BZZZ.

So I was climbing into my car in the office parking lot yesterday afternoon, absolutely brimming with energy because 1) it was Thursday, I had just finished work, and I didn't have to come into the office the next day, which meant my weekend had officially begun and 2) I had eaten nothing but 4 glazed Krsipy Kreme donuts, a Panera bagel, leftover 4th of July Mystery Office Carrot Cake and coffee during the course of the workday and, hence, could no longer feel my face. As I climbed into my vehicle, I could see -- seemingly in slow motion -- out of the corner of my eye, a gigantic killer bee fly into my car right before I pulled the door shut.

My sugar-overloaded heart instantly froze as I found myself sitting in the driver's seat staring right into the cold stare of this giant beemonster and, when my brain finally kicked in about 3 seconds later, I literally kicked my door open while screaming at the top of my lungs and jumped back out into the safety of the parking lot.

I looked back inside my car and saw my would-be murderer planted there right on my steering wheel, it's wings all splayed out, in full-on attack mode. In my panic, I picked up the first thing I could find that could be used as a weapon of defense, which, in this case, was a disgusting old disease-ridden single flip-flop that some poor, now one-shoe-less chap had left behind in the parking lot. As I held the shoe gingerly between two fingers I crept towards the giant bee and with a shriek Aiiiiiieeeeee!!! ... SWATTED THE LIVING HELL OUT OF IT!!!

With an uneasy sense of victory, I inspected both the interior of my car and the surrounding parking lot asphalt surrounding it. As I crouched over to try and find evidence of a dead beemonster, ringing my hands, whimpering and talking to myself, I looked over my right shoulder to see a young gentleman walk by me with his eyebrow cocked and a puzzled (concerned?) expression on his face. I thought for a second about trying to explain my situation to him -- I'm not crazy! I swear! -- but I figured that even the most truthful and accurate explanation wouldn't convince him of my sanity. "There was a bee in my car and it almost ate my face!" Anyway, I unfortunately couldn't find any evidence of the beemonster anywhere, neither inside nor outside my car. So, about 5 minutes of self-convincing later, I hesitatingly climbed back into my car to try and make the drive home without having a nervous breakdown.

I made it through downtown and onto Cumberland Ave. and had just about calmed myself down completely when I heard this:

"BZZ."

.....What the hell was that?

* Drive 2 blocks down Cumberland Ave. *

"BZZ."

* Eep! *

* Drive 3 blocks down Cumberland Ave. *

"BZZ."

OhmyGod!!OhmyGod!!OhmyGod!!OhmyGod!!OhmyGod!!

Anyway, after a few more blocks down Cumberland Ave. I couldn't take it anymore and pulled into -- no joke -- a Star*ucks parking lot because I needed to be in a place of comfort, whereupon I swiftly kicked my door open again and jumped out of my car again and started jumping nervously around periodically peeking inside and trying to figure out where the beemonster was hiding. It was only after about 5 minutes of this -- while screaming over the phone at Heather trying to explain my current situation -- that I realized that I had been making a spectacle of myself in front of several passing Star*ucks customers. Not that I cared since my face had nearly been eaten off by a giant killer bee.

In any case, I eventually was able to collect my bearings and find the wherewithall to climb back into my deathmobile and drive crazily back home, while simulataneously keeping one eye on the road and the other eye firmly planted on the area surrounding my steering wheel console and driver's side air conditioning vent because that's where the killer's buzzing was coming from, and talking on the phone with my sister, whom I had by now called to seek some mental support. My end of the conversation went something like this:

"So what do you guys have planned for Kat's birthday?"

"Uh huh."

"Oh cool!"

"BZZZ."

"OHMYGOD!!!

* slight whimpering *

"Oh really? That'll be c--"

"BZZZ."

"AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"

Long story short, I finally made it back to my apartment alive, face fully intact. No thanks to Scott, Ben, Julia, Erin and Dev -- all of whom I called for emotional support during my moment of distress and all of whom didn't answer their phones!!!! Agh!!!! Hahaha. Just kidding. Even if you all did answer, all you would have heard was some crazy person screaming in the background about a killer bee waiting to eat her face.

The unfortunate part about this whole incident is that I am now completely incapable of setting foot inside my car ever again because I know that beemonster is still lurking inside my air conditioning vent waiting to attack when I least expect it, and am now, of course, going to have to sell my car. That's life I guess. Stupid bees.