Here I am again on my o-o-own...

I'm sitting here in the office on my second work Friday in a row. Hmph!

Sadly for you, I don't think I will be replecating my Friday play-by-play from last week because I actually have something substantial to accomplish today. Mainly getting 1.3 trillion sets of mailings stuffed and ready to go for our Chamber Series launch next week. Boooo! But I am currently coping with the situation by eating a gigantic slice of red velvet office cake for breakfast. I could not help it, seeing as how a) I ran out of Wheat Thins yesterday and b) I snooze-buttoned for twenty minutes too long this morning and didn't have time to swing by Star*ucks for a delicious breakfast beverage and oatmeal cookie.

That's all. Perhaps I will check in again later today after I've finished all the mailings. Or maybe in half an hour when I've grown bored with the mailings. Yeah, probably that last one.

***

Oh wait. Also, remember that fun little work assignment Bossman gave me which I had to submit yesterday? He sent me this memo this morning:

"Thank you. Thoughtful comments and quite accurate, in my view."

And so it seems all the years I spent honing my skillz in in high school BS-ing essays have finally paid off. Ha!

***

Update: Ok, I swear I didn't do this on purpose, but it's half an hour later and I'm throwing in the towel on the red velvet office cake. It was just too damned sweet! I quit halfway through and tossed the rest away in the bathroom trashcan. I'm so ashamed of myself. I guess this is just further proof that I really don't belong in the South. Anyway, now I'm trying to figure out how to cleanse my palate of the sickly sweet aftertaste that's lingering. Damn, why did I have to finish off all my Wheat Thins yesterday? My kingdom for some sodium!!! Maybe I'll call up Jimmy John's and order a tuna sandwich or something. Yeah, I bet tuna counteracts red velvet quite nicely. Is 10:45 too early for a tuna sub? Hmm...

***

And another update: Thank you Jesus, the weekend is finally here. Well, in 8 minutes, but who's counting? So remember when I first mentioned the fact that I had seemingly slept wrong on my shoulder and the pain wasn't going away? It was in this post. Well, it's now nearly 2 months later and the pain is still there. And the last 8 hours I spent stuffing those f*ing Chamber Series mailings (i.e. 8 hours of physical repetition...) have not necessarily helped in alleviating the pain. Bah! It's gotten so distracting now, that I've actually resorted to making an actual doctor's appointment. Ugh. I hate doctors appointments. Almost as much as I hate dentist appointments. And unfortunately, with the upcoming holiday, I won't be able to see anybody until next Wednesday at the earliest. Anyway, as the Appointment Coordinator was apologizing to me for having to wait over the weekend, I said, "Well, I've had it for almost two months now, so I think I can wait a few more days." At least I think I can. Ugh, shoulder pain. Not cool.

But in much better news: that last paragraph took me seven minutes to write, which means only thing to me: I'm outta this office!!! Have a great weekend, folks! Sign my guestbook.

Oh, and one more thing...

It has been brought to my attention that there are some of you out there who read my blog fairly frequently (Hurray for you and for me!) and there are even a few of you who think it is mildly amusing (Hurray for us again!! But I am sorry that you apparently share the same deluded sense of humor and view of the world as I...). However, it is clear that a goodly number of you, for some sick twisted reason, refuse to comment on any of my posts. You know who you are. Yeah, you. I have my sources. And I also have a hit counter at the bottom of this page. Haha! Anyway, back to my point...

Why is this?

Do you not understand how devoid I am of any sense of self-worth and, hence, must base my entire value as a human being on the quantity (not so much quality) of post comments I receive on my blog? And do you not care that, not only do I sit at my desk hour after hour checking my (perpetually empty*) email Inbox, but that, when I am checking this blog, I also click refresh refresh refresh a ridiculous number of times just to see if somebody has just now left a comment for me to read??

Hahaha.

How sorry do you feel for me right now? Not sorry as in "remorseful over your apparent neglect for Ysabel's feelings," but sorry as in "disgusted over just how pathetic Ysabel truly is."

Anyway, all that previous blather was to tell you all this: I was in the Little Patron Service Coordinator's room just a couple of minutes ago, and as I was ridding myself of liquid toxins, I thought to myself, "There must be some way to encourage my bashful mystery readers to make their mark on this site. I know! I'll bring back my Guestbook!"

So there you have it. The Guestbook feature is back, folks. It took me forever to relocate the html code for my Guestbook link which I had lost when I decided to redesign this blog. But I found it! Look on the sidebar on the left. Click it. Sign it. Love it.

* Except for yesterday morning, when my sister emailed me, not once, but TWICE and also sent me a link to some very very cute sandals that are on sale at Victoria's Secret. Hurray for my sister! Am I forgiven???

Don't know what you've got, yada yada yada...

Crazy Lunatic Supervisor has been really really nice to me all week. I mean, Really. Nice.

Perhaps she shall be renamed here-to-fore as Crazy Lunatic Penitent Supervisor. ...Nah, that's too many words.

I think this is the first stage in Crazy Lunatic Supervisor's Inevitable Gradually Increasing Freak Out Regarding Ysabel's Impending Departure. Also, I have been quite the productive machine this week -- probably an end result of my attempt to minimize the amount of verbal interaction with Crazy Lunatic Supervisor and Telefund Manager as much as possible. In addition to the usual inane tasks I typically do on a daily basis, I've even managed to tackle a few additional projects, including the updating of the symphony subscription online renewal webpages and the layout of an insert that will be part of our Chamber Series renewal launch. God, I'm good. And with Favorite Cool Co-worker out on vacation all week, I think it's hitting even harder just how efficient and fabulous I really am at work. *sigh* I love me.

