First I sent this series of text messages to Schmooblebuns (ps. How dare he be too busy working to respond to my messages when I am clearly in a state of despair??) :
And then I posted this on my Facebook:
So, yeah. Pretty normal night.
Also: Did you know that airline tickets from Dallas to Charlotte, NC pretty much doubled in cost in the 24 hours that passed between the day before my last paycheck came in and the actual day that my paycheck came in? Well, it's true. *sigh* I'm going to hold off one more day to see if Expedia can pull a significantly cheaper ticket magically out of its butt, otherwise I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and buy the currently priced ticket. Unless, you know, it decides to double in price again tonight. (Ack! Don't jinx it! ptoo ptoo)
And hypothetical question: If a person were to be subjected to spending upwards of forty-five minutes with feces smeared on her hand without the means to wash it off AND THEN (after washing her hands of course) proceeded to workout for about an hour (give or take a few intermittent breaks), a cold beer would be totally deserved and not at all completely counterproductive, right? Hypothetically.
Well, fudge. I just got an email from the company that I retardedly ordered some LOST-related products in an out-of-body daze yesterday and, apparently, it is too late to cancel. Sheiß!! Oh well. Everything happens for a reason, right? (I need to get this under control) Anyway. The good news is that a few of you are going to get a nice little LOST-related surprise in the mail in the next couple of weeks. The bad news is that, this, along with my rent payment and the purchase of an airplane ticket to Brevard, means that I will be basically subsisting on crackers and water for the next five to six weeks. Ha! (I laugh because it's less painful than self-flagellation)
I feel ya, BB. Don't worry, I'm fixing you some rice cooked in chicken broth to mix in with your kibble. Since you can't have baked beans and peanut butter cups and all.
1. I think I have my Monthly Confirmation That I Am Without Child today. Bring on the Midol!
2. I guess that makes it even better that I chickened out and didn't go through the LOST finale re-watch last night. Can you imagine the psychotic crying and wailing that would have gone down in my living room? I would have perished by self-inflicted drowning in my own tears!
2a. Ooooooh. This also explains why I found myself weeping while watching "The Break-Up" starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn on TBS last night. Really? The Break-Up?? Sheesh. Funny side note: A couple of years ago, I got supremely pissed at Schmooblebuns for some reason or another and he awoke to find me the next morning on our couch giving him the silent treatment and watching this movie on television. I think he got the picture. Especially since just a few months ago, a commercial for this movie came on and he was like, "Uh, remember when you got really mad at me and watched this movie? That scared me." Ha! Take note, ladies.
3. In a weirdly-related note: BB is totally about to have her Woman Time, too. She's been way mellow and really preferring to chill out in cozy little quiet hiding places. And licking her private area even more than she usually does (which is A LOT). *sigh*
4. I totally just went into a LOST-induced trance and possibly just spent some money online purchasing LOST-related things that I probably didn't need to, especially considering that my next paycheck is five or six weeks away. Gulp. So I got instantaneous buyer's remorse and sent the company an email that may have said something like "CANCEL! CANCEL! CANCEL!" Hopefully it works.
5. And then hopefully I can re-order the items in five to six weeks.
6. Earlier this morning I was all, "Man, I really don't have anything interesting to blog about." And then I remembered that I still had to post the pictures from my Chicago trip. And then I remembered how annoying that process is. And now I am remembering that it is so much easier to just put it off for a little bit longer. Sorry!
UPDATE:
I guess I could, like, practice or something (emphasis on "or something").
UPDATE #2:
Curry Chicken Salad:Redux...MACRO!
New and Improved! Now with less potential food poisoning! Also, no tomatoes and raisins (because I used them all up in my first unfortunate batch), but with toasted pecans (because I had some).
Lunch.
Also, I always have an audience of one when I'm in the kitchen.
Do you know what happens when you are left by yourself for a whole week (Schmooblebottoms is still in Chicago working with these nerds) with no classes to teach, no little children to beat into submission, no friends and family (waaah) and only one President of the Finer Things Club and one half panda-half ewok to keep you company (neither of whom speak English...that I know of)? You end up updating your blog too often, and with random non-entertaining mindless crap. So sorry.
