I knew there was a reason I ended up a musician!!

Ok, so yesterday I had a job interview while soaking wet and wearing nothing but a towel.

HA!

Let me clarify. When I returned to Tennessee from my glorious trip to the homeland, I sent in an application to work customer service at this company in Knoxville called the Jewelry Television Network. Basically, the job entails answering phone calls from rich old ladies who have nothing better to do with their money but buy ridiculously gaudy pieces of jewelry 24 hours a day from the comfort of their own home. The prospect of me working this job is humorous and/or tragic for a variety of reasons:

First of all, I hate hate hate working customer service. It's not that I think I'm above it in any way. In fact, I respect tremendously people that not only can do it, but do a respectable job at it. I've worked three or four different customer service jobs myself. And here is what I have learned from working said jobs: I am bad at it. Not just bad, but nightmarishly bad. Although those who know me may think I have a sunny enough disposition (Greg, discount those first 5 or 6 years you were dating my sister and I had a perpetual scowl on my face...), the one thing I am frankly incapable of doing is behaving pleasantly when I. don't. want. to. Like when you're working and a customer is rude to you. For no reason. Now, a better person would be able to let it go and just continue to be as polite as was required minimally by common workplace decorum until that particular exchange was completed. I, however, am not one of those people and am completely unable to mask my feelings of utter disapproval and unappreciation for the lack of mutual respect and good manners shown on their part. I instantly become filled with a sense of duty, not just for myself, but for the whole community of customer service workers - I'll even go as far as to say, all of humanity - to let that person know that it is not okay to mess with me. I have provided for you here a dramatic re-enactment:


Actual past customer service run-in:

Me (17 years old, working for large video rental corporation): "Sir, this computer shows that you have a $(ridiculously low amount of money) balance on your account."

Bitter and petty evil customer with horns growing out of his skull: "That's a mistake. Take it off."

Me: "I'm sorry, I unfortunately don't have the authority to do that. Our system does show that ______ movie was returned late on ________ day."

Evil customer: "Um, no it doesn't."

Me: "Yes it does, sir. The screen is right in front of my face."

Evil customer: "WHAT, ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR??!! You're just an idiot who works in a video store. Now take the late fee off because I'm not paying it."

Me: "Are you seriously going to get in an argument with me over (ridiculously low amount of money) ?? I'm not lying. I don't care enough about this to lie about it! I'm telling you, this shows that you have a balance. Now, would you like to talk with my manager?"

Evil customer (storming out of store): "I'm going to call your manager and tell them that they have a liar working here."

Me (amused): "Alright, dude..."



Do you see what I mean? I'm completely inept in this situation.

Oh, and other reasons why this Jew TV job will most likely prove to be a disaster? Not only do I hate talking on the phone, but I also have a severe case of Attention Deficit Disorder when it comes to work. Frankly, the mere thought of sitting for 9 hours at a time, performing the same menial task over and over (i.e. answering phone calls...) day in and day out is enough to make me break out in hives. I mean, it wouldn't be out of the question to find out that I tend to start arguments with customers, not just as a matter of principle, but because I'm bored and it's something to do. So in my reckoning, my avoidance of the customer service realm is really my generous way of doing any potential retail employee of mine a favor and saving them from my inevitable driving-away of any customers. Right?

Ugh. But at this particular juncture in my life, I need to suck it up and work any job I can get because:

a) My level of patheticness has sunk so low that in the past week I had to call on my younger, computer-engineering brother more than once to help me out with some bills this month. If any amount of showering could cleanse me of my feelings of inadequacy and guilt about having to do this, I would be in the bathroom right now, scrubbing my shame away to my heart's content. However, as I have found this method to be ineffective, I will have to resort to working a nightmare job in order to pay him back, as well as give him a bonus gift as a token of my gratitude - namely, several suitcases full of Goo Goo Clusters.

b) Also, it is about damn time that I entered the adult portion of my life, completely and wholly, not just partially or temporarily, and finally start supporting myself once and for all - amidst much kicking and screaming, no doubt - without having to call on various wonderful and supportive and patient and understanding etc. etc. family members for help.


So anyway, back to my job interview.... I had been playing a lovely game of phone tag with my contact at the Jew TV Network for several days. Immediately after stepping out of the shower yesterday, I decided to try calling again for the 5th or 6th time that morning and actually got through! I was then told that, since I had applied for a call center position, I would have to do a phone interview. So I did it right then. Pretty easy and harmless, of course. The highlight of the interview, by the way, was when the interviewer was reviewing my application with me and this happened:

Interviewer: "Alright, and do you have a high school diplom-- .........oh."


Ahhahah ahaha ha haha. I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry in devastation.

The good thing is, if this job really is a nightmare (and who knows, maybe it won't be....), I can quit the job as soon as I can get enough private students to make a living. Until then, if I do get hired by the Jew TV Network, I will be working 5 days a week (2 of which have to be Saturday and Sunday) from 3-11pm everyday. Try to imagine how much I will be loathing life at that point. But, as has been the musician's mantra since time immemorial: "Hey, as long as it pays the bills..."

*sigh*

Well, at least I'll have my teaching gig at Halls High School to help me keep some modicum of self-respect. In the meantime, I will try to get in as few fights with rich little old ladies as possible. But I offer no promises.