***

In other news, Bossman gave me this assignment yesterday: "Think about what you perceive to be this organization's greatest strength and its greatest weakness. Please submit to me by the end of day tomorrow."

Hm, well that's easy: "I believe our greatest strength is Me. Our greatest weakness is the lack of a Star*ucks located directly within our office building."

Hahaha. Just kidding. But, in all honesty, do I really want to sit down and conjure up an insightful and well though-out response? The answer, of course, is "hell to the no." I'm just not in the right mood to reach up into my darkest crevices in order to pull some brilliant answer out of my arse. I thought I was done with having to write essay questions after high school. Bah. I've got about 4 hours to turn something in...

***

And in news that will make my mother call me up the instant she reads this to tell me to move back home: Bossman told me that he had recently been in contact with the Executive Director of the Santa Rosa Symphony (I guess they met at some nerdy Orchestra Leadership seminar a couple years ago or something), who apparently said these words: "Tell Ysabel that if she ever decides to move back home, to give me a call. We'd love to have her." Ah, the Ysabel Love-Fest is spreading coast to coast. Don't try to fight it. It'll get to you sooner or later.

Anyway, my response to Bossman when he told me this? "Well, why don't you tell Mr. Executive Director of the Santa Rosa Symphony to move to Seattle so he can get me a job there." Hee hee.

Sweet mother of ---

Can this be?

Can Telefund Manager really have been standing in front of my desk making non-stop jibber-jabber for the last 20 minutes??

When I clearly lost interest in the conversation 17 minutes ago and desperately need to get back to doing my Very Important Work at my computer (as evidenced here), which has been communicated by me to him non-verbally via my lack of eye contact in his general direction and frequent use of one syllable words in response to all of his inane yammering???

Cool.
Wow.
Really?
Uh huh.
Go away.
Right now.
I mean it!!!!
Leave me alone!!!
GAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

And to make matters worse, I actually have real work to do. And I was attempting to do said real work when Telefund Manager first waltzed over here many moons ago. But now I cannot help but log onto Blogger even as he stands 2 feet directly in front of me and express my frustration to you via non-verbal Angst-Management, as I have no other possible outlet available to me because I am being held captive by The World's Nicest But Most Irritating Jibber-Jabberer Ever inside my daily M-F prison cell.

I mean, seriously. Exactly how rude and unfriendly do I have to get in order to get rid of him??? I have fought back the urge to say, literally, "Listen, Telefund Manager. I'm sorry, but I really need to get this done. You're a very nice person and all, but your non-stop yammering about Lord-knows-what because I stopped actually listening about halfway through the conversation is kind of a distraction. And, wait, isn't that your phone ringing? Yes! It is your phone ringing!! Praise Jesus, now I can have my life back and ....Why the hell aren't you answering your f*ing phone?! Go away go away go away go away!!!"

But I'm not fully convinced that he wouldn't show up to the office tomorrow with an Uzi aimed at my general direction.

***

Update: Annual Funds Manager just came over to me and whispered, "Does Telefund Manager not have anything else to do??" And I whispered to her, "I know! He came over her and talked at me for like half an hour!!" And she whispered back, "I know!! Me too!!"

***

Update #2: Oh...high...holy...hell. I f*ing just accidentally deleted this document I'd been working on the entire morning ... Without saving it....

MOTHERF*******R!!!!!

*deep breath*

...I'm going to just completely ignore the fact that I did that am going to drown my sorrows in assorted Star*ucks deliciousness instead. Will deal with this...later.

I have a new love...

...and its name is "Wheat Thins." Nabisco Brand Reduced-Fat Wheat Thins, to be precise. I bought a box when I was at the grocery store with evil menacing automatic doors the other day, so I could keep it at my desk and munch on a few occasionally when the mood struck me. Only, I, of course, do not know the meaning of "munch on a few occasionally" and - at the rate I'm going - will probably go through the entire contents of the box by the end of the day.

Oh what the hell, by the end of the hour.

Also, I bought a packet of multi-colored (and, hence, multi-flavored) Swedish Fish which I now have in my purse. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't even really like gummy candy. And I for sure am not a fan of "fruit" flavored anything that isn't fruit. Except for Cherry Garcia. And Creamsicles. But anyway, the Fish are quite disgusting and are extremely adept at getting all up in the far-reaching crevices of your teeth and gums so that eating one little gummy nightmare takes like twenty minutes from start to finish. Plus some brushing and flossing, if you're lucky. Whatever. I guess I'll eat them anyway since I did spend a precious $2.00 of my hard-earned (ha!) money on the damned things.

2 posts in one day? Man, I'm bored.

First Last Now

First

• First job: "Customer Service Representative" for Blockbuster Video. Oh, what the hell, I was a video droid.


• First screen name: I believe it was "barenakedladie." But I got too many skeezy IMs from gross strangers who didn't get the reference to the awesome Canadian band.


• First funeral: Never been to one. Knock on wood. The closest I've been was to a memorial service for a high school Spanish teacher.


• First pet: We had many many pets in the Philippines. Even some chickens. But my first pet was my cat Buddy. He was the best cat EVER.


• First piercing: My ears, of course.


• First tattoo: None. Yet.


• First credit card: Gah! Senior year of high school or something. I was very irresponsible with it. Very irresponsible. I only just finally paid it all off and rid myself of it completely a year or two ago. Good riddance.


