I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Hey, have I ever told you about the time I was asked to drive two hours from camp to go pick up a guest clinician, who happens to be an award-winning composer, from the airport only to get lost about 5 minutes after leaving the airport and then have to spend the entire two hour drive back with aforementioned award-winning composer in the passenger seat getting directions from the GPS system on his Blackberry, and then as we are literally 30 seconds away from pulling into campus and can see the music building about 100 yards away I GOT PULLED OVER FOR SPEEDING.

I haven't? Oh, it's because it just happened to me a few days ago.

UGH.

One down. Two to go...

Well, folks. I am alive. And so are all 200+ youths. Unfortunately, I have spent the last two days of recovery sleeping, playing with the BB and the Bela, teaching a couple of lessons, sleeping, BUYING AN iPHONE (!!!), eating, playing some more with the BB and the Bela, drinking a couple of much-welcomed martinis and sleeping some more ...instead of blogging. And did I mention sleeping? 

Because when you have 4 fire alarms during the week (THREE OF THEM IN ONE NIGHT OMG), two teenage girls who got their menseseseses early and neglected to come prepared, one diabetic teen who ran out of his glucometer testing strips halfway through the week and insisted on eating nothing but cake and cookies and soda at the dining hall, two injured ankles, one claim of food poisoning when it was actually dehydration, one near-concussion from a girl who hit her head on a chair (how does that even happen?), OH AND NOT ONE BUT TWO TORNADO WARNINGS, you don't really sleep much. 

Anyway.

Round Two starts tomorrow. BLERGH!!

Also:

1. About BB & BELA: THE VANITY FAIR COVER -- BB is actually holding one of my mittens. Well, it's not mine anymore. And it is no longer functional anymore either. I'll post a visual illustration later, I promise*.

2. So at the opening camp meeting in which everyone was on the camp staff was introduced, I was asked to stand up in front of and face a hall full of campers and parents as I was introduced as the "Dorm Mom." Schmoobles (being the Camp Director), made an innocent joke about how, during this week in which all 200+ children would be without their parents, they can look to me as their mother and that I now have over 200 children. During which my first instinct was to bring both my hands down to my va-jay-jay area and mouth the words "Ouch." But, thankfully, I thought better about a split-second before it was too late and managed to just feign crossing my arms in front of my body. I guess miming the soreness of popping out over 200 babies is not the most appropriate thing to do in front of parents? Whatever.

3. You know what I hate about living in dorms again (among a multitude of things)? Strange pubes clinging to the shower walls, that's what.  Especially when the shower itself is 2 feet by 2 feet and so leaping out of the way when the water turns from hot to SCALDING HOT for no apparent reason means accidentally touching the stranger-pube-walls and having to scrub your body with bleach afterward.

4. Hey, you know what phone sucks? The LG Incite. Especially when you upgraded to that phone and, after struggling to figure out how the hell to do anything on that stupid phone for the last two days, was told by the guy at the AT&T store that the reason I can't download my two effing ringtones is because I haven't purchased the data package ...which costs $30 a month. So I told him that I hated that phone and made them sell me an iPhone for a discount instead. Huzzah!!

5. So now I have an iPod Touch and an iPhone. Schmoobles is jealous. The End.

Waaaaaaah. Make it be two weeks from now. PLEAEAEASE!!

*UPDATE, as promised:

My mitten before BB:

My mitten after BB:

ACK.

You guys. 250 campers. In one building. Brrraaaaauuaauuauauaughghghgh. 

That's all I've got for now.

Oh, except for this: THE HOUSING PEOPLE DID NOT SEPARATE ANY OF THE FLOORS BY GENDER LIKE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO. So we start camp check-ins thinking everything is going smoothly and then find out hours later that parents are upset because their children under the age of eighteen are assigned to next-door suites and sharing bathrooms with the opposite sex. NOT GOOD. Luckily, things seemed to get settled around 11:30pm. 

Oh, but guess what happened at midnight? A F*CKING SMOKE DETECTOR WENT OFF AND THE POLICE HAD TO COME AND AN ENTIRE 12-STORY DORMITORY BUILDING HOUSING A LARGE NUMBER YOUTHS (*shudder*) HAD TO EVACUATE. Mm hm. That was fun.

I have not the strength to type any more than that right now. Maybe tomorrow. At which point I'll be sure to tell you the story of how I very nearly made quite the inappropriate physical gesture. At the meeting when I was formally introduced as the Dorm Mom. In front of nearly 300 students, parents and clinicians. Ha!

Seriously. Is this really only the second day?!?! BLARGH.

*****

Oh but wait. Just because I need to think about something else besides inordinate numbers of prepubescents: Check out this pic I took right before I left (because I knew I would need pictures of our cute animals to calm my frazzled nerves this week!!):

BB & BELA: THE VANITY FAIR COVER

(click on the picture to see Bela's masterful Zoolander model pose in all it's glory)

.....OMIGOD I can't get over how much I love this picture. Aaaaaa!! *poof! heart explodes*

Dorm Mom .....*shudder*

Well, folks. I'm about 24 hours away from a three-week long adventure in something I like to call "Oh, The Things A Music Teacher Will Do To Earn A Couple Bucks In The Summer." Oy. Otherwise known as agreeing to be the "Dorm Mom" for three consecutive weeks of summer music camps. 

Con: 5 days and 4 nights of each week required to be spent on the university campus 24/7 with the possibility of having to break up and/or punish for stupid idiotic hormone-fueled adolescent shenanigans. Note to self: Does Target sell whips? Or tasers? Or monkey cages?

Pro: If I can MacGuyver together some wireless internet access in those dorms, there will likely be blog-material coming out of my tight (because I've been working out, don't you know) buttocks.

Ugh. Can we fast forward to three weeks from now when I am collecting my paycheck ..... and PREPARING FOR MY TRIP BACK HOME TO CALIFORNIA YAY YAY YAYAYAYAY!!

Before & After.

See?! This is why I hate people who have penetration parties and loud 3am raves in the pool!!

Because Schmoobs and I just went down to enjoy a nice relaxing and quiet soak in the hot tub to ease our old aching muscles...and found that management has decided to chain lock the pool area so nobody can get in now. Way to ruin it for everyone dummies. UGH. People suck.

In other news: I bought some super bouncy and cushiony shoe inserts to put in my running shoes and I am way stoked to try them out tomorrow morning. You know what lesson I learned the first two days of working out? RUNNING IN HIKING SHOES BECAUSE YOU DON'T OWN ACTUAL RUNNING SNEAKERS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. A centuries-old gymnastics ankle injury was re-awakened and I hobbled to the shoe store last week to buy an excellent pair of proper New Balance running shoes (On Sale! $30!! Pink and white!) which has helped tremendously. I am hoping the shoe inserts help even more because, as my body gradually becomes more and more accustomed to the (quasi...) daily cardio workout, I am finding that I have to stop running, not because my body is tired per se, but because my damn old lady ankles are giving out so early. 

Oh hey, you know what would make my ankles feel so totally excellent right now? A SOAK IN THE HOT TUB THAT'S WHAT. Harumph.

Can you tell I'm bitter?

Anyway. Have you guys seen the new Terminator movie? Nothing earth-shattering, but a good summer action flick nonetheless. Oh, and it has the alternate-reality (because in this reality, Schmooblebunnies is my one and only, as clearly insinuated in his name) future father of my children: