I did iiiiiiiit!!!

Spent the final evening of my glorious California holiday vacation by having a veritable girls' night with my sister, mummy and two neices getting assorted hairs cut -- and my head is now like ten pounds lighter! Not sure exactly how much they cut, but it seriously seems like it was a foot. My hair went from being almost down to my butt crack and is now just barely past my shoulders. No regrets at all, I have to say. I am eager to see what it looks like tomorrow now that I've showered away the heavy product and blowdry business they did after the haircut (which I haaate) and should have my normal hair goop free tresses in the morning. Huzzah!

Anyway, the time with family and friends has been a blast. Wonderful memories, lots of good food, great company, hilarious pictures, an extra suitcase filled with nothing but Christmas Loot, and one especially disturbing round of The Annual White Elephant Gift Exchange at our family's Christmas party involving not only my older brother walking away with a banana hammock made out of candy, but also my mother and aunt giggling and needling each other on the couch while making massaging-balls (yes, that kind) motions with their hands. And that, my friends, is my cue to leave.

No, but really. The winding down of visits home is always a strange mix of melancholy and gladness. It's hard to leave my family because I live too far away to see them on a regular basis and am never sure exactly when I'll see them again (except this year, when we're taking a family vacation to Maui in March! Woo!), but also very excited to go back to the semblance of normalcy and routine that my Schmoobles and I have created for ourselves. But seriously, I'm thankful to not have to witness my own mother pantomime the massaging of a set of imaginary nuts for at least a few months.

And on that note: Here's to a New Year filled with gladness, joy, excitement and much much less hair on my noggin!!

Merry Christmas to all!! (except for Sandra Lee...see previous post)

Just came back from Midnight Mass with my little bro and mom. Dad stayed home and, apparently, baked some banana nut bread. Mmm...I'm not complaining! Nothing like the scent of fresh baked banana bread at 2 in the morning to give one the energy to OPEN UP YOUR CHRISTMAS LOOT!!!

Yeah yeah yeah, presents are not the true spirit of the holidays, yada yada. But I already went to church...so I'm entitled. So there.

The Loot List so far:

This fabulous purse, except in a lovely lavender color that goes magically well with my new dark teal blouse:


A gift card from this beloved place:


And this!



Spider pig, spider pig. Does whatever a Spider Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No, he can't. He's a pig. Look out!

Hehehe. Anyway, off to continue watching the DVD and look forward to seeing more siblings, extraneous family and old friends and eating gluttonous amounts of delicious food in the next couple of days...

Merry Christmas!

A post that has nothing to do with you-know-what.

And by "you-know-what" I, of course, mean poop. You're welcome. It was getting to the point that I was going to have to rename my blog "Shootin' the Poop" or something (Hahaha! Get it?! Shooting the poop!!... God, I'm awesome.)

Anyway, I am sitting in my parents' house watching the Food Network. My initial thought? Sandra Lee is a worthless pile of poo crap sh*t feces. Okay?! I said it!! I know I said I wouldn't, but there really are no other words. First she was "making" these silly little holiday cakes. And by that I mean taking 3 store bought, already made Angel's Food cakes and then piling on some store bought, already made frosting mixed with food coloring and decorating them with a ridiculous assortment of decorations and toppings. First she did a baby blue frosting topped with fake plastic craft-store pearls. Yeah, like that's a good idea. Nothing says "Happy Hanukah" like choking on a f*ing plastic string of pearls that was mixed into your holiday cake. Next she did green icing topped with coconut shavings and red hot candies with little fake ceramic leaves arranged to look like mistletoe. Admittedly, the cake was pretty, but again: Ooh, look at the cute icing mistlet----* starts choking * The best one, however, was the token Kwanzaa cake. Brown-ish icing topped with pumpkin seeds and..."acorns." Except they're not acorns, you dumb twit, they were corn nuts. Angel food cake with white icing mixed with hot cocoa mix, topped with pumpkin seeds and corn nuts?!! And as if this monstrosity wasn't hideous enough, you stabbed it with 6 giant red, green and black pillar candles??!!

I thought I had enough of this woman, and then they aired another episode where she made some kind of Asian noodle soup made with chicken stock, instant ramen noodles, pre-cooked shrimp, frozen peas and frozen carrots. Frozen carrots? For a cooking show? Really, Food Network. Have some self respect. And Sandra Lee: Get a goddamned knife out and slice a f*ing carrot, for crying out loud. You can touch up your manicure after the taping. Jesus, I could have hosted my own cooking show in college, if she's any indication. So could my younger brother, for that matter. It's only a matter of time before her "main course" is a nuked hot dog and some frozen corn. Mmm...semi-homemade! Semi-f*ing travesty.

I'll be back in the holiday spirit tomorrow. Maybe I'll watch some Paula Deen. The two sticks of butter per recipe should soothe my embittered soul quite nicely.

I can't believe an entire post related completely to loose bowels has not garnered one comment yet.

Our shuttle arrives in ten minutes to take Schmoobs and I to the airport. I can't believe I never thought about taking the shuttle instead of parking at Sea-Tac before. Hmmm...paying $30 dollars to have a van service pick you up at your door vs. paying one trillion dollars to park at the airport for one week. Tough choice.

Anyway, I will be busy being assaulted by two very adorable neices in the next several days, so posting may be scarce. Unless I decide to lock myself in the guest room to recover from their endless sacks of energy and blog during that time. We'll see. In the meantime, hope you're all having a Happy Holidays!

This post is rated P for Poo.

Oh Lord, where to even begin?