• First enemy: The only name that comes to mind is Waldvogel. *shakes fist*  Waldvogelllll!!!

Last

• Last car ride: This morning to work. I was only three minutes late! Woo!


• Last kiss: Sometime yesterday?


• Last movie watched: In a theater? An Inconvenient Truth. Go see it.


• Last beverage drank: Diet Coke. For breakfast. I'm weak.


• Last food consumed: Why, a Dutch Apple & Raisin bagel from Panera, of course.


• Last phone call: No doubt some angry old symphony patron.


• Last time showered: This morning before work.


• Last CD played: Who listens to CDs anymore? ...I guess I have Phantom of the Opera in my car so I can sing along during the traffic-filled hell that is my commute home. Oh no! Some of my hidden nerdiness just came out!!


• Last website visited: My gmail. NO NEW MESSAGES!!! AAARRGGHH!!!

Now

• Single or taken: Taken, I guess.


• Gender: female


• Birthday: May 25


• Sign: Gemini, on the cusp of Taurus. That means I'm stubborn and bull-headed with a double personality.


• Siblings: 3. Two older, one younger.


• Hair color: Brown? Black?


• Eye color: Daark brown.


• Shoe size: 6-ish.


• Height: 5 feet and 1 precious inch.


• Wearing: The old tried-and-true: jeans, a tank top and a sweater (only because it's twenty degrees inside the office) with brown sandals.


• Drinking: Diet Coke. Duh.


• Thinking about: The rumblings in my belly. Time for my late lunch break!


• Listening to: The jibber-jabber of Crazy Lunatic Supervisor behind me. Blarg.

This survey was too short. I must go find another...

Oh, f---!

Mom and dad: please pardon the torrent of expletives that are about to follow...

***

Oh f*ck.

F*ck!

F********ck!!!

My blissful Crazy Lunatic Supervisor-less week is now but a distant and wonderful memory. It seems Favorite Cool Co-worker is on vacation all this week and I am left all by myself in our little section of the office with nobody but (f*ck!) Crazy Lunatic Supervisor. For the next five days. Well, four, I guess since I will be all by my lonesome again this Friday. Bah. Ack. Ptooey. F*CK!

***

*sigh*

In other news, remember that bagel that I nearly soiled myself over in this post because it was so freaking delicious? It's the Dutch Apple & Raisin bagel from Panera Bread. Holy crap. So good. Get it sliced and toasted, then smear a ridiculous amount of light, fluffy Panera cream cheese in the middle. I think I just soiled myself again.

Also, has anyone ever been ensnared by a pair of automatic double-doors? Like, literally had a pair of sliding doors close in on you for no foreseen reason? Well, I have. I was doing a load of emergency wash (as in, an I No Longer Have Non-Granny Panty Underwear emergency) yesterday afternoon and, as I like to multi-task when having to spend quality time at the friendly neighborhood laundromat, I decided to drop by the grocery store next door to pass some time. Anyway, I was walking out of the store and the doors were still open so I decided to hurry and pass right through, only when I got to about 4 feet from the doors, it started to close in. I thought, "For sure, once I step right in front of the door, the sensors will kick in and it'll start opening up again." Wrong. It just kept closing. Next thing I know I am literally caught in between the doors which had completely closed in on me. Half my body was outside the store, and the other half, with arm clutching my shopping bag, was still inside. With people on both sides watching me. I managed to wrangle myself free after about three seconds, but rest assured that those three seconds were plenty of time for both the surly teenage cashiers on the inside and the customers in the parking lot outside to witness my bizarre battle with the damned glass double-door menace.

A Day in the Life...

During the post-concert season break, my office imparts a summer hours policy during which only two people from the entire staff are required to work on Fridays. This policy is completely and utterly fabulous ... except for when it becomes your turn to work a Friday. And, damnit, today is my day!! Education and Outreach Director's, too. Not only do I now have to sit at my desk for 8 hours with nothing to do, there is also nobody else here with which to b*tch about the fact that there is nothing to do. Not only that, but I have to work next Friday as well. Speaking of which:

Last week:

Crazy Lunatic Supervisor (looking at calendar and being a busy-body): "We should have made you work the first Friday so you could at least work two Fridays before you go."

Me (filing papers into the Infernal Wall of File Cabinets): "...Uh, I am."

Crazy Lunatic Supervisor: "You are?"

Me: "Yeah, I switched with Sarah. I'm working the next two Fridays."

Crazy Lunatic Supervisor (looks at calendar again): *pause* "Oh, well thank you!! That is soo nice."

Me: "Ugh."


I especially am bemoaning the absence of Favorite Cool Co-worker, as we generally enjoy holding deep, intellectual discussions regarding politics, religion, current events, etc:

"Oh my god, did you see the Britney Spears interview with Matt Lauer last night?"

and also:

"I can't believe they voted off Elliot on American Idol. He's so much better than that McPhee girl. What a skank."

and my personal favorite:

"God, I can't stand Crazy Lunatic Supervisor. I wish she'd hurry up and fall over the nearby bridge and get eaten by a troll already."

***

At least a few of the more responsible and dedicated (i.e. non-hungover from last night's staff party...) members of the administrative staff generally feel obligated to come in for a few hours on Friday morning so I don't feel quite so lonesome. Also, I actually brought some work from home to keep me occupied during the day; There are so many important projects that I have had to push by the wayside and I at last now have the time to tackle these suckers: The 4400 Seasons 1 & 2 DVD, Batman Returns DVD and Felicity Season 2 DVD.

