God forbid I see this woman outside of work...

Dear fat, self-important wretch,

At the end of last week my boss asked me to schedule a Marketing Committee meeting for the week of April 10. In an attempt to get a head-start on this assignment, I decided to take my work home for the weekend and contact everyone on this committee to work out everybody's schedules, hoping that I could have the meeting scheduled by early this week.

Now, please don't get me wrong, you overweight and ill-mannered horse's ass. I get that you are the president of a local PR firm and are incredibly important and are busy having all your little yuppie, J.Crew-wearing, my-daddy-got-me-this-internship-and-my-BMW-SUV-for-my-graduation-present, minions do all your footwork for you. I get it. Therefore, I didn't find offense to the fact that, even though I gave you over three days to respond to my initial request, you couldn't find 5 seconds in your - I'm sure - tragically busy and obnoxious life to tell me when you would be available that week.

However, I did take offense to the fact that when, on the fourth day after my initial request, I followed up with everyone and offered some possible meeting times -- and, yes, I did suggest a lunch meeting because it was requested by one of the more agreeable committee members who, make no mistake, are just as busy and important as you are, you miserable hag*, and yet, did find a way to return my request -- you magically found a few minutes in your otherwise pathetic existence to shoot me back this caustic gem of an email:

"Do you really, really think that {Marketing Committee member} and {another Marketing Committee member} have a lunch hour to give up to come to this meeting? Answer this question for me: What exactly do you even expect the Marketing Committee to accomplish at this meeting? Specifically."

Oh, where do I begin, you hateful cow? I was only doing what I was asked to do, snatch. Schedule this f*ing meeting. A meeting for this Marketing Committee which, I guess I need to remind you, you are THE CHAIRPERSON OF. So, instead of bullying me out of self-hatred because my waist happens to be the size of one of your ghastly white, non-excercised thighs, perhaps you need to figure out why the hell you - the supposed chair of this committee - don't have an f*ing idea about what this meeting is supposed to be about. And do I even need to mention that - had you taken just ten seconds from shoving Ring Dings down your throat and made an attempt to contact me initally to tell me that you would prefer not to meet at lunchtime - I understand having this hour to have your little trolls fetch your meal and handfeed it to you is very precious - I would have made an effort to work around it, you horrible cow.

In short, I have just one request: for your own sake, before you step foot within a fifty-foot radius of me ever again, please make an attempt to get your enormous head out of your ass and learn some basic common human decency. And remember: you must learn to love yourself before you can love others. So get to the gym.

Hugs and kisses,
Ysabel



* I originally called you something worse here, but my sweet mother - who is a better person than I - asked that I change it. However, she did like that I called you a cow. So there.

I need help.

I've just finished looking over my current bank statement. Over the last 30 days I have spent $298.98 ... just on going out to eat, people. This is reprehensible, even by my standards. If my father -- Mr. Financial Planner himself -- were to read this (and I'm sure he will since my mother will surely inform him when she reads this post!) I'm sure he would be mortified as well. Sorry Dad! I guess the financial responsibility gene didn't transfer in my case. And I didn't even count the $62.58 I spent on Star*ucks during the last month either.

Frivolity, thy name is mine!

So much wit, so little time...

Agh. Haven't updated in forever.

Vow to update soon.

Mega-quick rundown of recent events:

1. Week of hell is over. No concerts for 3 weeks and no Board/Executive meeting for 4 weeks. Praise jeebus.

2. Despite earning considerably more money than I was 2 months ago, am still finding myself with shamefully less money than should come payday. Culprit? Eating out. Must put end to this bad habit. If going to blow paychecks irresponsibly, should at least do it on fabulous new clothes.

3. Not only has my younger brother started a blog, now my sister has as well. I believe my older brother has his own website but he is a slacker and has yet to join the blog bandwagon. Chop chop, Carlo!

4. Saw V for Vendetta last night. I enjoyed it. Am surprised, however, that I did not have nightmares about creepy masked man last night. Natalie Portman is an attractive young lady. However, I was still uncomfortable for the entire two hours regarding her fake British accent. Only 1.5 American actresses in recent memory have been able to pull this off without raising my eyebrow: Robin Wright in The Princess Bride and (sort of) Gwyneth Paltrow in Emma/Shakespeare in Love. Gwyneth's accent makes me uncomfortable every once in a while but she gets half a point for multiple efforts.

