Blogaday Four: "This explains it all in a nutshell."

Bought groceries this afternoon:

• Broccoli
• Carrots
• Onion
• Fennel
• Parsnips
• Avocado
• Potatoes
• Sweet potato
• Hummus
• Soba noodles

Also...

• Potato chips
• Snickers bar
• Twix bar

Oy vey. Also: Did you know they make Cinnabon and Amond Joy flavored coffee creamer now? I may have bought some of this as well.

Blogaday Three: "Not only that... We'll TRIPLE the offer for the low price of $59.95!" * UPDATE *

So, with Schmoobliebunz gone for the next two weeks and with the Summer session not starting until the beginning of next month, I realized this morning that I could literally go two weeks without speaking to another human being if I really wanted to. (Talking to Beebla doesn't count.) Wouldn't that be an interesting personal experiment. And not completely unmanageable by my anti-social self either. And hey, if the world does indeed end today, then I would only have to go about thirteen hours without talking. Easy peasy.

Speaking of the world ending, I found myself sitting through the entirety of Mean Girls 2 last night. At the end, I was almost willing the arrival of Judgment Day as this was a clear indication that I do not deserve to live. Hahaha. Just kidding. But seriously though. Awful movie.

And then I stayed up until 4am watching a House Hunters International marathon capped off by the infomercial for the Genie Bra. I certainly do know how to maximize my precious vacation days, don't I? Ugh, how dreadful.

Tonight or tomorrow, I am going to attempt to cook halibut for the first time. I assume I can approach it basically the same way as salmon? Salmon is so super easy and delicious nom nom nom. As soon as I can get to the grocery store and procure some more vegetables to roast, that is. Maybe that'll be my post tomorrow. Assuming there will be a tomorrow. Har har.

Hey, you know what's totally more fun than a fake Day of Rapture? An Awesome Day of Raptor, that's what. Happy Raptor Day everyone!

"I'm the king of the wooooorlllld! ... which is not ending anytime soooooon!!"

Anyway, this was sunset last night. Pretty, no?

UPDATE:

Hey, did you know that after "owning" a (i.e. essentially being given one of Schmoobles') Macbook for over three years, you will finally figure out that you can easily record stupid videos on the internal camera? This does not (or does it?) bode well for the gradual increase in psychosis I will likely undergo throughout the course of the next two weeks as I become increasingly restless and bored. Anyway, after trying for well over an hour to figure out why the hell none of the videos are playing back any sound, and recording video after stupid video after idiotic video saying "testing...testiiing...testiiiiiing" you will finally figure out to go to the sound preferences menu and click the one correct thing that will magically make the sound work. Ugh. In any case. SUCCESS!

Blogaday Two: "So, about last night..."

Having a girlfriend come over to share a bottle of wine and a delicious home-cooked meal is delightful. Passing in and out of sleepy unconsciousness ten times between 11pm and 2am while the Bravo Network plays on the television and then stumbling to bed, remaining passed out and worthless until 10:30 in the morning is not so delightful. And then eating a half plateful of leftover fruit, pound cake and Toblerone chocolate for breakfast is AWESOME.

Also, after nine months of living in fear of the sun in our fabulous but completely impractical Condo With A View, our air conditioning is finally fixed and fully functional! Time to rack up the electricity costs before the world ends tomorrow! JUST KIDDING.

Hey, maybe I'll do a random picture of the day thing or something:

Do you see that cute little yellow sundress? I went to TJ Maxx yesterday to search for a good medium-sized cooking pan for cheap (I found the perfect one for $6.99!) and I came across this dress. And then I bought it. FOR $.49. Forty-nine cents, people. WTF. Wonderfully Totally Frugal! That's what I am. Anyway, I decided to wear it today because it is totally cute and fun. But it is also quite flirty and the opposite of modest, so I tossed on a green cardigan on top when the air conditioning repair guy was over so as to not encourage any potential unwanted molestation and/or murder. Hey, I watch 48 Hours Investigation on the ID channel. I know how the world works, man. By the way, "What is that on your iPhone cover, Ys?" I'm sure you're asking. It's a Dharma logo. Mhm. Also: Schmoobs bought himself a Shake Weight. Zoiks.

Summer 2011 Daily Blog Day One?