Anyway.
Last night I dreamt that I finally re-watched the LOST finale again. Specifically, it was the scene in which Kate shoots Flocke and Jack kicks him over the cliff. And in my dream, the sound his bones made when Flocke landed on the rocks below was GROSS (and by "gross" I mean "awesome").
In other news: I decided to throw out the rest of my giant batch of potentially poisonous chicken salad. It pained me to do it. But I'm sure not as much as it would have probably pained my sphincter had I chosen to eat the rest of it. I guess I'll be going to the store later to buy some legit mayonnaise to make some Chicken Curry Salad: Redux.
UPDATE: So I went to Target to buy some mayonnaise and Kleenex. I walked away with mayonnaise...and 2 t-shirts (Becaues my wardrobe was missing a black and a purple fitted t-shirt. And because they were $2 each, yo.), 2 lightweight maternity tops that I will use as short breezy summer dresses (Because it is already in the mid-90s here, with eleventy thousand percent humidity, and it is only going to get WORSE. Also because they were $4 each, natch.), tortilla chips, hot dogs, a can of pork n' beans (geez...), a bag of frozen tater tots, some facial scrub and turkey slices. No Kleenex because I realized I still had a massive underground collection of those travel/purse size packs.*
* You know, like when you go to Target (hypothetically) to shop for supplies everytime you go on a trip ? And you always get that 4-pack of travel size Kleenex because who doesn't need travel size Kleenex when going on a trip? But then you only use like half of one of those packs during the actual trip and forget about the other three? And then, hypothetically, 4 - 6 months later, you're getting ready to go travel somewhere again, and you go to Target and get another of those 4-packs of Kleenex because the three from before have been hiding in one of your bathroom drawers for the last 4 - 6 months and you forgot they existed? Tell me I'm not the only one. Liars!!
UPDATE #2: So ABC is going to re-air the finale (duh, you know which one I'm talking about) tonight. I foresee a glass (or two...) of wine and a pack of tissues to sop up the pent-up tears in my future.
And how do I know that major tears are going to be shed if and when I choose to re-watch the finale, despite my emotional numbness on Sunday? Because just seeing videos of people talk about the show make my eyeballs get all wet and leaky, even six days later. Also, because I keep listening to this song in my car:
The lyrics, you guys. Seriously.
Battered and torn Still I can see the light Tattered and worn But I must kneel to fight
Friend of mine What can't you spare I know sometimes It gets cold in there
When my legs no longer carry And the warm wind chills my bones I just reach for mother Mary And I shall not walk alone
Hope is alive While we're apart Only tears Speak from my heart Break the chains That hold us down And we shall be Forever bound
And when I'm tired and weary And a long, long way from home I just reach for mother Mary And I shall not walk alone
Beauty that We left behind How shall we Forever find
Set aside Our weight in sin So that we Can live again
When my legs no longer carry And the warm wind chills my bones I just reach for mother Mary And I shall not walk alone
UPDATE #3: Decided against the re-watch. Wasn't sure I could handle the emotion yet. So have opted for a bottle of beer and a "Bridezillas" marathon instead. Narf.
In other news, do you know what's a really tasty and not-at-all healthy snack? A sandwich of white bread, butter and sugar. Childhood classic (Maybe only if you were born in the Philippines?). And a South Beach diet disaster!! Regardless, it's yummy.
Uh, you get amazing smells taking over your entire apartment that make you want to eat your own face off. That is all.
UPDATE: Curry chicken salad with onions, tomatoes, red grapes, celery and raisins, served on bed of greens - made and partially currently digesting in mah belleh. It was pretty and healthy (when you ignore the giant blops of mayonnaise that went into it). And now, half a glass of wine and Simpsons on my television. Huzzah!
UPDATE #2: Um...if a fairly recenty-purchased jar of mayonnaise is slightly separated when you open it but smells totally normal, it's probably still good, right? Because if not, I think I may be suffering from self-inflicted food poisoning. I feel a rumbly in my tumbly. Whoops.
