Last night I dreamt that I was watching a very contemptuous brawl between two people (I have no idea who) and one of them decided to defeat his opponent by taking a freaking toothbrush, sticking it into the other guy's right eye socket and effing popping his eyeball out.
Two things of note:
1) I remember distinctly in my dream that the poor guy - whilst having a pink toothbrush gouging his eye socket kept trying to reason with his opponent saying, "Oh dear. That's a little bit much. Can you lighten up a little? It's going to make my eyeball pop out! Oh no, not so hard! My eyeball's going to pop out!" And then it did.
2) Later on during my sleep adventures (Act II, if you will), I don't know why, but I somehow ended up with no effing right eyeball!! ACK ACK ACK. I seemed to be unfazed by it, to be perfectly honest, although I do remember avoiding mirrors and windows at all costs because I didn't want to see what I looked like with an empty hole in my head where there was supposed to be an eyeball. So clearly, I'm not one to be bothered by having a missing eyeball, as long as I can't see it. I'm so vain.
Then we reached an integral point in the action where I needed somebody's assistance to help me jam a rather thick and large piece of paper containing a picture of an eye (which, incidentally, was blue or green instead of brown - weird) into my empty eye socket and - here's the best part - you know who I asked to help me with this most delicate of tasks? LO FROM THE HILLS. You don't know who this is? Good for you. She, um, wouldn't be my first choice in real life. You know, to insert a picture of an eyeball into my empty eye socket. But here she is:
Let me tell you. 1) Lo was surprisingly gentle and caring when undertaking the delicate procedure. 2) In my dream, I could feel every last millimeter of that picture being jammed into my cranium and, man, it was WEIRD. Strangely - and thankfully - wholly un-papercut-like. Just...weird.
And THEN. I realized that, as I was patiently letting Lo do her task, I could see what was on the back of the eyeball picture (incidentally, just some writing - I can't recall what it was...I think just something out of a magazine). Which is strange, if you think about it since that goes against the laws of physiology - I mean, there not being an eyeball there with which to see anything and all. But I digress.
Suddenly, before Lo could finish putting the entire picture in, I jumped up with the revelation that - if I am going to be staring at the back of this eyeball picture for the rest of my life, I might as well make sure that I'm going to be staring at something that I love dearly so I ran off to find pictures of:
1. Schmooblebuns (Hm. I guess after all the foibles and such that have gone on the last couple of weeks, I still kind of like the guy. Who woulda thunk?)
2. BB and Bela
3. My neices Kat and Vanessa
You know, so I could paste their pictures onto the back of the eyeball picture and live happily ever after.
SO. WEIRD.
*****
On a totally related note: Last night Schmoob and I went to the Thai restaurant in our city (No, literally, it is the one and only Thai restaurant in our city...) for the first time and ordered some of our faves (pad kee mao and Massuman curry). I requested three out of five stars, as per my usual. But what we got back was more like 8 trillion out of 5 stars. I managed about five bites of my drunken noodles before I had to admit defeat and go find a trough of ice water do dunk my burning face in (that's code for "chug an ice cold bottle of Singha beer").
And upon walking out of the restaurant towards the car while rubbing my flaming belly, I remarked, "Wow, I bet I'm going to have some strange dreams tonight."
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