This morning, Schmoobliebuns left for the annual Drum Corps nerd pilgrimage. To Chicago. I was very sad and made a tearful spectacle of myself in front of his friend/coworker who has been our houseguestt the past three days and who si travelingn with him up to Chicago. But then afte rthey left, I went back inside and fixed myself a cup of coffee, fed the Beebla, and then received an invitation to hangout with a girlfirend for this evening and all was well.

So she came over with her new puppy, a Shiba Inu name d Kiko, and I made my favorite go=to corwd pleasing dish - baked salmon and roasted vegetables. Did I mention we shared a bottle of wine? Her husband left this morning to go on a band trip with his students as well. Ugh, effing band nerds. Anyway. And then we got super buzzed on wine talking about boys and puppies and then I overdosed on strawberries, pound cake and Toblerone. If you could see me right now, I am sprawld out on the couch with one leg up on the couch back with the laptop on my bloated stomach. I'm hot. Also: Schmoobles is not home for another 2.5 weeks, which mensa that I will not be shaving my legs for precisely 2.5 weeks. Hooray! Hairy hairy hairyhairyiahiyr,.

I think I'll attmepet to blog every day tthis summer. We'll see how that goes. Happy summer. I have lots to talk/bitch about. Tomorrow when I'm sober.

Made when I was not crunk:

Poonuts.

Although I love him dearly and would change nary a thing about him (Ladies: "HAHAHAHAHAH"), I do have to say that I find Schmooblebutts' habit of leaving packages of food lying around within reach of BB to be less than ideal. Case in point, a couple of days ago Schmoobs had already gone to work and I woke up to find this scene on our living room couch:

Usually when this sort of thing happens (Girl Scout cookies, Star*ucks iced lemon pound cake, Campbell's soup in a microwavable can, etc.) there will be nothing but the package with dozens of puppy tooth marks and some crumbs left, so the fact that there was still a fairly full can of mixed nuts to salvage was a promising sign. I texted the picture to Schmoobs and he responded with "Bad puppy!"  Bad puppy, indeed. More like "Bad Schmooblebuns!" We concluded that it was at least good that she didn't seem to eat much of the nuts, if any, and left it at that.

But rest assured, Schmoobs got his punishment later that night when, while getting ready for bed, he went to the kitchen for a glass of water and saw that BB had left a gift for him to clean up by her puppy pad. Next thing I hear is this: "Uh...hon? It looks like BB did eat some peanuts. ...And I don't think I'm going to be eating any anytime soon..."

***

Oh, there's this: I am teaching this summer! A session (maybe more?) of Woodwind Literature. A graduate level course. Yow! I have no idea what and how I'm supposed to teach this class since I've never done it before, but, hey, I've got almost an entire month to figure it out! And, best of all, I get to pay my bills this summer without selling my kidneys and molars on the black market! Everybody wins! Except for the people that need my kidneys and molars. Just in case you're wondering, this is how I got the gig:

Department Head email to all faculty: "I need faculty personnel to teach some summer courses."

Ys: "Pick me? Even though I'm only adjunct?"

Department Head: "If nobody on the full-time faculty expresses interest soon, it's yours."

Ys (five days later): "Pick me?"

Department Head: "If nobody on the full-time faculty volunteers by the end of the day, it's yours."

Ys: "Pick me?"

Ys: sends email to all faculty that says "I'll teach Woodwind Lit" followed by exclamation point and happy face emoticon

Department Head: no response at end of day

Ys (next day): "Pick me? I know I'm being very insistent/persistent, but... PICK ME?"

Department Head: "Ysabel, it's yours."

Ys: "YAY!"


Also, Schmoobs did THIS.


And one more thing: You know what's even more terrifying than sitting on your couch while the President of the Finer Things Club creeps slowly up towards you with his eyes all dilated while licking his chops because he has decided to feast on your toes? Sitting ON THE TOILET GOING TO THE BATHROOM while the President of the Finer Things Club creeps slowly up towards you with his eyes all dilated while licking his chops because he has decided to feast on your toes. YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE. Helpless. Like a pile of fresh meat that can't even finish up her business and run away because her sphincter has literally tightened up from fear of being attacked by her freaking house cat. Gah!

Stupid poopy dodo heads on Facebook.

