My total intent to steer clear of anything and everything related with commerce on this, the busiest shopping day of the year, was foiled when Ben called up to see if I wanted to accompany him to lunch and then to Borders and the mall. I don't know what the hell I was thinking by agreeing to go since: a) I hate malls, and b) I hate large crowds. But I couldn't say no since: a) he was looking for a birthday present for his mom and his mom is cool, b) I was craving a cup of coffee (big surprise) and figured I could get one while we were out, and c) my other option for the afternoon was to stay in and practice the devil stick.
Anyway, the highlight of the day was when we spent, I don't know, like fifteen minutes literally just walking around the food court looking for a free table to sit. Just imagine that scene in which you repeatedly spot a table about ten feet away and make a mad dash towards it only to be cut off by an evil and surprisingly stealthy family of four just two steps away from the table. If it weren't so frustrating it would have been hilarious. It was like something from a movie. A terrible, terrible movie. Probably starring Tom Arnold and Sinbad.
And the best part of all was when Ben and I finally hit the jackpot when a lady at a table we had been hovering over got up and told Ben, "We're done. You can have our table." And right as we were about to take the seats, this horrible, bitter old (but not old enough that would have warranted our giving her the seat out of courtesy) wench comes and sits her butt down on one of the chairs!!! Ben was like, "Um, excuse me. We have been standing here and the lady told me we could have this table." And the witch wouldn't give us our table!!! I think Ben tried to reason with her for a little bit whereas I just averted my eyes towards the opposite direction while mumbling to myself, "Eep! Confrontation!! Confrontation!! Must get away!!" Haha. Long story short, Ben and I finally got a table shortly after that incident and I hope that old troll gets a toilet full of coal for Christmas. Ugh, Happy Holidays indeed.
Also, we attempted to brave Old Navy but the line was like all the way to the back of the store. Insane.
On the upside, I got a CD of Bernstein conducting his symphonic works at Borders for $7.99! Sweet! It's really good (Los Angeles doing the Symphonic Dances from West Side Story, London doing Candide, etc.) except for Vienna doing Prelude, Fugue and Riffs. Squarest recording of that piece EVER. ...Ok, maybe not "ever." But Austrians playing jazz = AWKWARD.
11.25.2005
11.24.2005
Gobble gobble
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
Today, may we all not celebrate the true historical events which inspired this holiday, and instead celebrate everyone and everything we are thankful for by obscenely gorging ourselves nearly to death with endless amounts of food and drink. This year, as I have for the last two years, I plan on doing exactly this at Ben's house in Kingston. It will be a good time. I plan on not walking or even staggering, but rolling out of his house after Thanksgiving dinner. Awesome!
Today, may we all not celebrate the true historical events which inspired this holiday, and instead celebrate everyone and everything we are thankful for by obscenely gorging ourselves nearly to death with endless amounts of food and drink. This year, as I have for the last two years, I plan on doing exactly this at Ben's house in Kingston. It will be a good time. I plan on not walking or even staggering, but rolling out of his house after Thanksgiving dinner. Awesome!
11.16.2005
So Dan's head can stop hurting...
Three actual verbal exchanges I had with another person (read: idiot) today:
1) Starbucks, 8am:
Me: "I really don't want to be at work right now."
Idiot coworker: "That's because you're a woman."
Me: "....... !!!!!! Excuse me??!!! Please tell me you did not just say that."
Idiot coworker: "It's true. It's scientific fact. Men like being at work more and women just want to stay at home."
Me: "First of all, I seriously doubt that you are THRILLED to be here right now. Second of all, I would love to be working somewhere that means something to me, not a place like this. And third of all, 'scientific fact'? That's hilarious, dude."
Idiot coworker: "Ok, take [seriously folks] that show 'Desperate Housewives' for example. Eva Longoria's husband is off at work all day while she stays at home and goes shopping. And that other woman with the blonde hair. She stays at home with her kids while the husband is off earning all the money."
Me (scanning area for nearest sharp utensil): "'Desperate Housewives,' huh? (sarcastically) That's just like real life, right?"
Idiot coworker: (not sarcastically) "Yeah."
Me: "Oh please. Like you can actually tell me that if you were rich enough that you didn't have to work somewhere you didn't want to, that you would still go?"
