Ta daaaa!

Like I'm going to post my phone number (bottom left) and email address (bottom right) on the intarwebs, you creepy stalkers.

Confession: I did not design the beautiful swirly doodads. They came predesigned. Which makes it that much more pathetic that this took me SIX HOURS yesterday. So, honestly, five of those six hours were devoted to that thingy on the right edge that is supposed to be a partial clarinet silhouette that is connected to the fabulous green swirly swoosh. My question to you is: how does the clarinet look? Does it look like a clarinet? Or does it look like a weird green blob? I wanted it to look somewhat abstract and part of the overall design, and then when you take a closer look, you're all, "Oh my goodness, that's a clarinet! What a creative genius this Ysabel must be! I simply must have her teach my child clarinet lessons this instant!" And clarinerd note: I love that I only put one screw on the ligature instead of two, because I play on a Vandoren Optimum which only has one screw (pat on the back for that one!).

Anyway, can I just tell you how frustrating it is to realize a couple of hours into the process that the borders they give you on this designing site are not accurate, especially when you're trying to get the image file pasted on just so so that the correct amount of the clarinet silhouette shows up on the final product? The answer is very frustrating. And don't even get me started on all the trial and error it took to try and get the dark brown and avocado green colors on my clarinet image to match the ones on the predesign of the card. Using Microsoft Paint because that's all my work computer has. And drawing on the tail end of the green swoosh to connect onto my clarinet silhouette and getting it to match and connect exactly to the swoosh on the predesign? That was loads of fun.

All in all, I am fairly pleased with the final product. I don't think the color matches are exact, but what the hell, they're close enough. I'm hoping any color discrepancies will actually not be too visible on the actual business cards. And upon closer inspection, I do wish that I had gotten a little bit more of the clarinet bell into the frame because I think that would have made the obviosity (I know I just made up that word) of the clarinet shape more apparent. But what are you gonna do? I already bought a batch.

And just in case those parents need any more convincing that I am fabulous, this is the back side. Just a little hint as to the awesomeness behind the name. "Conservatory" just sounds so goddamned impressive doesn't it? Maybe next time I'll put "Conservatoire" and really knock their socks off.

Geez, you'd think I was actually getting excited about moving or something.

It is precisely 2:53 in the afternoon and I have done virtually nothing but design a new batch of business cards for myself! Huzzah! It may have taken the last six hours, but, Holy Moses, if these aren't the coolest business cards the world of clarinerd teaching has ever seen! Oh, how you must all envy my future Texas clarinerd students who will be fortunate enough to be graced with the sheer awesomeness of my business cards. I'd try to upload a pic of them here but I'm way too lazy (duh). Let me just say that it involves a very sophisticated, yet hip, color palette along with some cute swirly thingies that lead directly to a partial silhouette of a clarinet along the border that DEAR LORD TOOK ME ONE HOUR TO EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW TO CREATE ON MY PALEOLITHIC-ERA WORK COMPUTER AND THEN AN ADDITIONAL TWO HOURS TO ACTUALLY DO AND THEN TWO SECONDS TO DELETE THE PICTURE FILE BECAUSE I THOUGHT I HAD ALREADY FINISHED PASTING IT ONTO MY BUSINESS CARD TEMPLATE ONLY TO REALIZE TEN MINUTES LATER THAT IT DIDN'T PASTE ONTO THE TEMPLATE CORRECTLY AND LOOKED TOTALLY DUMB AND SO I HAD TO SPENT ANOTHER TWO HOURS CREATING A DIFFERENT VERSION OF A CLARINET SILHOUETTE THAT ACTUALLY MADE SENSE BUT OH MY GOD IT WAS SO WORTH IT BECAUSE MY BUSINESS CARDS ARE AWESOME!

In the meantime, this is the last week of the month, signaling my official Final Month in Seattle (*tear*) and the time when I need to start figuring out how to tell my students (all two of them) that I won't be their clarinet teacher anymore. What a sad day for all. I'm assuming I'll be teaching lessons through the next month, but also helping them find a new teacher. Clearly, not one as brilliant as me because such a thing does not exist, but a plenty capable one nonetheless...

***

I should also add that I have been trying to go to the Little Print Buyers Room all day at work (and not the number one kind if you catch my meaning...) today and every single time I go, somebody is always in the bathrooms. All of them! ...Okay, once this morning I caught our guitar tech just walking out of the bathroom downstairs, but I didn't want to chance using a restroom directly after somebody else had just done a number two. Too risky. Anyway, so now it's three o'clock in the afternoon and my colon is screaming for mercy and I am feeling perfectly validated in leaving for home just so I can take care of business once and for all. So that being said, smell ya later!

What I learned today.

That if you put your pasta in a pot of water before it is boiling (ugh, before it's even warm), you will end up with nasty noodles that are disgustingly mushy on the outside and hard and undercooked on the inside. So much for me being brilliant and ultra-efficient in my dinner preparation. Harumph. 

Music nerd note: Scales in thirds and sixths are kicking my ass! Gah!

I think I may want this car more than I've ever wanted anything else in my entire life.*

* Okay, not really true. But still.

