It's mah birthday!!!!

1. First order of the day: Open up the package of delicious Kona Coffee brought home from the Glorious March Hawaiian Island vacation which was intended as a suck-up souvenir for Bossman, but which ended up staying in my kitchen when I found out that Bossman was suddenly usurped by Bossman Senior during the week I was gone and would never be seen in my office again. Lucky me!

2. Okay wait. REAL first order of the day: Deal with the fact that I apparently neglected to clean up after my last time brewing coffee at home.....a couple of months ago. Step one: use a butter knife to literally scrape the old coffee grounds and filter off of the coffee brewer because the mold had grown so rampant that it has literally clung to the coffee maker and will not let go. Step two: Vomit inside my mouth. Step three: Soak all infected parts of coffee maker in scalding hot water.

3. Oh man, I also have some Hawaiian Kona Coffee Flavored Chocolate Chip pancake mix in my suitcase, too! (Yes, there are still things in there that I have not yet unpacked. Shh.) What an  exotically festive birthday breakfast treat for me!

4. I know some of you Woman Power friends are going to be all, "Hey, shouldn't Schmooblebuns be doing all of this for you?" The answer, of course, is yes. But he was out of town the last couple of days and flies back in in a couple of hours. So for now, I scrape the disgusting two-month old moldy coffee grounds into the trash can just like any other regular person and, in a couple of hours, the Princess Time begins!

5. Princess Times = Having Food Bought For Me All Day As Well As Tickets to See the New Indiana Jones Movie I Don't Care What Any of the Reviews Say It Will Be Awesome Because Han Solo Is Hot.

6. How in the hell is it that I'm turning TWO YEARS AWAY FROM THIRTY??!! BLAAAAAAARGGGGHH!!!

* runs off to slather on some wrinkle cream *

* ...and to rub some Ben Gay on my shoulder *

* ...and to read the AARP newsletter *

Felt obligated to say hello.

But honestly, I'm too lazy to say anything important. Except to say that the Bum Shoulder of Doom that I've been suffering from lo these past two years is rearing its ugly head lately, and I have been unable to even sleep through the night without waking up in searing agony in my left shoulder because I dared to fall asleep with my left arm extended slightly above my head. Man, I miss being able to sleep on my left side. It's the little things, you know? Anyway, I did some more research with Mister Google last night and have come to the conclusion that I have a torn rotator cuff. Perhaps it is time to take advantage of the ol' work health insurance plan and have a professional look at it again. And hopefully, this time, he won't just tell me to "take some Ibuprofen and then just stop whatever you're doing whenever it starts hurting." Yes, I am still bitter about that.

Also, my mummy got us a new sleeper-sofa-futon-hybrid this past weekend! It is very hip and covered in microsuede which Bela loves to randomly lick for no reason and leave weird wet spots on.

Also also, my birthday, as I'm sure you are all aware, is in five days. At that point, I will be a mere two years away from...thirty. The only thing that will make me feel better about all of this is a giant suitcase full of cash with which I can unburden my sorrows at the neighborhood Target and Star*ucks. So, email me if you need my shipping address.

***

UPDATE: Oh my God, and I have to tell you about our idiotic weirdo neighbor across the hall who spilled milk all over our communal hallway and decided he would take care of it by putting three (yes, three) squares of paper towels over the carpet and then just letting it sit there. Needless to say, Seattle actually saw some pretty hot weather and sunshine this last weekend, resulting in our entire building smelling on day one, like a pile of wet laundry that had been sitting out for three days; day two, like spoiled yogurt; day three, like rotting kitchen garbage; and then day four, like a pile of dead bodies wearing moldy clothes dipped in spoiled yogurt and rolled around in month-old kitchen garbage. I'm not kidding. Pretty much our entire building - I imagine - started calling up our leasing office to figure out what the horrible smell was (since nobody knew at that point) and when our leasing manager came by, she was so freaked out that she started knocking on everyone's doors and opening up the units to make sure that nobody had died in one of the apartments. It was that bad.

Anyway, after having the carpets in the hall cleaned, the funk is still there. Schmoobins and I ordered a pizza on Friday night and, after I made the order, I asked the person on the other line, "Hey, can I leave a message for the driver?" And he goes, "Um...sure?" So I said, "Tell him that I apologize ahead of time. Our building smells like dead bodies. I'm not kidding." And I imagine that he and his buddies probably laughed it off and were like, "That was weird." Yeah, except when your poor driver came to our door with this crazed look in his eyes and I was like, "Oh my God! Did you get the message? I'm so sorry! It's our stupid neighbor!!" and he was all, "Ah, yeah, I got the message! It's alright! It's not too bad!" But then he got so flustered by the Funk of Death that he kept dropping the receipt copy and his pen and he almost dropped the pizza right there on the floor and made a mad dash for the exit about .2 seconds after I signed the receipt.

Update.

Diagnosis: New alternator needed. 

My worst nightmare has come true. Am saying goodbye to my short-lived tax rebate today. Bah. Humbug.

Only a new LOST, Dwight Schrute and Tina Fey can make it better now...

