Overriding thought of the day:

Car shopping would be so much more enjoyable if I could, you know, actually AFFORD one right now. Blarararararargh.

Kablooie is dead.

1. WTF

2. FML

3. Blaaaaaargh




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A wee bit of dysfunction.

I got out of bed around 9:00 this morning (after not dreaming about working, Praise Jeebus). Instead of jumping in the shower and getting coffee, I plunked myself down on the couch with a big mug of English Breakfast tea (a suitable alternative), turned the television on to some Olympics coverage (interspersed with some "Sandra's Money Saving Meals" during commercial breaks just for a bit of comic relief) and started grading some tests. Before you know it, it's noon and I have not taken a shower yet.

Here is the dilemma: I have company coming over in five hours to do some clarinerdy trio rehearsing and, as per the rules and regulations of my OCD tendencies, I must be at least relatively freshly showered when they come over. I have unfortunately missed the threshold of time deemed reasonable between Shower #1 and Shower #2 of the day as, in my head, 6 - 8 hours between showers is perfectly reasonable - nay, ideal. Do I take a shower now and be forced to take another rinse in just over four hours? Or do I force myself to wallow in my own filth for a couple more hours - thereby negating the likely chance that I will step outside into the real world and run some errands i.e. Target! - and then just take Shower #1 closer to 5pm? Or do I find a psychotherapist and deal with the mental dysfunction that occurs in my head on a daily basis as evidenced by this particular internal monologue? (Don't answer that question)

Untitled.

1. Last night I dreamt that I was at the tail end of a looong day of teaching clarinet lessons and then when I got home I sat down and started writing lecture note outlines and class tests. The end.

In other words, I enjoyed a bonus miserable work day IN MY SLEEP and I woke up slightly crabby (or crabbier than usual). Do over!

2. As soon as I finish typing up this update, I will be doing some more ass exercises. High and tight! High and tight!

3. Where does one go to buy papasan chair pillow covers, I wonder? Do they even make those? Because our papasan is completely covered in animal vomit stains and turd remnants.

A sunny afternoon.

So, in order to fill the void in my heart that has been left empty from the sudden disappearance of the beautiful gently falling snow.....ANIMAL PICTURES!

1. Let us all behold The President of the Finer Things Club in all his sunpatch-worshipping glory.

2. Uh oh. Something is afoot.

2. What's with the stinkeye? (Click on picture and zoom in for maximum effect.)

3. Oh. That's why.

4. Way to crash Bela's bliss party, BB.

5. BB: "Hey guys, how's it going?" Bela: "Ugh."

6. Bela banishes BB to the couch.

7. Don't worry, Beebs, you'll get some time in the sunpatch too. Maybe. Bela: "Or not."

8. And later on that evening .......... RAAAAAGE!

NO MORE SNOW.

Are you happy now, Dan?! But if we see a second Great Dallas Blizzard of 2010, the snow is coming back on this blog, capice?

Have you ever...

...accidentally sat down with your bare behind on a toilet seat WITH THE LID DOWN? I have. Just now. It is simultaneously very confusing and really jarring, just FYI. Oh, and really cold.

Mental explosion.

Al Trautwig just used that term while announcing for the Men's Nordic Combined event a minute ago when a competitor fell (not USA...it's cool).

Co-announcer: "That'll cost him at least 20 seconds from the loss of momentum."

Al: "Plus the mental explosion."

Awesome.

Al, clearly your strength lies in random semi-abstract sports commentary and not in your super-bizarro LOST theory videos. But I appreciate your enthusiasm nonetheless.

Why is Monday tomorrow already? Waaah.

I officially miss my long hair.

Also, what is going on with Sandra Lee's hair in this promo? What are those three black turds doing on the side of her head?

Oh, and obligatory Happy Valentine's Day to you. MEEEH. Although, I should add that I was able to find the one VD card in Target that was made specifically for me to give to Schmoobs. On the front it says, "You are the wind beneath my wings..." And on the inside it says, "That's my nice way of saying 'You fart a lot, but I love you anyway.' " Hahaha.

Live Blogging the Olympics Opening Ceremonies

6:30 - Alright, I'm giving this live-blogging a television event thing a go. Not sure how it's going to work out, but we'll find out. Or I may give up in five minutes. You never know.