5. Am moving to Seattle this fall. Westward ho!!!!! Woooooooooo!!!!

Dedicated to Scott, who thinks girls don't poop

My stomach feels funny. All of a sudden. I haven't had anything today except green tea, chocolate and a small bite of cheese cake. I think my stomach is angry at me. I have some leftover chicken and rice in the fridge that I guess I can heat up. I fear bad things might come out of my mouth ... OR WORSE!!!


Also:

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

WHAT??!! I have like one beer a month!!

bleah.

(Cue violins...)

I would just like to put it out there in the universe that I am having a crappy day. Work is stressful. Non-work is stressful. I've been subsisting on green tea and Hershey's kisses for the past few days. I keep having strange dreams that put me in a weird mood for the whole day. Blaaaaaaah.

(End violins.)

***

On a less self-pitying note:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER!!!

Reasons why my sister is cool:

1. She is successful in her career.
2. She spawned the two cutest little girls in the universe.
3. She reads and comments on my blog.
4. She drives a cool car.
5. She takes me shopping and to eat sushi when I visit home.
6. My younger brother and I once caught her hair on fire at church and she found a way to forgive us (I think).

So anyway, Happy Birthday Kristina! I will call you later tonight after I work this concert. And hopefully I will be in a better mood by then. Wheeeeeee!!!!

Out with the old vices, in with the new

Green tea is the shiznit, yo!

I've finally figured out the perfect amount of time* to nuke my water in the office microwave in order to make my tea perfectly hot without scalding any precious body parts inside my mouth.

Cups of coffee today = 0.
Cups of green tea = 4.

Anyway, we'll see how long this new (and improved?) vice lasts until I fall off the wagon. Seriously though, Ruby can make anything taste good.

****

In work related news: We have a board meeting next Thursday and in addition to putting together the meeting reports and such for the board members, I also have to set up the lunch menu. Out of nearly 90 board members, only a little over 20 have RSVP'd my memo. A memo which I sent out over a week ago. Filthy rich slackers! If you don't RSVP to the lunch you're getting stale crackers and room-temperature tap water!!

* That's 2:45 for a full Ruby-sized cup of tea.

Hilfe! Meine Zunge ist flaumig!

In a never-ending quest to conquer my chemical dependency on coffee, I have taken to drinking delicious and nutricious (ok, at least it's less guilt-inducing) green tea while at work. Except I burnt my tongue on it this morning and now I can't quite focus on anything else except the annoying fuzziness of my tongue at the moment. I hate when this happens! One of the true irritants of life.

****

Ach! Heather just called and I'm on my way to meet her down the street for a little mid-day coffee break. Hahaha! To hell with green tea!!!!

McDeath to my arteries

Last night the strength of my willpower failed me and I bought McDonald's for dinner for the first time since I watched "Super-size Me" roughly two months ago. I pulled into the drive-thru and immediately regretted my decision as the window opened and the fast-food grease-air blew at me from inside the restaurant. Blech. But I ate it anyway. I've cursed it before and I'll curse it again: Damn you, McDonald's dollar menu and your cheap and affordable artery-clogging convenience!!! I guess I will just have to watch "Super-size Me" again so I can get re-disgusted enough to not want fast food for another couple of months...

Meanwhile, I finally got my digital camera in the mail today! As soon as I get the appropriate USB cable or what-have-you I will post some pictures here. Wheeee!!!

Also, congrats to Sarah P. for becoming a new auntie today!! Babies are fun...especially when they're returnable at the end of the day. Haha.

Ruby Tuesday!

So Coworker X came up to me to apologize for taking my precious Ruby from the office kitchen cupboard (She was groggy and grabbed it because it was pretty and shiny, she said... Who could blame her, really?). Anyway, she said that Ruby was in her car and that she would return it to me today. However, she has not been into the office all day today so the reunion has not yet taken place. But that's ok. I know of Ruby's whereabouts now. Crisis averted.

