Adventures in Daisy Shooting.

Is there some kind of stomach bug going around? Because my intestinal system has been in super hyper overdrive for three days now. It was really cool the first day. But by the third day, I am finding myself actually frightened of eating for fear of being caught in an inconvenient location when *ahem* nature calls. I mean, like, I probably visited the Little Underpaid Adjunct Instructor's room three times in the span of one hour on Friday morning. For number twosies. AND I HADN'T EVEN EATEN ANYTHING YET. How is that possible? Are my bowels conjuring matter?

It's gotten so bad and become such a major part of my existence since Thursday that I have even gotten Schmoobs talking about it openly with me on a regular basis. However, since we all know that he doesn't believe that girls POOP, I have had to come up with the delightful euphemism of "shooting daisies" out of my nether regions. My exit chute has now officially been dubbed the "daisy shooter." And yesterday, we were invited out to dinner and drinks by a co-worker and his wife. When Schmoobs asked me if I was up for it, especially considering my daisy-shooting adventures and the fact that we were planning on meeting at a Mexican restaurant, I said, "Sure. But if I lean over to you with a panicked look and say 'I need to shoot some daisies,' then you know that we have to go home."

And then, this morning, a revelation of sorts:

Ys: "Hey, you know what I also realize probably didn't help things any?"
Schmoobs: "Hm? What's that?"
Ys: "On Thursday morning, instead of breakfast, I just had a cup of coffee and my glass of vinegar-water. And the night before I took an Acidophilus pill."
Schmoobs: *forehead smack*
Ys: "Oh. And I had a cream-filled donut later that day."

Anyway. I do wish this thing would hurry and clear itself up already. I miss eating with wild abandon with no care in the world. Especially on the weekend. Three days of colon cleansing daisy shooting is plenty enough for me. Time to go slug some Pepto.

***

UPDATE: Is this the delayed effect of inadvertent colon cleansing due to my ACV pee-water regimen?  I mean, I started this thing over a month ago, but maybe because the dosage is so small yet regular, the system flush occurs after a few weeks? Half of my internet sources from Oogly Googly tell me that ACV is supposed to help alleviate the D-word (diarrh...daisy shooting) while the other half of my internet sources tell me that taking ACV will cleanse your colon and may cause the D-word. THANKS A LOT, Googly. Very helpful as always.