***

Hour 1

• Came in 10 minutes late. Damn that last hit of the snooze button! However, as nobody else was here when I arrived, it don't matter much now, does it?
• Distributed the mail.
• Ran into Financial Director aka Anglo-Version Of My Father in the hall. I guess he's here too.
• Ate some Triscuits.
• Checked my email. Inbox empty. Damn you all.
• Checked Myspace. Found out that my dream to form a group on Myspace entitled "Clarinetists who were or currently are working as barristas" is totally do-able. Added that to my list of projects for the day.
• Checked my office voicemail. Received 3 messages, all within 2 minutes of each other and all from one angry old lady flustered because she couldn't get a person on the phone yesterday afternoon. At 4:30pm. After we all had left early because nobody had anything to do and the phone hadn't rung in 4 hours. Oops.
• Ate more Triscuits.
• Finished the charge log.
• Education and Outreach Director walked in. Ah, my Friday companion! Too bad her office is way the hell down the other end of the building.
• Checked my blog for comments. Thank you to Joan and Greg!
• Finished the check log. And with that officially finished everything I have to do for the day.

Hour 2

• Thought about calling that woman back.
• Checked my linked blogs instead.
• Signed onto AOL Instant Messenger.
• Personnel Manager/2nd clarinetist/Music Librarian walked in. What a good worker! I wonder what that's like? Ah well, back to my blogs...
• Assistant Music Librarian walked in. Those librarians sure are dedicated! Don't they know the value of a day off?
• Checked my email again. Still no new messages.
• Saw that I had a new voicemail. It was from our Annual Funds Manager calling from her home, transferring a message to me that she received from Aforementioned Angry Old Lady.
• Ugh, called Angry Old Lady back. She instantly launched into her tirade about being "disappointed about not being able to reach a person on the phone" and that she "has been a symphony subscriber for many years" yadda yadda yadda. I immediately apologized profusely and said that there was an "emergency in the office" yesterday, shortly after 4pm. Yeah, a We Want to Get the Hell Up Out of Here and Drink Some Margaritas Emergency! Anyway, she instantly became apologetic (ha!) and I easily helped her out with her pressing request. As in, she wanted -- nay, needed -- to know what seat she is sitting in next season. The season which doesn't start until late September. Three months from now.
• Inbox empty.

Hour 3

• UPS Guy came in with a package. Just a Rolodex I had ordered as per our Development Director's request. Nothing exciting.
• Visited the Little Patron Services Coordinator's room. Morning BMs are fun. And strangely comforting. But don't tell Scott, because girls don't poop.
• Walked back to my desk to find my phone ringing. Of course. Just a gentleman looking for a possible cello teacher. He called me "hon." See, why couldn't Angry Old Lady be nice like him?
• Checked email. Inbox empty, but saw that I had not written back to Robin, who very kindly emailed me yesterday morning. He is currently living in Paris and having a fabulous time, as evidenced by his blog. Yay Robin!
• Holy crap, Bossman just walked in!! Good thing I was emailing Robin back and not, say, watching Batman Returns on my computer. He came over to chat about the party last night. "Oh man, Boss. You were soooo trashed! It was hilarious! And disturbing at the same time!" Not really, but that's what I wanted to say. He also gave me some letters to mail to some Board members.
• Letters to the Board members addressed and ready to go. Man, I'm good. Now what? I can't watch my DVDs until Bossman is out of the building!
• Oh man, I just realized that since today is Friday I don't have to worry about sleeping early tonight.
• Went to the kitchen to get my first of many cups of coffee. Huzzah!

Hour 4

• Inbox empty, damnit.
• It is now officially lunchtime. As in, The Hour In Which Ysabel Begins To Go Insane.
• Education and Outreach Director came by to tell me that she is leaving to go to the Youth Orchestra String Camp and will be gone for about 4 hours. Take me with you!!!
• Checked Myspace. Nothing.
• Began IM-ing with Sarah P. Hurray!
• Checked out the news on MSN.com. So Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are getting hitched this weekend in Australia, eh? Titillating! "Balenciaga, who designed Kidman's ethereal Oscar dress, is believed to have won the honor of outfitting her on the big day, although Chanel, which has paid her millions to shill for its brand, could still be in the running. An insider tattles to the Sydney Morning Herald that the wedding gown is white and has a 'Victorian-like high collar.' No word on what Keith will wear or whether he'll have his trademark golden-streaked tresses touched up before heading to the altar." No word on Keith's highlights?? What brand of journalism is this?!
• Inbox empty.
• Perused Myspace briefly before becoming bored.
• Inbox still empty.
• Personnel Manager/2nd clarinetist/Music Librarian just left. Lucky bastard!
• When in high holy hell is Bossman going to leave?! If I don't start having something to do soon (i.e. Watch DVDs) I'm going to implode.
• I guess I can go heat up my lunch and eat it. But eating at my desk would be so much more enjoyable if I could do it while watching the tempestuous and exhilarating romantic drama between Ben Covington and Felicity Porter in the Season 2 DVD box set! Hmph.
• Ooh, time for another bathroom break! Hurray for coffee!

