I take my vacations VERY seriously.

I really was going to practice ye ole battle axe. But instead I found myself sitting in bed eating chocolate and watching an America's Next Top Model marathon. Whoops.

Live Blogging from Denver International Airport

~ 2:53 pm ~

Dear fat and b*tchy old woman who sat next to me at the gate,

Why do you smell like rotting onions? I can almost forgive you for this assault on my senses, but you were a b*tch so I feel karmically free to make fun of you.

Hugs (with held breath) and no kisses,

Ysabel

*****


Dear strapping young hippie with blond hair tied in a pony tail underneath a wool beanie,

I was ready to be cutting and judgmental towards you for deciding that a super crowded airport terminal would be a wise place to bust out a remote control toy helicopter and start flying it over people's heads. But it was actually cute and amusing. I like the cut of your gib. Why can't there be people like you in Texas?

Patchouli hugs and platonic kisses,

Ysabel

*****

Dear Ysabel,

Why THE HELL did you volunteer to be bumped to a flight that would take off nine hours later than your original flight thereby causing you to be subjected to onion-smelling b*tches?! ...Oh, because you got a $400 travel voucher, that's why. Nice job! Only six more hours to go... You can DOOO it!

Love,

Ysabel



~ 3:14 ~

Oh God. I think I have to go twosies. Halp.


~ 4:06 ~

Update: the deuce has crawled back inside...for now (Sorry Mom. Sorry Schmoobs. Sorry...world). In other news: I have just devoured a king size Almond Joy and it has only served to awaken my hunger even more. Give me more coconut candy bars!! On a related note: it is Monthly Confirmation Time.


~ 4:29 ~

Am so bored that I decided to have a beer at the bar just for kicks. Being carded by the bartender made up for spotting a white hair atop my noggin in the airport bathroom while I was washing my hands.

Also, I am told that I have a chance of getting on the flight that is leaving in about 2 hours instead if 5. I'm crossing my fingers, toes and Fallopian tubes!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

You likey the new blog design?

All this talk of Krees-maahs has gotten me in the seasonal redesign mood. I think the final result is quite fetching *pats self on back*. Anytime I decide to try and do a redesign, I freak the hell out because there is inevitably some html code stuff I have to tinker with and I constantly have this fear that I am only one errant code cut and paste action away from making the whole thing explode. But all is well.

The color scheme is not at all what I had envisioned originally, but this one is actually much more sophisticated and subtle. I think my original plan was to have a much heavier (jarring, in retrospect) pine green and fire engine red color combo. And as you can (hopefully) see, I have totally jumped on the snowfall effect bandwagon. I am sure that in couple days, the novelty will wear off and it will just become incredibly annoying, but as of right now, I am in love with it.

Oh, one last thing about the color scheme. See the beautiful cranberry red color of the "WHATEVS" in the banner? Now take a look at the red in the left sidebar where it says "Followers (15)." Don't they look like 2 completely different colors? Well, they're not. Totally the same. But the white, sky blue and slate colors in the banner picture totally bring out the deep cranberry color, whilst the soft sage color of the overall background make the red in the sidebar look more cherry. It's driving me booonkers. Welcome to the madness inside my head.

I just can't seem to let this go.

Was sitting on the couch with Schmoobs when this commercial came on this morning:

Me: Their diction is horrible. I can't understand a word they're saying! It should be "We DISH you a Merry Krees-maahs!"

Schmoobs: *smirk*

Although I should add that the fellow at 0:13 comes very close to vocalizing with proper diction. Methinks I smell a former choir geek in the house!

Jingle Jangle: Revisited

Remember the first round of this epic battle? Round two went down this morning. BTW, I have since named BB's nemesis "Jingle Jangle." Has a nice ring to it. Hahaha, get it?! "Ring" to it?! Ugh, all the mucous in my skull is really taking its toll...

Five minutes later:

Also, one of the many lessons I've learned this holiday season is that, should you happen to be browsing around for possible Christmas presents and you happen to find the absolute perfect Christmas gift for your Schmooblebunnies, do NOT elect to put it back on the shelf in the idiotic hopes that it will magically be on sale the following week. Because, of course, Schmurphy's Law states that it WILL be gone by the time you go back a week later to check on it. Blargh Humbug!

iPhone photo study: Lazy Saturday Edition

You know what the best part about sitting through a holiday university choir performance is?

Trying to stifle your giggles as you listen to the selectively zealous vocalist diction:

"We wish you a Merry Krees-maahs!

We wish you a Merry Krees-maahs!"

and

"Oh, bring us some figgy poo-deeng!

Oh, bring us some figgy poo-deeng!"

Ahahahaha. Ha. Silly vocalists. Is this horrible of me? Especially because I am a faculty member at said university? Do I need to privatize this blog again?