But, as it is, you pretty much have to do it one by one. Which is a total pain in the rectum. So I'm about a third of the way done with the actual uploading. And then I have to go through and resize. And then write humorous (or not) captions. So, be on the lookout for photos from my birthday trip to Chicago...in about six months. Haha. I just keeeeding!! ...I think.
Just a couple brief notes before I venture out to find some insanely overpriced and mediocre airport food to shove inside my face hole:
1. I am currently drinking the best tasting soy latte I have had in a long time (tastes like the one I got at Cozumel). This goes against my "No coffee during air travel as it will increase the likelihood of the need to use a public restroom (...*shudder*)" rule. But germy airport toilets be damned! I NEED COFFEE. Surely I can summon enough will to levitate over the public toilet, right?
2. Chicago was awesome. Dev and Ness are awesome. Thirty is awesome (Can you believe it?). More on all this when I have uploaded all my pictures online. There are some entertaining stories to be shared. Like one involving a middle-aged Russian immigrant who scolded me inside a very crowded public bus. It was awesome.
3. This man is eating a McDonald's Big Mac next to me at the gate and it smells AMAZING. I want to rip it out of his hands and throw it inside my face. Do you think that would get me arrested?
4. The place two gates to my left is bound for San Francisco. Can I take that flight instead please? Do you think THAT would get me arrested?
5. When I was at Chicago Midway this morning, the lady checking my ID and boarding pass before security was unexpectedly nice and said, "Happy Belated Birthday!" Sometimes people can be cool (Often times not. See: Old Russian ladies who yell at me on the bus.).
I think everybody should start a new decade in their lives by walking down the block to get a delicious iced Americano and even more delicious Goat Cheese, Egg and Roasted Tomato Croissant sandwich for breakfast, and then getting simultaneously yelled at and hit on by a crazy person on the sidewalk.
Anyway...
Brilliant Thirty-Year Old Ysabel Idea #1:
My new purpose in life is to get a tank full of fishies. And all of the fishies are going to be named after LOST characters. And the tank is going to be decorated to look like the Island. And then Dev said that everytime one of the fish dies, I can just replace it with another one and say that the dead fishy is in its sideways afterlife world.
LOST Finale with island food (pineapple, mangoes, kiwi, pork ("boar") weenies, pulled pork "pulled boar" sandwiches, Dharma Cola, Dharma beer and Dharma vodka, Dharma cookies, and Dharma tortilla chips) and Scott, Dev, Vanessa, Ozzie and Zoey was AWESOME. Pictures to come. Must take the next week (and by "week" I mean "the rest of eternity") to process. I surprisingly did not get weepy (I'm assuming my Dharma vodka and cranberries helped. Although I screamed and yelled and squealed and clapped quite a few times.) until the very very end. When Jack returned to the bamboo forest? And then Vincent came and laid next to him?! Oy. Vey. *tear*
5:55am - Made it to through security and to the gate 35 minutes before the flight. There is NOBODY here. Well, this is cetainly troubling. And yet, the monitor assures me that I am at the correct place at the correct time. Hm.
6:10am - Seriously. Where the EFF is everybody?!
6:20am - Oh for crying out loud. Note to airline: When you decide to change your gate number, please do more than just put a small black square with the number 34 on it on the gate monitor. You know, like add the words "Flight to Denver has been moved to Gate E__" directly before the number 34 in order to add some context. And then maybe make an announcement or two over the intercom. And then maybe CHANGE THE GATE INFORMATION ON THE WALL OF TV MONITORS. Ugh. Good thing I am apparently partially psychic as you have assumed all your passengers to be. Either that, or I just spent the last ten minutes asking the airline workers behind the counters "Is this flight going to Denver? Is this flight going to Denver?" Blargh we're taking off! Phones off.