6:31 - I also feel obligated to share that I just finished 20 minutes of ass exercises because I haven't worked out since...um, I blogged about it last (OMG three weeks ago) and I'm pretty sure my ass is two inches lower than it was last month. Man, being almost-thirty is a b*tch. Also, because I am smart, I know that I have to do something to begin trying to get my buttocks back up high and tight. Because if I know anything, I know that I want to not feel like a shapeless schlub while watching tonight's show and I know that Olympic athletes' asses are most definitely high and tight. Well, except maybe the curling team.

6:34 - So sad about the Georgian luger. RIP Nodar Kumaritashvili. To die so young. It's little consolation, but at least he died realizing a dream that very few people in this world get to do. Ugh, I'm going to have to pour myself a glass of wine after this.

6:40 - Jeebus, could NBC show the tragic footage any more times?! I've had to block the television screen with my hand like three times already. Have a little respect and compassion for the family, eh, NBC? Hm, the Canadian and Olympic flags are flying at half mast and the Opening Ceremonies are going to be dedicated to Kumaritashvili. That is nice.

6:45 - Aaah, NBC's touching tribute to the tender loving relationship between the United States and Canada. *snort* Canada. You'll always have curling.

6:47 - Oh, now they've gone and brought up how much Canada helped us immediately after the 9/11 attacks. I'm a bad person. I take it all back! Ooooo Caaaanadaaaaa..... I haven't even had any wine yet. No, seriously. Canada is awesome and Vancouver is beautiful. Did you know that I had my first ever sushi in May 1997 in Seattle on a band trip to Vancouver? If memory serves me correctly, it was tuna nigiri, not a roll. I almost gagged and vomited. But that's neither here nor there. Loves me sushi now.

6:52 - Ski jumping qualifying rounds footage. Meh. Where's Apolo?!

6:53 - How do these ski jumpers not break their knee caps every single time they land?! My ankles snap every time I try to do more than fifteen jumping jacks.

6:58 - Mmm, dramatic montage of different winter sports. Yes! More slow-motion ski slices! There can never be enough!

6:59 - Uh oh. The dramatic montage of the American athletes and their back stories complete with dramatic music has begun. Cue swelling strings and homogeneous choir. This is like crack to me.

7:00 - APOLO!!!

7:00 - Shaun White? Didn't he like jam his face on a half-pipe a couple of weeks ago? Glad to see he's still competing. Didn't follow up on that one.

7:01 - Agh. Effing Norwegians. Your Winter sports skillz frighten me to no end. USA! USA!

7:01 - Yes. Men's figure skating.

7:01 - Evan Lysacek. You are not straight. Figure it out.

7:02 - I feel like the female speed skaters could crack my skull open like a walnut with the power of their thighs.

7:04 - APOLO!!!

7:05 - Awww. Bobby C and Matt Lauer. I totally had a crush on Bob Costas when I was younger and it was PURELY because of the Olympics. Is that disturbing? I heart Bobby C.

7:05 - Holy sh*t, Shaun White. Every time you come on the screen I think you are a very unfortunate-looking redheaded woman. It's a good thing you are such a badass snowboarder...

7:07 - Our hockey goalie's name is Jack Johnson? The other Jack Johnson's music bores me to tears. Don't tell Schmoobs. He's a fan.

7:15 - Interview with Lindsay Vonn in NBC's token fireside cabin interview set. Crackling fire, check. Inordinate amounts of vanilla-scented candles, check. Hardwood floors, stone fireplace, log cabin, check check check.

7:20 - Belbin and Agosto. Pretty ice dancers. Apparently they had a bit of trouble traveling to Vancouver last night what with all the airport delays.

Dan Patrick: "Tougher to get here? Or tougher to get a gold medal? Hyuck hyuck hyuck."

Eff you, Dan Patrick. Quit with the stupid quesions.

7:26 - Story with Mary Carillo about her torch-relay experience. Is that Finlandia on piano playing in the background? Mos def. Cool, I guess. Except that it's a Finnish nationalistic tone poem. Unacceptable! USA! USA!

7:30 - Ooooh, Apolo is up next after the commercial break. I'm pouring myself a glass of wine.

7:32 - Oh hello Apolo.

7:33 - Aw, he has to skip out on tonight's opening ceremonies because he's competing tomorrow. Sads.