Idiot coworker: "Well, no. Obviously."
Me: "SoI guess it's not just a woman thing then, is it??"
Idiot coworker: "...Yeah, it is."
Me: "Oh my god. (turning to a few customers who have witnessed the last few seconds of this exchange) He may not live past this day."
****
2) Starbucks, 8:30am:
Me: "Do you seriously think that women who stay at home to take care of her family have it easy? 'Cause that's really sad for you."
Idiot coworker: "Are you kidding? Yeah, just let me kick back and do some laundry, wash the dishes, cook breakfast...."
Me: "I'm going to kick your balls here pretty soon. I'm not kidding."
****
Starbucks, 9am:
I had just accidentally short-changed a customer because I thought he gave me a $1 instead of a $5 bill. While I was giving the customer the correct change:
Idiot coworker: (trying to be funny) "Yes, that's our Oriental pick-pocket right there."
Me: (getting about 3 inches from his face) "It's not the fact that you called me a pick-pocket... It's that you used the word "Oriental" that was inappropriate."
Idiot coworker: "Oh, I'm sorry. I meant 'Asian' pick-pocket."
Me: (giving him an evil look) "You probably shouldn't speak to me for the rest of the day."
Idiot coworker: "Aww, come on..." (trying to nudge me on the shoulder)
Me: "Seriously. Do you want me to kill you? Because I will."
****
Home, 6pm:
Me: (on the phone with Papa John's Pizza) "Hi, I'd like to order a pizza for delivery. Can you tell me how much a medium with--"
Idiot pizza guy: "Um, we don't have medium, ma'am. We just have small, large, and extra large."
Me: "...Okay then, I guess I'll have a large. Can you tell me how much that would be with maybe two toppings?"
Idiot pizza guy: "Well, we have a special deal right now. You can get our Perfect Pan Pizza with five toppings for $12.99."
Me: "I guess I can do that. I'll have chicken, mushrooms, green peppers, onions and black olives."
Idiot pizza guy: "Ok, anything else?"
Me: "Yeah, I was wondering how much extra it would cost to have your white alfredo sauce on there instead of the marinara?"
Idiot pizza guy: "Umm, hold on... (two minutes later) Uh, we're actually not allowed to do that."
Me: "Really? Okay. Then I guess I'll have to change my order completely then. Is that okay?"
Idiot pizza guy: (*big emphatic sigh*) "...Ugh, I guess."
Me: (in my head) "Oh my god, I'm going to kill you. I really hope this wasn't too much of an inconvenience for you, especially considering I just placed my original order about 30 seconds ago which doubtfully gave you enough time to make the pizza between then and now. So why don't you just go ahead and press 'cancel' or 'void' on your computer screen and we can move on before I jump into this phone and kick the living crap out of you."
****
The end. I'm doing nothing for the rest of the evening but avoid all of humanity and watch TV on the couch until blissful sleep comes to put me out of the day's horribly, horribly entertaining misery.
1) Starbucks, 8am:
Me: "I really don't want to be at work right now."
Idiot coworker: "That's because you're a woman."
Me: "....... !!!!!! Excuse me??!!! Please tell me you did not just say that."
Idiot coworker: "It's true. It's scientific fact. Men like being at work more and women just want to stay at home."
Me: "First of all, I seriously doubt that you are THRILLED to be here right now. Second of all, I would love to be working somewhere that means something to me, not a place like this. And third of all, 'scientific fact'? That's hilarious, dude."
Idiot coworker: "Ok, take [seriously folks] that show 'Desperate Housewives' for example. Eva Longoria's husband is off at work all day while she stays at home and goes shopping. And that other woman with the blonde hair. She stays at home with her kids while the husband is off earning all the money."
Me (scanning area for nearest sharp utensil): "'Desperate Housewives,' huh? (sarcastically) That's just like real life, right?"
Idiot coworker: (not sarcastically) "Yeah."
Me: "Oh please. Like you can actually tell me that if you were rich enough that you didn't have to work somewhere you didn't want to, that you would still go?"
Idiot coworker: "Well, no. Obviously."
Me: "SoI guess it's not just a woman thing then, is it??"
Idiot coworker: "...Yeah, it is."
Me: "Oh my god. (turning to a few customers who have witnessed the last few seconds of this exchange) He may not live past this day."
