My dream has finally been realized!

I am a Simpson at last! (A little chestier than in real life, obviously, but if one can't live vicariously through your Simpsons alter ego, when can you really?!)

Julia (more on her later) and I saw "The Simpsons Movie" this weekend. It was...groin-grabbingly awesome!!!

Things that don't suck.

1. Thai food. In vast quantities.

2. A steaming hot cup of Seattle crack coffee.

3. A steaming hot Seattle super crack double Americano.

4. Drinking #2 and #3 this morning, and then eating #1 with your childhood best friend (Hi Heidi!) and her parents (Hi Julie! Hi Dale!) who are in town for the week. Fun times! Nothing beats reuniting with special people from your childhood, while taking a 2-hour extended lunch break in the process. Except maybe the Salty's brunch buffet. Oh, am I still talking about that goddamned buffet? ...Yes. Yes I am.

5. The Artist Formerly Known as The-Artist-Formerly-Known-as-Prince's "When Doves Cry." A perennially non-sucky song. Except I was listening to it today, and it got to the part where Prince is all:

"This is what it sounds like when doves cry.....yiiii! Yiiiii-eeeeeaaa-ooooohwohwoh!"

and then later on he's like:

"This is what it sounds like when doves cry.....ah huh oh yeah... Oh huh oh yeah..."

and then things get really weird at the end when he goes:

"This is what it sounds like when doves cry.....Aiii! Aiiiii!! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAI!!!"

And then I started thinking: Wouldn't it be freaky if that actually is what it sounded like when doves cry? I mean, you go and get yourself some pet doves because they're all pretty and peaceful and stuff, and then next thing you know you're waking up suddenly in the middle of the night to the sounds of crazed shrieking and funky vocal runs, and you're like, "Damn it, those f*ing doves are crying again." Not that I'd want pet doves anyway. Birds are mean. So I guess the moral of the story is:

Things that suck (continued):

5. Pet doves.

And while I'm on that subject:

Things that suck, but only a little bit:

1. Drinking #2 and #3, and then eating #1, and feeling the after effects of said actions in your bowels. Especially since, according to Scott, girls don't poop. Oh, really? Because I've got a gurgling in my stomach that's telling me otherwise. I better get on home before the non-pooping takes place. Office toilet-time, unless they are number 1, are strictly forbidden in my universe.

Ok, off to beat the traffic! What am I still doing here at 5pm? Shouldn't I be in my sweats sitting on my couch watching Gilmore Girls reruns by now?

Things that suck.

1. Going back to work after a fun (albeit, shower-deficient) vacation and facing a giant mound of roughly thirty boxes of music books and sheet music to un-pack and warehouse, and walking away after the second day with both your hands completely sliced up with paper cuts. Seriously, I started counting them earlier today, but lost interest at 25.

2. Going back to work after a fun (albeit, bed-deficient) vacation and coming to terms with the fact that your upcoming (vacation pay-less) paycheck is going to be really depressing. Rent is due when again?!

3. Excitedly driving home from work today because you hadn't taken a lunch break and had decided to get some Chinese take-out for dinner, when some jackhole decides to cut you off in the parking lot, thereby causing you to slam on your brakes, which results in the delicious asian delicacies to fly swiftly from the passenger seat, onto the floor and out of their take-out containers. Damnit.

4. Going back to blogging after a fun (albeit, latte-deficient) vacation and realizing that YOUR UNGRATEFUL READERS HAVE ABANDONED YOU, RESULTING IN ZERO COMMENTS IN THE LAST THREE POSTS!!! Comment, you! Or else I will put on my funktified red sweater, of Houston airport fame, and find where you live. Trust me, you don't want that. It smells like ass.

...Okay, that's it, I guess. I'm going to have some cool visitors coming into town in the next week or so! I'm excited. I'll tell you more later. Oh! And in a related matter, I'm going to the Salty's brunch buffet again this weekend. Words simply cannot describe the utter rapture I feel over this. Oh my god, you'll have to excuse me now so I can go soil myself at the thought of reliving the Greatest Buffet In The History Of The Universe...

