I am not blogging because I am too busy being preoccupied by other things (i.e. I need to go buy some Activia)

1. I have not had coffee for the past two days and, as an unfortunate result, have been *ahem* annoyingly irregular. Blurgh. TMI? Whatever. I have now brewed a big doubly-potent pot of coffee and am hoping with crossed fingers and tightened sphincter that it will do its magic.

2. Schmoobs and I are going to Austin for the weekend. Something about some sort of major nerdfest going on there. I am, of course, going only to savor a couple of days in the most liberal city in Texas. Praise Jeebus Hallelujah. 

3. Sweet mercy, there are so many mundane idiotic little things I want to share with you but I won't be able to think straight until I am, like, two pounds lighter. If you catch my meaning.

4. Oh yeah, there's this: I was driving home from teaching lessons this afternoon on this twisty windy back country road while it was raining really hard and as I followed the road as it curved left, I lost control of Kablooie as he spun and skidded and slid around and I ended up on a muddy bank on the opposite side of the road facing the wrong direction. Luckily, I was still right side up. I missed hitting the car heading the opposite direction by a few seconds. It was not the most stress-free thing I've been through. Unfortunately, however, it was not frightening enough for my body to uncontrollably lose control of its bowels. Harumph. Anyway, a couple cars slowed down and pulled over to see if I was okay (Clearly, I am since I am sitting here in my jammies blogging about failed bowel movements), and I just had to spend a little bit of time slowly working Kablooie back and forth in reverse and in a low gear and I eventually was able to get myself out of the mud and back onto the scary slippery road. And then I drove like three miles per hour the rest of the way home.

Anyway. That is all. 

Clearly, my facial recognition acuity is much higher than the average human (i.e. YOU)also:I need to stop watching Food Network until 4 am.

Okay, how about this. Rorschasch in The Watchmen movie and post-haircut Steve Nash:

I AM RIGHT, I TELL YOU.

I am convinced that Jason Sudeikis is the reincarnation of a non-dead Dennis Quaid.

I mean, just look at this undeniable photographic evidence:

Schmoobs insists that I am crazy. And I may just be...if by "crazy" he means TOTALLY RIGHT. What do you think? (ps. You better side with me, or else...)

Dialogue: It's Spring Break and We're Bored Edition.

Ys: I'll be ready in a sec. I gotta pee first.

Scott: What?

Ys: I have to pee!

Scott: What?

Ys: (from the bathroom) I HAVE TO PEEEE!

(pause)

Ys: Ack! There's already pee in here!

Scott: Haha! ...wait, I think that's from last night.

Ys: I'm pretty sure I've used the bathroom since last night.

Scott: Oh wait. I peed while I was on the phone with my dad.

Ys: (peeing) Ugh. It better not splash back on my ass.

The End.

*****

In related news: I summon you all to harness the power of the intarwebs to find something fun/cheap for Schmooblebunnies and I to do this week that is within a reasonable drive of Dallas. Some kind of zoo or not-extremely-strenuous outdoor activity perhaps? Ideally not anything involving me grading tests of any kind or Schmoobs playing Street Fighter on ye ole Xbox for 8 hours straight.

Dialogue: Spring Break Edition

Schmoobs: Hey hon?

Ys: Yeah?

Schmoobs: Do you know why I woke up this morning with no pants on?

Ys: No...  No, I do not know why.

Schmoobs: Yeah, I slept on the wrong side of the bed and with no pants on.

Ys: ...Well, I think that's just one of those things that happens the morning after you drink too many beers.

*****

In related news: Hooray for Spring Break!! Obviously, Schmooblebuns and I celebrated our one-week long respite from teaching muzak to children of all ages; Me, by having one martini and subsequently passing out on the couch while watching Schmoobs play Street Fighter on the Xbox; and Schmoobs, by having eleventy thousand and one beers* and playing Street Fighter on the Xbox. 

Oh, and I vaguely remember calling the cops at two in the morning again because a bunch of obnoxious teenagers were jammed into our communal-area hot tub screaming and laughing and drinking beers. Ugh, we members of The Finer Things Club do not care for such things. Perhaps if they were sipping grape juice (I'm pretty sure they were underage) and having conscientously QUIET conversation about Tolstoy or something, I would have let it go. 

* Drunken statement of the day: "Yeah, if I had just had one beer less, it would have been perfect. I was beating all the characters...but I was just drunk enough that I don't remember what I did to beat them all."

The Yin and the Yang. Or whatever.

Note: For dinner I had some barbecue ribs (no joke) and a couple of whiskey sours. I am a teensy weensy bit boozy.

Note to the note: It was at a table of five other clarinet players. *shudder* Clearly, the whiskey was very much necessary. As were the ribs.

Scene: Six clarinetists having dinner at Chili's in north Texas, the night before the annual Clarinet Conference Day at the university at which Ysabel is currently employed as an adjunct faculty member. Note that Ysabel will be the guest clinician for the middle school masterclass at said conference, as well as performing in one of the recitals.

Characters: three college music students; university clarinet teacher; conference guest artist - clarinet teacher at prestigious east coast music school; Ysabel 

Yin:

So, at dinner I found myself sitting next to one of the students in my college music literature class. The conversation, inevitably, turned to the class (he started it). Actually, I believe he started it by asking me if I was going to teach more classes in the fall, to which I responded, "That's one of those 'wait and see' type of situations." And then he proceeded to tell me that he hoped I would be asked back because he enjoys my class a lot and is learning quite a bit. Awwwwww. I mentioned how - as a fairly green college educator - I find myself in the position of feeling ultra paranoid that I am not teaching the class well. Or well enough. And then it was confirmed by somebody else sitting at the table that the consensus is that I am a much more effective teacher than the man who previously taught that course - who is probably at least thirty years my senior. Huzzah! My student went so far as to say that he has told his friends that if they had to take a class from an adjunct teacher, that they better hope it is either from me or just one other person, because we are the only two great adjunct teachers in the school. And then I clapped my hands in glee and said, "Yay! That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!" (for real...oy) and then I took another swig of my cocktail. Hooray for self-affirmation! Hooray for drunken self-affirmation! 

Yang:

Twenty minutes later into the dinner, I asked the university clarinet teacher if there would be coffee at the "hospitality room" (reserved for guest clinicians) at tomorrow's conference. Mister East Coast Big Name Clarinerd then proceeds to look at me and say, "Oh honey. You're not allowed in the hospitality room." Say whaaat?! To which I had to put my fists on my hips and said, "Actually, I am a Guest Artist tomorrow - not a student. I know I look like I'm twelve, but I'm actually almost thirty years old." For f*ck's sake. When does it stop? Perhaps I should just stop panickingly plucking out my gray hairs in my car as I spot them in my rear view mirror. Sheesh.

*****

In completely related news: Oy vey, I am teaching a middle school masterclass tomorrow morning. As if I don't get enough of that during the week. Is 10:00 am on Saturday morning too early for some more whiskey?

*****

In totally unrelated news, but you all knew it was coming: Oh. Mah. Gawd. Can I just jump into my television screen and make LOST babies with Sawyer already? Jeebus. I love that show so hard. For serious. 

*****

Also note: When you are drunkenly blogging on a Friday night, you may or may find yourself having this inner monologue:

'Yin and yan' .... Wait, is that right? That's not right. I think it's 'yang.' Yeah, it's not 'yan.' Yan is the guy who can cook with a wok. So then it has to be 'ying and yang.' Wait, that doesn't sound right either. Is it 'yin and yang'? But you can't have a 'g' on one and not the other. Right? Is that right? I mean, if one of them has a 'g' at the end, then the other should too. Right?