BB is a lady, okay? ...at least in the literal sense.

Just got back from taking BB for her morning walk n' tinkles where we ran into a nice older lady walking her little snowy white terrier mix. I'm not going to lie, it didn't escape my attention that her pristinely groomed wee little dog stood in stark contrast as she sniffed BB, who stood in all her scruffy, overgrown, piss-stained glory. Nothing brings out the yellow patches in your dog's white fur like natural sunlight. She'll definitely go in for a pre-holiday vacation salon appointment (PETCO grooming) next weekend so she can be so fresh and so clean clean for her BFF (my dad). Also, I would like to mention that Schmoobles and I live in a condo in a very nice, lakeside gated community (why did they let us in here??) where my 1998 Toyota Corolla sits aside shiny new Lexuses and Hummers (blegh) in the parking lot. And so I appreciated that the nice old lady walking her non-piss stained dog with a latte in one hand and wearing a designer bejeweled tracksuit was friendly and not at all judge-y towards the non-showered vagrant walking her filthy animal while wearing sweatpants, flip flops and her boyfriends way oversized drum corps hoodie around the manicured neighborhood.

***

In other news: I FINALLY completed 2 out of 5 (maybe 6?) grad school applications last night. Go me! Only a few more to go... and then we wait.

Also, story time: So I have this student in my non-majors Music Literature class. In a classroom of apathetic, lazy, questionably-functional students, this student - M - stands out for her ability to completely and totally appall me in an increasing fashion with each test that she turns in. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that examples of her work are:

"During what years was the Classical Period? (     Beethoven        --         Flute Clarinet      )"

and

"Please list the three main composers that formed the First Viennese School of music: 

1.       Banjo         
2.      Janissary    
3.         ???          "

You guys. It didn't take me long to figure out that what she was doing was just haphazardly writing in any and all words that she just heard me say in class. It didn't matter in what context or what the question was. Once, she went so far as to answer questions by writing in musical terms that we had never even come close to discussing in class, but that she saw written on the chalkboard leftover from a previous advanced music theory class. BLAAGH! What do you do with that??

Even on a short essay question where I asked them to describe, briefly, the role of the Catholic Church in influencing music during the Medieval Period, she wrote two paragraphs on how much she liked listening to music and how she would continue to appreciate music for her entire life. So I wrote, "M, I appreciate this sentiment, but this does not address the issue of the Catholic Church in Medieval music. Please see me after class."

So she stayed behind and talked to me that day. I began with, "So...M. I know that you listen in class and take notes because you seem to retain all the terms that we talk about. ...It's just that you don't seem to be absorbing the context of these terms..." I told her that I was worried about her test scores and she started saying things about how she has test anxiety and just wants to get the tests over with as soon as possible. Blah blah blah (not buying it). So I asked her, "Is there anything your other professors do to help you with this anxiety? What can I do to help you actually understand the material?" And she said, "Well, nothing. You're always really good about giving us notes and study guides." ...Ok.


Anyway, I emailed the class last week about offering some possible extra credit writing assignments they can do before the end of the semester and in return I got this email from M:

I mean, I teach college, right?? *siiigh*

Randomses.

My Ear Training classes took their final dictation exam today (one less thing for me to do during Finals Week next week - i.e. "pre-vacation" haha!). At two minutes after the official beginning of classtime, I told the class, "Alright, everyone who's here right now - go ahead and write '+2' at the top of your paper." Extra credit points for being on time! On the flip side, two freshman girls waltzed in five minutes later, after I had already finished playing the first four interval examples. Halfway through the class, one of them raised their hand:

Student: "Um, are you going to go back at the end and repeat the first part of the test?"
Me: "Nope."
Student: "But we weren't here for the first part!"
Me: "I know."
Student: "Oh." ...*pouty face*

***

Day two of Operation: Anti-Bloat Face and things are going well. Last night for dinner, I had some Vietnamese Bo Kho (YUM) and a glass of coconut juice. This morning, I forewent* my Star*ucks Grande Soy Caramel Brulee Latte and instead had a mug of office coffee (black) and for lunch I fixed myself a simple turkey sandwich on wheat. And now I'm starting to feel peckish again, so I may have a bowl of split pea soup. Did you hear that, Chik-Fil-A chicken nuggets meal?? I don't need you!!11!! (Waaah! My loins ache for you!)