Again.

(un)Lucky is spending the evening at Chez Schwab again as he decided to suddenly stop running after one second every time I tried to start the ignition. The best part is that he decided to do this as I attempted to drive home from spending the day working at one of our outlying locations in a city nearly 30 miles from the apartment. And my roadside insurance only covers the first fifteen miles of towing. And I just gave him a f*ing full-service oil change this morning, goddamnit!! Bah humbug. But as I wanted (un)Lucky towed to the Les Schwab that I had his battery replaced at just a couple of weeks ago, I had to bite the bullet and agree to pay the mileage overage. But! After all was said and done and the one full hour (rush hour traffic...) of semi-awkward chit-chat with the tow truck driver was behind me, it seems somebody decided to throw poor little Ysabel at least a small bone and I didn't have to pay for any extra mileage after all. The driver said, "Well, it says here you're covered up to 27 miles, and this was 26..." So either the lady on the phone from my auto insurance or the nice young man with a history of alcoholism in his family which has made him able to drink an entire bottle of vodka by himself without feeling the after-effects the next morning so he doesn't like to drink much anymore because he doesn't want to turn out like his family and who grew up in Granite Falls but also lived for three years in Alaska and now is engaged to be married and has a 10 1/2 month old son who is almost the same size as his 4 year old stepson (oh, the things you talk about when stuck in a tow truck with a stranger...) gave me a bit of a break this evening. 

So now I just sit here in my apartment after taking a nice brisk and cool (Seriously, when is it going to get f*ing warm around here, damnit?!) walk home* dreading the phone call from the nice mechanic at Les Schwab** tomorrow morning to tell me that the cost to repair will, inevitably, equal exactly the amount that I just received last week from the government for filing my taxes. Isn't that how life works?  *sigh*

* The only unpleasant part: Walking home in my work shoes. I believe the words muttered under my breath with each step were, "Ooh, my bunion!"

** Who, unbeknownst to me until after it was too late, stayed past closing time to try and help me out with (un)Lucky because I think the tow truck driver and I got there literally a minute after they had already closed, and I thought I still had an hour.

ps. Either I have finally gone insane or I really am hearing the faint sounds of first-year clarinet playing through the walls of my apartment building. Methinks it is time I skulk through the halls and figure out which apartment it is coming out of so as to slyly slip one of my business cards under their door...

Happy Cinco de Mayo!orHappy You Have twenty Days to shop until My Birthday!

1. Last night I dreamt that I made the most delicious turkey sandwich in the history of the universe. And then I ate it. It was a wonderful dream. That is all.

2. Okay, I'll elaborate. It was a simple sandwich. Just hot turkey and maybe a little bit of mayo and cheese. But the main thing was that it had pickles and either grilled or pickled onions.

3. Lately I have been noticing that my pants are fitting me in an increasingly snug manner around my waist. I like to think that this is due to the inevitable shrinkage that comes with repeated washings and dryings. But a sad little part of me inside knows that it is because I am slowly but surely edging closer and closer to the big 3-0 and that regular physical exercise (i.e. more than just my pointer finger as I surf through the boob tube) is becoming more and more of a necessity. Damnit. I did, however, contemplate bringing all of my pants into the tailor this week and requesting that they all be taken out by half of an inch. But how sad would that be? Ugh, seriously. I don't think I can bring myself to that quite yet. So, I guess as the weather grows warmer I should start doing more outdoorsy aerobic physical stuff. Blergh.

4. Speaking of, a friend of mine gave me one of those big exercise balls that are supposed to help you do ab crunches and stuff more efficiently. I inflated it yesterday and soon found out that Bela is freaked the f*ck out by it. Like, no joke. The big red ball was sitting in the middle of the living room and Bela literally circled the entire perimeter of the living room, against the walls, taking three very slow steps at a time and looking back at the ball to make sure it hadn't moved. It was hilarious. And then Schmoobins thought it would be funny to bounce the ball towards Bela (I, of course, protested vehemently...cruel bastard.) and it resulted in Bela literally hiding out in the bedroom for the next 2 hours.

5. And then today we are having our carpets cleaned. This does not bode well for Bela, considering he flips out if I even deign to wheel the vacuum out of the closet. First, a gigantic bouncy red ball is thrown at him and now a strange man wielding an industrial sized carpet cleaning machine will be intruding on his personal space. If there were such a thing as a kitty psychiatrist, I'd be booking his appointment right now.

Go see...

..."Iron Man" right now!! Holy crap. It's not just awesome.  It's...HAWSOME!

Robert Downey, Jr. as the hero!

Jeff Bridges as the villain!

Jon Favreau as the director!

Non-blonde Gwyneth Paltrow as the sidekick!

Nice. Three thumbs up.

***

Also: I found this on another blog. It's pretty cool. Mine is freakishly accurate.

Find your own Imagini Visual DNA.

Happy Freitag!