To support my point: I was driving (un)Lucky around town today after filling him up with gas (by the way:  sixty f*ing dollars?? For f*ck's sake...) and saw a blue Mazda3 hatchback driving right behind me in the next lane.  I actually heard myself say out loud: "You're preeeeeetty. ...GET IN FRONT OF ME!" And then I stalked it down the road for the next five minutes or so. I veered off course only to venture into an Arby's drive-through window to satisfy my cursed jalapeno popper craving. Meanwhile, has anyone tried their new Orange Cream Shake yet? I was plenty intrigued, but they refused to give me a small size and I wasn't ready to commit to a full 20 ounces of the newfangled milkshake - no matter how high the likelihood that it would taste deliriously like a creamsicle - considering my lactose-intolerance and all. Anyway. There's no point to this post (is there ever?). Man, I love that car.

Also the first in a series entitled:Things I Am Looking Forward to in Texas

1. Barbecue ribs

2. My career progression, as opposed to stagnation

3. Looks of surprise when I say that I am "stoked" about something. Example: "I am way stoked about having barbecue ribs for dinner!"

4. Can I say barbecue ribs again?

5. A resurrection of the "Ysabel in the South a la Fish Out of Water"-themed blog posts (admit it, you're all looking forward to that)

The first in a series entitled:Things I Will Miss About Seattle

I'm really going to miss how the baristas at, not just one, but multiple local coffee shops know exactly what I want to order...sometimes just by the sound of my voice.

For example, there is a Caffe Ladro just around the corner from the office. And although I don't go there every morning, I average anywhere from once to three times a week, usually in the morning before I head into work. And more than likely I go through the drive-thru and order two drinks, one for me and one for Greatest Print Assistant Ever. For the last several months, the drive-thru interaction has gone like this:

Voice on the Other Side of the Speaker: Good morning, what can I get for you?

Ysabel: Hi, I'll have two double tall Americanos please.

VOSS: And that's one with Splenda?

Ysabel: Right...

VOSS: And both with cream?

Ysabel: Yes!

VOSS: Alright, I'll see you at the window.

Ysabel: *sigh*

And there's another drive-thru espresso hut around another corner from the office - my coffee preferences change with my mood, okay? - where my ordering procedure usually goes like this:

(pulling up to the ordering window)

Ysabel: Hi.

Barista: 16 ounce soy Mythical Mocha?

Ysabel: Yup. *sigh*

Showcase of Excellence of the baristas working at the coffee shops I frequent? Or Testament to the Caffeine Addiction that has been uncontrollably fostered during my time in Seattle? Who knows. But I'll miss it, nonetheless.

Oy, my aching groin!

I'm sure you wish there was more to that story, but there really isn't. I was at work today and noticed a slight soreness in my right groinal area. And then it got increasingly worse throughout the day. And now I'm forced to walk around with a very pronounced, albeit unintentional, hippy-hippy shaky-shaky swagger that would illicit the type of unwelcome attention from neighborhood slimeballs if I were to live in a city that warrants the wearing of skin-baring short shorts and tank tops in the middle of July. But in reality it is like 60 degrees* here and I am still wearing long pants and fleece jackets outdoors. So my groinal sexy-walk has no effect.

I thought I had more to say, but I don't remember.

* Haha! Hear that, Rest of the Country? It's 60 degrees here! I bet you're soOOoOOooo jealous! ...Oh wait, I'm moving to TEXAS in a few weeks. Phooey.

*****

Oh, and I should mention that I got this text message from Schmooblebottoms last night:

I just saw a funny Snickers commercial where they sang Greensleeves in a car and I thought of you.

You know, this commercial:

I found it wildly entertaining that this commercial made him think of me. If that doesn't sum up the wackadoodle romance that is the essence of our relationship, I don't know what does.

Also, I think it had something to do with this.

Unhappiness is...

...brewing a giant cup of coffee only to realize that you used up your final remaining packet of sweetener yesterday. 

Ah well, I've been known to drink black coffee when the need arises (i.e. when forced to drink vile office coffee, which is best taken in tasteless quick shots that scald your tongue because to attempt to improve the taste through cream and sweetener and savor the flavor slowly only guarantees a slow but sure death to your soul).

Do 2 posts in one day mean I'm forgiven for the week-long stretches of neglect?

I got this text message from Schmoobs about one hour ago:

I tried one of those 5-hour energy drinks that they have on tv and now I think my head is going to explode.... I think my hair is on fire

I found the message both hilarious and terrifying, so I relayed this sentiment to him and he told me that he actually sent me the message three hours earlier and that he felt fine now. Phew.