So, you all will be delighed to hear that my Schmoobs is well on his way back to good health. And I will take full credit for his recovery, what with my awesome girlfriend-ness, with the Gatorade fetching and ginger tea brewing and lugaw cooking... However, now I am not so sure how to feel about having good ol' Scott back seeing as he now has the energy to relay to me -- in full graphic detail -- about the unfortunate bodily functions that transpired during the last 48 hours. And I'm not talking about the vomiting. As in, a few times, he was vomiting so violently that stuff started coming out...in another place.

*** STOP READING HERE NOW. I MEAN IT. ALRIGHT...DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU ***

At least the first couple of times it happened, it was not really, um, solid stuffs. Like, erm, how did he put it..."brown water." But then, last night. Oooh, last night. I came home from work and found him still completely passed out in bed, as he had been the entire day. So I went into the kitchen to brew some fresh ginger tea and make that lugaw. In the midst of it I -- because did I mention that I am an Awesome girlfriend? -- walked down the hall towards the bedroom to check on him. Except that I was startled by Scott suddenly rushing out of the bedroom and into the hallway with a strange expression on his face -- startled? sleepy? confused? panicked? Yes, panicked is what I know it was now, in hindsight. Because as I have learned, he had just crapped his pants. For real. Thank God I can honestly say that I have never in my entire life been so sick that I have craaapped my paaants. And the disgusting boys-are-dirty-girls-would-never-even-think-about-doing-this topper of it all? He did not throw his dirty boxers away.

I'll let you think about that for a minute.

It sat in his dirty laundry (which almost never intermingles with my dirty laundry...praise Jesus) all night until he put it in the laundry machine tonight. I mean, really??!! I mean, I'd ask him but I'm too scared to know that answer, but I would at least hope that he had the good sense to *shudder* scrape some of the poo *bleargh* off before he tossed the crap-ridden underwear into our closet *hurrrl*. It's only by the grace of God that I still love this guy. Because, for realz, if there was even a hint of a question as to what my true feelings were for this foul creature, I think it has been answered this very day. And when I asked him why he did not do immediately throw them away -- I believe the exact words were "OH MY GOD WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU RUN RIGHT TO THE GARBAGE CAN AND THROW IT AWAYYYYY???!!!" -- his response was, "Well, you were cooking in the kitchen and I didn't want to walk in there and toss in a pair of poopy underwear." Oy. Oy oy oy. I guess it makes sense...kind of.

Anyway, for better or worse, Scott is back to his former self, playing NCAA 2007 Football on his XBox 360 and smiling at me and saying, "Poopie Doopies" over and over. *sigh*

Also: Scott and I are flying home for Christmas tomorrow night. Huzzah! Huzzah! I am way excited. Also in deep denial about the list of about 10 things that I still need to take care of before we catch our airport shuttle tomorrow and have yet to even begin. But still excited. Wheeee!!


UPDATE: In case you were wondering, I knew about the Crappy Pants Incident last night, but I specifically didn't put it in my blog for the sake of my dear Schmoobliedoos. However, he was reading my previous post earlier this evening and asked, "Why didn't you write about how I crapped my pants?" And then I said, "You seriously want me to put that in there?" And he was all, "..... Yes." So I did.

My Schmoobliedoos is sick :(

I was awakened (awoken?) at 4 o'clock this morning by a moaning and groaning Scott telling me that he didn't feel very good. I, being the heartless and insensitive girlfriend, figured he was being an overly dramatic baby and waited for him to fall asleep and be quiet. However, the sudden leap out of bed and dash to the nearest garbage can followed 1.5 seconds later by the sounds of his innards (at least that's what it sounded like) being violently vomited out of his skull was enough to convince me that he really did not feel very good. Poor thing. And it pretty much continued that way for the next several hours.

After making a morning trip to Rite-Aid for some Gatorade and Saltines, I squeezed in one hour of sleep (in which I dreamt that Scott's vomit was in the bathtub and I was distressed because I had to take a shower before work) and went off to work. On my way home, I stopped at the grocery store to buy some ingredients for lugaw, which is the Filipino equivalent of the Chinese congee -- a rice porridge dish that has garlic, ginger, chicken, etc. -- and is definitely the feel-better, comfort food in Asian cultures. My parents used to make it all the time when we were growing up, and I'm hoping it helps Scott.

I, meanwhile, feel fine. On the chance that he's got a stomach flu rather than food poisoning (which is likely, since the vomiting has stopped, but he is still very weak and has been asleep all day), I am taking ridiculous amounts of Ester-C and drinking home-brewed tea from ginger pieces the size of my head. I absolutely cannot get sick three days before flying home for Christmas!! Especially since I have written out approximately zero out of an estimated 20 Christmas cards, and have finished only 22% percent of my Christmas shopping. Plus, I have to find a way to squeeze in 2 more full days of work, pack my suitcase, teach 2 clarinet lessons and cook/bake some goodies to bring in for our office Christmas party before 5pm on Wednesday. Yeesh. I absolutely luuuurve the Holidays, as you well know, but if someone can find a way to enjoy this time of year without the added stress and anxiety, then I'd love it that much more.

My nuts are burning!

My statement to Scott a few minutes ago in the midst of a day filled with some successful (breakfast omelet, Orange Nut Cookies), some not-so-successful (burned Spiced Nuts) adventures in the kitchen. To be sure, Scott had a clever response to this statement which I will not post here for the sake of my poor parents, but rest assured that it did involve the word "nuts" and "burning" in a different context. *sigh* Anyway, I spent nearly $90 on ingredients (!!! I know, right? How the hell did that happen??) at the grocery store last night, I'm about six hours in, and all I have to show for it is one batch of cookies and one not-burned batch of spiced nuts. Harumph. Baking is hard.

Also: we saw "I Am Legend" last night. Zombies are f*ing scary. The movie was waaay better than "The Golden Compass" (yes, we are still bitter about that one).