- Take 3 - 4 potatoes (I used 3 unpeeled Red Potatoes, and 1 random peeled Russet Potato. Just because.) and cut them up into 1 inch cubes. Boil them in salted water until niiiice and soft (20 mins maybe?). The softer the better - then the less work you have to do when you mash them later.
- While your potatoes are taking their hot bubble bath, fry (or, as I prefer, bake) about 4 slices of bacon until deliciously crispy. Do not discard the bacon drippings!
- Upon realizing that you forgot to buy butter at the store (d'oh!) , have the brilliant idea to substitute aforementioned bacon fat instead. Heat up in a pan and sautee some garlic and chopped onions in the bacon fat.
- Have a friend use a defibrillator* on your heart as it has undoubtedly seized from the mere sight and smell of garlic and onions frying in bacon fat.
- At this point, hopefully your potatoes are done boiling. Drain the water, return the potatoes to the pot and proceed to smush them. I personally prefer fairly chunky mashed potatoes, so I only mildly smushed them (you'll end up smushing/mixing them more later on anyway).
- Now, in the potato pot add the following: onion/garlic/bacon fat mixture, about 3/4 to 1 cup of milk, about 1/2 cup of grated Parmesan cheese, crumbled up bacon, another kind of cheese - I used about 1/3 cup of some Camembert I had in the fridge, salt and pepper to taste. Mix and whip to your heart's content.
- Train your brain to be in blissful denial of the fact that all of the dairy products you just put in your dish are poisonous to your body. Sigh, shrug your shoulders, think of the deliciousness, and then proceed.
- This dish will work best, I would assume, if the end mixture in the pot is, not creamy per se, but just a bit short of it. If it's not easy to mix and fluffy, add more milk.
- Plop and smooth mashed potatoes in a buttered or oiled baking dish.
- In a small bowl, mix about 1/4 cup of more Parmesan cheese and 1/4 cup of breadcrumbs (I used Panko) and a little drizzle of olive oil. Sprinkle on top of potatoes.
- Place in 400 degree oven and bake until top is golden brown.
- Enjoy! Mmm...cheesy poisonousness. Mmm...crispy topping and hot creamy potato smushness. This dish is delicious. And not to mention completely fat free!! (Yeah, right.)
2. You know what I never understood? This: Say you're driving around in a parking lot looking for a place to park. You pull into an empty spot and - lo! - discover that the spot in front of you (approached from the neighboring aisle) is also empty. Why in the hell would you not pull up and take that spot instead, thereby negating the need to back out of your parking spot when you have to leave and, instead, just drive forward to your exit? Schmoobles almost never takes the empty spot in front when presented with the opportunity and it confounds me.
(ps. This may have to do with the fact that driving in a straight line in reverse is the one and only thing I scored poorly on during my driving test when I was seventeen and I have, since that time, avoiding driving in reverse whenever possible.)
3. This website is so amusing. Their comics are simultaneously low-brow and high-brow. If you were ever a music major and suffered through the study of Renaissance English madrigalism during freshman introductory Music History (hellz yeah), then you will appreciate this:
If you never majored in music, then just trust me. This sh*t is funny.
The site also sells t-shirts of some of their select prints and I am not kidding when I tell you that I want every single one of them. But my faves:
I have no idea why, but I crack up when I read this one:
Does this even need explanation?:
Because I'm a poet and I don't know it:
OMG, this is probably like Number One on my top grammatical pet peeves list:
Because my fantasy other-life dream would be to be an astronaut and it's somehow reassuring to know that, even if I had pursued that dream instead, I would still probably be decrepit and cynical:
Because I grew up in the California wine country and enjoy a glass of wine every now and again (most recently, here), and yet know nothing about wine and am not ashamed to admit it:
Because I am a surly unapproachable botch who does not enjoy having her comfort bubble imposed upon:
Because I immediately thought of Schmoobs the instant I saw this print (and he, unprovoked by me, told me that this was his favorite one when I showed him the website):
and finally, because I EFFING LOVE HOTDOGS:
* Note: I pride myself on having above average spelling and grammatical skillz 99% of the time. But in typing out this word initially, I totally thought it was "defribulator" and not "defibrillator." Thank Jeebus for Google and spellcheck. This brought about the revelation that I have been saying the word wrong for my entire life. Guh. Now I have to totally rearrange my universe to train myself to say it the proper way.
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