Do you know what happens when you try and take pictures of BB while dangling her new favorite toy over your head?

Krazy Eyez Killa!!!!

WTF.

happened to all my comments in my archived posts?!?! I discovered, upon revisiting my blog posts from Thanksgivings past, that my reader comments aren't showing up anymore. Blogger better straighten this shiz out SOON or I will lose it.

In more pleasant news: Thanksgiving was a success. Operation: Food Baby Gestation* is under way, scheduled to be in effect until precisely New Years Day 2010.

* See how I can joke about this sort of thing now? Only because this finally happened.

"Gobble gobblie gob gobble gobble!"("Happy Thanksgiving everyone!") (ALSO UPDATED!)

How pumpkin pies are made:

In other news: I made a batch of lumpia (mom's recipe) to bring to our friends' house for Thanksgiving dinner later tonight. Because nothing commemorates the arrival of the pilgrims to Plymouth Rock and breaking bread with the Native Americans for the first time quite like Filipino lumpia. But seriously. Nobody - and I mean nobody - doesn't* like lumpia, regardless of the occasion. Unfortunately, the recipe made enough for roughly one and a half trillion lumpias. So I am bringing about 20 rolls to fry up there tonight (should be enough for 5 people, right?), wrapped up 30 more (using up all the wrappers I purchased) to store in our freezer, and still have two tupperwares full of extra filling. Mmmm...delicious lumpia filling.

Also, I am happy to report that the entire process - while incredibly time consuming (can't avoid it), mainly because I do not own a food processor - was enjoyable and more efficient than my last attempt (coincidentally, for Thanksgiving 2007) due to the fact that I was able to use the wonderful (i.e. waaay sharp) chef's knife my mother bought me, instead of the glorified nail file I had to use last time. Five different kinds of chopped vegetables and not one chopped off finger? Happy Thanksgiving indeed!

The fruit of my labor:

X-treeeme CLOSE UP!!

And my eager and hopeful audience member all morning:

(that's "The Godfather II" playing in the background.)

Note to self: Remember to fix the focus settings before taking a video on your camera, damnit!

I fried up a few test rolls just to make sure everything turned out tasty and poifect (WHICH IT DID THANKYOUVERYMUCH), but Schmoobs and I ate them all before I could remember to take a picture. Whoopsie daisies. *burp*

*Blatant double negative totally intended.

A couple few totally unrelated items. (UPDATED!)

1. If you love mashed potatoes and are looking to try a different recipe - um, hellooo, like this Thursday maybe? - you MUST try this (it's my variation on a dish inspired by Giada "Million Tooth Smile Bobble Head Nice Rack"De Laurentiis' Baked Mashed Potatoes):

• Take 3 - 4 potatoes (I used 3 unpeeled Red Potatoes, and 1 random peeled Russet Potato. Just because.) and cut them up into 1 inch cubes. Boil them in salted water until niiiice and soft (20 mins maybe?). The softer the better - then the less work you have to do when you mash them later.
• While your potatoes are taking their hot bubble bath, fry (or, as I prefer, bake) about 4 slices of bacon until deliciously crispy. Do not discard the bacon drippings!
• Upon realizing that you forgot to buy butter at the store (d'oh!) , have the brilliant idea to substitute aforementioned bacon fat instead. Heat up in a pan and sautee some garlic and chopped onions in the bacon fat.
• Have a friend use a defibrillator* on your heart as it has undoubtedly seized from the mere sight and smell of garlic and onions frying in bacon fat.
• At this point, hopefully your potatoes are done boiling. Drain the water, return the potatoes to the pot and proceed to smush them. I personally prefer fairly chunky mashed potatoes, so I only mildly smushed them (you'll end up smushing/mixing them more later on anyway).
• Now, in the potato pot add the following: onion/garlic/bacon fat mixture, about 3/4 to 1 cup of milk, about 1/2 cup of grated Parmesan cheese, crumbled up bacon, another kind of cheese - I used about 1/3 cup of some Camembert I had in the fridge, salt and pepper to taste. Mix and whip to your heart's content.
• Train your brain to be in blissful denial of the fact that all of the dairy products you just put in your dish are poisonous to your body. Sigh, shrug your shoulders, think of the deliciousness, and then proceed.
• This dish will work best, I would assume, if the end mixture in the pot is, not creamy per se, but just a bit short of it. If it's not easy to mix and fluffy, add more milk.
• Plop and smooth mashed potatoes in a buttered or oiled baking dish.
• In a small bowl, mix about 1/4 cup of more Parmesan cheese and 1/4 cup of breadcrumbs (I used Panko) and a little drizzle of olive oil. Sprinkle on top of potatoes.
• Place in 400 degree oven and bake until top is golden brown.
• Enjoy! Mmm...cheesy poisonousness. Mmm...crispy topping and hot creamy potato smushness. This dish is delicious. And not to mention completely fat free!! (Yeah, right.)