***

I see from my blog stats (I see youuuu!!) that I've got a mystery reader from Plano. Which is not far from Dallas. Which is not far from where we will be living. So now I feel obligated to say this:

Okay. Look. I know I've been somewhat of a Texas non-fan for quite some time now. I have nothing against Texas. I promise. I mean, when I get there, I'm going to eat barbecue like at least 3 times a week and it's going to be glorious. But please try to understand that I grew up in California. You know how you think that Texas is the greatest state in the entire universe? Well, I feel that way about California (ps. I'm right). My whole family is in California. I want to live near the Pacific Ocean. If I can't live near the ocean, then at least I'd like some green hills. If I can't live near some green hills, then at least I'd like some tall trees. I love shopping at Trader Joe's and Central Market and Whole Foods. I think wheat grass shots from Jamba Juice are awesome. I think 8-year old skater boys with mohawks are adorable. I went to a junior high that had a Gay and Lesbian Awareness club. My hometown has an intersection downtown near the library in which there is a Peet's Coffee on one corner, Star*ucks on the other, Tully's on the next, and finally Wolf Coffee to round things off - and I love that. In fact, I got through all of my college years with a Star*ucks soy latte in one hand and a bottle of overpriced fancy water in the other. I think San Francisco is filled with freaks and weirdos and I wouldn't have it any other way. I say things like "stoked" and "whatevs" and "for sure." I own an Al Gore hoodie. I will be the one wearing a Barack Obama t-shirt through the streets of Dallas during every day of November this year. I am counting down the seconds until your homeboy is out of the big white house. I am the opposite of conservative. I am not a Southern belle. I am a California girl. So my point is this: Please don't think that I am hating on the state of Texas. In fact, there are parts of it that I am secretly looking forward to. Just not the part where I am going to be far away from home. So...friends? Oh, and thanks for reading my blog :)

I hate moving.

Q. What does one do when the one torurous week of packing up an entire 2-bedroom apartment and loading 98% of all your earthly possessions into one giant Penske truck are over and your Schmooblebuns has left to embark on the 2,000+ mile drive down to the godforsaken Land of Cowboy Boots and Barbecue?

A. Well, blog. Doy. Or more accurately: cry, then eat, then cry again, sleep a little, cry some more, eat some more, go to work, have officemates give you pitying glances because they all kind of know what is going on and see that my eyes are slightly red and more than slightly puffy, seek comfort from 3 shots of espresso, go home and vacuum up the mess of old potato chip crumbs on the living room carpet unearthed after taking away the sofa that had been hiding it all for nearly 2 years, eat unsightly amounts of fast food, fall asleep on an air mattress in the living room watching "Jon & Kate Plus Eight," go to work the next day...then blog.

Anyway, our apartment is quite barren. All that is left is me, the old television, a lamp, my clarimanets, some clothes, the air mattress, some blankets, a few kitchen appliances that I can donate to Goodwill when the time comes and Bela. Oh, and about 30 pounds of assorted dust particles scattered throughout, which has, in the last week, succeeded in causing my allergy-induced asthma to flare up to the nth degree, thereby forcing me to make an appointment with a nurse practicioner to renew and up my asthma meds. One day later and I've got a prescription for 4 meds - one of which is a Peak Flow meter, which is this tube that kind of looks like an inhaler mixed with a small snorkel that you blow really hard into to gauge your lung capacity. I am told to use every day to keep track of and gradually build up my lung power. I was told that the goal level for someone my age and size is 477 -- right now my level is 350. Blergh.

In any case, the plan is for me to stay in Seattle and work until the end of August, whereupon I will drive (un)Lucky down to California (hooray!), with a possible pit stop in Eugene - Hi Julia! Remind me to ask you if I can crash your pad for a night next time we talk! - so I can visit with friends and the fam for a week or two, leave (un)Lucky in California, then fly to Dallas in early September.

*** Oh geez, I just remembered that I also still have Scott's ginormous saltwater fish tank in the apartment that I have to find a way to get rid of before the end of August. It's functional. Also, it weighs roughly one trillion pounds. Anyone out there want to buy it? Pleeeeaaase. ***

ps. I responded to your comments on the previous post. Read it!

Because I've been getting flak (flack? Aflac??) from the brother-in-law for not updating.

1. I just ate a leftover Mexican Pizza from Taco Bell that may or may not have been over a week old. I'm sure hilarity will ensue.

2. Go see Wall*E. It is officially The Most Amazing Movie of 2008.

3. I have lately been coughing consistently with increasing severity, sometimes to the point of near-vomitation. This is perplexing because this only happens when I haven't been taking my asthma medication. Unfortunately, this has not been the case lately. The dry-heave coughs are not fun. Especially when I have just finished eating several-day-old Taco Bell leftovers meaning that the dry-heaves might just lead to chunky-wet-heaves.

4. Oh yeah. I think I might be moving to Texas. Crikey.

Happy...

...4th of July!!!

...Independence Day!!!

...Schmooblebottoms Comes Home Day!!!

...I Get a Paid Vacation Day!!!

...I Had Three - Count 'em: Three - BMs at Work Yesterday Day!!!

...I Had Three Espresso Shots this Morning and am About to Have my 2nd BM Before Noon Day!!!

...I Had Three Espresso Shots this Morning and Finished my 2nd BM Before Finishing That Last Sentence Day!!!

...I Woke Up to About 300 Lawnmowers Buzzing Away Outside My Apartment and They Have Finally Stopped and I Can Finally Hear Myself F*ing Think Day!!!