Happy Halloweenie!

 One day a year, BB transforms into...Bumble Bee Bee!

 Obligatory shot of Bela in the background refusing to participate in Animal Picture Fun Time.

Always with the tongue licking the nose...

Off to search for honey. Or pupperoni.

* * * * *

Also, because I can't be updating my Facebook status every ten minutes (because that is obnoxious) and because Schmoobs won't be back for another couple of hours and I can't be sharing these thoughts out loud to BB (because that is weird):

1. The other night, I dreamt that I was vacuuming our condo. Then I woke up. Last night, I dreamt that I was practicing effing articulation exercises on the ol' devil stick. Then I woke up. What's next? Am I going to dream that I am going on a five-mile run and then come home to fold a load of laundry? Most. Nagging. Subconscious. Ever.

2. You know what I'm a big fan of? Non-threateningly handsome men with Australian accents on my television cooking delicious food. Evidenced by:

YUM. And I'm not talking about those eggs! Zing!

Update.

Okay, so Rangers fans got their win tonight. That's enough for me. Giants in 5! LET'S GO GIANTS!!!

Let's get some blogging done up in here.

Hey, did you know that THE GIANTS are up 2 - 0 in the MOTHER-EFFING WORLD SERIES?! Yeeaaa! Boiiiii! They play the next three (or maybe two? hehehe) games here in Arlington and OMG if I had, you know, several hundred dollars to spare I would totally buy a ticket and go decked out in all orange and black and be the one lone Giants fan in Rangers Ballpark. It would be awesome. And if I had double the hundreds of dollars to spare, then I would buy a ticket for Schmoobles, too. He is no longtime Giants fan (he is of the Cardinals and A's persuasion) but he has been very good at showing support for my team the past few weeks. And, thankfully, we have not encountered any unnecessarily  combative and obnoxious Texas fans.

Schmoobs and I went out to watch Game 2 at one of our favorite nearby bars - one that has a slightly older and richer clientele and a really cool bartender who likes us a lot and would not object to having us non-Ranger fans at his bar. I was non-obnoxiously dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt with a huge bright Giants-orange scarf while Schmoobs wore his black Tennessee Vols jacket, which I pointed out to him, was actually a very nice neutral piece of clothing to wear, as it was black with an orange "T" on the front, so all the bases are covered. Ha. Anyway, we were definitely surrounded by Rangers fans there, but even when we were outed as the only two Giants fans in the place, everyone was cool and respectful. I think especially because Schmoobs and I made a concerted effort to not be obnoxious in our celebration throughout the game. Just doing a quiet "Go Giants" toast when we got our drinks, casting each other subtle knowing smiles anytime the Giants made a good play, and doing some under-the-bar clapping during each run or strikeout.

Truthfully, it has been a little bit sad (no, seriously) being around all of these rabid Rangers fans who have had to watch their beloved team get spanked. Nobody was expecting this. Not even any Giants fans. Of course, at the end of it all, I want the Giants to win. But I also want the Rangers fans to get a good, exciting, fun series to watch. Anyway, the series isn't over yet so I should definitely stop talking like we have already won the whole thing. And DUH of course I want the Giants to continue dominating, but I do hope the Rangers step it up...just a liiiiittle bit these next couple of games so these Texans can get a boost in spirit. But...GOOOO GIANTS!!!

Anyway, an assortment of other things I've been slacking off on writing about:

1. Oh wait, this first one is still baseball related. So Schmooblins' boss at the university is a decades-long Rangers fan. As Schmoobs said a few days ago, "You know how awkward this is for me, right? All the people I work with, especially my boss, is a Texas fan. But my girlfriend and the person I live with is a Giants fan." In fact, I was walking down a hallway at work on Wednesday morning when his boss came up behind me. I just looked over my shoulder and smiled, and a second later he returned my greeting with, "Oh. Hello...Giants fan." Can you imagine the amount of self-control I had to exercise to NOT return the favor with a huge smug smile directed at him on Thursday and Friday morning? See how good a person I am? Actually, Friday morning I was getting ready to leave the music building when I saw him standing there with another person at the main exit door, so I purposely turned the corner and went out an alternative exit just because I couldn't trust myself to not rub the Game 2 win in his face if I were to pass by him. HAH.

