"You may be asking yourself why I'm still up at nearly 3am. It's because I just called the cops on a couple of naked people having sex in our communal hot tub. Which is outside! Which is right in the middle of like at least 50 apartment units that look right into it! Hey, I'm no prude... But I don't want to think about somebody else's splooge whenever I want to use the hot tub. Plus, little kids spend all day at the pool and hot tub these days! That's just gross."
Look, I have no problem with people expressing their *ahem* affection for each other in a physical way. Even if they find it extra thrilling to do so in a public place. Please just don't do it anywhere that I would ever have a likely chance of coming into contact with any of your foreign matter. Seriously. Not enough hours in the day to shower all that smegma and potential syphillis off of my body.
In other news, since I'm up anyway: This working out thing is simultaneously kicking my ass and totally awesome. After recovering from the first 2 or 3 days of my body rebelling against the sudden and drastic increase in physical activity after about ten years of relative dormancy, in which it decided to make every single muscle tighten up and burn with the pain of a thousand hellfires at any subtle movement, my body feels great and I'm already starting to actually see changes! How about that. Also, I have learned that after working and sweating and pushing your body, the desire for Cheetos becomes greatly diminished. Or maybe it's just because I'm not PMS-ing anymore.
Editorial note: Wow, I used the words "splooge" and "smegma" in the same blog post. Awesome. (But sorry Mom)
UPDATE: Well, I just woke up and saw that the hot tub has now been drained and is currently being refilled (hopefully with bleach). It seems I am not the only one who was treated to a little public naked time last time. Haw!
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