*sigh*

Speaking of which, I fly home for Krees-maahs on Thursday. Woot woot!

Here's a lesson for you: Do not - I repeat DO NOT - attempt to save $60 on your airfare by purchasing an airline ticket through Priceline. Especially when they do not disclose the actual airline you will be traveling on until after you have given them the moneyz and you learn (ten seconds too late) that your non-changeable/non-refundable ticket is for an airline that does not allow BBs to travel with you inside the cabin - and will charge $150 EACH WAY for her to sit in a lonely kennel inside the frigid scary cargo hold. Blerrrgh. Luckily, Schmooblebuns has saved the day and will travel Southwest, allowing him to take BB inside the cabin for a mere (HAGH! ...sorry I just choked on my own sarcasm) $75 each way.

Finally, let me just say the our next door neighbor likes to play his guitar and/or bass and sing WAIL at the top of his lungs and he is really getting into it this morning. Meaning, he sounds AWFUL.

Self-revelation: Oy, I am such a music elitist...

Stab me in the heart already.

Just got off the phone with a customer service individual dicussing some banking/financial matters and he asked for my gross income. When I told him what my estimated annual salary is, he asked, "Okay. And that's _________ dollars per month, correct?" To which I guffawed loudly and said, "No no no. That's per year."

Repeat to self: I love music. I love music. I love music... blaaaargh.

***

UPDATED TO ADD: I stopped by the store after teaching lessons today (one of my middle school students: "Did you bring a whole box of Kleenex?") and picked up some promising-looking Vick's nasal decongestant spray that was on sale and that I was very much looking forward to using the instant I got home... only to find that the cashier didn't put it in the bag after I paid for it. ARRRRRR!!! Hulk SMASH!

UPDATE: Schmooblebunz for the win!!

Behold my ill-resulting attempt at taking a picture of the jackpot, while at the same time meeting Sarah L.'s request for more cat pictures. Sadly, his highness The President of The Finer Things Club does not take to such infantile activities as flash photography with the members of Team Cuddle too kindly. Oh well.

At this moment, Bela had just leapt to my right out of view of the camera in disgust of BB's downright shoddy appearance. If you look closely, you can see a small pile of green herbs on the bed to the right of the DVDs. More on that later. Whoops, one of my unmentionables had gone unnoticed in the background (On sale for like 99% off at Target this last week!). Sooo comfortable. And seriously, it was marked doooown to $2.48. Totally justified purchase. Anyway:

I tried to entice Bela and elicit some interest with his drug of choice (catnip). There are faint sprinklings of it on the DVD that you can't really see. I was so close:

Here is Bela and his magnificent stomach pooch walking away in disinterest. See that box of Kleenex at the top of the picture? It has like 2 sheets left in it. It was full just yesterday. I have been producing goo in mass quantities inside my skull seriously non-stop for the past few days. It has gotten to the point where I now bring a box of Kleenex and nose lotion with me when I go teach lessons. Also, a couple times I've coughed and blasted snot out of my nose as a result. It's disgusting. Luckily, I've been alone when this has happened. Well, BB was there, but she still loves me. Anyway:

And my final - LAME - attempt. Please note that at this point, Bela had just gone ahead and completely turned his back on me as I repeatedly yelled his name:

Sorry Sarah. I'll post better Bela pictures next time...

I've written (kind of) a new song.

Are you ready? It goes something like this:

(sung to the melody from "The Flinstones" theme song)

BB. Beee B BB. BBBBBBBBBeeeeeee.
BB. Beee B BB. BBBBBBBBBeeeeeee.
BB. Beee BBBBBB.
BB. Beee BBBBBB.
BB. Beee B BB. BBBBBBBB.
BBBBB.
BBB B B Beeeeeeeeeee!

Can you guess who inspired this masterful tunesmithing?

(It happened while I was on the can, no less. Just FYI.)

In other news, the LOST Season 5 DVD* comes out today. Which means it is a mere 56 days until the Season 6 (final season! *tear*) premiere!!! ...But who's keeping count? Anyway. Schmoobs better come home with said DVD set in hand, or somebody is going to find himself mysteriously locked out of the apartment, just saying.

And in Yes, I Seriously Am Asking This Question news: Biopic. Is it pronounced like "myopic" like BiOpic? or like bio-PICK? I've always wondered. Yes, completely random.

UPDATE: Correct answer (I've totally said it in my head the wrong way for my entire life. What is the matter with me??).

* We wantssss it...precioussssss.

An open letter to the students currently enrolled in my Music Lit course.*

Dear students,

Why are you all such f*ing whiny little bitches?!

Sincerely,

Prof. Sarte

* Not that any of them can read this. Mwahahaha!!