***

I was tidying up the condo just now and was the cause of an unfortunate run-in with the vacuum cleaner and our Christmas tree skirt. RIP red glass ornament and red star tree topper :(


* Seriously, what is the past tense of 'forego'?

OMG. You guys.orIt's about goddamn time I had another Microsoft Paint post.

Remember when you were sixteen years old and you used to listen to OLD people - like people in their thirties or whatever - talk about how they needed to lose just five or ten pounds but they just couldn't do it? And you'd think, "Well, that's dumb. How hard is it to lose five pounds? That's nothing!" as you blissfully stuff two more slices of pizza in your piehole (not to be confused with your cornhole) and wash it all down with a strawberry milkshake while somehow managing to burn calories in the process?

Yeah. I get it now.

Seriously, I need to start exercising and eating better right now. No, for realsies. I MEAN IT.

I was looking in the mirror today because I am semi-seriously contemplating chopping roughly eleventy-two hundred inches of hair off of my head and was greeted with Super Bloated Ys. See, this is what you are all used to seeing when fortunate enough to be in my lithe and becoming ("and frequently humming" ...anyone? Bueller?*) presence:

Hey good lookin'! Can I buy you a Ketel One dirty martini?

And this is what I saw in the mirror:

Seriously. If she doesn't get some Pringles, she'll cut you.

Anyway. As my first baby step, I am going back to my no fast food and no soda diet at least until New Years. And I encourage you all to give me advice/challenges (Reasonable ones, please. Keeping in mind that I am prone to gluttony and without semblance of will power.) to help me shed about five pounds via the comments section. Just five pounds, that's all I ask. Mainly because all five of those pounds are currently residing in my face.

* It's a nerdo reference to Stephen Sondheim's Into The Woods, doy.

Oh. Sweet. Relief.

I just spent the last hour turning the entirety of this condo upside down searching for my favorite writing sample to send off with my applications. A paper that was written back when floppy disks were more commonplace than flash drives, hence exists currently solely in its hardcopy form. Moments away from throwing myself off the balcony in despair, I finally found it at the very bottom of the very last box that was left to open and rummage through in our spare room full of unpacked boxes from the move. I can loosen my sphincter now. (Ew.)

Aaaaaand we have internet again!

The weekend:



1. Wake up on Friday morning to find that we have no internet service. Modem DSL light is blinking red. No good.



2. Come home on Friday evening. Still no internet. Modem light is still blinking red.



3. Un-plug and re-plug all possible wires and cables in hopes that it will magically restore internet service. It doesn't. Repeat about twenty times.



4. Push reset button in hopes that it will magically restore internet service. It doesn't. Repeat only two times.



5. Check account to make sure we are not for some reason lapsed on payments and got service shut off. We are not.



6. Call AT&T and go through standard procedure of spending ten minutes going through automated prompts, followed by talking to a human being for ten more minutes, who then transfers me to another human being to the correct department, who then asks me three times if I have a dial tone on our landline. Explain multiple times that we do not own a landline telephone and, therefore, cannot check to see if we have a dial tone.



7. Wait patiently on phone as AT&T operator tells me that she will now run a series of tests to try and locate the problem.



8. Curse in frustration as call gets dropped for no reason.



9. Receive no phone call back from operator.



10. Go to sleep in hopes that internet will be magically restored when you wake up.



11. Wake up on Saturday morning. Still no internet service.



12. Call AT&T again. See #6. Repeat.



13. See #7. Repeat.



14. See #8. But do receive a call back from AT&T operator!!



15. Operator is not able to locate the problem. Tells me that they will have to send a repair technician out to our condo. "Sometime in  between the hours of 8am and 8pm." *!@$#($($&**!!!



16. At 8:00pm on the dot, Schmooblebuns gets on the phone with AT&T and curses them out for telling us that a repair technician is coming and making us wait inside all day for a person that never came. Is told that they did not even have a service docket on the record for us. 



17. Get confirmation that a repair technician will be coming out to visit the next day. "Pfft, yeah right" you think to yourself.



18. Go out to drown our frustrations with food, drinks and merriment with some friends. I stay sober. Schmoobles does not.