More lists, because my brain is not in the mood to form a series of complete thoughts pieced together through clever segues:

1. Holy crap, last night's LOST was intense. I literally checked out the forums 2 seconds after the end of the show, and there were already 14 pages of discussion. Nice. One of these days I'll actually register on the site and contribute to the discussion. Or maybe I won't and just continue to lurk obsessively because I'm totally not a nerd or anything. Like, seriously, who goes on the forums to read pages upon pages of other people's thoughts and ideas and theories about a mystical island with strange powers anyway? ...Oh.

2. It is 10:35 in the morning. I have been at work for roughly 1.5 hours. In that time span I have:

a) purchased a brownie

b) purchased and guzzled down a cup of coffee

c) checked my bank account balance...payday! Woo!

d) read ze blogs

e) checked my email 20 times

f) read the msn review of "Iron Man"

g) gChatted with Sarah P.

h) all of the above and nothing more.

3. I got my tax rebate today! Ah, the Blog Gods heard my plea from yesterday!

4. I could have sworn there was more I wanted to write this mroning, but I can't remember what they are right now. Maybe I'll update later.

**UPDATE***

5. Somebody tell me what to eat for lunch right now.


***UPDATE II***

6. I miss my Knoxville friends. There, I said it. And you know why (among a countless sea of reasons)? Because if I called any number of them right now and said, "Oh my God, I need me some Indian buffet for lunch. Wanna go to Kashmir?" They'd be like, "HELLS YES!" (you know who you are) and then I would have a delightful insta-lunchdate right then and there. And it would be delicious. And cheap. But also non-existent because Kashmir doesn't exist anymore :( ...also I am 3,000 miles away, damnit. *sigh*

7. Also: the scene last night where Lapidus came rustling out of the forestry and ran into the Sawyer/Claire/Aaron/Miles gang and warned them to quickly hide or else they were going to be killed by the creepy freighter crew? Oh man, I think my heart nearly exploded when Aaron started making baby noises. Oh, and all the creepy dead (...or aaaare they) people visits resulted in me watching half of the episode with my head buried underneath my comforter. Speaking of: Christian Shepherd appearing to Jack after the SMOKE alarm mysteriously starts going off?! Yowza!!

8. Alright, that's enough. Back to work...

9. ....AHAHAHA!!! Yeah right.

Some stuff.orYeah yeah, I'm updating, leave me alone.

1. New LOST tonight! Woo!

2. So, let's say just, hypothetically, that I had an interview for a certain new job yesterday. And I say hypothetically, of course, because to come into work after lunchtime because you spent the morning interviewing for a potential new place of work would be both unethical and something that I would never do in a non-hypothetical situation. Anyway, if I were to have been at a job interview yesterday morning, then I would say that I thought it went reasonably well and that I, hypothetically of course, presented myself as well and forthcomingly as I could. But that is beside the point. The point is that I made sure to leave my residence in such an early a fashion as to arrive at the downtown offices where the interview was to be held quite a bit earlier than needed. And so I stayed in my car where it was nice and toasty warm and where I could mentally prepare myself for the interview. And then when it was about 15 minutes until the appointment, I got out and started walking down the sidewalk...and promptly realized that I was goddamn ten blocks away from where I was supposed to be AAAAUUGGH why didn't I pay attention to Google maps more clearly AAAAAUUUGGHH??!! So, if you would, kindly imagine the hypothetical vision of me, sprinting down the streets of downtown Seattle, in my black high heels that are unfortunately just a shade too large for my feet resulting in me nearly tripping and falling on my face repeatedly every ten seconds while audibly muttering "Sh*t! Sh***t! SH*****T!!!" much to the amusement of the pack of burly construction workers who had, by this time, stopped to watch the spectacle that was yours truly sprinting for dear life down the sidewalk. Needless to say, I finally found the correct building (thanks to a ginormous heaven-sent billboard that virtually came up and slapped my in the face that said: SEATTLE OPERA ----->>>) and checked in with the receptionist with 2 minutes to spare. I won't even get into the strange looks I received from the receptionist as I nearly had an asthmatic seizure while sitting in the lobby. I'll save that story for another day. Anyway, long story short, it is apparant that I am going up against a very sizable applicant pool, as they will be going through about 2 weeks of interviews. Then they will contact a select few who will go on for a second round of more in-depth meetings with other members of the Opera staff. So, I am hopeful but also prepared for the harsh reality, which is that they may be looking more for a clerical drone and bookkeeper-type rather than an intelligent musician with good organizational skills and administrative experience. So, we'll see.

3. Yeesh, that was a long paragraph!

4. You know how I said in #2 that I decided to stay in my car because it was nice and toasty warm? Today as I showered, I was listening to NPR on the radio (as per the norm...and, yes, I have completely turned into my father thankyouverymuch) and heard that today's weather was forecast to hit a high of 58 degrees, whereupon I exclaimed, "Ooh! Fifty-eight!!" And I wasn't being sarcastic. That, friends, is the gist of life in Seattle.

5. So, when are these economic stimulus tax rebate checks getting sent out? Seriously. Putting gas in my car $20 at a time just isn't cutting it anymore. Especially when that $20 lasts about 1.5 days. Gr.

***UPDATE***

6. I'm so f*ing bored. Somebody save me.