Well, this is quite an unfortunate development.

Hey, you know what I hate? THE STOMACH FLU. You know, that bug that all your students have been sending you emails about all week saying, "Ms. Sarte, I can't come to class" this and "Ms. Sarte, I'm sick and need to make up the quiz" that. That one. The one that bites you in the sphincter at the precise moment that your weekend begins. ANGRY FACE!

Anyway, I'd really like for my bowels to just go ahead and empty themselves out once and for all because all this going to the bathroom every five minutes is getting really tiresome. Also: I am very hungry but am understandably too scared ("sh*tless"? ...I wish) to eat anything, which is probably the most frustrating thing about all this. /vent


ETA: Oh God. I just realized how thankful I am that I didn't stop at the grocery store on my way home today to pick up some deliciously poisonous yogurt. I've been having cravings and was a second away from giving in to the uncharacteristically healthy temptation of fruit and yogurt. But I didn't, thank Jeebus. Can you imagine what hell I would be going through right now if I was subjected to both a stomach virus and lactose poisoning?? Gah! My body would probably have turned itself inside out. 

So I've come to terms with my lost photos.

I am right, anyway. All the truly meaningful photos are safely stored away in any number of interwebular hosts like this blahg and Flickr, so I shouldn't fret. And, since I have been meaning - lo, these...years and years - to go through all my photos and sort through, discard and organize them, I guess this was my karmic "You snooze, you lose!" message from the universe. Sigh. It'll be alright.

What I am not so easily able to come to terms with is when people continue to make terribly misinformed and ignorant political statements on their Facebook statuses! Especially when said people are students at the university I teach, which prevents me (through my own design) from commenting on any of their Facebook activity. I mean, I will never fault anybody for disagreeing with my beliefs and opinions, whether the matter is political, social, religious, etc. - as long as your views are thoughtful and informed.

Case in point:

I mean. ...REALLY? Fo' realzies? This entire ridiculous debate isn't whether you get to have private insurance or whether this terrible "socialist" government is going to snatch it away from you. It's whether the government will be allowed to offer precisely this type of subsidized, affordable healthcare to less fortunate Americans who either cannot otherwise afford these benefits from private insurance companies or aren't able to enroll in any private insurance plan because of a pre-existing condition. I wonder if this student realizes how instantly her viewpoint would change if she were to wake up tomorrow with a different life in which she was born with a genetic heart defect and would not be accepted into any insurance plan...and would then have to pay thousands of dollars for basic healthcare needs - or not receive treatment at all. Ugh. Bleargh. As the great orator Ice Cube once said: "Check yo' self before u wreck yo' self," young miss.

Anyway, on to better news:

1. I get to sleep in tomorrow. Damn straight.

2. I continue to rock it out with my courses this semester. Though I was perhaps slightly less beloved this morning because my Music Lit class was subject to their very first quiz of the semester, I feel certain that they will continue to worship the very earth upon which my deliciously comfortable Aerosole loafers tread. And they better considering all the care and prep work I put into planning their classes.

3. BB got a "shave and a haircut..." (two bits!) today. Her previous grooming appointment was scheduled for early December, but it had to be cancelled because the groomers refused to see her until her uterus-yanking sutures had healed completely, which didn't happen for...a while. But finally - spurred by the hell that is pulling enormous amounts of dingleberries from her anus and repeatedly washing her pee-matted fur in the tub - Schmoobs and I were able to schedule an appointment for her this morning. 

BEFORE

 Grrrall. I look not unlike Nick Nolte. Gimme treats or I roll around in my own feces while you're away at work again.

 (I am Nick Nolte. Gimme treats or I'll roll around in my own feces, too.)

AFTER

Awww! There's the BB we know and love. SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN CLEAN!

I want to dig a giant hole, then fill it with tequila and vodka, then throw myself in it, then have BB kick the dirt back over me and bury me for all eternity. (Or at least until the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion on Thursday.)

So I went to Target today and bought myself a flash drive so I could be all organizational and productive and stuff.

Tonight, after moving all my work documents, I decided to take a step towards greater computerized organization and move all my photos into the flash drive. So I took all the .jpg files from my personal folder and copied them into a new folder named "Pics" that was then going to get moved to my flash drive. Then I deleted all said .jpg files from my personal folder to the trash. And then I emptied my trash.