Hour 5

• Conceded and went to the kitchen to heat up my lunch. Stupid Bossman. Couldn't he go home and nurse a hangover or something? Go away go away go away!!!
• So the Arts & Culture Alliance downstairs is apparently having summertime fun activities for children this summer and everyday we at the symphony office are blessed with the delightful sounds of many many youths of all ages shrieking, singing, acting, laughing, running, jumping, etc etc etc. with glee all the damn live long day long. It is expounded by the fact the our inner walls are open at the top, allowing for the un-filtered sounds to float magically into our office. If these kids don't shut up soon I'm going to go down there and become That Woman Who Glares Angrily and Yells at Pre-pubescents For Being Really Really Irritating.
• Finished lunch. Burger and a few chicken nuggets. I'm nothing if not a disgusting eater. And disgusting is how I feel at the moment. Bleeaaah.
• Assistant Music Librarian just left.
• Wow, actually received a phone call from a customer wanting to renew their subscription for next year's Pops Series. That's one productive thing I've done in the last...3 hours?
• I have been watching Bossman's actions in his office from the reflection on our office entrance door which I have a direct view of when sitting at my desk. It looks like he may be getting ready to head out. Oh please oh please oh please oh please...
• Damnit, stop lollygagging!

Hour 6

• Oog. Bossman just walked out the door. But not before saying, "I shall return." F*ck!
• The top layer of my lower lip has been peeling off for the last three days. Is that disgusting? I just spent the last 20 minutes peeling away more bits of lip skin. Hahaha. Are you grossed out? The more bored I get, the more disgusting my writing topics become.
• Hey, I just helped out my second symphony subscriber of the day. I'm on a roll, people!
• Perused Myspace for a while again. I like Myspace only because it is quite good for wasting time away, especially when you are stuck at a desk with nothing but a computer and a cup of coffee to entertain yourself. However, I hate myself just a little bit more after everytime I look at strange people's profiles. Like I need to shower or something. Oh wait, I feel the need to take a shower after I do ANYTHING.

Hour 7

• Or Penultimate Hour, if you will. The end is nigh!
• Financial Director aka Anglo-Version Of My Father just came up to my desk to ask when Education and Outreach Director was going to be back. After I told him that she would be back shortly after 4 this afternoon he said, "Well, I kind of want to go, but I don't want to leave you here by yourself." I said that I would be fine and that he should go ahead and leave. And then he asked, "I could lock the door on my way out if you want. I just hate for you to be the only one here. Are you sure you'll be alright?" Awww!! I knew he was my Anglo-Father! In any case, I convinced him to go as I reassured him, after all, that there are about a billion screaming humans downstairs, so I don't think I'm in any danger. The screaming children on the other hand...
• Ok, I am completely and utterly all by myself in the symphony office. What do I do? What do I do? Flip cartwheels down the corridor? I would, but I'm wearing a swishy skirt and stiletto sandals. Hmm...
• Just took a trip to the office kitchen. There are some bottles of beer in the office fridge. Don't ask my why. ...Ask me why I'm not currently tossing back a frosty cold one with my feet up on my desk watching Batman Returns on my computer. Because I keep having visions of doing just so and then Bossman unexpectedly returning to find me in that state! Agh!
• Hm, our Telefund Manager just walked in. I've never mentioned him before, but he's a weirdo. Ah well, my brief period of solitude was nice while it lasted. Can it be, I will have gone through the entire without watching any of the DVDs I brought in today?
• Tried to form that group on Myspace about clarinetists working as barristas, but it keeps telling me that the "Server Is Too Busy." Bah! Plan foiled!!
• What the hell, I have nothing else to do: So Telefund Manager is in general a nice enough guy. But he is The One in the office who will come to your desk, strike up a conversation about nothing, and continue to hold that conversation with you forever. Even if all you've contributed to the dialogue for twenty minutes straight is, "Oh yeah?" and "Uh huh." and "Cool." and "Ha, right." and "Yeah." while never taking your eyes off of the computer screen and typing furiously what he cannot help but assume is a Very Important Document That Must Be Taken Care of Right Now (i.e. my blog) in an effort to just make him shut up and go back to his office. Yesterday he came up to my desk to show me this desktop paper holder that I had ordered for him the other day. He showed me how nice it looked "Cool" and that you could use it as a white board on one side "Oh yeah?" and then flip it over and use it as a clipboard "Awesome" and there's even a thing on top where you can hold your pen "Uh huh" and you know how sometimes you order office supplies from the catalog and it's not as good as you think it's going to be "Ha, right" but this one is actually much nicer than he thought it was going to be "Cool" etc etc etc. Poor guy.
• What in the hell??!! Bossman just walked out of his office!! When in the world did he get back? And how in the hell did I not notice it when the office entrance is literally like six feet from my face?? Maybe I passed out a little while ago and just don't remember...

The Final Hour

• Chatted with Sarah P. about the gloriousness of eating:

Smeg: hey
ys: were you at lunch?
Smeg: yep
Smeg: went to panera
Smeg: (:
ys: mmm...wha'd you have?
Smeg: steak salad
ys: they used to have the best chicken caesar salad, but it's not as good anymore.
Smeg: ):
ys: yeah. but, man, that bagel the other day was so good
ys: probably because it was bread and i was nursing an angry tummy
Smeg: I heart bread
ys: me too. but i think my love of bread is the single greatest contributor to my ever- fattening face problem.
Smeg: it's so gooooood

