Hola. I am sitting here in Schmooblebuns' office blogging away because my lack of clarinet students this afternoon means that we were able to carpool in to work this morning (
Al would be so proud!), which also means, unfortunately, that I have to whittle away the hours in this building until he is done with his day. Blargh. There are worse things, I guess. I do anticipate hijacking his car at some point in the early afternoon for a field trip to the nearest Star*ucks WHICH IS TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES AWAY IN THE NEXT CLOSEST LAND OF CIVILIZATION.
Anyway.
In the meantime, let's revisit our fabulous little jaunt away from the cursed land of Texass, shall we?
Here, we have the Port of Galveston on the southern coast of Texass, our departure point. Getting here involved only a brief five-hour (not the six that I had anticipated!) drive through the beautiful scenic vistas (*snort*) of Nothing, Ugliness, Cracker Barrels numbers one through eleventy billion, Churches next to Porno Shops next to Fireworks Outlets next to Churches next to Porno Shops next to Fireworks Outlets next to Churches... and Houston.
Once inside the boat, we were immediately mesmerized by the elegance and subtlety of the decor. PFFBT. Yeah right. It was all neon crazytown in there. Too bad I didn't really take any pictures of it. But I DID manage to snap a pic of this cake in the little coffeeshop/bakery station. Being bombarded by all these sixteen year old girls in their metabolism-of-a-howler-monkey bodies made me instantly bitter and jealous, which then made me very angry at this Cake. It's like, "Yeah, I get it, Cake. I'll get FAT if I even think about eating you. Why you gotta throw it in my face like that, you effing b*tch?" Ugh. So then I grabbed the entire cake and shoved it in the face of an obnoxious skinny-without-trying sixteen year old girl. Not really.
Our first stop was in the city of Progreso on Day Two. We had been forewarned by our friends who had taken this very same cruise last year for their honeymoon to not waste any money going on any of the cruise-sponsored "Excursions" in Progreso, so we took their advice and steered clear. Actually, Schmooblebuns stayed on the boat anyway because he had partaken in a little too much of the booze and casino portion of the cruise the previous night and was sleeping his money-losses away. I, on the other hand, got off the boat to settle my rumbly-in-the-tumbly a bit and just shake off my sea legs. Right by where we docked, there was a small little area with shops and a restaurant set up. Very obviously made to cater to the cruising tourist crowd, so there wasn't much that appealed to my limited shopping budget. Still nice to walk around and check out, though.
I mean, if I hadn't gotten off the boat and walked around for an hour, I would have completely missed the opportunity to check out this guy. We've all seen these Living Statue street performers, right? They deck themselves out in body paint and "perform" in almost every major metropolitan city I've been to: San Francisco, Seattle, New York City. Well, apparently, Progreso has their very own as well. I think my favorite part is the fact that the dedication to his craft stops just about an inch above his belt line. In hindsight, I do feel kind of bad for not leaving a tip. Maybe "Hey, one more ounce of silver body paint wouldn't kill you!"
Here's our boat: the Carnival Ecstassssy. The name says it all, doesn't it? I couldn't believe they let children on this boat. Inappropriate! Hahaha.
Another view of Progreso from the boat. As you can see, our Spring Break cruise was early enough in the year that the first few days of the trip was fairly cloudy and windy.
Hey, look what our room steward left for us while we were at dinner on our second night! This was my very first towel animal, and to say I was delighted is an understatement. Look how cute he is!
So delighted in fact, that I took a close-up photograph.
And yet another, this time with our next day's itinerary and bedtime chocolates. Seriously. Towel animals are the sh*t.
Ahhh, Day Three: Cozumel. The sun is out, the water is BLUE, and the cruise ships are out in full force! Look at that wee little guy in the left center. He's adorable! I just want to pinch his cheeks and make goo-goo noises at him.
Aw, look who made an appearance finally.
We had signed up (and given over a chunk of moneyz) to do an Excursion here in Cozumel. I chose the "Adventurepark, Zip Line and Snorkeling" combo excursion, with wild fantastical visions of us riding ziplines from tree to tree through the jungles of Mexico, ending with a snorkel swim through the shallow blue waters. However. When we met up with our guide, he informed us that the snorkel portion of the excursion had been cancelled because the water was a bit too choppy. We had the option of still doing the zip line, however. But then when he showed us exactly what the
zip line course entailed, I was like "Uh, napes.*" If I wanted to do a lame-ass fake rock-climbing and zipline course through a concrete park, I wouldn't have gone all the way to Mexico to do it.