***

Meanwhile, work was CRAZY this morning. I think I experienced my first close-call at suffering a work-related mental breakdown. One of the people I work with is out on vacation all week so I'm having to pull a bit of double-duty for the next few days. Anyway, I just had a bunch of paperwork and other tasks to get through that kept piling up and piiiiiiling up. Then my phone started ringing and wouldn't stop and then everytime I had to talk to somebody on the phone for any longer than a couple of minutes, the work I had been doing before that on the calculator would erase itself and I would have to start all over and AAAAAGGGGHHH!!!

... At least Bossman has been out of the office today and I haven't had to do anything for him specifically. Anyway, I've finally gotten caught up on everything and made an emergency phone call to Ben to meet me for lunch in an hour because I need to get out of this office. Also, I finally finished transcribing those damned minutes from the meeting the other week. I'm on a roll.

In addition, I have been taking to burning random mix CDs lately to play on my computer at work. My latest project from last night contains about 35% old school jazz ballads, 20% opera, 40% Michael Jackson/Jackson 5, and 5% miscellaneous. It's awesome. Except everytime I get a phone call I have to turn the volume down because I don't want some elderly symphony patron to hear "Beat It" in the background. Although I certainly did want them to "beat it" this morning. Ahahaha.

Whoa!!!

Stolen from Robin...

The Simpsons live!!!

Operation Ruby: update

Coworker X came into work today sans Ruby! In response, I sent her an email in an attempt to get Ruby back. The email was very non-accusatory (I hope). She is out at meetings but is supposed to be back in the office soon. Eep...

Stuff

1. It is cold as ice in the office today. It matches my cold and blackened post-Olympics heart. And my poor toes are uncovered as I had chosen to wear heeled sandals instead of boots. At least they look cute.

2. I lightened my hair slightly a few days ago. Actually, it's more like just some highlights on top. I do this every once in a while when I have been contemplating chopping my hair off to a potentially-cute or potentially-disastrous chin-length bob, but am too scared to actually do it. Hence, I satiate my desire to undergo a hair-change (i.e. boredom) by chopping layers into it myself and altering the color a bit.

3. I bought a digital camera off of Ebay the other day. I'm way excited. I've been having to function with a regular 35mm (shudder...) disposable (DOUBLE shudder...) camera ever since I broke my former digital camera at the Bear Valley Music Festival last summer. Anyway, I can't wait for it to arrive. Down with inferior quality photographs!!

4. I am on such a Dvorak kick lately. If you don't already know and love his Cello Concerto, go remedy that right now. It will make you a better, more attractive human being. Trust me. I've looooved that piece ever since I was lucky enough to perform it a couple of years ago (Not the solo part obviously, but the principal clarinet part. ...Oh God, if me playing the cello part were even possible I would die. Note to self: In your next life, when you are a cellist, play the Dvorak Cello Concerto). But anyway, I have since read a portion of Michael Beckerman's recent research/analysis on the piece. Heartwrenching stuff. Especially his analysis on the coda of the final movement. Ugh, just go listen to it. Live it. Love it. Also: the Dumky Trio. Especially the Andante movement.

5. You know what's really tasty? Pad Thai. I'm eating it right now. Whilst listening to some Dvorak. Don't be jealous.

6. I have an obsessive personality. Case in point: one of the people I work with has been walking around the office today with my precious red Starbucks traveler mug (Which I henceforth shall affectionately name "Ruby"). I love my Ruby. It has brought me great joy. Anyway, it was in one of the kitchen cabinets because I had washed it and left it to dry yesterday and now it's in foreign hands!!!! I didn't want to go up to Coworker X and be like, "Ummm...just to make sure, you do know that that's mine, right?" Because I don't mind her using it occasionally. I just don't want her to think that it's up for grabs for longtime use. Because Ruby is mine. Anyway, I'm trying to keep my mind off of it and see if Coworker X leaves it back in the office kitchen at the end of the day, but I can't think about anything else. If she takes Ruby home with her I will be completely distressed. Is this weird? ...Ugh, it feels good to have that off my chest at least.