2. So I got an email a few weeks ago from a prominent textbook-publishing company asking if I would be interested in reviewing one of their new College Success textbooks. Woot! At first, I was super paranoid and convinced that it was some kind of scam to get me to give them my personal information, but I Googled the hell out of the company and they are totally legit. The review itself didn't take terribly long and I get a $150 honorarium out of it...eventually (hasn't shown up yet). But, best of all, I get to put an official textbook review in my CV! Nice.

3. I am officially seven pounds overweight you guys. Schmoobs and I weighed ourselves at a big, very exact scientific scale in the science building at work and we are both shlubby. Bleh. Seven pounds may not seem like a lot, but considering I have not grown any taller since I was, like, twenty, and that I am just a shade over five feet tall, seven pounds is significant. I have made it a goal to try and get back close to the weight that I was when I was in college. First order of business: I really really should cut back on the sugar. This, clearly, is made all the more difficult by my newfound obsession with sweet tea, Snickers bars and Twix bars. Gah. I will say that I have not had any candy bars or sweet tea in two days AND BB and I have been going on super-long (for us) walks around our neighborhood thankyouverymuch. Two miles! (Sh, that's good for us.) Anyway, I have been making some strides in my dietary improvements I think. For example, last night, instead of having one or three fun size Twix bars, I had two pieces of bread smeared with peanut butter, chocolatey delicious Nutella and not-at-all sugar laden strawberry jelly. And this morning for breakfast, instead of whipping out the bag of Cheetos Puffs in the pantry, I opted for Bold Party Flavor Chex Mix! See? I feel the pounds melting away already.

4. Uh...speaking of eating healthier (i.e. NOT): How far is Bedford from Rockwall??

5. I may have mentioned once or twice (heh) before how I have to teach at mother-effing 8am every day this semester, right? Which, factoring in a one-hour commute in plus my inability to function before noon, and I am pretty much running in to the music building at 7:59 every morning. On a good day. Well, T-DOT decided this fall to begin a re-paving project on the highway that pretty much extends the entire length of the drive to the university. It's a fun, exciting and not at all stressful crap shoot to discover each morning just how many lanes they decided to close that day or which stretch of road would be torn up and turned into a gravelly mess and for how many miles.

So, several mornings ago, I was racing to get to 8am Theory in time when, about twenty miles away, the traffic just stopped. Completely. Because apparently stopping traffic on both lanes of a busy highway during morning commute time so that a tractor can do some maneuvering is something that people do here. In a panic, I tried calling our department secretary again and again to see if she could post a sign on the classroom to say that class would be late, but - because the offices don't open until 8am - she wasn't in yet. So I did the only thing I knew left to do, and I went on Facebook in my iPhone, looked up one of the few students in the freshman class that had sent me a friend request, found her cellphone number and called her:

Student: (weakly) "...hello...?"
Ys: "Hi, Jamie?"
Student: "...yes..."
Ys: "Jamie, this is Ms. Sarte. .....Are you okay? You sound terrible. Are you sick?"
Student: "...yes, I'm sick....."
Ys: "Oh, well then I guess you're not planning on coming to Theory today. Whoops! The reason I'm calling is because I am going to be late and needed one of you to tell the rest of the class. But I don't think that you'll be able to apparently."
Student: "...no...but...Clay should be there...I can give you his number..."
Ys: "Ok, great! Actually, can you text it to me at this number? I can't write it down since I'm driving."
Student: "...sure..." (*sounds like she is about to start crying*)
Ys: "Ok, bye Jamie. Get some rest!"
Student: "...ok...thanks..." (*whimpering*)

Can you imagine getting a random phone call from your weirdo professor before 8am when you are actually legitimately sick? Ha! That must have been surreal. But that's what she gets for Facebook friending me.

6. I just remembered that last night I dreamt that I vacuumed our condo. And that most of what I picked up was BB's kibble. That's all I dreamt. Weird.

7. Three times in the last two weeks, our overhead bedroom light has turned itself on while I was lying in bed and Schmoobles wasn't home. So...um, yeah. I should be more freaked out, but I have every confidence in BB's ability protect me should Knuckles decide to get more aggressive with his pranks. Really, all she has to do is aim her big shiny brown doggie eyes at him and then roll over so he can ghost-pat her warm belly and I'm safe.

So. Many. Things. To. Blog. About.