2. You know what I never understood? This: Say you're driving around in a parking lot looking for a place to park. You pull into an empty spot and - lo! - discover that the spot in front of you (approached from the neighboring aisle) is also empty. Why in the hell would you not pull up and take that spot instead, thereby negating the need to back out of your parking spot when you have to leave and, instead, just drive forward to your exit? Schmoobles almost never takes the empty spot in front when presented with the opportunity and it confounds me.

(ps. This may have to do with the fact that driving in a straight line in reverse is the one and only thing I scored poorly on during my driving test when I was seventeen and I have, since that time, avoiding driving in reverse whenever possible.)

3. This website is so amusing. Their comics are simultaneously low-brow and high-brow. If you were ever a music major and suffered through the study of Renaissance English madrigalism during freshman introductory Music History (hellz yeah), then you will appreciate this:

If you never majored in music, then just trust me. This sh*t is funny.

The site also sells t-shirts of some of their select prints and I am not kidding when I tell you that I want every single one of them. But my faves:

I have no idea why, but I crack up when I read this one:

Does this even need explanation?:

Because I'm a poet and I don't know it:

OMG, this is probably like Number One on my top grammatical pet peeves list:

Because my fantasy other-life dream would be to be an astronaut and it's somehow reassuring to know that, even if I had pursued that dream instead, I would still probably be decrepit and cynical:

Because I grew up in the California wine country and enjoy a glass of wine every now and again (most recently, here), and yet know nothing about wine and am not ashamed to admit it:

Because I am a surly unapproachable botch who does not enjoy having her comfort bubble imposed upon:

Because I immediately thought of Schmoobs the instant I saw this print (and he, unprovoked by me, told me that this was his favorite one when I showed him the website):

and finally, because I EFFING LOVE HOTDOGS:

* Note: I pride myself on having above average spelling and grammatical skillz 99% of the time. But in typing out this word initially, I totally thought it was "defribulator" and not "defibrillator." Thank Jeebus for Google and spellcheck. This brought about the revelation that I have been saying the word wrong for my entire life. Guh. Now I have to totally rearrange my universe to train myself to say it the proper way.

In which I speak in code so as to prevent my dear mother from dissowning her nearly thirty year old (ACK!) unmarried daughter.

Yesterday, I have to say, I had never been so thrilled to get my "Monthly Backache of Doom". Usually I am bemoaning its arrival and popping Midol like M&Ms and whining like a little botch when it comes.

But not this time.

This time I may or may have done some cartwheels and then marched around with a parade of trombones behind me while throwing confetti around the living room. Do you know why? Because my "Monthly Backache of Doom" decided to take a little vacation last month. As with the thing that usually happens directly after the "Monthly Backache of Doom." More specifically speaking (in code), my "Monthly Confirmation That I Am Indeed Without Child."

And through countless panicked hours of Googling and more Googling and more Ooglie Googling of websites and forums on what it means when your "Monthly Confirmation That You Are Indeed Without Child" is one day two days one week infinity aaaaaaaaaack!!! late, you know what I learned? I effing learned that your "Monthly Confirmation" symptoms are EXACTLY EFFING THE SAME as the your "Monthly Confirmation Is Not Going To Come For Ooooh About NINE MONTHS" symptoms. You know, like the eating everything in sight. And the tenderness of the breasticles. And the bloatation that can double (if you're paranoid...like me) as an alien baby bump.

You know what else is not fun? When all of this coincides precisely with your weeks long cold/flu that manifests itself in things like fatigue and slight nausea. So, you know. Ugh. Not helpful at all.

Hey, Universe? Worst practical joke. EVER.

But anyway. Today was the day that I have been hoping and praying and wishing for for the past eight weeks. Praise Jeebus Hallelujah. I am celebrating by having a glass of vino. A glass of vino that will in no way shape or form harm any sort of phantom alien lifeform inside my uterus.

