Outsourced Facebook Status.

Ysabel Sarte definitely brought a blanket into work today to keep in her office in order to be prepared for her daily afternoon Office Nap.

If you want to know the truth*...

• ...I want to be Julie Klausner when I grow up.
• ...when I get emails from students on Saturdays, I purposely do not respond for at least 24 hours as a rule. They must not start thinking that I am available on the weekends. I mean, there are people I work with who make their cell phone numbers available to their students. What the hell?
• ...I am fully prepared to tear my clothes off and do drunken cartwheels through the neighborhood if when the Niners win tomorrow. If it weren't the first actual Monday of classes this semester, I would actually cancel my classes on Monday to accomodate the eventual celebrating of the inevitable Niner victory. 
• ...if I were a stronger person, I would eliminate gluten from my diet. But I am super weak for bread.
• ...I was fully prepared to go out today and get coffee and spend the day running errands and enjoying the day. Instead, I holed up inside working on class lecture material and Keynote presentations on the computer with the television on a steady stream of ID Channel murder shows. I guess I was actually more productive that way, but it still feels lame.
• ...tomorrow will officially mark my favorite time of the month, which is the third day of my Monthly Confirmation That I Am Indeed Without Child. The Backache of Doom goes away, my skin clears up, the bloatation goes away and so does, you know, the leaking out of my lady bits (sorry). Win win! (Which is exactly what the Niners will do tomorrow, by the way.)
• ...I have just changed the channel to the Food Network. Why is there so much Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on this channel all the time?! It should just be changed to the Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives channel, for criminy's sake. And while we're at it, why is Guy Fieri such a douche? He's not just a douche, he's a DOOSH. Ugh. But he's from my hometown, so I have to like him just 1%.
• ...after going on four years at the university and two years in my office, I have finally decided to decorate the room a little bit. I'm sure it's some kind of direct response to this little bit of drama from last semester. So this is now on the wall behind my desk. Hahaha:

Students must bow down to the Beebla!

Oh, also: Last night, I was for some weird-ass reason (menstruation-related brain damage?), I was in the mood to chomp on something at midnight, so I decided to snack on some baby carrots instead of a handful of Dove chocolate bites. A few carrots in, I reached inside to pull another carrot out...and this neverending mutant baby carrot came out! Like, freaky. I stared at it in amazement for a few seconds, then took a picture so that I could post it on Facebook (of course) and put it back inside the bag because it made me really uncomfortable. And then as I posted the picture on Facebook, I had to edit my caption about it like three times because everything I wrote opened itself up too easily to a bunch of penis-related jokes from my wonderful friends. And since I decided that I would make the freaky carrot picture available to see by my students, I couldn't run the risk of any of them knowing that I am One That Is Prone To Make Dong Jokes With Friends. Not when I have to talk at them about symphonies and sacred chant and Russian nationalism and serialist composers three times a week this semester.

Freaky deaky, right?!

* sponsored by the glass of wine I am drinking with my tuna sandwich dinner.

(Last?) First day of classes...

...went well. But that's not really saying much since the first day of each semester is typically devoted only to going over the class syllabus and semester outline and calendar. Easy peasy. I also think I successfully hid about 98% of my general feelings of apathy and "meh"-ness towards teaching this semester - so that's good. It actually felt a little nice to be back in a classroom again this morning, but I tell you what: I was not feeling any excitement whatsoever in the last week days hours minutes seconds heading into the first class.

Also, not having to teach an 8am class this semester is weird. Not that I'm complaining. Just weird.

Okbye.

Wine blogging the Niners game.

Schmoobles is gone doing a region band clinic today and so I am sitting by myself (with the Beebla) in our living room drinking wine and cheering on the Niners. I have been supremely productive this morning (a stark contrast to yesterday, where I didn't shower until 11pm...can you imagine?!?!) and so I took that as a free pass to do nothing else but drink wine and work hard at successfully not passing out until the end of the game.






4:07: Commercial break. Niners touchdown! Does anyone else in this state even care??!! Whatever. The slightly buzzed screaming from our condo has effectively informed our richie rich neighbors that they live next door to a Niner fan. WOOT!

4:08: I wonder when I will take a shower today? Halftime? I also need to let BB out and pee (hopefully poo too) at halftime.

4:09: Something big just happened while I had my head down concentrating hard on typing the word "halftime" correctly. Damnit. Interception? Go Niners!

4:12: OMG. YES! Touchdown #2. Please, sir, may I have another? I feel like the dominance of the Niners in the post-season rests at least partially on my ability to successfully get obliteratingly hammered. Liver: you can do this. You MUST do this.

4:18: Commercial break. I MUST clean the kitchen sink now. One of the more charming effects of increasingly drunk Ys.

4:33: OMG. I already forgot I was doing this. Whoops. Niners still up 17 - 0, Saints on offense. Still working on my second glass. This is when not being 6 feet tall and twice my weight does not come in handy. Trying to keep up!

4:34: Saints touchdown. BOOOOOO!!! I gotta keep my game up, man!!

4:36: Commercial break. Hey, you know what I'm really not looking forward to? Teaching this semester. There. I said it. I am really just over this academia thing. As far as I'm concerned, the biggest plus it offers is the extensive holiday breaks due to the semester break up. But besides that...

4:38: I really don't like when they show footage of the opposing team. Even when we are winning and I REALLY want my team to win. They just look so forlorn. And I get sad. This is why I am a girl and have a uterus I guess. Is that sexist? Reverse sexist?? I don't know. Also why the Olympics are very emotionally taxing to watch. But I love it anyway. Anyway. But I just have to remember that even these losers make more in a season than I will in a decade lifetime that I don't feel bad for them anymore.