I survived.

I'm back. Thoroughly exhausted, but with many fun stories to share. But not right now because I'm too lazy tired. Except I will say that a certain member of the Troopers staff (Damn you, Brian!!!) found out about this blog early on in the trip and proceeded to read -- out loud -- about how sometimes when I drink coffee, my urine smells like hotdogs. Yeah. That was cool. Just the impression I wanted to make to a bunch of strangers. Also, there was the time I was at the Houston airport wondering to myself what the hell smelled like complete ass and why the hell it kept following me everywhere. And then I realized that it was me, goddamnit. Oh yeah, that was last night on my way back to Seattle. Because I was wearing the same red sweater (one of only 2 sweaters that I packed) that I had worn about 5 other times in the previous week. In the summer heat. In the south. Without washing. But I was too tired to even care if the people around me noticed that I smelled disgusting, so it didn't really matter.

Anyway, much fun was had and it was great to see Scott and meet all his friends on the staff. They're crazy. But, damn, it's good to take a hot shower again. More to come later...if you're lucky.

Why am I still awake?!

...because I flipped the television on and the new episode of Top Chef was on, that's why.

So I was all ready to write this post yesterday that went along the lines of "All these people in Seattle are complaining about how hot it is because it actually went above the mid-80s mark -- they don't know the meaning of hot! Try living in the South in the middle of July, fer Chrissake! Weaklings!" ...and then it reached 97 degrees today, and I totally became one of those people who freaked out and couldn't shut up about how unbearably hot it was. I guess today was not the wisest day to choose to skip out of work early (everyday) seeing as how, at this point:

work = free air-conditioning
car = expensive air-conditioning (gas)
home = no air-conditioning

Ah well. The temperature is supposed to go back down again tomorrow ... just in time for me to up and leave to go visit the boyfriend and the Troopers on Friday. In Atlanta. And then Alabama. Oh, and Louisiana. Good lord, and then Texas. And did I mention that we are travelling by bus? And that we will be sleeping on high school gym floors? And that the regularity of my beloved twice-if-not-thrice daily shower schedule will be seriously compromised for an entire week?! Ugh. If the heat doesn't do me in, the overall feeling of disgusting-ness surely will. Oy, the things you do for love, I guess. Or something like that. So if I have too much to do tomorrow that I can't write a travelling-day-eve post (what I really mean is "too lazy," yes?), wish me luck. And pray that I make it home safe and sound instead of on my way to an insane asylum because I felt too unclean. ...Uncleeeeeean!!!

Yeah, this is another post about my diseased eyeball. You got a problem with that?!

Ok, so after spending my day yesterday trying to put my contact lens into my eye and then subsequently freaking out because it still didn't feel right and then taking it out and dousing my eyeball with anti-allergy eye drops...and then repeating that process three times during the course of the day before finally giving up and spending the rest of the day being able to see out of only one eye, I have decided to give it another go today and have put in a brand new contact lens onto my left eyeball. 20 minutes in, so far so good. I really hope it's okay now since, while I can be functional with only one seeing-eye, it gives me a hell of a headache after a while. Okay, back to watching Giada Big-Head on the Food Network.

Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KAT!!! I actually remembered this year!!! I am the Greatest Aunt EVER.

And while I'm on the subject, my lovely grandmother celebrated her 94th birthday yesterday. Wow, 94! As I joked to my family via e-mail yesterday, hopefully by the time I reach 94 I will have paid off my student loans. Har har.

Oh yeah, that's the stuff...

I drank too much coffee this morning. I can't seem to control the shaking of my hands. Oops.

In other news, I went to Target this morning to buy some anti-allergy eyedrops for my poor infected left eyeball. It seems to be working. I'm going to try and put a new contact lens into my eye later today, which is very exciting for me because I am sick of only having vision in one eye and, hence, having no depth perception. Do you know how tricky it is to use an eyelash curler when you can only see out of one eye? Really tricky, that's how much. Surprisingly tricky, as a matter of fact.