But first I am going to finish drinking my post-8am Theory class coffee. And then I am going to have a leisurely morning BM. And then I am going to read some blogs and threads about THE GIANTS!!! And then I am going to "rest my eyeballs" for a while. And THEN maybe I'll finally get around to updating this mother-effing blog.

Happy Friday!

Out damned uterus!orSeriously?

My ladyparts really need to hurry up and shed their baby-hosting lining (too far?) because I just finished polishing off an entire footlong BLT topped off by a full-size frozen Snickers bar for dessert. It took me ten minutes. OMG. I think I gained five pounds just typing that first sentence. Also, I think I have wept about two quarts of girly-tears in the last week because I am in the midst of feeling very sorry for myself and suffering from a case of the sads (hence, the Snickers bar) (and the bacon). Luckily I have episodes of "Community" online to assist in beatch-slapping my woman-hormones into submission.

Seriously, can Señor Chang be anymore psychotic awesome?



Also: GIANTS WON! GIANTS WON! GIANTS WON!
Next: DEFEAT THE TEXASS RANGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts.

1. I think you all should start watching the new Fox show "Running Wilde." Because I happen to find it hilarious. And yet nobody is watching it and it got terrible reviews when it premiered. Even though it stars Felicity Porter! And Will Arnett! And some amazing British actor playing a vaguely Middle Eastern character named Fa'ad who can lull me into a trance with his line delivery every night.

2. I would really like to eat a BLT right now. Somebody please punch me in the face for not having EVER eaten a BLT until two days ago. I am excited for tomorrow just so I can go to Subway for lunch after teaching classes and order a BLT. OMG, it's going to be so delicious.

3. I would really really rully like for the Giants to win tonight. Because if they win tonight, it just feels like they will take the NLCS pennant. Which means they will maybe face Texas in the World Series. Which means that I will get to go to work wearing my Giants hoodie and smile smugly amongst all my Rangers-loving students who will not get to say one disparaging word about it to me because I will automatically fail them if they do. HAHAHA! (I'm kidding...maybe.)

4. I started this post because there were a couple things I wanted to write about and that included none of the above. But now I can't remember what I originally wanted to say. Oops.

It's only Wednesday??

Scenes from Ear Training, Episode Two:

Freshman: "Do we have a test in Ear Training tomorrow?"
Me: "Did you just ask me if we have a test tomorrow?"
Freshman: "Yes."
Me: "That's because you weren't in class yesterday, were you?"
Freshman: "Oh. Um...yeah."
Me: "We have a sight singing test tomorrow and a dictation test on Tuesday."
Freshman: "But what if it hurts me to sing? I've had a sore throat for a few days."
Me: "Well, if you can talk, you can sing, can't you?"
Freshman: "Barely...but it hurts."
Me: "Then I guess you should quit with the talking."


Also, let's check in on The Ever-Expanding List of Things Wrong With Winnie the Old Toyota That Ysabel Can't Afford to Fix, shall we?:


1. Busted headlight. It's not the bulb, because I already bought a new bulb and installed it myself (which may or may not have taken me an hour to do) so it's probably electronic. As a result, I have been driving around with my brights on for a few weeks now, probably pissing off the greater DFW metropolitan area. Whatever, I'm not getting pulled over for a broken headlight, ya dig? Especially when my car has automatic daylights, which make me even more conspicuously vulnerable to the coppers. (I probably will for driving with my brights on, though...)


2. Oil leak. My oil warning light comes on every two weeks like clockwork. And so I have to top it off with 2 quarts of oil every weekend. I brought it in to a shop, but they told me they couldn't find a leak anywhere. However, they also told me that my oil tank was nearly empty when they checked on it - two weeks after I had gotten an oil change. Also, they told me that my dip stick was the wrong size and so I wouldn't be able to tell on my own if it was empty or not. Cool.


3. Flattish left rear tire. Stupid never-ending construction on my daily commute. They've torn up the road completely and I can feel the dollars falling out of my pockets with every pothole, groove and bump I have to drive over every morning. 


4. Worn brake pads. Almost forgot this one. Who needs fully-functioning brakes anyway, right? Last time I was at an auto shop (a little over a month ago, I think...I blocked it out), I went in for a simple wheel balancing and alignment and came out having to buy two new tires. And then they told me that my brake pads were on their last legs. Yeah, so that was fun.