• Oh man, I just looked out the window and the entire sky just became entirely covered by a massive storm cloud. And there are rumblings of thunder in the distance. Ooh, a strike of lightning!!
• ...And yet the children continue to run about and laugh and make my life a miserable hell downstairs.
• Ok, now there is officially a veritable thunderstorm downpour outside. Awesome. The two-block walk to my car in my white skirt and stiletto sandals will be great fun.
• Telefund Manager just told me that there is a line of thunderstorms waiting behind this one. And then he cautioned me to be careful on my drive home and that if I got caught in the middle of the next storm, I should just pull over and let it pass instead of continuing to drive. What a nice old guy. If only he weren't so irritating sometimes.
• Hey, why doesn't Bossman come out here and tell me to just go ahead and pack up so I can leave early and try to beat the next storm? That's what I would do if I had an underling.
• The first storm has passed, it sounds like. Education and Outreach Director just came in. She said that she heard on the radio that there is a tree down on my street. Crap. I asked if she heard where exactly. She said she thinks they said on Northshore near Westmoreland. F*ck!!
• Aaaand...Inbox empty.
• Ok, it's close enough. I'm outta here, folks. Have a good weekend!!

Tonight is ripe with possibilities!

Can I just tell you that tonight our Development Director is having a staff party at her swanky house which has a swanky infinity pool (so I hear) which is located in swanky west Knoxville and I cannot wait to see who drinks one too many margaritas and makes a complete ass of themselves in front of the others! AhahaHAAHaHAAahAhah!!!

Might be me.

Bossman will be there, as well as the President of our Board.

* rubs hands together in a sinister fashion while laughing maniacally to herself *

Ooh, but you know who won't be there? Crazy Lunatic Supervisor, that's who. Ahh! Sweet mystery of life, at last I've found theeee... Although, come to think of it, it would be highly enjoyable for me to see her "accidentally" fall over the edge of Development Director's swanky infinity pool. Hm.

Anyway, the talk around the office today has been who is and who isn't planning on bringing their swimsuits to the party. On the one hand: wearing nothing but a thin piece or two of spandex and lycra in front of your boss? Creepy creepy creepy. On the other hand: it's summertime in the South. Enough said.

In any case, as Bossman was leaving the office for the day, his last words to me:
"See you tonight...in Margaritaville!"

Ooooh, this is gonna be good!


***

ps. On a completely unrelated note, this morning I woke up and when I finished placing my contact lenses securely onto my eyeballs, I looked in the bathroom mirror to find that my hair looked FABULOUS. I mean, I took a shower last night, didn't comb it, went to bed and when I woke up, my normally godforsaken unruly tresses had somehow been styled in the middle of the night by stealthy and skillful hairdresser gnomes into a modern updated version of luscious Farrah Fawcett waves. How does this happen? Should I leave some change under my pillow tonight for a tip in case the fabulous gnomes return?

pps. Before he left, Bossman asked me to take a field trip to our Board President's office building several blocks down the street to get his signature on several pieces of paper. Normally, I jump at the opportunity to escape my office prison at any chance I get, but seeing as it is one hundred and eight trillion degrees outside, I am dreading this walk. Agh. The South. During the summer. Bleh. My salvation will be the gigantic glass of iced coffee (maybe I will treat myself to an actually caffeinated version today...I'm sure all the caffeine will be evaporated out of my system during my stroll through the Fiery Pits of Hell anyway) I will surely purchase along the way.

Pale Blue Dot.

This image was taken, at Carl Sagan's suggestion, by Voyager 1 on February 14, 1990. As the spacecraft left our planetary neighborhood for the fringes of the solar system, engineers turned it around for one last look at its home planet. Voyager 1 was about 6.4 billion kilometers (4 billion miles) away, and approximately 32 degrees above the ecliptic plane, when it captured this portrait of our world. Caught in the center of scattered light rays (a result of taking the picture so close to the Sun), Earth appears as a tiny point of light, a crescent only 0.12 pixel in size. Image: JPL/NASA .





"Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every 'superstar', every 'supreme leader', every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."

~ Carl Sagan, 1994

Just another reminder: Please go see An Inconvenient Truth.

Jibber jabber.

So the Heat won the NBA Championship last night. Booooooooo. Me no likey Shaq. He is a big ugly ogre. At least it was fun hanging out with Scott, April and Jeremiah last night to watch the game. Here is an interesting NBA-related editorial I am reading at my desk, but which I'm linking here so that I can continue to read it later because it's fairly long and I have many other important work-related tasks to do today. And by "many other important work-related tasks," I of course mean "update my blog, read everyone else's blogs, change my Myspace page for the tenth time this week, and check my email periodically only to confirm to myself the fact the NOBODY HAS EMAILED ME IN AN ENTIRE WEEK WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME AND BY ME I MEAN YOU THAT YOU CAN'T SEND ME A FRIENDLY EMAIL EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE TO DISTRACT ME FROM THE COMPLETE BOREDOM THAT IS MY WORKDAY??!!"

Speaking of watching the game, someone please tell me again why I thought it was a good idea to have a couple of gin and tonics last night while attempting to finish up the recovery process from my stomach's state of disagreeability the last few days? Idiot. I thought the soothing alcohol (Oog, I can't even look at the word without feeling nauseous...hhrrrgggll) would lull me into a blissful un-interrupted sleep last night. Unfortunately, I instead woke up at 3 in the morning curled up in the fetal position feeling the possible oncoming of a mild retching gurgling in my stomach. Anyway, I managed to fall asleep about two hours before I had to get up for work.

