Scenes from a Saturday morning.

Scene I: Living Room

A couple of hours before Schmooblins has to leave for game day. He is sitting on the couch watching dog videos on his laptop while drinking coffee. I am sitting at the desk doing Medieval notation homework while drinking coffee. When suddenly...

Schmoobs: "OW!" *jumps up from couch*

I look up to see a wet spot on the couch.

Schmoobs: "I just burned the sh*t out of my balls!"

He seems okay. I look back down to continue my homework.

Schmoobs: "Ys! Waaah!"

I look back up to see Schmooblins standing in the middle of the living room with his pants pulled down by his knees.

Schmoobs: "I BURNED MY TESTICLES WITH COFFEE."

Trying to stifle laughter because I am a cruel girlfriend.

Me: "Well then, go change your pants! And your underwear!"

Schmoobs: "What? Why?!"

Me: "Because you'll be more comfortable!"

Schmoobs: ".....Eh, I'm going to take a shower later anyway."


*****

Scene II: Front Yard

BB is out front having her morning poop. She has traversed about half of the front lawn teeter-tottering with her arched back number twosies position.

Schmoobs: "Hey hon, can you go get a bag?"

Me: "Sure."

We notice that the last remnants coming out of BB's butthole are...liquidy.

Schmoobs: "I'm going to go pick up her poop and you wipe down her butt, okay?"

Me: "What?"

Schmoobs: "With like a paper towel or something."

Me: "Why do I always get the hard job?"

Schmoobs: "Fine, I'll wipe her butt if you pick up her poop!"

Me: "Okay!"

Long story short, I actually witnessed Schmoobliedoos wiping down BB's special area(s) with some paper towels this morning. My day is made. I only wish I had gotten a picture.