So I guess that WAS my official weekend post. Oops.

So far today I have driven to work through hellish constant highway construction resulting in a flattish tire (ugh), taught two Ear Training classes, driven back home with a slightly less-flattish tire courtesy of the local gas station, constructed a Theory test, a Music Lit test and a Freshman Success reading test (All for tomorrow...ha! Sorrrry, students. Wait, no I'm not.) AND completed a ten-page textbook review* for a publishing company that was requested five days ago. Yeesh. Oh yeah, and I totally ate a bowlful of leftover barbecue brisket somewhere in there, too. And a frozen Snickers bar. Naptime now.

* More on this later (!).

This isn't my REAL weekend post, just so you know.

A couple of days ago it was really stifling inside our apartment, both Schmoobs and I were stressed/overworked/crabby/etc. so he dashed out for a few minutes to grab some beer. He asked me if I wanted anything and I said, "Can you get me a candy bar?" And so he brought home two Snickers Almond chocolate bars which I popped into the freezer before eating. And ever since then I've been wanting MORE. I have also been really into Sweet Tea lately, which is really strange because I've never really liked Sweet Tea much. Okay, there was a very brief period that I voluntarily drank it when I first moved to Knoxville, mainly because it was such a novelty more than anything. Seriously, it's not "tea." It's more like "melted sugar with a side of water." But I've been really craving it. Usually when it's Pre-Monthly Confirmation Time I crave every and all things salty and/or cheesy and/or fried, but it seems like this go around it's all about the sugar. Estrogen is weird.

So this afternoon I went to Target and spent $15 of the last remaining $50 left to my name (until the next time my schools and students decide to effing pay me again goddamnit. When would that be? I don't effing know anymore. Feh.) on 2 packs of (fun size!) Snickerses, 1 pack of (fun size!) Twix, a giant jug of Sweet Tea (that's "swayt tay"), a pack of turkey bacon (healthy!) for breakfast tomorrow, a dozen (organic! and cage free!*) brown eggs, dried cranberries (healthy! ...not really!) and (holy crap these things exist?!) cornbread crackers.

Anyway, leave me alone now so I can commence making myself sick with a late lunch of sugar water and frozen Snickers bars.


* The drive between Rockwall and Commerce is a 45 mile stretch of highway which, I have learned, is frequently driven by chicken truck drivers. As in, drivers who drive trucks filled with cages filled past capacity with poor, cute, fluffy, innocent chickens on their way to a miserable death. I have, on countless occasion, had the unfortunate experience of having to drive directly behind one of these trucks and having to stare at these sad fluffy chickens with their sad little beady chicken eyes that look into mine as if they are saying, "Ysabel, why am I here in this clucking miserable cage-truck where I can't even move my poor little chicken head a clucking inch because they've packed us so tight in here? Cluck me! Save me, Ysabel! Save me, for cluck's sake!" OMG, you guys, and the worst part is when one of these wee creatures falls out of their effing cage and you see a white fluffy dead chicken on the shoulder of the highway. Poor chickens. Anyway. I love chicken nuggets too much (I'm such a selfish, heartless betch!) to stop eating meat. But someday I will earn enough money that I can afford to be super-discerning about what meat I purchase and - specifically - only buy meat from animals that have been raised humanely on local free-roaming farms. In the meantime, I am trying to do better by those poor white fluffy highway chicken friends by only buying the organic eggs that come from cage-free chickens. It may cost twice as much for those, but I figure I can spend an extra $2 to know that I'm not supporting the stupid cruel chicken factories.

Blurghp.

So I just ate a Jack in the Crack Sourdough Jack combo meal with Sweet Tea. For breakfast. And am currently topping it off with half a Snickers bar. I guess this means I'll be popping some Midol soon. Ugh.

***

I would like to update to let it be known that BB and I took a walk around our neighborhood for over an hour (a record for both me and her) and she still has psycho energy to spare. I, meanwhile, will probably have sore ankles for the next two days (I was wearing flip flops). I also feel compelled to add that BB did number twosies twice and tinkled roughly fifty thousand times. Geez. And she also chased a couple of ducks into running for safety into a lake. Hahaha. Go BB.