I'm pretty sure there is only one other person that will be even more overjoyed than I am. Because I don't know if Schmoobles can take much more of my hissing like a feral cat and clawing at his eyeballs every time he even deigns to look in my direction, let alone give me a HUG without first wrapping himself up in Saran wrap from head to toe.

Did I mention that I am drinking wine? Because I am.

Oh, one more thing. One of my idiot students (college, mind you) used the word "profeshonal" in a written assignment this week. Yeesh. *pours self another glass of wine*

If you saw this t-shirt on X-treme sale for $4, wouldn't you buy it?

Yeah, that's what I thought. Ah, beloved Forbidden Mac and Cheese. For now, I must find happiness in merely wearing you when what I truly desire is to EAT YOU.

I know I know. I've been a bad widdle blogger... (it's not like it's surprising or anything)

But my current Facebook status pretty much sums up how I have been the last couple of weeks:

Also: I would really really REALLY like to subscribe to HBO just for this month so I can DVR all of this season's "Curb Your Enthusiasm" episodes - especially with this season's ingenious Seinfeld reunion storyline. Unfortunately, doing so would involve my giving AT&T(ugh)/Dish Network (DOUBLE ugh) my remaining arm, leg, kidney, earlobe and uterus to pay for it. So perhaps I'll pass.

Booop! Boooop! CODE RED * CODE RED * CODE RED

Someone in the podunk town containing the college students that S and I teach logged on to this blog yesterday. So, clearly, this means this blog has to go private again. At least for a little while. Sorry. But my integrity and comically inflated persona of authority must be protected.

They must...RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!

[insert title here]

Random thoughts while I wait for this second video to upload (fingers, toes, earlobes, fallopian tubes, etc. crossed).

1. Eating a handful of Skittles followed by a sip of red wine is ....entirely not as disgusting as you might think.

2. So. The apple cider vinegar magic potion? Total miraculous cure. I swear to you. I think that the apple cider vinegar and honey tea-which-tastes-like-somebody's-sweaty-butt-which-is-infected-with-an-unfortunate-fungal-disease (does that even happen, I wonder?), combined with my beloved ginger tea might give one the ability to re-grow a missing limb, it's that good.

3. Hm...this video still isn't finished uploading. I find this to be worrisome.

4. I kind of (by "kind of" I mean "really really really") don't want to teach clarinet lessons tomorrow. I would really much rather have a lazy day of drinking coffee and watching bad daytime television. Does that make me a bad person? Nah. Bad clarinet teacher? Maybe. I would, however, like to partake in the portion of the lesson in which the student hands me a check made out to me for a substantial (har) amount of moneyz. That part is enjoyable.

5. I hosted two fellow clarinetists over the weekend so that we could rehearse some trio music in preparation for a recital in a few weeks. As a result, our disgustingly-overpriced and non-storage-space-having apartment has never been cleaner. The challenging part was figuring out which side of the Papasan chair cushion to display on top: the side on which BB shat some "tootsie rolls" months ago, or the side on which BB threw up some strawberry milkshake that she had gotten into after Schmoobles left it unattended on a tv tray a few weeks ago? I went with the turd side since it was less fresh and was almost completely invisible as I had attacked it with as many cleaning products as I possibly could when it happened.

6. This video. is. driving. me. bonkers.

7. I am thiiis close to giving up.

8. I seriously don't understand this video's problem. The other video uploaded in like two minutes. Why must you be so difficult, video of BB and Bela playing/battling/chasing/bitch-slapping each other around the living room?? Answer me!!

9. Ugh. I give up. Stupid video. Or stupid Blogger. One of those two. Actually, I choose stupid Blogger since the video itself is of my two precious animal children and can never be at fault.

10.V premiered tonight. It was pretty good. Hopefully one of those shows that picks up steam with each subsequent episode. This does seem to confirm that Juliet is a goner on LOST, though. Well, then, how in the hell is Sawyer supposed to find true everlasting love and live happily shirtless ever after? Certainly not with Kate (insert eyeroll), for Chrissake. Sawyer + Juliet 4EVA! Ugh. I'm going to bed.

These videos better effing upload.

AAAAUUUUGH. Why won't Blogger let me upload the second video?? I've been trying for three days now!! Why why whyyyy?!?! Excessive multiple exclamation points with which to emphasize my frustration!!!

!!!!!!!!

Blaugh. I'm going to try to do it in a new post. In the meantime, enjoy this first video. It is of BB going ballistic over not being able to reach this Christmas reindeer door jingle.