I think the number one most irritating thing about being a bleeding heart West Coast liberal living in the South surrounded daily by non-like minded young conservatrons is the multitude of exasperatingly idiotic Facebook statuses and comment threads that I cannot seem to get myself to stop reading. No matter how many times Schmoobliedoos tells me to stop, I cannot bring myself to just ignore them and will, without fail, read them and then I will yell to myself and then I will read some more and then I will yell at Schmoobs and then he will tell me to stop reading and then I will read some more and then I will occasionally write something back to the ignorant idiot(s) on Facebook and then I will get doubly worked up and yell at anything and everything in the universe and then Schmoobs will roll his eyes and throw his hands up in the air and then I will keep checking my Facebook notifications to see if the stupid-head conservatron idiot has attempted a rebuttal and then if he does I will laugh because the retort will no doubt have just reaffirmed his idiocy and I will turn on the television to watch the Daily Show while reading posts on the Daily Kos all the while continuing to shake my fists and occasionally mumble under my breath at the dummies on Facebook.

You can imagine what my Sunday and Monday evenings were like.

So I wrote this:

Patriotism! Chipotle! Real Housewives! Yeah!


This is the last time I am going to comment on the President Obama/Osama bin Laden news* on Facebook because I think I'm developing an ulcer from getting sucked in by all the pettiness and idiocy. Also, I got some Chipotle for dinner and I'm really looking forward to enjoying it while watching some reality television on Bravo.

Like so many people today, I've been glued to the news sites and my Facebook feed absorbing everything I possibly can about the momentous news we received last night. Much of what I've read on the comment threads has been thoughtful, some has been vulgar, some comedic, a small percentage even apathetic. But I'll tell you what. There's one particular common thread I've been reading all day that I am BEYOND sick of, and I feel the need to vent about it. It usually goes along these lines:

"Let's be clear on this: PRES OBAMA did NOT kill Bin Laden. An American soldier, who Obama just a few weeks ago was debating on whether or not to PAY, did. Obama just happened to be the one in office when our soldiers finally found Osama Bin Laden and took him out. This is NOT an Obama victory, but an AMERICAN victory!! RE-POST IF YOU AGREE!!" (These chain mail statuses that challenge you to prove and validate your patriotism are my FAVE.)

or

"He didn't kill Bin Laden!!!! Our military did!!!!!" (The extra exclamation points make him extra patriotic, in case you were wondering.)

or

"I don't support the president at all. I believe that the military deserves all the credit. I'm very pro military action in cases where US citizens are in danger." (I didn't realize we had to choose between the two: the President or the military. Okaaay...I guess I choose the military since they have all the weapons.)

I just haven't understood where all this anti-President Obama partisan vitriol is coming from. What happened yesterday was an emotional victory for ALL AMERICANS. So I listened to the Presidential announcement. I even listened to it again this morning to make sure I didn't miss something. Where was the part where President Obama took ALL the credit and did not mention our military and intelligence agencies even once? Hm. Maybe I was busy Facebooking. So to be sure, I found the transcript of President Obama's announcement and went through it with a fine-toothed comb. It wasn't difficult - only two pages long. And because it has apparently come to this, I made note of Every. Single. Time. credit was given by the President, whether it was to himself, the military/intelligence community, or the American people as a whole. And I kept a tally. Ready? Here we go:

1. "the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden" (Point: Americans)

2. "Over the last 10 years, thanks to the tireless and heroic work of our military and our counterterrorism professionals" (Point: Military and Intelligence)

3. "we removed the Taliban government, which had given bin Laden and al-Qaida safe haven and support" ('We' in context of same paragraph as #2. Point: Military and Intelligence)

4. "We’ve disrupted terrorist attacks and strengthened our homeland defense" (See #3. Point: Military and Intelligence.)

5. "we worked with our friends and allies to capture or kill scores of al-Qaida terrorists"(See #4. Point: Military and Intelligence.)

6. "I directed Leon Panetta, the director of the CIA, to make the killing or capture of bin Laden the top priority of our war against al-Qaida." (Point: President. Selfish!)

7. "after years of painstaking work by our intelligence community" (Point: Military and Intelligence)

8. "I was briefed on a possible lead to bin Laden" (Point: President)

9. "I met repeatedly with my national security team as we developed more information about the possibility that we had located bin Laden hiding within a compound deep inside of Pakistan" (Point: Tie - President and Military and Intelligence)

10. "I determined that we had enough intelligence to take action, and authorized an operation to get Osama bin Laden and bring him to justice" (Point: President)

11. "at my direction, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan" (Point: President. Uh oh! He's on a roll...watch out!)

