Sense of rejection increasing...

Countdown to Tokyo: 16 days

I never did end up buying that fabulous black suit jacket from J. Crew. My bank account is happy but my wardrobe is depressed. I went back to the mall on Thursday with every intention to purchase the damned thing, but when I went to try it on again it -- for some reason -- didn't fit as well as it did the day before. Argh! This always happens when I am faced with making a big purchase (apparently a suit jacket on sale is a "big purchase" for me...). Although the very same jacket seemed so perfect in every way the day before, the moment I put it on and looked in the mirror, I started hearing voices (which sound remarkably like my parents...haha) telling me to stop spending money and the irrepresible Catholic guilt kicked in, and all of a sudden I started seeing all sorts of flaws with the piece of clothing. Mix that with the fact that I have the build of a twelve-year old boy. Needless to say, I just couldn't bring myself to hand my Visa card over to the sales girl. *Sigh* The search continues...

So I haven't heard back from the Knoxville Symphony... I think I should probably feel rejected or something. I'm ok with it, though. First, because if I truly were being rejected for the job, I think I would have received a phone call actually informing me of this fact (that would be the decent thing, don't you think?), and I haven't heard anything. Perhaps they are just taking longer than expected to deliberate. And second, while being in the position of Operations Director would have been fantastic for a year (maybe two), I would have eventually had to confront the fact that the KSO would have been non-too-pleased with me not staying in Knoxville for several years. One of the (undiscussed) stipulations about the job is that they need somebody who will be in Knoxville for quite a while and, let's face it, the probability of me staying here for too long is not very realistic. Not that I don't love this place and love the people I hang with here -- well, I would say some of the people, some of the time (depending on my hormonal levels on any given day...haha). There's only so much a struggling clarinetist can get out of any certain place before they need to move on, I think. Anyway, so I wouldn't be too upset if I didn't get the job. My bank account and my unhealthy relationship to Target and shopping in general would be very very distraught, however. Obviously, now I need to start worrying about finding a job, period.

I've been searching the job listings in the Knoxville News Sentinel and have found -- amidst many many listings for sales and retail positions, from which I need to stay clear away (probably for the sake of the business more so than mine... but that's another story) -- a few that I may actually be successful in. We shall see. Anyway, I have all the confidence in the world that things will fall into place as they should eventually. It always works out that way, doesn't it?