7:52am (Mountain Time) - Greetings from Denver International Airport! So I booked it to the nearest gift shop in order to fin something to throw inside my mouth since I am so hungry I want to eat my own face. The only thing I could find that looked reasonably appetizing and that wasn't too terribly bad for my health (look how healthy I am!) was a decently sized bag of cranberry trail mix that cost freaking $5. What a racket they're running, amiright? So when I got up to the cashier and noticed a display of unpriced Clif Bars, I thought, "Surely this wee little bar can't cost more than a couple bucks." so I traded it for the trail mix. I'm brilliant, healthy AND cost-conscious! Then the cashier rang me up, and the effing Clif Bar plus a bottle of water cost me $7. Wah waaaaah.True story. Anyway, typing all that up took the entire connection time. Time to board!
8:11am - Hey I'm sitting in a row with a couple from Tennessee! I think it was the fact that he was wearing a UT hat and shirt that gave him away. I was all, "If my boyfriend was with me, he'd talk your ear off about UT football the whole flight." Ha.
8:16 - You know who has two thumbs and brought her laptop, headphones and an assortment of LOST DVDs wih her on board? ME, that's who! I win!
Whatever, I'm getting old and I don't care anymore: When buying generic-brand Gas-X (see previous post) at Target, it helps ease the mind to choose the middle-aged female cashier who has a probability of speaking broken English. I feel like the likelihood of being silently judged is drastically decreased.
in perfect condition, at the groin-grabbingly awesome price of $1.99 (that's ONE DOLLAH AND NINETY-NINE CENT, yo) at a nearby thrift store! Let's just call this my birthday present to myself. *pats self on back*
1. What is it about coming back from the grocery store (and Target) and restocking your refrigerator and pantry that will elicit a sudden mid-afternoon OCD cleaning attack? Nothing ruins a beautifully refilled and organized fridge like disgusting frozen poultry drippings and stray cheese shreddings from two weeks ago.
2. On a related note: who needs mace anymore, when you can just sprinkle Bela's piss anywhere near a perp? Seriously. That stuff sears the eyeballs.
3. The LOST finale is in two days. Let us not speak of this matter anymore.
4. Except we will have to speak about it because I will be in Chicago for the finale! Woot woot woot!
5. I will also be in Chicago when I bid a semi-fond farewell to my twenties. Let us also not speak of this anymore.
6. So with all of my bitching and kvetching about getting old and fat, I realized today that I actually haven't gained any weight in the last year or two. However, looking at myself in the mirror today made me realize that, while I may not have increased in mass, I certainly have gotten considerable... squishier. Maybe I should make up an exercise regimen as my New Decade's Resolution. I'll think about it. The two months in Brevard this summer should foster such a thing nicely. I hope I remember to pack my sneakers.
7. Speaking of health and getting old: Did you know that I am no longer capable of eating or drinking anything outside of crackers and water without getting all bloaty and burpy afterwards? (Totally attractive.) Like, I totally bought a huge jug of V8 juice because I feel like at least I can get some semblance of daily fruits and vegetables - instead of my daily diet of Forbidden Dairy and fried foods, but I fear that drinking just half a glass of it would result in the bloated near self-implosion of my tummy. Being healthy is hard.
Say you are a dairy-allergic person who is one week away from The Big 3-0 and is drowning her sorrows in bountiful amounts of cheese and, as a result, have been slightly nauseous with slight indigestion and breaking out consistently for the past week, as per the symptoms of your allergy?
It would be okay to dig out from the freezer one of those magically delicious Reese's Peanut Butter Cup flavored Klondike ice cream bars you bought in a moment of weakness last week BECAUSE IT IS REALLY EFFING HOT AND DISGUSTINGLY HUMID IN NORTH TEXAS RIGHT NOW, right? I mean, right?!?!
I know, there's so much inane stuff (inanity?) that I have been neglecting to post about here. Blah blah blah. Yadda yadda yadda. I've been too busy eating disgusting foods and suffering from continuous bouts of heartburn and acid reflux. Also, final grades were due in my classes 90 minutes ago, so I have spent every waking moment between the end of final exams last Wednesday and about 10am this morning coming up with excuses as to why it was okay that I hadn't even begun grading the exams yet.
