Guuuuh.

I think I've sneezed fifty times in the last 3 minutes. At least the virus waited until the day after my birthday to infiltrate my immune system and cause the mucous production to go into overload yet again. In any case, my birthday was wonderful. Thank you to all who sent me good wishes via snail mail, the intarweb or telephone! I was almost able to forget that I am now officially in my "late twenties" and yet, have neither the careeer that I want nor the savings account I feel I should have.

Ack.

Aaack.

Aaaaaaack!!

*****

Meh. I'm over it. If I can find the strength to pull myself into an upright position later today (seeing as how, in about thirty seconds, I will be curled up in a fetal position on the couch curled up in my beloved ratty old purple comforter and watching incredibly bad television) I will tell you all about my birthday celebration. Or maybe I will just cut and paste the email I sent to my family. Whatevs. Until then....

*****

Addendum 1:

Make the sneezing stop!!! Auuuggghh!!!

*****

Addendum 2:

Okay, I've just taken some Tylenol Cold Multi-Symptom Severe, an Ester-C vitamin C supplement and made myself a cup of ginger tea and honey. If this doesn't work, I'm screwed.

*****

Addendum 3:

Do this: take an English muffin and toast it so that the edges are golden brown and crisp, then, while it's still hot, spread some butter on both halves and drizzle over the top with honey. You will thank me. In other news: I think the sneezing has gotten better but the coughing is still very much taking over my life. I have put on the season finale of "The Office" which we Tivo-ed to make myself feel better. After that, I will put on the season finale of "Heroes." That should carry me right into "The Simpsons" at 8 o'clock. Ah, it's nice to have my plans for the rest of the evening totally set...

*****

Addendum 4:

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO SIMPSONS ON TONIGHT?! Gah.

It's my birthday!!!!

Um, you're welcome.

Again, I still fully intend on writing a post yelling at you all for ignoring my blog lately yadda yadda yadda, but somebody just showed this to me and I think it's seriously the funniest thing I've ever seen on YouTube:




Robot Chicken: Star Wars on Adult Swim, 10pm on June 17, 2007. It will be brilliant!!!

Yataaaa!!!*

Heroes
is
the
greatest
show
EVERRRRRR!!!!

* This, obviously, does not count as the blog post serving to berate you all for neglecting my blog, as mentioned in the previous post. I just had to say this because "Heroes" is frickin' AWESOME and I am now seriously contemplating naming my firstborn Peter Hiro Ando Nathan Noah Molly Petrelli.

Have I told you that I love Star*ucks?

What does it mean when I've just now read on somebody's blog a mere mention of the latest Star*ucks Orange Creme Frappuccino, which made me think of the Orange Mocha Frappuccino from several years ago which was like the Greatest Frappuccino Of All Time, which made me think of how delicious an Orange Mocha would taste because it would be like drinking one of those chocolate oranges that are actually shaped like oranges except with caffeine, which made me think about seeing about getting an Orange Mocha on my way to work tomorrow morning, and it made my heart skip a beat so literally that I actually brought my hand to my chest and gasped at the thought of how delicious that is going to be?

In other news: you people keep ignoring my blog. My heart is broken. No, actually, my heart is a hunk of blackened ice and you all made it that way. Except for Dan, because he left a comment on my last blog. Go Dan. The rest of you have some groveling and 'splaineeng and, most importantly, some reading and commenting to do. You can all look forward to doing precisely that on my next post which shall almost definitely be dedicated to berating all of you in a less concise and more detailed manner. But so as to balance out the anger and bitterness which will be directed at you in my next post, you can also look forward to the story of how I was at a Walgreens parking lot yesterday and somehow managed to literally punch myself in the mouth with the corner of my car door. Hard. In front of two guys in a pick-up truck who are almost surely still having a hearty laugh at my expense about it at this very moment. Until then...

Wheeeere have all my readers gone? Long tiiiiime passing...

It seems my recent lengthy hiatuses in betwixt posts have driven you all away, gentle readers. Come back, preciousssss!!! Look, I even redesigned the color scheme of my blog as an attempt to refresh your interest in my poor neglected writings. ...Okay okay okay. I did it because I wanted a fun, time-consuming activity with which to pass my day at La Oficina today. And I am not ashamed to say that it took the near entirety of my workday afternoon finding just the right shade of green in html code form to use as my new background color, not to mention the perfect coordinating blues, violets and creams to complement the new bootiful seafoam-meets-avocado shade that I have chosen.

