I went to Texas and all I got was some painful, burning urination.

Too much information? Good, because I have five days of Olympics-viewing to catch up on. Whilst popping excessive amounts of cranberry supplements.

Bring on the BBQ!

1. Greetings from The Furthest South I've Ever Lived Except When I Was A Wee Little Lass Living In the Far East. Goddamn, it's hot here.

2. Schmoobliebuns, in a well-meaning money-saving gesture, has decided to not sign up for cable television or the intarwebs until I move here for realz next month. Hence, I am currently seeking refuge at a nearby Star*ucks (THANK GOD) savoring my first Internet in two whole days (i.e. forevarrr). Also, this means that I AM GOING TO MISS NOT ONLY THE OLYMPIC OPENING CEREMONIES FOR WHICH I HAVING BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO FOR - OH, THE LAST TWO YEARS MINUS TWO WEEKS - BUT ALSO THE FIRST FOUR DAYS OF DELIRIOUSLY AWESOME OLYMPICS GOODNESS!!! Ugh times infinity plus one trillion!!! If I had known about this, I would have instructed my Tivo to take care of things back home. Blergh. However, my younger brother has informed me that Olympics coverage is supposed to be available online (or so he hears) so it had all better be available for me on the World Wide Web when I get back to Seattle. Or there will be hell to pay!

3. Ok, I guess that's all for now. Things here have been all in all pleasant so far. If you dis-count the blazing hellfire temperature and the lack of connection to the outside world. Oh, and the lack of ANYTHING on the horizon. That part's freaky, yo.

More later when I can connect to the precious Interwebs again.

I see youuuu! (Now with double TRIPLE the updates!)

It makes me laugh the number of people who come across my blog by Googling "clarinet playing squirrel." HA!

In other news: the final month of this move has turned me completely destitute. Especially the part where I had to pay more than $80 this morning to get a shuttle to and from the airport for my upcoming Barbecue Bonanza!! visit to Texas. This blows. Someone pay me to eat hotdogs and write lame blog posts already.

Question: What's worse than finding yourself at eleven o'clock at night still haven't had anything to eat for dinner and one second away from eating your face off and realizing you have nothing in the apartment to eat but 2 cans of tuna, 1 can of refried beans, 1 can of soup and half a bag of stale tortilla chips?

Answer: Realizing you have nothing in the apartment to eat but 2 cans of tuna, 1 can of refried beans, 1 can of soup and half a bag of stale tortilla chips ... AND YOUR CAN OPENER IS 2,000 MILES AWAY IN TEXAS.

The end.

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UPDATE: Greatest Print Assistant Ever is constantly worried that I never eat enough and will often push her healthy organic non-meat-oriented (i.e. non-delicious-oriented...haha...just kidding!) hippie food items on me at work. And today it happened to be one of these - made entirely of sesame seeds and honey. It was not entirely un-delicious. And something that is not deep-fried or containing high fructose corn syrup is admittedly a nice change for my overall health. I am, however, a little paranoid about THIS happening again.

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UPDATE II: Someone needs to explain to me why Facebook Scramble won't let me score any points with "farter" or "chode" but insists that "porniest" is an actual word. Really. I mean, I dare you to use that in a sentence. Guh.

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UPDATE III: Just sent this text message to Schmoobliebunbuns, whose phone call I had missed two minutes earlier:

Sorry...I was in the other room cleaning it out and had just picked up what I thought was some dirt. Until I realized that what I had in my hand was a fossilized Bela TURD. So I was busy vomiting in my mouth when you called...

True story.

Anyone else notice how much I'm updating lately?*

I guess that's what happens when your Schmooblebunny is living 2,000 miles away and your only weekend companions (aside from too-hip-to-be-square, ponytail-wearing dirrrty bartenders) are a drooling cat, cable television and the interweb. 

In other news, I have been in contact with my clarinet teacher from my undergraduate years and - since the plan is for me to spend a bit of time back home in California (whee! wheeeee!!) in between my leaving Seattle and moving to Texas - I have made plans to meet up with her while I am there and (GIANT GULP) have her listen to me play. (In case you were startled, that sound you just heard was me simultaneously having an aneurysm and crapping in my pants.) It's a prospect that, clearly, is terrifying for me, but also exciting. And as if I even need to add: Highly. Motivational. I haven't had a proper lesson myself in over three years and, specifically, have not played the devil stick in front of her for going on over five years now (I think?). But, I feel, since I'm embarking on yet another new chapter in my life and one in which -I hope - I will be putting my focus back on living as a clarinetist and not just moonlighting as a clarinetist, it is time for me to put my big girl pants back on and start putting myself out there as a player again.

Anyway, after spending the last couple of days playing through all the music that I kept with me here, instead of boxing up and sending away to Barbecue Country, I have finally pinpointed the piece of music I want to focus on practicing and getting worked up to play for my former teacher. Something from this book, in case any clarinerds out there are curious. It is long, technical, fast and highly capable of kicking my ass. In other words, the perfect thing to usher me back into the performance world. Criminy. 

* By the way, the proper way to show your appreciation for all my posting is to leave comments, you ungrateful bums.

I thought this was the funniest thing ever.

In other news, I'm going to visit Schmooblebuns in (...gulp) Texas in a few days. My brain - being solely focused on the plentifullness (?) of barbecue ribs in that region, and not at all on the fact that I will be travelling for a minimum 8 hours with one connection with Bela in a kitty carrier - is quite looking forward to it.

Ugh, it's 10am on a Sunday morning and I haven't had any coffee yet. Blar.

This late Friday night post is brought to you by Ketel One vodka.

Scene: Ysabel sitting by herself at a hip Bohemian-neighborhood Seattle bar while waiting for her married-couple friends to arrive.

Bartender: Hey there, can I get you anything?

Ysabel: Yeah, I'll have a Ketel One martini.

Bartender: Do you want olive juice in that, or straight up?

Ysabel: Just straight up please.

Bartender: Really? People usually ask me for a dirty martini.

Ysabel: Oh yeah?

Bartender: Yeah, we have really good olives here and I just use the juice straight from our olive bar...

Ysabel: Hmm...

Bartender: I make great dirty martinis...'cause I'm REAL dirty...

Ysabel: .....*gulp*

Cue: Ysabel looking away swiftly and pretending that she didn't hear that last comment.

Happy The Summer Olympics Open In Exactly One Week Day!!!

Wheeee!! I am sure you are nowhere near as excited as I am - losers - but you should be.

Also, Clarinet Don has reminded me in his previous comment that I have not updated you all on my Super Secret Awesome Project. That is because it is still in the works -- but in its final phase of completion. So just hold your horses and I will let you all know exactly what it is when the time comes...and then you can commence being completely dissapointed and letdown because it truly is really not thaaat exciting or impressive. Unless you are a nerd and/or my family.

And on an It's Friday So I'm Doing Goddamn Whatever the Hell I Please At Work But What Else Is New? Note:

Ahahahah. Yes, I ordered a batch of these as well. I couldn't help it. I blame Sarah P. for the idea when I very innocently asked her as we gChatted the other day, if I was leaving off any pertinent information on my first (official) batch of business cards. They will, quite obviously, be given only to friends and family, as the front side also contains the url for this blog (eep!).