7:33 - Apolo. We have to talk about the pube patch that's been on your face for the last 8 years. Is that where all your speed-skating prowess lies? Is that why you haven't gotten rid of it? I see no other fathomable reason...

7:37 - NBC is telling me that that is 2006 Olympic silver medalist Lindsey Jacobellis on my television screen, but all I see is Courtney Love.

7:43 - Bode Miller is back?! Oh Bode. Bode, Bode, Bode.....

7:45 - Travel and tourism spot for HelloBC.com featuring a delightful assortment of Canadian celebrities. Sarah Mclachlan, Michael J. Fox, Ryan Reynolds, Kim Cattrall?? Where's Pam Anderson, I wonder? Hahaha.

7:48 - Oh, here we go. "We Are the World: Redux" *sigh* It's for a good cause...

• Who was this little leprechaun that sang the first line? Answer.
• Michael and Janet!
• Babs!
• Okay, so far it is not terrible.
• Celine. Celine, Celine, Celine. Who else would relegate Lionel Richie to backup-dancer duty?
• Lil' Wayne on autotune! It could not be any other way.
• Kanye. Ugh. Get off my screen.
• Ew, I saw Miley Cyrus and almost vomited in my mouth.

7:52 - Okay, in all honesty, that was fairly tastefully done. Good job, Quincy. Donate for Haitian relief.

7:54 - My goodness, how much marijuana did Gretchen Bleiler and Hannah Teter smoke before this interview? (There's a special cameo at the end of the video. I'm looking at you, Sarah L.)

7:58 - Bobby C: "The Opening Ceremony. is next." Woot!

7:59 - Wheeeeeee!

7:59 - Man, I wonder what it's like to be in that stadium right now. SO COOL!

8:00 - Okay, posting may become sparse as I will be busy peeing my pants and enjoying the ceremonies....

8:06 - "Oooooo Caaaanadaaaaa..." (those are the only words I know)

8:07 - I am loving how the entire stadium looks like a giant blue and white ice palace.

8:07 - Hello Canadian Mounties. YOU NEED TO TAKE MARCHING TECHNIQUES FROM SCHMOOBLEBUNS. Hahaha.

8:09 - Aw, national anthem of Canada. Okay, now's my chance to learn the words for real. Ooh, a mini-Celine Dion!

O Canada

Our home and native land

To ???

In all the sons...???

Oh sh*t she's gone French on me. Meh, I'll consult Google later.

8:12 - Dear mini-Celine Dion: You are a bazillion times more talented than both Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift combined. You win the Gold Medal for tween singing.

8:13 - Dear Canada: Can we trade our tween singers for yours? Ours are terrible. Even those that win Best Album of the Year Grammy Awards.

8:14 - YES. I love when the host nations do grand exhibitions showcasing their native histories complete with giant stylized structures. More more more!

8:15 - Is that wolf suit faux or real? It's pretty rad. Although, PETA is going to have a field day with that gentleman.

8:16 - YES YES! More aboriginal peoples of Canada! Less French-Canadians! (No offense, Celine) I like Canadians. And I like French people. But I don't like French-Canadians. Why?

8:19 - I'm a psycho for getting all teary-eyed at this spectacle. I'm not even ovulating. I just love the Olympics SO HARD.

8:21 - I want one of those gigantic Aboriginal ice sculptures.

8:21 - YAY! The Parade of Nations is starting!! Welcome Greece!! I love your salads and Baklava. Opa!

8:22 - Okay, it's going to be a little while before we get to the USA and the Philippines. Maybe now's a good time for a potty break. Wait, is there even a Filipino delegation in the Winter Olympics? Doubtful.

8:23 - Aw, Algeria only has one athlete in its delegation. How cute!

8:30 - If I were one of those athletes walking in the Parade of Nations, you would be able to follow my trail very easily, as I would be leaving behind an obvious trail of yellow snow/ice in the stadium. You know, because I'd be peeing in my pants the whole time. I'm not even kidding.

8:35 - Where the hell is Estonia? I feel like it should be in Eastern Europe somewhere.

8: 36 - Oh, there you are:

8:37 - Ah! Macedonia! I love your clarinet folk tradition. I wish I could play clarinet like your folk players. My stuffy classical training makes it difficult. Also, I like your coffee. Also, I like how I cannot see your country's name without thinking Macadamia.

8:39 - Georgia. RIP Nodar. Standing ovation from the stadium. TEARS.

