Hullo.

1. What is it about coming back from the grocery store (and Target) and restocking your refrigerator and pantry that will elicit a sudden mid-afternoon OCD cleaning attack? Nothing ruins a beautifully refilled and organized fridge like disgusting frozen poultry drippings and stray cheese shreddings from two weeks ago.

2. On a related note: who needs mace anymore, when you can just sprinkle Bela's piss anywhere near a perp? Seriously. That stuff sears the eyeballs.

3. The LOST finale is in two days. Let us not speak of this matter anymore.

4. Except we will have to speak about it because I will be in Chicago for the finale! Woot woot woot!

5. I will also be in Chicago when I bid a semi-fond farewell to my twenties. Let us also not speak of this anymore.

6. So with all of my bitching and kvetching about getting old and fat, I realized today that I actually haven't gained any weight in the last year or two. However, looking at myself in the mirror today made me realize that, while I may not have increased in mass, I certainly have gotten considerable... squishier. Maybe I should make up an exercise regimen as my New Decade's Resolution. I'll think about it. The two months in Brevard this summer should foster such a thing nicely. I hope I remember to pack my sneakers.

7. Speaking of health and getting old: Did you know that I am no longer capable of eating or drinking anything outside of crackers and water without getting all bloaty and burpy afterwards? (Totally attractive.) Like, I totally bought a huge jug of V8 juice because I feel like at least I can get some semblance of daily fruits and vegetables - instead of my daily diet of Forbidden Dairy and fried foods, but I fear that drinking just half a glass of it would result in the bloated near self-implosion of my tummy. Being healthy is hard.