Anyway.
Hey, did you know that I'm going to Chicago on Sunday? WELL I AM! The items on the schedule are two-fold:
1. Sunday: Watch the LOST series finale (waaaaaaaaaaaah) with Scott, Dev and Vanessa. Yaaaaay! Drink copious tequila shots to erase the reality that LOST is ovah.
2. Tuesday: Turn THIRTY YEARS OLD. Drink copious tequila shots to erase the reality that my twenties are ovah.
But, in reality, my twenties have been an endless parade of PMS-induced emotional crying fests and moments of bloatation* intermixed with the collection of one useless music degree and then another useless music degree, as well as the hauling all of my crap into one U-haul after another and moving to a new part of the country every 2 - 4 years, so it's not like I'm going to mourn my twenties all that much. But still. Tequila will be needed.
* Seriously, if I don't start eating healthier and exercising regularly again, someday I'm going to stop becoming "periodically bloated" and just be plain FAT. And I think "someday" is "next Tuesday."
I think I have watched this clip no less than fifteen times in the last 2 days:
In other news: Do you know what's one good thing about being a young Asian woman living in the suburbs of Dallas, Texass? That when you go to a nearby bar/restaurant with a girlfriend for happy hour drinks and accidentally leave a packet of clarinet music on your table assumably never to be seen again, you will go back to said bar/restaurant more than two weeks later and run into the waiter that has only seen you once previously many days before and he will say, "Hey! You left some music here a few weeks ago! I've got it in the back." Ha!
Also: You know what's the best way to spend your first free Friday morning after the end of classes for the semester? Having to go to a mandatory sexual harassment training seminar at the university for which you teach. Especially when you get to sit there with your colleagues and watch this video:
This past weekend, Schmooblebop took me to dinner and a movie, Iron Man 2. The movie was good, fluffy, Robert Downey Junior-ey fun. (Side note: Why doesn't Gwyneth Paltrow go for that strawberry blonde haircolor in real life? I think it's charming and thaws her usually ice-queenish exterior.) That's not important. What is important, is that during the previews, Schmoobs decided to go the little boys room for a tinkle. Just as he was about twenty feet down the aisle, the preview for a new show on A&E called "The Glades" came on, starring Kiele Sanchez. And without an ounce of hesitation, I found myself suddenly shouting, in the middle of the packed theatre and apparently to nobody in particular, "HEY! IT'S NIKKI!!" Ugh. Whatever, I don't care. LOST is awesome and is taking over my life.
Also: Hey, this is pretty sweet. Fine Arts, Education and Music? The top ten worst-paying college degrees in the universe and I pretty much fit in three of those categories. I'm going to go pat myself on the back now. And by "pat myself on the back" I mean "drown my sorrows in a gin and tonic." Wait, since I've got three down and I still don't make their listed starting annual salary, does this mean that if I get all ten degrees I'll end up making a decent middle income? Alright, time to get cracking on that Horticulture degree, I guess... *cracks knuckles*
On the one hand, every hour that I inch closer and closer to thirty, I can almost literally feel my metabolism becoming slower and slower and I find myself thinking about eight times a day, "I should really go for a run later tonight." Seriously, these five extraneous pounds stubbornly clinging onto my cheeks (either pair) and midsection need to go.
On the other hand, quesadillas and homemade guacamole are so effing delicious. Especially at 10:30 at night while watching reality television on Bravo.
And just in case you thought you missed me and this silly little blog, I'll start with this: Did you know that it is possible for a person to PMS for three effing weeks? Well, I didn't know that.....until I actually did it last month. Blergh. Wait, let me rephrase that. BLUUUUUUUURGH!!! Let's just say that it starts with sore, tender breasticles and ends with you buying a bag of Totino's Pizza Rolls and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups at Target for lunch.
Anyway.
Hey, did you also know that I am now, along with Dan, an Assistant Dean of Students for the Brevard Music Center? Woot, summer gig. More on that spater.