8:41 - Germany. Your winter sports skillz also frighten me. But you shall not surpass the United States in Gold Medals! USA! USA! I love the bright colors of their outfits, I have to say.

8:41 - There is an alpine skier from Ghana? Who learned to ski in Scotland?! Awesome!

8:42 - Oh Jeebus. Great Britain. Tell your delegation to not smile with their mouths open. The mocking is too easy.

8:45 - I JUST CAUGHT BB EATING HER TURDS OUT OF HER POTTY BOX. Aaaauuugh. It is so disgusting when she does that. I guess I have to go buy more canned pumpkin again.

8:47 - Interesting: In the Parade of Nations, only Ireland separates the delegations from Iran and Israel. Those nations have opted out of the ceremony before instead of marching next to their enemy country. *sigh* Can't we all just get along?

8:48 - Jamaica! No bobsled team in these games. Sad. But there is a skier from Truckee, CA who holds dual-citizenship. Wassup Truckee!

8:50 - Japan. Since my unfortunate first encounter in Seattle, I have since grown to lurve your food. Except for Uni. That sh*t is foul, dude. During my two trips to Japan, Uni is the only food that I have ever had to spit back out. Mergh.

8:54 - Liechtenstein? I'm not gonna lie. There was a small part of my brain that thought that country was just a made up fairy tale land where elves live in trees.

8:56 - Whoa. One of the athletes from Monaco has no neck. Do you see?

8:59 - Norway. Alpine sports super giants. Eek! ...We ain't scurred of you!

8:59 - Okay, we're almost at the "P"s.

9:01 - Wah wah waaaaah. From Peru to Poland. No Philippines. But is anybody really that surprised? Yeah, I didn't think so.

9:03 - Ooh, I'm kind of digging the jackets from the Russian delegation. I'd like one. I'm a sucker for swirly patterns, mmmkay?

9:10 - I totally didn't know that the official name for Taiwan is "Chinese Taipei." Or, I should say, I've forgotten that since the previous Parade of Nations. I'll have to try and store that one in case it comes up on Jeopardy.

9:12 - U!S!A! U!S!A! U!S!A! U!S!A! U!S!A!

9:12 - Awww, another cutie patootie short track speed skater.

9:13 - Vice President and Mrs. Biden, holla.

9:13 - Hello again, Courtney Love Lindsey Jacobellis. Let's wait until AFTER you've won the Gold before the celebratory shenanigans this go round, shall we? Oh, Shaun White. I'm so glad for you that you're not a girl!

9:15 - Yay Canada! Bobby C: "Canada has never won a home Gold Medal at a home Olympics." Of course, now I am going to want them to. But only in an event that I don't care about. Like synchronized curling or something. That would be fine.

9:18 - Okay, Parade of Nations is done. Let the show begin!

9:20 - Nelly Furtado, meh. Oh, Bryan Adams, how I do enjoy your gravelly vocal stylings. He's looking pretty good for being, like, sixty years old or whatever (just kidding, he's like barely over fifty). When did that Robin Hood movie come out, anyway? Everything I dooooo, I do it foooor youuuuu. My sister totally danced to that song at her wedding.

9:23 - You know what I dislike? When they take pop stars and make them sing songs that are totally out of their usual sound/genre. See: Nelly Furtado and Bryan Adams singing this song.

9:24 - Commercial: Snowball fight in the Olympic Village with a Coke break? I want to go to there.

9:26 - BB is enjoying the show as well.

9:28 - Donald Sutherland is Canadian, too? Is EVERYONE Canadian? Am I Canadian?!

9:30 - Ooh, I like what I'm seeing on the screen. Visually stunning. Let me rewind the DVR and record it:

9:36 - Okay, the visuals on the stadium floor with the whales and salmon is incredible.

9:39 - Sarah McLachlan. Your album Surfacing was THE soundtrack to my life when I was an undergraduate. Also, "When She Loved Me" from Toy Story 2 is really a beautiful song. But now every time I hear your voice I get scared that I'm going to be seeing a super sad commercial about stray animals that makes me want to go spend every last cent that I don't have to adopt about two hundred puppies and kitties with sad eyes. Damn you, Sarah McLachlan.

9:44 - Ooh, cool visual of the moon. We are apparently at the French-Canadian portion of the program. Meeeeeh.

