitist organic fare (I bought us coffee, so we're even.). I managed about fifteen minutes in the produce section (while I sent Schmoobs away to a more peaceful region to fetch some olive oil and soy sauce) before I finally waved my white flag and resigned to get the rest of the fruits and vegetables at our neighborhood Kroger. That place was nuts.
But that was all to say that while we were driving through Dallas, we passed by this:
And Schmoobs was like, "Whoa. Wait. Dallas Oriental Cajun Oyster Bar?!"
And then I was like, "Um...Dallas Original Cajun Oyster Bar."
And then I had an asthma attack from laughing so hard. Oh, Schmoobs.
Anyway, so yeah, we have one friend, Doug, coming over for Turkey Day on Thursday. I think maybe it will be his first experience with tasting the wondrous delectable heavenly treat that is lumpia - my mommeh's super awesome lumpia, no less - and I am looking forward to it. Also on the menu: roasted chicken, roasted sweet potatoes and brussels sprouts, caramelized onion and goat cheese crostinis, green bean casserole, cheesy-bacony-chivey-potato-bake, awesome congealed CANberry sauce and Chuck Hughes' maple pecan pie. Probably some booze, too.
***
(Or, more likely, I wish.)
Anyway. The other night I dreamt that I was sitting in a men's barbershop with a whole bunch of generic MMA fighters (what?) and assorted blue collar manly men. They were all just casually sitting and debating the recent Manny Pacquiao fight while I sat directly behind two of the gentlemen sitting on a bench. Only I was sitting on a toilet. A toilet that was completely exposed to everybody in the room, although nobody seemed to notice/care. Also, I was going number twosies. Like, no big deal. Anyway, "it" (you know what) was seemingly happening in slow motion and riiiight before I finished...I woke up.
What the hell was that?
***
Also, in preparation for Turkey Turkey Gobble Gobble Day, Schmoobs and I actually drove into Dallas this past Sunday, to the nearest Central Market (i.e. Whole Foods, Natural Foods, Trader Joe's, etc.) so that we could get a nice, happy organic free-range chicken (No way in hell I'm cooking a turkey for three people. Also, organic turkeys there were a minimum of $45...criminy.) and some happy bacon (For this.) and some actual real genuine lumpia wrapper (This will be the first year I will not have had to substitute inferior eggroll wrapper!) and an assortment of other goodies. Schmoobles was good to willingly go with me and brave the nasty horde of rich, quasi-elitist white folk in un-holiday-like mean spirits. Also, he was good to willingly pay for the overpriced admittedly-elitist organic fare (I bought us coffee, so we're even.). I managed about fifteen minutes in the produce section (while I sent Schmoobs away to a more peaceful region to fetch some olive oil and soy sauce) before I finally waved my white flag and resigned to get the rest of the fruits and vegetables at our neighborhood Kroger. That place was nuts.
But that was all to say that while we were driving through Dallas, we passed by this:
And Schmoobs was like, "Whoa. Wait. Dallas Oriental Cajun Oyster Bar?!"
And then I was like, "Um...Dallas Original Cajun Oyster Bar."
And then I had an asthma attack from laughing so hard. Oh, Schmoobs.
Anyway, so yeah, we have one friend, Doug, coming over for Turkey Day on Thursday. I think maybe it will be his first experience with tasting the wondrous delectable heavenly treat that is lumpia - my mommeh's super awesome lumpia, no less - and I am looking forward to it. Also on the menu: roasted chicken, roasted sweet potatoes and brussels sprouts, caramelized onion and goat cheese crostinis, green bean casserole, cheesy-bacony-chivey-potato-bake, awesome congealed CANberry sauce and Chuck Hughes' maple pecan pie. Probably some booze, too.
***
Bela has her cornered. But at least she's got a ridiculous pile of doggie toys to give her comfort.
Who is more ridiculous: Schmoobs or BB?
(Don't ask Bela. He had to turn his head away in disgust. Such unrefined creatures, am I right Bela?)
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