****
2) Starbucks, 8:30am:
Me: "Do you seriously think that women who stay at home to take care of her family have it easy? 'Cause that's really sad for you."
Idiot coworker: "Are you kidding? Yeah, just let me kick back and do some laundry, wash the dishes, cook breakfast...."
Me: "I'm going to kick your balls here pretty soon. I'm not kidding."
****
Starbucks, 9am:
I had just accidentally short-changed a customer because I thought he gave me a $1 instead of a $5 bill. While I was giving the customer the correct change:
Idiot coworker: (trying to be funny) "Yes, that's our Oriental pick-pocket right there."
Me: (getting about 3 inches from his face) "It's not the fact that you called me a pick-pocket... It's that you used the word "Oriental" that was inappropriate."
Idiot coworker: "Oh, I'm sorry. I meant 'Asian' pick-pocket."
Me: (giving him an evil look) "You probably shouldn't speak to me for the rest of the day."
Idiot coworker: "Aww, come on..." (trying to nudge me on the shoulder)
Me: "Seriously. Do you want me to kill you? Because I will."
****
Home, 6pm:
Me: (on the phone with Papa John's Pizza) "Hi, I'd like to order a pizza for delivery. Can you tell me how much a medium with--"
Idiot pizza guy: "Um, we don't have medium, ma'am. We just have small, large, and extra large."
Me: "...Okay then, I guess I'll have a large. Can you tell me how much that would be with maybe two toppings?"
Idiot pizza guy: "Well, we have a special deal right now. You can get our Perfect Pan Pizza with five toppings for $12.99."
Me: "I guess I can do that. I'll have chicken, mushrooms, green peppers, onions and black olives."
Idiot pizza guy: "Ok, anything else?"
Me: "Yeah, I was wondering how much extra it would cost to have your white alfredo sauce on there instead of the marinara?"
Idiot pizza guy: "Umm, hold on... (two minutes later) Uh, we're actually not allowed to do that."
Me: "Really? Okay. Then I guess I'll have to change my order completely then. Is that okay?"
Idiot pizza guy: (*big emphatic sigh*) "...Ugh, I guess."
Me: (in my head) "Oh my god, I'm going to kill you. I really hope this wasn't too much of an inconvenience for you, especially considering I just placed my original order about 30 seconds ago which doubtfully gave you enough time to make the pizza between then and now. So why don't you just go ahead and press 'cancel' or 'void' on your computer screen and we can move on before I jump into this phone and kick the living crap out of you."
****
The end. I'm doing nothing for the rest of the evening but avoid all of humanity and watch TV on the couch until blissful sleep comes to put me out of the day's horribly, horribly entertaining misery.
11.15.2005
Etc etc etc.
Whine whine whine, blah blah blah, always too tired (read: lazy) to update regularly lately, sorry sorry, whine whine, blah.
Here is a short rundown of what has happened in the past week:
1. I lost the near entirety of Scott's wardrobe at the laundromat!! Hence, prepared for the end of our relationship. Haha. He was amazingly nice about it, whereas I was freaking out.
2. Found out a day later that his clothes had been dried and kept in the laundromat office by the owners since I had left to go teach lessons and they were going home. Phew.
3. Have been left to man the Starbucks station all by myself during morning rush twice by same idiotic irresponsible co-worker who is unable to show up to work in a timely manner because of sad drinking problem. Ech. Con: Long line of many caffeine-dependent customers + mixed feelings of deep anger and sympathy for idiot coworker. Pro: More tips for me!!
4. Irrepresible everlasting cough has made its long-dreaded return. Blaaaah. Only 60 more days until I qualify for health insurance through Starbucks and can medicate myself with precious (read: EXPENSIVE!!!) asthma pills. Mmmmm....asthma pills. I do not heart suffering from consumption.
5. I think I'm taking a trip to Chicago for a few days with Scott! Wheee!! He will be off doing various nerdly band related activities at the Midwest conference while I hang out with old buddy old pal Dev! Have never been to Chicago, save a few stops at O'Hare (Least. Favorite. Airport. Ever.) during various flight connections. Am sehr excited. Awesome!!
6. I may have 2 more new students this week. This will bring my grand total to a whopping 11 students!! Yay!! Early retirement, here I come...