9:45 - Why is Wolverine on my television screen playing a fiddle on a floating blue canoe?

Also, it appears that Commissioner Gordon has summoned Batman to battle Wolverine in dueling fiddles (I would most definitely watch that movie):

9:50 - This attractive white woman on the television playing the fiddle has suddenly made me wonder whatever happened to The Corrs. Remember them?

9:56 - OMG, BB just threw up her own poo. I think I am going to vomit. Well, that pillow is now going in the trash. BB THIS IS WHY WE DO NOT EAT OUR OWN TURDS. Bad puppy!!!

9:58 - The director of this show has quite some talent. The show itself, in comparison to other Olympic ceremonies, is relatively subdued and understated, but the visuals and effects are to die. Me likey.

10:06 - The mountain with the floating skiers with the quote from George Vancouver is awesome. I had to stop myself from videotaping and posting it or else I'd end up posting inferior-quality video of the entire ceremony here.

10:07 - Hey, shot of Shaun "Thank God I'm not an ugly woman" White again!

10:08 - Oh boy, now they're showing iconic footage from past Olympic Winter Games as a hologram on the mountain. So neat!

10:09 - Here come some inline skaters. Ooh, it's like they're doing Circle Drill! Oh my God, who have I become that I actually make a joke like that?

10:12 - Okay. I LOVE that Canada has the balls and lack of self-awareness to feature slam poetry as part of their ceremony. Not that I like slam poetry. But still. Props.

10:16 - IOC President Jacques Rogge makes his entrance. That means it's almost time to light the torch! Squee!

10:17 - Recognition in memory of Nodar Kumaritashvili. Sads.

10:25 - Lots and lots of talking by some older Canadian gentleman. I missed who he was. I do enjoy his subtle Canadian accent though. It would be even better if he would throw in an "aboot" and "eh?" every now and again.

10:27 - CEO of the Vancouver Organizing Committee John Furlong. That's who is talking. Thanks, DVR.

10:30 - Rogge is back. Torch! Torch! Torch!

10:31 - No torch yet. Obligatory thank yous. BOR-ING. I'm hungry. Thank God I threw out that cheesecake earlier today. Otherwise...

10:32 - Michaelle Jean, Governor General of Canda, is declaring the Games OPEN! Torch! Torch! Torch!

10:33 - Ummm...but first a cover of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah"? Ugh. Perhaps one of the most unnecessarily covered songs ever. KD Lang, don't screw this up.

10:33 - So Leonard Cohen is Canadian. Is KD Lang Canadian, too?? Jeebus, is ANYBODY in the entertainment industry actually American?

10:37 - Meh. Not offensive. But still just not as good as the original.

10:38 - Okay. I changed my mind. This version is a little too long, drawn out and self-indulgent for my taste. Also: Torch time already!

10:40 - Yay! The marching in of the Olympic flag!

10:42 - A Canadian opera singer is singing the Canadian hymn.

10:43 - DIVA.

10:47 - Moment of silence for Nodar.

10:52 - Commercial: "If you've had a Coke in the last 82 years, then you've had a hand in making every Olympic dream come true." I HAVE?! Awesome!!!

10:53 - Here comes the Torch!

10:53 - It has apparently traveled over 45,000 kilometers. What does that mean? Kilometers? Crazy Canadians.

10:54 - Steve Nash has the torch now. Steve Nash is Canadian?! My mind is being blown. If the Republicans were to start a rumor that President Obama is actually Canadian, I'd be inclined to believe them at this point.

10:56 - Wayne Gretzky! Here we go...

10:58 - Oh no. Nothing is happening. Is there a technical difficulty?!?! OH NOES!!

10:59 - Wayne Gretzky is looking incredibly uncomfortable.

11:00 - Too bad about the malfunction! The ceremony thus far has been pretty spectacular though.

11:01 - The torch is lit! Hooray!

11:02 - Happy Olympics everyone!

11:04 - Commercial. Hello Apolo.

*****

QUICK UPDATE BEFORE BED:

11:45 - Holy crap. I flipped the channel to The Soup at the end of the Opening Ceremonies (local news sucks) and Ben Linus is on the television screen!

11:51 - BB keeps dry heaving next to me and as a result, I am silently gagging in anticipation of an entire turd coming out of her mouth.

When life gives you Olympics lemons, you make Olympics lemonade.