Speaking of going to work, I really need to just not hit the snooze button that one last time and I would consistently get to work right on time. Instead of consistently late (but not as late as the rest of my slacker co-workers!!). I arrived a little later than usual this morning fully prepared to apologize profusely to Favorite Cool Co-worker for being late again, only to find that she hadn't even come in yet! Ha ha!! Anyway, when I came in the Bigwigs and assorted Board members were in the Conference Room having a Big Important Finance Meeting, which to the rest of us in the office only means Stupid Meeting In Which the Important Rich People Take Our Coffee Machine From The Kitchen So They Can Use It In The Conference Room. Boo.

Speaking of the Finance Meeting, though: They had a ton of bagels from Panera Bread leftover and I was able to have Seriously the Best Bagel I Have Ever Had just now. I have no idea what kind it was, but it had raisins and nuts and some sweet caramelized sweetness of some sort all up in it. Oh, and then I filled it all up in the middle with their light, fluffy cream cheese. The best part? It was just what my angry stomach needed and now I feel much much better. No more nausea -- at least for the time being. Yay!

Ok, now that I've updated my blog, on to checking Myspace.....

And here is how I know that God exists...

Because as I was driving to work this morning after having to take a sick day yesterday (bleah), five consecutive a**holes wouldn't let me merge onto the Interstate onramp and I, therefore, ended up going on a way-the-hell roundabout side-street tour of the city of Knoxville before I finally ended up downtown where my office is located and as I was making my way to the building 20 f*ing minutes late, preparing myself for the verbal onslaught from Crazy Lunatic Supervisor, I walk in to find that, not only is the entire office empty except for Favorite Cool Co-worker and Financial Director aka Anglo-version of my father, but Crazy Lunatic Supervisor is gone all week!!

I especially enjoyed when the rest of the staff (including Bossman) waltzed in one by one about five minutes after I arrived, just in time for our weekly 9:30am staff meeting. Hahaha, slackers. Anyway, we are in the process of re-launching our Pops Series so Favorite Cool Co-worker and I are doing nothing but stuffing envelopes with various brochures and mailings for the next two days, which is a little slow-going on my part what with the intermittent dizziness and nausea still left over from the last couple of days, but with no Crazy Lunatic Supervisor to grate on my every last nerve, I feel like a million dollars!!

***

Dear God,

Thank you for putting me with an office-ful of people who are even greater slackers than I am. Good work.

Hugs and kisses,

Ysabel

***

Oh, and I can't believe I almost forgot to write this:

Go see An Inconvenient Truth. Right now. Seriously. It will be the most important and informative movie you see this year.

...What the hell are you still doing reading this stupid blog? Get your butt to the nearest movie theater showing An Inconvenient Truth!!

...I'm not kidding!!!

Uh oh.

11:08 am:

I took two ExcedrinPM last night because it was 1am and I still wasn't sleepy and now I'm sitting at my desk summoning up every last ounce of will I have inside me to stay conscious.

Oy vey.

***

1:54 pm:

Yay yay yay!! Lunch buddy #2 is back from New Zealand!! Which means no more lonesome solitary walks to Star*ucks or through Market Square during my afternoon hour of liberation! She should be here in about 6 minutes to save me from my hazy ExcedrinPM hangover...

ps. Crazy Lunatic Supervisor keeps making comments about how skinny my legs look in the jeans I'm wearing today. Is she trying to make amends? I would too if I knew I risked being thrown over the nearby bridge as a ritual lunchtime sacrifice to the troll who dwells beneath.

***

3:43 pm:

Just got back from my daily afternoon prison break. Hurray for Heather being back in town! Although since this is my last day of work this week, I threw my previously mentioned no-caffeine rule out the window and got myself a delicious Venti iced coffee from Star*ucks. Hey, here's something I just figured out: sleeping pill hangover + caffeine overload = God-I'm-exhausted-why-the-hell-do-my-bones-feel-like-they're-getting-ready-to-jump-out-of-my-skin-and-holy-crap-my-fingers-won't-stop-twitching-ahhahahaha-time-for-a-nappy-poo-does-anyone-else-hear-that-buzzing?

In any case, I thought I was going to get scolded by Crazy Lunatic Supervisor for taking an extended lunch break -- but turns out she went to a meeting half an hour ago!! Yesss!!

Holy hell.

OhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygod
OhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygod
OhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygod.

This is the Longest. Day. Everrrrrrrrrr.

*bangs head on desk repeatedly*

What am I supposed to do (don't say file more papers) for the next 62 minutes??!! Take 62 coffee breaks? ...'Cause I'll do it.

***

Speaking of 62 cups of coffee, in an attempt to get my inability to fall asleep and stay asleep for more than 2 hours under control, I have been drinking caffeine-free diet Coke (tastes fine) and decaf iced coffees (tastes fine, but pains my soul) for the past week. Also, I bought a mega-pack of ExcedrinPM the other day for emergency purposes. I think it's making a difference...? We'll see.

Ugh, 52 more minutes of mind-numbing torture.....

Soooo boooored.

Nearly the entire staff is gone either to lunch or to take a tour of our newly renovated Bijou Theatre down the street and I've been left to man the fort until they get back. I think the only people that are left are Bossman, Bossman #2 and Financial Director - who, incidentally, is the Anglo- spitting image of my father, from the fact that he works with money and numbers to the way he furrows his brow when discussing business. It's pretty bizarre. The point being: I am free to check MyemailblogSpace guilt-free!