19. Pull over on side of newly paved road in our neighborhood as Schmoobles wretches all the demons out of his body out the passenger side window.



20. Wake up on Sunday morning. AT&T repairman shows up. Finds that a single wire was loose in the box where somebody nearby had installed U-verse. Internet is fixed.



The end.





Here are some pictures!

 I found this mini Christmas tree that I had bought last year in a box of forgotten holiday decorations that was hiding in one of our closets. I put it on the floor and, next thing I know, BB had grabbed the top of the tree in her mouth and was attempting to drag it inside her crate! OMG. She wanted her own Christmas tree inside her kennel. She's no longer allowed to be near it without supervision, however, since she just tries to eat the tree.

Casual Beebla shot. 

Do you see Bela?

Aaaaaand we have internet again!

The weekend:



1. Wake up on Friday morning to find that we have no internet service. Modem DSL light is blinking red. No good.



2. Come home on Friday evening. Still no internet. Modem light is still blinking red.



3. Un-plug and re-plug all possible wires and cables in hopes that it will magically restore internet service. It doesn't. Repeat about twenty times.



4. Push reset button in hopes that it will magically restore internet service. It doesn't. Repeat only two times.



5. Check account to make sure we are not for some reason lapsed on payments and got service shut off. We are not.



6. Call AT&T and go through standard procedure of spending ten minutes going through automated prompts, followed by talking to a human being for ten more minutes, who then transfers me to another human being to the correct department, who then asks me three times if I have a dial tone on our landline. Explain multiple times that we do not own a landline telephone and, therefore, cannot check to see if we have a dial tone.



7. Wait patiently on phone as AT&T operator tells me that she will now run a series of tests to try and locate the problem.



8. Curse in frustration as call gets dropped for no reason.



9. Receive no phone call back from operator.



10. Go to sleep in hopes that internet will be magically restored when you wake up.



11. Wake up on Saturday morning. Still no internet service.



12. Call AT&T again. See #6. Repeat.



13. See #7. Repeat.



14. See #8. But do receive a call back from AT&T operator!!



15. Operator is not able to locate the problem. Tells me that they will have to send a repair technician out to our condo. "Sometime in  between the hours of 8am and 8pm." *!@$#($($&**!!!



16. At 8:00pm on the dot, Schmooblebuns gets on the phone with AT&T and curses them out for telling us that a repair technician is coming and making us wait inside all day for a person that never came. Is told that they did not even have a service docket on the record for us. 



17. Get confirmation that a repair technician will be coming out to visit the next day. "Pfft, yeah right" you think to yourself.



18. Go out to drown our frustrations with food, drinks and merriment with some friends. I stay sober. Schmoobles does not.



19. Pull over on side of newly paved road in our neighborhood as Schmoobles wretches all the demons out of his body out the passenger side window.



20. Wake up on Sunday morning. AT&T repairman shows up. Finds that a single wire was loose in the box where somebody nearby had installed U-verse. Internet is fixed.



The end.





Here are some pictures!

 I found this mini Christmas tree that I had bought last year in a box of forgotten holiday decorations that was hiding in one of our closets. I put it on the floor and, next thing I know, BB had grabbed the top of the tree in her mouth and was attempting to drag it inside her crate! OMG. She wanted her own Christmas tree inside her kennel. She's no longer allowed to be near it without supervision, however, since she just tries to eat the tree.

Casual Beebla shot. 

Do you see Bela?

Some people just really do not belong in college.

Exhibit A:

Behold the email I received this morning from a student in my Intro to Music Lit for people who make me wonder how they even graduated from high school non-music majors class. A class which happened to have a quiz today, as mentioned in the above email. Also, please observe that this message was sent at 10:49am. Eleven minutes before the beginning of class. Needless to say, I did not respond to this email. I should also note that nobody else in the class had any problems receiving the attachment in this email so my conscience is clear.

Exhibit B:

Speaking of this morning's quiz, one of the questions was "Please list any 3 facts about Beethoven's life or his music that were discussed in the lecture material." One of the students raised his hand and asked me, "In this question about Beethoven facts... can I say, 'He dead.'?" My response: "Are you kidding me? I gave you two full pages of notes about Beethoven and had you watch a two-hour film about his life and music. So...NO."