But then I opened up my new "Pics" folder and IT WAS EMPTY.

All gone.

ALL.

GONE.

*poof* Off into the unreachable interwebs ether.


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WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!


...I'm summoning up all the optimism I can possibly muster  with every ounce of my being to tell myself that - if the pictures were really all that important to me, they would already be in my blog, or Flickr account, or Facebook, or iPhoto. Right? RIGHT?!?!

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WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!




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BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!


...Ugh. At least my laptop feels lighter already.


UPDATE:

Well. I found one folder of pictures that miraculously managed to evade The Great Idiotic Photo Purge of 2011. So at least I still have about twenty photos of BB from 2009 and photos of my mom's visit to Texas two years ago. Hahaha...

Happy Saturday, yo.

After enjoying a glass of red wine last night while watching this week's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season finale (note: yowza) and then subsequently passing out on the couch and waking up at 2:30am to the strains of paid programming on the television, I meandered over to bed and woke up ready to go on a nice refreshing jog with BB for her morning Walk n' Tinkles. We were walking along the marina when one of the managers for the marina/grounds crew, a very nice middle-aged gentleman with white hair, stopped to chat. By "stopped", I mean he drove by in his white work pick-up truck, waved hello, turned around at the end of the marina, stopped when he got back to us and got out of his truck and immediately made a beeline towards BB. And by "chat", I mean spend twenty minutes talking about Shih Tzus and Lhasa Apsos and Pekingese and Shorkies (Schnauzer + Yorkie), all of which he has owned at some point. And by "talking", I mean he spent nearly the entire twenty minutes crouched down rubbing BB's head and belly while making hilariously unabashed baby cooing noises at her. Even when BB had to get up and take a dump, tottering around on her toes with arched back and watery eyes as she struggled with a stubborn turd, I had to bite my lip as he cooed in a baby voice, "Oh! That's a good girl! You can do it! Do you have a stubborn poop? Huh? Do ya? Have a stubborn poop? You can do it, girl!" Hahaha. It was out of control. He had no shame.

In other news: I only had half a workweek last week because my first day of teaching wasn't until Wednesday, but MAN it felt like forever. Teaching three core classes back to back to back starting at 8 in the morning means that you better be effing ready with all of your lecture material before you go to sleep at night, otherwise you are screwed. The good news is that I've already started getting positive  feedback from my students. With Schmoobins' help, I have discovered my new favorite teaching tool, and it is the almighty Keynote presentation for lectures. Omigod. If I could make sweet sweet loving to Keynote, I think I would. It's like cheating and being able to look at all your lecture notes during class without trying to be subtle! Except without risk of trying to be so subtle in front of your students that you forget to go over certain important points during your lecture and then kicking yourself in the head later that day!

On a somewhat related note (I promise): Did you know that the best time to go thrift shopping is directly after the holidays? It makes sense, if you think about it. All the richie riches get brand new pricey designer duds during the holidays and end up unloading their perfectly fine, last season's wares to the poor, needy adjunct peasants. I'll take it! Anyway, I decided to stop by a thrift store after teaching lessons on Wednesday - it's on my route home - and scored a number of cute yet professional tops for $1.99 each, as well as a nice pair of brown heels and a pair of brown heeled loafer Aerosoles for $4.99 each! All in great condition and all perfect for teaching. Note: I totally could have chosen a very sassy but completely impractical pair of blue peep-toe stilletos, but I chose the Aerosoles instead. Holy crap. Since when do I choose super comfortable, practical Aerosoles loafers that I will end up wearing to work at least twice a week over a pair of disgustingly high, brightly-colored, attention-grabbing heels that I would wear maybe twice a year?! Whatever, these Aerosoles are so comfortable and go perfectly with my work slacks and are super functional and OMIGOD I AM OLD FOR SURE THIS JUST PROVED IT AAAAAACK.

Anyway. Time for coffee and a BM. Byeeeee!

Working Day Off.