7. That's all for now. I'm hungry and need to go forage for food. I would like to be able to eat something without leaving the apartment. However, as the entire edible contents of the kitchen consist of a few eggs, one slice of white bread, an opened box of instant grits and most-likely expired sliced turkey and bacon, I think my prospects are pretty bleak. Oh, and some leftover Halloween candy. There are also two cans of tuna in the cupboard but I can't figure out how to work Scott's blasted can openener. Bah.
Here is a short rundown of what has happened in the past week:
1. I lost the near entirety of Scott's wardrobe at the laundromat!! Hence, prepared for the end of our relationship. Haha. He was amazingly nice about it, whereas I was freaking out.
2. Found out a day later that his clothes had been dried and kept in the laundromat office by the owners since I had left to go teach lessons and they were going home. Phew.
3. Have been left to man the Starbucks station all by myself during morning rush twice by same idiotic irresponsible co-worker who is unable to show up to work in a timely manner because of sad drinking problem. Ech. Con: Long line of many caffeine-dependent customers + mixed feelings of deep anger and sympathy for idiot coworker. Pro: More tips for me!!
4. Irrepresible everlasting cough has made its long-dreaded return. Blaaaah. Only 60 more days until I qualify for health insurance through Starbucks and can medicate myself with precious (read: EXPENSIVE!!!) asthma pills. Mmmmm....asthma pills. I do not heart suffering from consumption.
5. I think I'm taking a trip to Chicago for a few days with Scott! Wheee!! He will be off doing various nerdly band related activities at the Midwest conference while I hang out with old buddy old pal Dev! Have never been to Chicago, save a few stops at O'Hare (Least. Favorite. Airport. Ever.) during various flight connections. Am sehr excited. Awesome!!
6. I may have 2 more new students this week. This will bring my grand total to a whopping 11 students!! Yay!! Early retirement, here I come...
7. That's all for now. I'm hungry and need to go forage for food. I would like to be able to eat something without leaving the apartment. However, as the entire edible contents of the kitchen consist of a few eggs, one slice of white bread, an opened box of instant grits and most-likely expired sliced turkey and bacon, I think my prospects are pretty bleak. Oh, and some leftover Halloween candy. There are also two cans of tuna in the cupboard but I can't figure out how to work Scott's blasted can openener. Bah.
11.07.2005
Sick and tired, Schmick and schmired. or It's the most wonderful tiiiime of the yeeeeaar!!!
Seeing as how I am sick and tired of writing about how I am always sick and tired, I've decided to refrain from doing so for the length of this update. You're welcome.
With that being said... Autumn is here, and I am ecstatic! The leaves here in Knoxville have turned their beautiful rainbow of reds, oranges and yellows and our shipments of gingerbread syrup and eggnog with which to make delicious festive holiday goodies have made their much-anticipated arrival at work. Huzzah! Despite the fact that -- when I am not busy making lattes, teaching little (in terms of number of years in existence, not size in comparison to me...) children how to make horrible noises on the devil stick, or comatose because of exhaustion, I am spending 98% of my time sneezing and hacking up a lung or two (Sorry...that smacked of "sick and tired." I apologize for letting that one sneak through.) -- I am basking in my joy over the imminent arrival of the holiday season. Double huzzah!
Is it sick that I love hearing the sounds of Christmas jingles delightfully tickling my eardrums everytime I step into each and every shopping establishment non-stop for weeks and weeks on end? I love it. Probably because I am not Jewish. Don't get me wrong. I am savvy enough to know that our society has turned what should essentially be a joyous and spiritually meaningful celebration into a shameless and bloodthirsty commercial event in which affection for one's loved ones are equated by the quantity (sometimes quality) of material goods presented to one another. And still I don't care. I lurve the holidays!
Why Ysabel loves the holidays:
1. Since 1998, it has meant to me that I get to go home and see my family.
2. I get to wear my red Tommy Hilfiger parka, which probably is the only winter coat I have ever owned that truly fits me perfectly and keeps me warm without making me feel too much like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. And, no, I am not ashamed to disclose that it is from the little boys section, size medium. Thank God it's not a small. That would be almost too pathetic.