***

In other news, I told my assistant today that my eyelid has been twitching for 4 days straight now, and she said that the muscle spasm is actually a sign of fatigue. Is it actually possible to remain fatigued after a full weekend of sleeping, eating and general wasting-of-life? Hm.

ps. I bypassed my ritual morning cup of crack tall soy caramel macchiatto in a desperate attempt to rid myself of The Infernal Eyelid Muscle Spasm That Will Not Go Away and yet the twitch remains. So, screw you, University of Michigan health study which states that reducing caffeine usage may help get rid of eyelid spasms!!! I played along with your little fallacy of a study and it FAILED. I am counting down the hours (eleven...) until tomorrow morning's ritual cup o'crack.

Topic 1: I've had a muscle spasm underneath my left eye for 2 days now. It is quite maddening.

Day 3 of The Infernal Eyelid Muscle Spasm That Will Not Go Away. This is becoming more and more intolerable, especially as it is interfering with my very important traditional weekend activities. Namely: hours and hours of mindless television viewing* and internet surfing, interrupted only by eating, sleeping and showering. Unfortunately, as I was surfing the intarweb looking for any useful information that may help me rid myself of this annoyance, I came across this on a University of Michigan website:

Eyelid Twitch

Minor eyelid twitches require no treatment as they usually resolve spontaneously. Reducing stress, using warm soaks, or correction of any refractive error may help. Some ophthalmologists recommend reducing caffeine usage.



G to the A to the H. Gah. This calls for a trip to Target... AND THEN TO STAR*UCKS AS AN ACT OF DEFIANCE!!!

ps. Happy Mother's Day to my mummy! I had flowers sent to her with a card which read "Look, I actually budgeted enough money to buy you flowers for Mother's Day! I'm learning...haha" What a good daughter I am.


* My recent faves: This show & this show. As I said, brainless. But wholly entertaining!!

I've been a bad widdle blogger...

Dear God, I haven't updated in a long time. And I have so much mundanity -- is that a word? -- and pointless minutae to share with you all. Namely:

• I hate Bank of America. Almost as much as American Airlines. Details to follow.
• The acquisition of an actual living, breathing, working assistant at work has been both a blessing and a curse. Details to follow.
• I think I've been gaining weight lately. This has not been helped by the fact that our recently purchased elliptical machine, has now turned into the elliptical coat rack in the living room. Details to follow.
• I came home the other to find the singular most disgusting thing I have ever seen greeting me in the bathroom. Long story short, I ended up holding my urine in for over 4 hours because I was too traumatized to step within five feet of the toilet again. If you're lucky, there won't be any details to follow.
• I'm getting some good practicing in at transposing a perfect 4th up on my devil stick. Somehow, this ties in with the person whose ass literally smells like poo. Details to follow. I'm sure you're all aflutter with anticipation.
• I somehow found myself in the middle of an American Idol homecoming parade yesterday. Details to follow.
• I made eggs benedict for breakfast this morning. Damn, hollandaise sauce is a bitch! Frankly, the entire recipe is a bitch. Ugh. Details to follow.
• I've had a muscle spasm underneath my left eye for 2 days now. It is quite maddening. Details to follow unless it decides to finally stop before my next post. Please make it stop before my next post.......

And so much more! Now all you have to do is wait until I feel motivated (un-lazy) to actually elaborate on all those subjects.

Yata!!!

OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod

This week's episode of "Heroes" was the best everrrr!

Sylar is so evil!

Hiro is so cool!

Peter is so awesome!!!

I can't wait until next week!!!!!

* deep breaths *

* * * * *

In other news: I now officially have an assistant at work. Yes, you heard me right. An assistant. All this means is now that I have somebody to do the usual morning duties in the print department three days a week, I have fallen into the habit of strolling in to work leisurely at about 10:30 or 11 in the morning with my ritual Tall Soy Vanilla Latte* in one of my five** personal Star*ucks traveler mugs***. Meaning that I really should not have any right to complain about work any more since I almost literally have that place wrapped around my widdle finger. But rest assured that I will still gripe about that job on a regular basis as it still does not involve me playing and/or teaching the devil stick for my paycheck. Harumph.



* You know, aside from just a cup of drip coffee, a vanilla latte is one of the more decently priced delicacies at Star*ucks. And it is just as delicious as, say, a Soy Caramel Macchiatto. Well, almost.****

** Yes, you heard me: I have five Star*ucks traveler mugs. Two at home, one in my car, and two at work. You can never be too prepared. Jealous?

*** Did I also mention that you get 10 cents off your drink when you bring your personal mug into Star*ucks? So my ritual drink is proving to not only be delicious, but environmentally conscious AND cost-effective as well. Man, I am so awesome.

**** Bet you didn't know you could asterisk an asterisk, did you? Well, you can. And I just did to state the following: How in hell's bells did I not realize that a tall Soy Caramel Macchiatto costs only a mere 6 cents more than a tall Soy Vanilla Latte?!! Methinks I've found a new ritual morning beverage...