***

Anecdote #3: I plan on making chicken salad pitas for dinner. Chicken, onions, celery, apples, carrots and almonds all chopped and mixed with mayonnaise, lemon juice, sour cream, a bit of curry powder, an obsessive amount of dried tarragon and lemon juice. Should be...reasonably healthy. Maybe healthy enough to somewhat make up for my self-destructo breakfast? (Shhh...nobody asked your opinion.)

Whoa.

In "Things You Find Out After Googling Your Own Name"* news:

Why did I not know that I am officially listed on the university website as a faculty member??

I mean, I definitely deserve to be, but I didn't know it actually happened. Well, hot damn!

Notes:

1. "Theory & Composition"?? Whoa. Weird. That doesn't seem right.

2. Um...why did I not know that I have a work phone number? Do I even have an office phone? And what does it mean that I am asking all these questions?!


* I did this not out of self-absorption (maybe a little), but rather to quell my ever-present paranoia that students will find my blog if they Google my name. So far, so good.

Pfft.

I am sitting on my couch drinking coffee (with Pumpkin Spice flavored creamer mmm) and watching the Food Network and just witnessed the she-devil Sandra Lee pronounce empanada like "empañada." Hahaha. Oh, Sandra Lee. As with all of your "food" endeavors, you were so close, but it just...wasn't quite right.

Well, this post is just a load of dog poop.

Did you know that BB is now crate-trained? I don't really know why we didn't do this before. Oh, wait. Yes I do. Because our last apartment - besides being overpriced and poorly managed - was on the top floor that would have required a long walk down an inside hallway, down four flights of stairs or a slow elevator ride, and out to the parking lot before we would have been able to let BB go tinkle-times or poopy-doopies, two or three times a day minimum. So we decided to litter-box train her instead. Which was all fine and good, except that it only worked about 80% of the time. And then when she was in a different dwelling, say during holidays at my parents' or sister's house in California, or her assortment of BB-sitters here in Texas, it worked roughly 5% of the time. So, yeah.

Anyway, our lovely new condo now opens up to the great outdoors and leads right to our parking lot with its wide array of grassy bathroom-opportunities after one short flight of stairs so it has been incredibly easy to take BB out a few times a day for tinkle-times. The fact that Schmoobs bought a comfortably-sized metal kennel for her to stay in (I call it her "apartment") while we are both at work, instead of allowing her to wander about freely, has reduced the accidents inside our condo to almost never.  BB is stoked that she goes on regular walks now and doesn't even seem to mind staying inside her apartment during the day. We just have to tap the top of her kennel and say "Go in, BB" and she saunters over and plops right inside with no fuss. It's all pretty keen.

Aaaaanyway, this was all a very long-winded way of telling you that, this morning, I didn't have any classes to teach (by my own design again...mehehe) and Schmoobs didn't have to leave until later in the morning so I cooked us a nice hearty breakfast of eggs over easy, turkey bacon, vegetarian sausage and toast (Do you see how we are trying to eat healthier?? Self high five! *clap*). And BB spent the entire meal pacing back and forth between our feet demanding her own portion. Literally, she panted and growled and occasionally barked her disapproval at not being given some egg and bacon as treats. Finally, after realizing that she was not going to get her way, she sneezed in disgust and walked away in defeat. Or so I thought. As Schmoobly got up to take his plate to the sink, he stopped in his tracks and said, "Um. Oh my god." And I looked over and saw that BB had left three healthy-sized poop logs on the floor right next to where I was sitting as punishment for not including her in breakfast.

What a bitch! (No. Literally.)

I would have been more angry at her if I didn't find it so amusing that she was so disgruntled at not getting any mealtime treats that she actually went out of her way to punish us from her butthole. At least she is no longer suffering from the colon soft-serve issue of last week, so the clean up wasn't so bad.

The best part, though, was when Schmoobs and I were standing in the kitchen getting the supplies to clean up the turd logs and I saw, out of the corner of my eye, poor majestic Bela slowly sauntering over to investigate what those brown things were sitting on the living room floor. Next thing I know, I see in slow motion Bela reach out his left front paw and - as I literally shouted, "Belaaaa! NooOOOO!!" - we watched the President of the Finer Things Club nudge the largest of the turds with his own paw, then raise the paw to his little nose, attempt to shake his paw of the filth and walk away thoroughly disgusted.


In other news: Hey! Picture Time!