So we just decided to walk around and check out Cozumel on our own for the day. People on the cruise had warned us not to go venturing out on our own lest we end up becoming unwitting drug mules for the Mexican drug lords. Glad to say that didn't happen. We took a short cab ride to downtown Cozumel. It was not far off from where we docked (about four miles or so), but we were not in the mood - nor wearing the appropriate footwear - to walk in the sun for that long. Also, I did not know what kind of Mexican drug lords might have been hiding in the bushes between where we docked and where downtown started. Also, I am glad that we did not choose Option C, which was to rent a car and drive ourselves, because, uh, driving in Cozumel is cah-raaaazy! Or, should I say, you'd have to be crazy to drive in Cozumel, and our cabdriver was 101% an insane driver, so all was well.
Our beverage of choice while walking through the streets and alleys? Why, a latte of course. I have to say their mochas/lattes were definitely less sweet and more nutty than most chain coffee shop drinks I've become accustomed to, and it was delicious. Also, Schmoobles is carrying around our cruise beach towels because, again, we thought we were going to go on an excursion, but ended up not. Oh, and that bottle of water slung around his shoulder? Again, conveniently offered by our cruise line for the paltry sum of OVER TEN DOLLARS OMG. It was like $6.95 for the bottle sling and $3 eff-ing .95 for the bottle of Calistoga water. Geez. They really slam you with these convenience purchases. Luckily, I already had a bottle of water that I was carrying in my purse, so.
Water and stuff.
Anyone see that episode of Seinfeld where Kramer feeds that horse Beeferino and it gets all gassy and stuff? Hehehe. Anyway. We had thought about taking a horsey and carriage ride -- Well, I mainly wanted to because the poor horsey looked kind of sad in the eyes, and I had visions of tipping the driver an exorbitant amount so he could buy the horsey lots of treats and maybe a day off. But we all know that's not what would happen :( Anyway, we opted out of the carriage ride.
In general, I find it very difficult to visit a new or foreign land without taking pictures of any official landmarks or historical structures I come across. It's like, my obligation or something. Like, this guy is important to Cozumel history somehow, obviously.
If I had paid attention more in high school Spanish, maybe I would know exactly why he was important. Unfortunately, very little of it has stayed in my brain except very basic conversational phrases, how to count, the verb conjugations -o, -as, -a, -amos, -ais, -an, and "¡Me gusta bailar con queso en mis pantalones!" I will, however, have you know that I earned the title of "Student of the Week" one week my senior year. Yeah, what's up.
Ho! What is that I see in the near distance? My Mecca! My Fortress of Solitude! Also, the place where I would purchase my first of two souvenirs this trip. You'll see it later.
And lookie what we have here. I was like, "...Ma...Bu...Hay. Hey, that's really similar to Tagalog!" (Major language of the Philippines, durrr.) And then my eyeballs moved six more inches to the right and saw "Phils." DOY.
And then I looked into the restaurant and saw the Filipino flag. Vacation Brain is allowed to be slow, okay? Anyway. Hey look, a Filipino restaurant in Cozumel! They were closed, though.
Stopped to refuel with, what else? Margaritas and ceviche. Mmm. Because you know what the smartest thing to do for your bowels is after downing a couple shots of espresso? Following it up with citrus acids and tequila. Obvs.
Then I got cold so we moved down to the sunny beach area.
Ugh, only the beginning of what would be a week's worth of unfortunate sun damage to my face skin. Blergh. Margaritas are tasty.
So is fresh ceviche! Now THIS is a macro shot, ladies and gentlemen!
There was a company taking people out parasailing over the water. I wanted to try it. Schmooblebuns was not so keen on the idea. He was all, "What do you do once you're up there?!" And I was all, "I dunno. Take pictures of the ocean below you. And of the stream of urine trickling down as you pee in your pants..." *sigh* Maybe next time. Who wants to go parasailing with me??
Some more nice beachy action.
Oh hey, look what we found right next door.
Oy vey. A portrait in puffy, sun damaged skin. Get thee to an exfoliating and moisturizing spa facial, woman!
Me likey the ocean. Or, rather, the Gulf for you tight asses.
"Wasting away again in Tequila-Shot-ville...." Wait, that's not how it goes.
Yes, this is more like it.
The view from Margaritaville. Not bad!
More.
Yep, I like blue ocean. Mm hm.
Who the --?
What the --?? What the hell do they put in their Margaritas?!?!