And when life doesn't hand you a ticket to Vancouver for the Olympics Opening Ceremonies to see the torch-lighting, you make do with a tea light and a Schmooblebuns:

ps. Uploading this video took roughly nine seconds. WTF, Blogger?

***

Also, check out the scene at out apartment courtyard this morning, after The Great Dallas Blizzard of 2010:

Can you imagine how awesome it would be if we actually had friends here and I could just call them up and be all, "Hey guys, why don't you all come over and we can drink Hot Toddies 'round the outdoor fireplace and maybe take a dip in the bubbly hot Splooge Tub surrounded by the pretty white snow and pretend we are rich vacationing yuppies in Aspen before we head upstairs in time to watch the Olympics Opening Ceremonies?" Oh my God, and I just had visions of it being cold enough that the swimming pool actually froze over completely and we could all strap on our ice skates (because everyone who lives in Texas owns their own ice skates...) and have our own drunken Olympics event! Guh, I think I just soiled myself over the thought. But that could also be because of the spoiled cheesecake I ate last night.

*sigh*

Maybe in another life, brotha.

Unfortunately, Schmoobs is currently six hours away at a Nerd Convention so, in this life at least, it'll just be me, BB and Bela. Minus the Splooge Tub because they don't keep it heated during the frigid winter months. Harumph. Tell me why we're paying all this money to live in this complex again? Blurgh. ...Meh, no time for self-pity today. Olympics Olympics Olympics!!!

Snow Day!

AAAAGH! Why does Blogger refuse to let me upload the cute video I took of BB's first snow walkabout complete with her first yellow snow puddle?!?! Effing Blogger!!!

***

In other news.....OLYMPICS OPENING CEREMONIES TOMORROW!

Oh, so you'll let me upload this video with the snap of a finger, but my video of BB involves an entire day of trying over and over again with no success. UGH. I guess I will allow this since because it is the Olympics, but still. Eff you, Blogger.

And in What The Hell Is My Problem news: Not only did just I eat yet another slice of deliciously poisonous dairy-filled Forbidden Cheesecake, but it may have been expired. Whoops. Google - upon paranoid inquiry - tells me that cheesecake should last 5 - 10 days if refrigerated. The slice was from an entire cake (ugh) that I bought precisely 11 days ago.

*FLUERGH*

Lord give me the strength to toss the remainder of my beloved Forbidden Cheesecake in the trash or we all know I will be spending tomorrow night watching the Olympics Opening Ceremonies (WOOOOT!) while eating rotten poisonous cake.

UPDATE:

I am still alive...albeit a bit rumbly in the tumbly, but that's to be expected when ingesting rotten dairy. Also, further inquiry on teh intarwebz (i.e. Googling "I ate expired cheesecake.") confirms that I am far from the only pathetic creature that has had this problem before. Now, whether any of these other people actually ate their cheesecake willingly knowing that it was 99.99% likely past its expiration date is another question. Bygones.

These people, however, are not helpful AT ALL:

Beauty day at the salon! (And by "salon" I mean "PETCO.")

Feast your eyes, if you will, on this wonderous beast. She whose eyeballs you cannot even see because they are obstructed by the unruly growth of hair sprouting upwards from her snout. Though she stinks to high heaven, she remains cute and lovable.

Notice, too, the charming fur pads resulting from the mess of hair roughly one inch overgrown betwixt her toes. They hide the shameful secret of claws that have not seen neither mani- nor pedi- in much too long a time:

Cannot you smell the odor emanating from her matted fur and dried dingleberries? In person, its power singes the eyebrows and summons tears to your eyes.

(And speaking of berries, doesn't her hairstyle remind you of this guy?)




But BEHOLD! See her now after her day at the evil groomers, upon whom she showed her disdain by vomiting all over the place, apparently. It was all worth it, though, because now she is so fresh and so clean clean. But seriously, I think she lost three pounds just in fur (and dingles).

"Look at how cute I am again! Bacon please!"

Good Saturday morn' everyone!orThis isn't the real update yet, but I thought I'd make a cameo appearance.

Things on the agenda today:

1. Coffee

2. Errands (Target, anyone? Hmmm? ...and Kinkos. *snore*)

3. A little practicin'

4. A little workin' *yawn*

5. Watching LOST Season 6 premiere AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. Because, clearly, the more I watch the episodes, the more it will all make sense and the answers will become clear to me. NOT.