Oh krep.

I think I have an eye infection. This blows. I think I can get through the weeked wearing only one contact lens...

And he shall rise victorious again in 2008!!!

Whoever created this work of art is a genius. The best part are the hot dog laser beams, don't you think?

*****

In other news, I'm thinking about growing some plants out on our balcony. The weather's gotten so nice lately (sunny and mid-70s to low-80s...jealous much?) and I feel the need for a project with which to occupy my time. Scott has up and left to go back to Drum Corps Land once again, and I cannot just sit around all day wallowing in Kobayashi's (momentary) defeat and daydreaming about the Salty's weekend brunch buffet. So I want to plant something. Preferably something not too high-maintenance and hopefully cat-safe. Any suggestions? Tomatoes? Strawberries? I know nothing of gardening...

*****

Also, in the totally NSFP (Not Safe For Parents) category: I woke up at 3 o'clock this morning to the sounds of...um...amorousness (?) going on in a neighboring apartment. At least I think that's what it was. I'm not entirely sure. It was either very lazy, uninspired lurve-making or just the sounds of a couple of people eating a very delicious slice of pie:

Female: Yes. (5 second pause) Yes. (10 second pause) Yes.

(2 minute pause)

Female: Yes.

(30 second pause)

Male: Oooh. (10 second pause) Mm.

(60 second pause)

Female: Yes.

(3 minute pause)

Male: Mmm.


I mean, c'mon people. Those are the same sounds Scott and I were making.....at the Salty's brunch buffet! Hahaha! Zing!!

Bored.

Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Borrrrrred.

I keep drifting off into Daydream Fantasy Land and re-living the gloriousness of the Salty's brunch buffet meal we had yesterday. Goddamn, that was good! Oh my God, I can't even write about without feeling a slight pain in my heart that it's over. I knew I was in trouble when I was nearing the end of my second plate and I started getting that two-more-bites-and-your-head-will-be-inside-a-white-porcelain-bowl feeling and I hadn't even hit the eggs or dessert station yet. Sadness. I think I managed to squeeze in a couple more strips of bacon and a few pieces of fruit dipped in the chocolate fountain as one final hurrah before I finally admitted defeat. You know what would be the greatest thing ever? Going to that brunch buffet with Kobayashi, that's what. Oh wow, that needs to be a Food Network special...

Oh. Sweet. Jeebus.

I now know what my life's mission is, and it is to locate the Seattle Kwik-e-Mart!!!

*****

Also, this is the sight that greeted me in the living room when I woke up this morning:

Oh, you don't notice anything out of the ordinary? Why don't you take a closer look:

That's right, that's Bela behind the blinds. But look closer:

For like 3 minutes, he gave me this look without even a flinch. This, my friends, is what we call The Evil Eye:

*****

In other news: Scott and I went to Sunday brunch today at Salty's on Alki Beach. Oh, sweet Lord in heaven, it was The Greatest Brunch Buffet We Had Ever Had. Hands down. Period. No contest. We are on our way out the door right now to go see "Ratatouille," but rest assured that I will be back to expound in greater detail about the gloriousness of this brunch. It will be something I tell my grandchildren about, it was that fantastic. Let me just say: fresh steamed crab, raw oysters, a giant mound of shrimp cocktail, a chocolate fountain, the greatest view of downtown Seattle across the Sound, eggs benedict, like five different kinds of salmon, ribeye steak, caramel flan, an omelette station, crepe station, waffle station, an excellent waitress who looked just like Roxette with the peroxide bleached hair and Barbie pink 80's lipstick, piles of bacon and sausage, fresh fruit, a billion different pastries, and oh my god that list is probably only like 1/10th of what they had to offer there. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. You all need to hurry up and come visit Seattle so I can take you there for brunch!