4:52: Scheiss in a bucket. 4 minutes left in the half and Saints are within 3. I am slacking and need to pound this glass of cheap wine right quick! Also: FOX just reminded me that the premiere of Alcatraz is this Monday! Woo! I hope it's good. In other news: Have I mentioned that I really want this upcoming semester to go by as fast as the speed of light? Because I do. MOVING ON. That's what I think the theme of this year shoudl be. I hope.

4:56: I gotta pee.

5:13: Kitchen sink is clean. Moving on to the master bath tub and doors. Also moving on bravely to glass number 3. The Saints are too close for comfort. 24 seconds left. I think we are hoping to get close enough for a field goal. If I were an alcoholic, though, I think I could get us a third touchdown. C'mon!!!

5:15: Scheiss. Turnover. Do I need to bring out the tequila??

5:20: Haltime. Do I really think I am going to jump in the shower right now? I wish. I really should walk BB though. But that would entail putting a brassiere on.

5:25: Screw the shower. Off to take BB for a potty break. And if you think I have too much pride and vanity to just throw a hoodie and sweats over my nightgown, then...YOU ARE WRONG.

5:39: BB pooped. Three healthy sized solid turds. Success! I will take this as a sign that the Niners will dominate the second half. Perhaps scoring three solid touchdowns.

5:48: Water break. I really need to get back in the game. Deep breaths...

5:52: My stomach is catching up with me. What a lightweight! But I persevere! Since when have I let three glasses of wine defeat me? Since all the time, that's when. But whatever. GO NINERS!

5:53: Commercial break. So I've been looking at car listings lately. As if I actually had the option of upgrading my 1997 Toyota Corolla anytime soon. HAHAHAHAHA. But...what if I did? It would be nice to drive in to work every morning without the distinct underlying terror that my car would dismantle itself instantaneously upon driving over a pothole on I-30, right? I'm just looking at cars under $5000 $4000. But even then. I would be stretching it. Yaaaay higher education. Harumph.

6:03: DE-FENSE!  D-FENSE!! D-FENCE!!!!

6:04: Or do I wait out this one final (hopefully) semester and then sell the Toyota to put towards moving costs towards moving babck West (PLEAAAASE!!!) and then just use the salary from my magical high-paying non-music-education job towards buying a used 2005 Mazda3 like has been my (rather practical) dream for the last few years?! This is a better idea, right?

6:09: You know what would be really giod and delicious and helpful right now? Bacon. Happy bacon, of course. And crackers. Something to sop up this booze. This winner booze.

6:10: NINER INJURY. Ruh roh. Walk it off, Ginn! You got this.

6:12: You know what I got? A pot of lentil soup cooking away in the slow cooker. It smells DIVINE. Just the thing to feast on when celebrating a Niners win tonight. Or tomorrow since Schmoobs will probably want to go next door to have dinner and drinks (oy) when he gets home. Lentils, a chicken leg, onions, garlic, bay leaves, celery, potato, carrots. If I'm not passed out by then, I may add some kale and garbanzo beans later. Can't go wrong, right? Just like the Niners.

6:19: Hard-boiled egg break. Will this help absorb any liquor from my stomach? I sure hope so. Anyway, I am THE WORST at making hard-boiled eggs. Schmoobs had to go to bed early the other night to get up and go to a faculty meeting (BARF) so I was awesome and decided to boil some eggs at 1:30am to make him a breakfast "bento" box for his drive in to work. The highlight is always a hard-boiled egg or two, but it also usually includes some toast with peanut butter and honey and some assorted fruits and veggies. But my eggs always come out soft-boiled (which he is not a fan of...weird) or the shells stick to the egg so bad that I get a gruesome deformed pockmarked egg. Both of which happened that time. But this time (just now), my batch of hard-boiled eggs came out perfectly. It was delicious. I feel super sober already. I'm going to take this as a sign that the Niners will win dominate the fourth half.

6:36: Field goal good. Niners up by 6. I really want to take a shower. But I feel that the success and eventual victory of the Niners rests on my remaining slightly buzzed and completely filthy.

6:51: OMG. I can do one more glass.

6:53: TOUCHDOWN!!!!! I am sober. I am sober. I am sober. If I repeat this enough times, it will be true.

6:59: Let's go Niners! Two more minutes!! Hold off those Taints! Hehehe. Taints. I'm clever.

7:16: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

7:18: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

7:19: TIME TO SHOWERRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh. Herrrrooo 2012!

So, I am preparing (I swear!) an epic photographic recap of my Super Happy Fun Times Christmas Vacation in California. But that is clearly going to take some time. Especially now that I am PMS-ing (doesn't it seem like I'm ALWAYS PMS-ing?) and want to do nothing but drink coffee and sleep all day long.

But anyway, this here is a brief check-in to let you know that sometime in the middle of the night last night, BB decided it would be a good time to take a crap in the kitchen, eat said crap (ALL OF IT except for a couple small tell-tale morsels), jump into bed with us, puke up some regurgitated poo on our blankets and then go on the couch and puke up some more regurgitated poo on some more blankets. Suffice it to say, my coffee drinking and PMS-induced zombie sleeping is going to be interspersed by washing a buttload of blankets in extreme amounts of bleach today. Blegh.

Classes start next week. I have yet to find any motivation to even get excited about it. Is it May yet?