6. NOT clean the apartment like a madwoman in a fit of OCD rage, which includes finally organizing all of our random giant piles of papers and notebooks and textbooks and music off of the living room floor and into our pantry shelves. Because I did this all last night at 2am already. Huzzah!


ps. BOO! Smokie's gonna getchu!

Crunkity crunk.

Hello. It is Thursdy eevening and I am ...not sober. Because I don't have to teach a class ealry tomorrow morning. Because It old them that I owould send them an online reading/lecture intsetad. Note to self: You better be nice and un-buzzed in the mornign because you have to type up a lecture on the Protestant Reformatino and Counter-Reformation of the sixteenth century and its effects on Renaissance Music. Eh, piece of cake. Soooo in a nutshell, Reformation = Josquin = music over text = flowery polyphony even in sacred works, right? Ergo: Counter-Reformation = Council of Trent = text over music = Palestrina = movement back towards simplicity in polyphonic vocal music, right? I am smart. Therefore, Schmoobs and I spent this night at a nearby drinkery drikging adult beverages and eating chicken wings. Because the bartender/owner here is really cool and nice and chill AND FROM NEW YORK i.e. NOT TEXAS. Anyway. He gave us a couple of free dirnks at teh end of the night which tasted like a Coke float yum. But clearly they messed me up. Normally I would never allow this many typos to bepsoted. But wheatever.

anway. I TOTALLY have so many idiotic little bullet points to wirte about. They are all saved in my "to be published" file, I promise! But I'll wait until some of this alcohol has worn off befoe I do that. Topics include 1) my hellish toilet nightmare from last week (it involves me plunging NOT my own sh*t -filled toilet for OVER AN HOUR i.e. an eternity), 2) the fact that I am good at teaching, 3) I am getting old and fat, 4) THE OLYMPICS NEXT WEEK and last but not least 5) HOLY SH*******T LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST!!!

OMG LOST. So is Jacob ogoing to inhavit Sayid's body now or what?! And Juliet was pulling a Desmond/Charlotte and totally time travelling when she was talking about having coffee with Sawyer and going Dutch right before she died (again), right? *siiiiiigh* Poor Juliet. Why did you have to defect to an inferior brand show?!?! Didn't you know that Sawyer deserves eternal happiness with you and NOT KATE and so you should have stayed with LOST?!?! Bleargh. And when Ilana and Bram talked last season about Lapidus being "a candidate," were they talking about Jacob knowing that he was going to be killed and needing a body to inhabit?!?! And can Terry O'Quinn BEEEE any more effing awesome no matter how evil he may potentailly be?!!?!!? And the fact that Hurley is wearing a red shirt in the second episode LA X Part II means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, right?!?! RIGHT!??!?!?!! And OMG I think my  head is going to slef destruct.

AGH. I need ot go to bed.  ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ps. Hey, did you know that all of my studnents that have completed the solo and ensemble  contest so far have ALL received 1s?! That's right. I am a motherf***ing bad***  clarinet teaher goddamnit. TOO BAD I DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH FOR ALL THE BADASS WORK THAT I DO. Harumph. And two of those aorementioned students received an "Exemplary" award (not just given out to anybody goddamnit). I am awesome. Now my paychecks need to be awesoom, too. So I can trade KAblooie for a better mileage car. Like a 2003 Civic Hybrid. Which I can get for the value of Kablooie plus $3000. Ay carumba! 40 mpg?!?! I'd give my left nut for that kind of mileage!! Hell, I'd give both my nuts for that!! Especially because they don't actually exist except for in my imagination.

You knwo what I wonder? I wonder why, when you are lsightly less than sober and trying to post a blog entry, it' s not so much that you misspell words outriht, it's that some of your fingers work faster than others. Like, I've noticed a lost of these words aren't misspelled ooutright. It's that some of the ltetters are out of order. Like certain fingers move faster than otehrs in normal life. Hm. That was signifact two mminutes ago, but now I don't know where I was goign with that. Damn you, Jose Cuervo!!

pps. In my estimation, Taling about Renaissance Music in your Intro to Music lit class < Talking about the Romantic Period and how Beethoven and Dvorak are effing BAD*SSES in your Intor to Music lit class. Is it April or May yet? I'm sick of organuma nd madrigals already. Bleargh.

*guzzles two glasses of water then passes out in bed*