Well, this is quite an unfortunate development.

Hey, you know what I hate? THE STOMACH FLU. You know, that bug that all your students have been sending you emails about all week saying, "Ms. Sarte, I can't come to class" this and "Ms. Sarte, I'm sick and need to make up the quiz" that. That one. The one that bites you in the sphincter at the precise moment that your weekend begins. ANGRY FACE!

Anyway, I'd really like for my bowels to just go ahead and empty themselves out once and for all because all this going to the bathroom every five minutes is getting really tiresome. Also: I am very hungry but am understandably too scared ("sh*tless"? ...I wish) to eat anything, which is probably the most frustrating thing about all this. /vent


ETA: Oh God. I just realized how thankful I am that I didn't stop at the grocery store on my way home today to pick up some deliciously poisonous yogurt. I've been having cravings and was a second away from giving in to the uncharacteristically healthy temptation of fruit and yogurt. But I didn't, thank Jeebus. Can you imagine what hell I would be going through right now if I was subjected to both a stomach virus and lactose poisoning?? Gah! My body would probably have turned itself inside out.