Hahahah. Okay, while walking around downtown earlier in the day, I had spotted on of these hat/wigs being sold in one of the street stands and made Schmoobles buy it because we had wanted to take a picture of him on the deck of the boat with something like this on, and fake grills on his teeth while dancing to "
I'm On A Boat."
Bird's eye view of Schmoobles in Margaritaville. How'd I do that? Magic!
More.
From the outside.
Schmoobles wanted to stay and relax in Margaritaville a while longer and I was getting restless so I went for a stroll around on my own for a bit. I came across some official municipal building. So I felt obligated to take a picture. Yeesh.
More pretty water.
See above.
And then I came across another Filipino restaurant! Closed again, though. Geez, what is up with that?
ETA: Wait, on second thought, I think I just walked around more than I thought, got turned around, and then ended up at the same restaurant as before. Um. Yeah, that definitely makes more sense. Whoops. Shhh...Vacation Brain.
Back at the dock, we stopped and listened to this mariachi band for a few minutes. They were pretty good. This guy's guitar had elephantitis. Haha. No, I think it was some form of bass guitar.
We hung out around the port in Cozumel for a short bit before heading back inside the boat. Took advantage of this set of gigantic metal cowboy boots and comically large fake plastic pistols to take some Stupid Ugly American tourist pictures.
"Bang Bang!"
"Give me your money! No seriously, I went broke just trying to buy a soda back on our cruise ship!"
I tackled a poor defenseless little twelve-year old kid who got separated from his family and bullied him into taking our picture.
Look at how pretty! *sigh*
This is exactly how the water looked as you peered over the pier into the water. Gorge!
So, I typically hate the idea of gambling. I never quite found the joy even in slot machines that most people seem to. Mainly because I have yet to experience actually winning anything at those damn things. But Schmoobz and I did partake in a couple of the daily BINGO games that they held on the cruise throughout the week. We never won. As we left Cozumel, however, we tried our hand again and found ourselves seated next to this lady who, Schmoobliedoos informed me, had won the game just the day before. So we had fun muttering jokingly evil sentiments towards this poor little old lady under our breath who I think was there with her little grandson omg we're bad people. They were to the effect of, "Oh, you think you're gonna take my prize money again, Grandma?" "I'ma cut you!" "Don't be such a selfish b*tch!" "You better hope you don't win again, Granny." Anyway. She didn't win BINGO again that time. LUCKY FOR HER.
Oh, and then on the day before we were scheduled to land back at Galveston, the ship met our Cruise Director in one of the rooms to have our official "debarkation" rules and regulations presentation. During a portion of it, he said that the Gift Shop had put up a nice men's wallet and watch gift set to give away. And he said, "So I decided I'd give the gift to the first person who could.....show me a picture of their dog --" And obviously, Schmoobs and I immediately reached for our iPhones "--in a cowboy hat!" DAMN. That is actually one picture of BB that we don't have. Luckily, nobody else did either. So then he said, "Okay, how about the first person who can show me a picture of their dog in a costume?" And a split second later Schmoobs raised his hand a ran up towards the stage. Yay! That's right, Granny! You're not the only prize winner on this boat!
Schmoobs showing off the wallet and watch that BB won him. What a good puppy!
Final full day on the cruise ship. I decided my skin had not quite undergone enough sun damage so I decided to grade some Music Lit midterm exams out on the deck. Ugh. Pass me the exfoliating scrub and heavy duty moisturizer, por favor.
That was also the scene that inspired this particular Facebook Status Update.
Sunset.
Beautiful.
Oh. Hello TEXASS. Seriously. This was the day after we got back to Rockwall. Criminy.
This was the other of my two souvenirs that I allowed myself. There's not even anything authentically Mexican about it. It's actually a ring that was for sale in the ship gift shop that I really liked. I liked that it was large and colorful and delicately tip-toeing that fine line between gaudy and whimsical. So I eyed it every single day of the cruise and waited for it to go on discount on the second to last day, which it did, and I bought it for $20! Yay.
Wait, what? What's this picture doing here? Whatever, I'm too lazy to move it now. Looks like Margaritaville to me. Yay Margaritaville! Yay gorgeous blue water! Who wants to go back with me?!
And my other souvenir. An official Cozumel Star*ucks mug to add to my collection. Yippee!
Well, I've finished my vacation pics post and I am still about three hours away from being able to go home. Blagh! Maybe that Star*ucks fieldtrip will be coming shortly. Also, maybe another blog post in a couple hours. IF YOU'RE LUCKY.
* "Napes" = "Hell no" if you went to the University of the Pacific Music Conservatory from 1998 - 2002.