3. Now that I am living in Tennessee, I can go to sleep with at least a teeny-tiny inkling of anticipation that perhaps it might snow during the night.* This never happened growing up in California. I remember it snowed (And I use that term very loosely. It may as well just have been someone with a very large head suffering from a bad case of dandruff. But anyway...) at home once when I was like 10, and people talked about it for years:
(Flashback most effective when done in an old gold-digging prospector voice) "Remember the blizzard of 1990?"
(Stroking chin) "Aaaah, yes. I'll never forget that fateful day."
"Why, if I remember correctly, I collected enough powder to almost make a snowball!"
"Unbelievable!"
"I reckon."
No joke.
....Okay, maybe the "I reckon" part was made up.
4. I get to go home and see my family. Which includes a possible quasi-annual (depending on if someone remembered to organize it or not...) family weekend trip to Lake Tahoe in which we gaggle of Asians may or may not attempt to participate in various life-threatening snow activities, but always involves a day spent with half of us huddled inside the warm confines of our rented cabin, playing card games, watching movies or running after several giggling wee ones, while the other half takes a trip to Reno to gamble the wet coldness away to their heart's content. Great fun.
5. The holidays mean doing lots of shopping (In my case, probably more of the "window" variety....) and finding joy in figuring out the perfect gift to give to each friend and family member. And myself. ...But mostly other people. Sometimes.
6. Food! And lots of it! And no guilt in shoveling vast quantities of it in your face!! Non-stop!!! Awesome!!!!
7. Also, the holidays used to mean a vacation from school. However, this is the first year since I was 5, I guess, that I am not having a typical school-sanctioned Winter Break. Weird. Now taking a vacation means losing money on a paycheck! Bah! Stupid growing up. Poo. But at least this means that Scott gets a vacation from school and I can begin to hatch a plan to get him to come home with me this winter. But I'm getting ahead of myself with that one. Look for that exciting topic in a future blog.
8. I get to go home and see my family. I am especially looking forward to seeing my 4-year old neice, Kat, again as she has recently just started being able to write her full name. My project this Christmas is to teach her how to write "Aunt Ys is the greatest aunt in the universe and is way cooler than Uncle Carlo" on a Christmas card by herself. And then have her give the card to my brother Carlo. HAHAHAHA!!! Yeah. Except maybe I shouldn't because my brothers give me money.
9. The holiday season means I get to top off each and every outfit with my favorite winter accesories of: a cute scarf (especially the Burberry -- Yeah, I said Burberry. Take it. -- one from my older brother and the one from South America I got from my younger brother this summer, which I have yet to wear), matching gloves, and a delicious steaming hot cup of crack -- I mean coffee. Mmm...using the blistery cold weather to validate an unfortunate addiction. Except that now that I've started working at you-know-where, I'm sure this year's caffeinated crack will be more fancy and expensive. Such as a tall double Raspberry-Peppermint mocha (My most recent personally made-up favorite drink: small cup containing three pumps of mocha syrup, two shots of espresso, one pump each of Raspberry and Peppermint syrup, steamed milk, then topped off with whipped cream, a drizzle of mocha and peppermint sprinkles... I think I've just soiled myself from sheer pleasure.)
10. And finally, the holidays mean I get to go home and see my family! Yayyy!!!
10 1/2. And I get presents. Triple huzzah!!!
* This, unfortunately, is not yet the case as it was a record 79 degrees yesterday. I mean, I haven't had to wear a sweater out at night in like a week! WTF?! Unacceptable!!
With that being said... Autumn is here, and I am ecstatic! The leaves here in Knoxville have turned their beautiful rainbow of reds, oranges and yellows and our shipments of gingerbread syrup and eggnog with which to make delicious festive holiday goodies have made their much-anticipated arrival at work. Huzzah! Despite the fact that -- when I am not busy making lattes, teaching little (in terms of number of years in existence, not size in comparison to me...) children how to make horrible noises on the devil stick, or comatose because of exhaustion, I am spending 98% of my time sneezing and hacking up a lung or two (Sorry...that smacked of "sick and tired." I apologize for letting that one sneak through.) -- I am basking in my joy over the imminent arrival of the holiday season. Double huzzah!
