Note to self.

Dear Ysabel,

No matter how good an idea it may seem at a time, buying an entire gigantic pie at the grocery store to eat by yourself is NOT a good idea. Trust me: it will sit on your kitchen counter for three days uneaten because 1) Schmoobles is not very big on sweets, and 2) the mood to eat whatever fruit pie you decided on will not hit your belly as aggressively as you thought it would when you were in the bakery section of the grocery store. At the end of the workday when you come home and are ravenous to eat your first non-caffeinated, non-liquid food product of the day, you will immediately lunge for the nearest fried and salted potato or corn product. Therefore: Cheetos, Cheddar Harvest Grain Sun Chips, Tim's Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips -- these will all go from the grocery store shelves, into the kitchen cupboard, into the belly and out the poop shoot in roughly 24 hours time. The fruit pie, however, will remain untouched for three days until you finally decide you want a slice, whereupon you will open the box to find that mold has already started to grow on top of the crust. Damnit. And then you will go to the grocery store again the following weekend, purchase yet another pie and repeat the same blasted process over again. And THEN you will go to the grocery AGAIN the following weekend, be good-heartedly nagged by the Schmoobliebuns that it may not be the best idea to purchase yet another pie considering you've basically already thrown $20 into the garbage can, YET you will stubbornly purchase another pie damnit because I swear I will really want a piece of pie tonight!! So, you bring the pie home. And you eat a total of two slices in the subsequent three days. And then the remaining 75% of the pie will start growing mold and you will have to throw the rest away. Harumph. 

Long story short: When you stop by at the grocery store on your way home after hitting up Star*ucks and Target because you were being driven insane by working on your Super Secret Awesome Project, walk directly past the $10 gigantic fruit pies and, instead, buy a small box of bite-size fruit streudels for $2.99. Lesson learned.

Love,

Yourself (minus 30 blasted dollars)