Hey, have I mentioned that I only have to teach three days a week this semester? Boo. Yah. However, the three courses that I am teaching being three intensive core classes for music majors, these "days off" actually end up being "many hours of preparing for the next day's lectures and lesson plans" anyway. But at least I don't have to commute two hours a day to do so. And can do my work while watching a Bridezillas marathon on television.

So after spending the morning preparing a Keynote lecture for tomorrow's Music Lit (For music majors! Yay! All sixty-five of them! In one room! ACK!), I felt guilty about skipping yesterday's workout, so I bundled myself up in an undershirt, sweater, hoodie, fleece scarf, knit cap, and sweats, and wrapped BB in her bright pink Snuggie (yep) and ventured outside for a brisk arctic jog. We only lasted about ten or fifteen minutes before I gave up and ran back to the warm comfort of the indoors. Factoring in the wind chill, it was nineteen degrees out. Bleh. But I did do some ass and abs exercises inside. And then I rewarded myself with more coffee. And a puff of some Ventolin. Mmm...Ventolin.

Oh. Hello 6am.orIs it May yet?

Though I don't have to start teaching until tomorrow*, the first official day of classes for Spring semester was today and I decided to be a good little teacher and make the commute to campus to make literally 1,754 pages of copies of assorted syllabi, schedules and lecture notes/study guides for my classes. As I was getting dressed, I realized that for some effing reason, I had zero work slacks in my closet. None. There were at least four pairs of jeans neatly hanging and about eleventy pairs of sweats and pajamas in the drawers (priorities, anyone?) but no nice dress slacks. Where did they all go? Did they all boycott Texass and fly to the Bahamas until Spring Break? And if so, why in the hell didn't they tell me so I could come along, damnit?

Anyway, since I figured I probably shouldn't show up to work on the first day of the semester in jeans (that will start roughly around week three), I dressed myself in the easiest nice-looking outfit I could put together which was a black turtleneck sweater dress, black tights and black boots. And a black jacket. I threw on my fancy schmancy plaid Burberry scarf just so I didn't look like Morticia Addams. Schmoobs saw me at work and commented that all I needed was a black scarf to complete my all-black funereal look. I told him that since it was my first day back at work, I was mourning my freedom.


* So before Christmas break, I totally convinced our music department head to switch my teaching assignment sections around this semester in such a way that allows me to teach at the university only three days a week instead of five. Woo hoo! Self high five. *clap*

Oprah says...

...Unfortunately, I only had one measly Midol left in the medicine cabinet this morning! Uh oh...

...Just kidding. Only I have a Monthly Backache of Doom (I hope, for your sake.).

Can you tell that I really don't want to get to work creating my syllabi and class schedules for the semester?

***

UPDATE:

Thank goodness for Ibuprofen as a backup. Two pills later and I'm good as new! Also, the subsequent chemical numbing of the Monthly Backache of Doom has allowed me to stop moaning and whining (for now) and actually get some work done. Take that, course syllabuseseses and schedules!

Also: Please allow me this brief moment of self-love (not that kind, you perv) and say that I have still not had any fast food or soda since the beginning of Operation: Anti-Bloat Face and I have been exercising regularly (almost daily!) for a couple of weeks. The exercise only consists of 1.5 to 2 miles run-walk-run-walk-sprint-jog-walking, but it is making a difference. In fact, the improvement in diet and the minimal but regular physical activity - plus the addition of probiotics and daily children's gummy vitamins to my nightly routine - has resulted in me losing my perpetually "bloated" stomach and shedding about 4 pounds! Which is close to all I really wanted to do. Just a couple more to get back to my health goal and then it'll just be maintenance from then on...which is the real challenge if you think about it. 

Related note: Schmoobs and I went out last night (partial belated Christmas present to me!) and I ordered a slice of Chocolate Ganache Layered Cake with Buttercream Frosting for dessert. HOWEVER. I ate only until I was satisfied (as opposed to gluttonously overfull, as was my M.O. previously) and packed the rest for later. Go me. Anyway, I decided to check on my fitness status this morning and the scale said I gained like six pounds. *shakes fist in air* BUTTERRRCREEEEAAAMMMM!!!!

...No, but seriously, I was wearing heavy boots and a coat at the time, so I'm not worried :)