Is it sick that I love hearing the sounds of Christmas jingles delightfully tickling my eardrums everytime I step into each and every shopping establishment non-stop for weeks and weeks on end? I love it. Probably because I am not Jewish. Don't get me wrong. I am savvy enough to know that our society has turned what should essentially be a joyous and spiritually meaningful celebration into a shameless and bloodthirsty commercial event in which affection for one's loved ones are equated by the quantity (sometimes quality) of material goods presented to one another. And still I don't care. I lurve the holidays!
Why Ysabel loves the holidays:
1. Since 1998, it has meant to me that I get to go home and see my family.
2. I get to wear my red Tommy Hilfiger parka, which probably is the only winter coat I have ever owned that truly fits me perfectly and keeps me warm without making me feel too much like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. And, no, I am not ashamed to disclose that it is from the little boys section, size medium. Thank God it's not a small. That would be almost too pathetic.
3. Now that I am living in Tennessee, I can go to sleep with at least a teeny-tiny inkling of anticipation that perhaps it might snow during the night.* This never happened growing up in California. I remember it snowed (And I use that term very loosely. It may as well just have been someone with a very large head suffering from a bad case of dandruff. But anyway...) at home once when I was like 10, and people talked about it for years:
(Flashback most effective when done in an old gold-digging prospector voice) "Remember the blizzard of 1990?"
(Stroking chin) "Aaaah, yes. I'll never forget that fateful day."
"Why, if I remember correctly, I collected enough powder to almost make a snowball!"
"Unbelievable!"
"I reckon."
No joke.
....Okay, maybe the "I reckon" part was made up.
4. I get to go home and see my family. Which includes a possible quasi-annual (depending on if someone remembered to organize it or not...) family weekend trip to Lake Tahoe in which we gaggle of Asians may or may not attempt to participate in various life-threatening snow activities, but always involves a day spent with half of us huddled inside the warm confines of our rented cabin, playing card games, watching movies or running after several giggling wee ones, while the other half takes a trip to Reno to gamble the wet coldness away to their heart's content. Great fun.
5. The holidays mean doing lots of shopping (In my case, probably more of the "window" variety....) and finding joy in figuring out the perfect gift to give to each friend and family member. And myself. ...But mostly other people. Sometimes.
6. Food! And lots of it! And no guilt in shoveling vast quantities of it in your face!! Non-stop!!! Awesome!!!!
7. Also, the holidays used to mean a vacation from school. However, this is the first year since I was 5, I guess, that I am not having a typical school-sanctioned Winter Break. Weird. Now taking a vacation means losing money on a paycheck! Bah! Stupid growing up. Poo. But at least this means that Scott gets a vacation from school and I can begin to hatch a plan to get him to come home with me this winter. But I'm getting ahead of myself with that one. Look for that exciting topic in a future blog.
8. I get to go home and see my family. I am especially looking forward to seeing my 4-year old neice, Kat, again as she has recently just started being able to write her full name. My project this Christmas is to teach her how to write "Aunt Ys is the greatest aunt in the universe and is way cooler than Uncle Carlo" on a Christmas card by herself. And then have her give the card to my brother Carlo. HAHAHAHA!!! Yeah. Except maybe I shouldn't because my brothers give me money.
9. The holiday season means I get to top off each and every outfit with my favorite winter accesories of: a cute scarf (especially the Burberry -- Yeah, I said Burberry. Take it. -- one from my older brother and the one from South America I got from my younger brother this summer, which I have yet to wear), matching gloves, and a delicious steaming hot cup of crack -- I mean coffee. Mmm...using the blistery cold weather to validate an unfortunate addiction. Except that now that I've started working at you-know-where, I'm sure this year's caffeinated crack will be more fancy and expensive. Such as a tall double Raspberry-Peppermint mocha (My most recent personally made-up favorite drink: small cup containing three pumps of mocha syrup, two shots of espresso, one pump each of Raspberry and Peppermint syrup, steamed milk, then topped off with whipped cream, a drizzle of mocha and peppermint sprinkles... I think I've just soiled myself from sheer pleasure.)
10. And finally, the holidays mean I get to go home and see my family! Yayyy!!!
10 1/2. And I get presents. Triple huzzah!!!
* This, unfortunately, is not yet the case as it was a record 79 degrees yesterday. I mean, I haven't had to wear a sweater out at night in like a week! WTF?! Unacceptable!!
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