Speaking of the Turdinator: Look how cute she is enjoying the lake view from our new neighborhood! It almost makes the poo-nishment (OMG I'm awesome) worth it. I took this during the first day that it had finally started to cool down enough around here that I could take BB outside while the sun was still up without fear of her instantly combusting into a puff of smoke and my eyebrows singe-ing in flames. This was also right around the time that I was still in the tail end of giving Schmoobs his Punishment of Seemingly Eternal Silent Treatment and had taken BB out for a walk to figure out how to strangle him to oblivion without going to jail afterwards. Glad that ended happily. Haha.

 How To Earn Good Tips As A Barista, Lesson One: Spell my name correctly and put a smiley-face next to it. Hooray!

 I took this picture as I was drying my hands after tinkling in the upstairs ladies room of our new music building. I was astounded that the strength of hot air was such that it was actually causing the skin on my hands to ripple. And, of course, I wanted to share it with you all. Unfortunately, the picture doesn't really do it justice. Also unfortunate: the fact that another faculty member walked in to the restroom about half a second after I took this picture and was probably left wondering why I was taking pictures with my phone inside the bathroom. Whatever. I DO WHAT I WANT! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!

So I'm a little obsessive about games on my iPhone. Solitaire, Connect Four*, Tetris. I have self-waged a battle against my own phone in all of these games and it is my nightly mission to make sure I am still number one. In Connect Four, I am currently sixteen games ahead of the computer (phone) in a long-running tournament that is currently 240 matches long and counting. When I go to bed and play some Connect Four games and allow the computer to overtake the lead, I absolutely cannot sleep until I take the lead again. I would be lying if I said that there hasn't been at least one night where I was cursing my phone out in the dark only 10% conscious and with one eye closed trying to beat the computer at just one more match. It's pretty disturbing. 

Anyway, my goal with Solitaire is to constantly beat my current record at...whatever. So far, my shortest time in successfully completing a hand is 1:15. So now I know I have to try and complete a hand at 1:14 or better. Also, forever and ever, my best record for shortest number of moves it took me to complete a hand was 100 moves. I could not best that record for the life of me! Until! As you can see here, the other day I FINALLY bested my score and completed a hand in 99 moves, baby! I'm number one! I'm number one! But the glory is short-lived as I now have to keep playing again and again until I get 98 moves. *sigh*

You know, if it weren't for these games, my 6am wake up times would probably be more manageable now that I think about it, since I'd probably get to sleep an hour earlier every night. Meh.

Schmoobs took me out for drinks after work the other day.

Two players. Two martinis. One is clean, one is dirty.

Walt...do you want to know a secret? (...I'm the clean one. Duh.)

HAPPY FRIDAY!

*Oh, what I wouldn't give for a Connect Four Million game app on my phone!!

So what if I snuck in a mug of coffee to my classroom this morning?!

Scenes from Ear Training class, Episode One:

Student: You know, Ms. Sarte, you really shouldn't drink coffee. It's not good for you.

Ys: Wrong. It's VERY good for you. ...In fact, it's good for AAALL of you (motioning to entire classroom) when I drink coffee.

Student: It stunts your growth.

Ys: OH. So that's been my problem this whole time!

October Paycheck, I hardly knew ye.

Last night when I went to sleep, my bank account was in the single digits (I'm not kidding).

When I woke up this morning, my bank account was in the four digits (Ooh la laaa! ...But don't get so excited. The first digit was a "1").

Two hours later, after giving my rent monies to Schmoobs and paying a smelly buttload of bills online (While my Theory class takes a quiz on triads, seventh chords, inversions and figured bass... Hey, if I have to suffer, they do too) I have already said goodbye to 75% (oops, I forgot about the cable bill) 80% (oops, I forgot about my car insurance payment) 85% of my paycheck. But that's okay since I have enough left over to buy myself a celebratory Grande Soy Pumpkin Spice Latte later today guilt-free.

It's the little things in life, you know? (Like the size of my adjunct salary. Bleh.)

Also, being broke but being current on all your bills is slightly more pleasant than being broke and being a month behind on all your bills.


***UPDATE***

Question: How much do I want to comment on my student's Facebook status that he just posted?

"Caleb, instead of updating your Facebook status, perhaps you should put your phone down and get to the music building so you can spend the remaining seven minutes of class time taking the Theory test you just slept through."

Answer: VERY much.