12. "a small team of Americans carried out the operation with extraordinary courage and capability" (Point: Military and Intelligence, implied)

13. "they killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body" (Point: Military and Intelligence. I bolded it and underscored "they" for dramatic emphasis. It's an effective technique. But not as effective as multiple exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!! See?)

14. "I’ve made clear, just as President Bush did shortly after 9/11, that our war is not against Islam" (Wow. Point: President. But he also essentially awards a point to President Bush, and I'm pretty sure they cancel each other out. So I'll just say Point: Neutral)

15. "I’ve repeatedly made clear that we would take action within Pakistan if we knew where bin Laden was" (Point: President)

16. "it’s important to note that our counterterrorism cooperation with Pakistan helped lead us to bin Laden and the compound where he was hiding" (Point: Military and Intelligence.....? But it's in reference to Pakistan. Man, I don't even know what to do with that one. Eh, I'll allow it.)

17. "These efforts weigh on me every time I, as Commander in Chief, have to sign a letter to a family that has lost a loved one, or look into the eyes of a service member who’s been gravely wounded" (Point: President. But, then again, he is taking responsibility for the loss of American lives...so I'll cancel out that point as well.)

18. "we give thanks to the countless intelligence and counterterrorism professionals who’ve worked tirelessly" (Point: Military and Intelligence)

19. "We give thanks for the men who carried out this operation, for they exemplify the professionalism, patriotism and unparalleled courage of those who serve our country" (Point: Military and Intelligence)

Alright. Phew. Let's take a look at the final score.

Americans: 1

President Obama: 6

Military and Intelligence Agencies: 11

DING DING DING!

There you have it folks. The overwhelming majority of the credit and thanks was given by OUR President to this nation's brave servicemen and women and the intelligence community, rightfully so. But he also took on some responsibility and, yes, some of the credit. Also, rightfully so. HE'S THE FREAKING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

I'm not sure if this little project achieved anything for me except to unload some frustration and anger, which would have otherwise manifested in a long and loud string of curse words. And then I would have had to go to confession.  Also, it is the week before Finals and, as an educator, that means that while my students freak out over their overwhelming stress loads, I get to spend my time writing inane things like this and making money angels on the bed, which is where I throw all of my expendable income from my grossly exorbitant salary. At least, I can walk away from this feeling like I've made at least a small point without getting into a mess of idiotic arguing with people who are concerned less with becoming better informed, and more with winning a stupid pointless argument.In the end, this all feels incredibly silly. But, sadly, for many this is what passes for patriotism these days: a silly, petty game of I Win/You Lose.

I don't know. I guess I'll just leave with the President's final words in his speech:

"Thank you. May God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America."

* I rarely keep promises like this btw.

By the way, let the records show that I have no problem with right-leaning people who happen to favor a  conservative view on politics. As long as they are thoughtful and well-read and informed. My problem - left or right alike (but mostly right) - is with people who spew all manner of idiocy and ignorance on Facebook when they are so clearly completely clueless about the issues at hand. Ugh. I need to go rub BB's belly to simmer down.


***

Also, I spent the last hour and a half preparing us a nice shrimp and vegetables with peanut sauce on a bed of quinoa dinner and as I was fixing to serve it up:


Ys: How hungry are you?

Schmoobs: Um...not very.

Ys: ...Me neither.

Schmoobs: Hm.

Ys: Yeah.

Schmoobs: Want to just eat that for dinner tomorrow?

Ys: Sure.


Well at least I don't have to cook tomorrow night!

And the moral is DO NOT DENOUNCE THE MAGIC OF THE INTERWEBS.

As I did at roughly 9:35pm last night:

Because, literally, three minutes later this happened:

I am sorry, Internets. I will never doubt you again. Also: USA! USA! USA! (and while a part of me feels very strange "celebrating" - is that the right word? - the death of another human being...although that is a term I use loosely in this case) USA! USA! USA!

And not only that, but the Kings are staying in Sacramento! Hooray!

Now all I need is for, you know, to just NOT get laid off in two weeks and life will be just great!