***

Anyway, a little bit earlier, Bossman #2 came out of Bossman's office where they were having a closed-door meeting (oooooohh) and he walked straight over to me with this sad look on his face and said, "Bossman just told me you're leaving." And I was like, "...Oh. Um, you didn't know?" Then we talked for a brief while about where I was going and all that. He was very kind, telling me that they were all going to miss me, etc etc etc. And I, of course, was obligated to say, "Well, I'm going to miss this place, too." At which point Bossman walked over and said, "Don't believe her! You can't trust clarinet players." Hahaha. It was nice to know that, even though Crazy Lunatic Supervisor continues to drive me bonkers every single day to the poit that I think even she's starting to realize that I am on the verge of throwing her over the nearby bridge to be a mid-afternoon snack for the troll that lives underneath, I've made a good impression on the people in this business who actually matter and who have my respect. So there.

Short, not sweet.

What's worse: Having a job that's so crazy and stressful that you want to run screaming out of your office while pulling your hair out of your head... Or having a job that's so slow and boring that you look wistfully back to the days when it was so crazy and stressful that you wanted to run screaming out of your office while pulling your hair out of your head? I'm not so sure. But my point is that I am so bored that I'm contemplating stabbing myself in the eyeballs with any of the delightful multi-colored ballpoint pens I have arranged neatly on my desk if only for the fact that a trip to the hospital would give me something to do for the rest of the day. Ok, maybe I wouldn't do something so gross as taking my eyeballs out, but you get the point.

I can't even look forward to escaping this hell-hole during my usual lunchtime hour-long prison break because my lunch buddy #1 left Knoxville yesterday (waaaaah) and my lunch buddy #2 is off in New Zealand, of all places. Ugh, how dare they desert me in this time of crisis?! Bah. How long 'til Scott and I move to Seattle again?? Seven more weeks??!!! Aaaaaaggghhh...

Also: I am PMS-ing and my back hurts like a son-of-a-b*tch.

***

Oh, and Happy Birthday to my little brother!

At least there's one non-whiny thing about my post this morning. Jaime: May this year bring you much joy and great fortune. Especially the part about the great fortune ... so you can continue to pad my bank account when I call you up for pity money.

***

Bleah, off to file some papers into the Infernal Wall of File Cabinets, I guess. Oy...

If it weren't 80 degrees outside, I'd think hell had frozen over.orYsabel posts another sports blog.or1 hour and 35 minutes...

...until I get out of this nightmarish paper-filing time-warp and on home to eat some Olive Garden leftovers from last night, watch Seinfeld reruns from 6-8pm, then not watch The Office because NBC is showing a My Name is Earl marathon instead (harumph), then surf both the television and the internet for about an hour until Game 1 of the NBA playoffs begins.

I have tried to regain an interest in basketball, an interest which has been gradually dwindling ever since the Kings began their unfortunate downward spiral the last couple of years. The (only) upside of this spiral? The Lakers suck too, damnit! Hell yes!

In any case, I've spent the majority of the workday trying to decide who to root for in the series. On the one hand, I've seen the Mavs defeat the Kings a few too many times of late to really root for them to win the championship. On the other hand, Miami has Shaq. Ew ew ew ew ew.

I think I'm going to go with the Mavs. Mark Cuban -- while downright obnoxious as the opposing team's owner during Kings-Mavs games -- is actually a pretty entertaining little weirdo. Plus he has a blog, which I, of course, appreciate. I'll just forget the complete debacle that was his Really. Bad. reality show. Also, I'm rooting for the Mavs because I find Dirk Nowitzki entertaining to listen to during interviews . He has this quasi- Is-it-there-or-am-I-just-hearing-things? ambiguous European accent that I find fascinating.

So, in closing, let me say: GO KINGS!!

But in the meantime: Shaq sucks. Go Mavs.

***

Also: I was perusing my blog archives last night and happened to take another look at this blog post which mentioned my borderline obsession with the Dvorak Cello Concerto. When I scrolled down, I noticed that this comment was posted at the end:

Anonymous said...

SO glad you liked my stuff about the Dvorak Cello Concerto. I tried really hard to make it clear, and some critics feel it's too literal. But I feel that's what Dvorak was thinking.Anyway, thanks!

Mike Beckerman


Holy crap!! When was this comment posted?? Is it totally nerdy of me to think it's really cool that an accomplished musicologist read my blog and commented on it??!! I think it's awesome! I think I am awesome. I'm sure only Sarah L. would agree with me. Well, Sarah P. too, for that matter. Anyway, it totally made my day. And it better not be some sick, un-funny prank left by some impostor toying with my emotions...

***

Oh, and one more thing: So I had my Dreaded Annual Appointment With the Woman-Parts Doctor yesterday morning. The appointment was scheduled for 8:30 in the morning. I was not seen by the doctor until 10:15. I was pissed! And I won't take "The doctor had to do an emergency C-section" as a viable excuse to leave me waiting there for almost two hours in a roomful of pregnant underage girls -- One of them was 12 years old. Literally. I can't even go there, it's so wrong... -- with posters of tubes and uteruses on every wall.

Wait, yes I will, because I got to go into work 2 hours late. Haha!!

Alright, you asked for it....

YSABEL: AN UPDATE

Prologue

It was a dark and stormy night. But not really. The concert season had ended and Ysabel was left with nothing to do at work but file a crapload of papers and forms in an organized and alphabetical manner into the Infernal Wall of File Cabinets. Unfortunately, she has become uncapable of actually doing that sort of mindless activity for more than 20 minutes at a time, as cable television and TiVo have singlehandedly destroyed her once healthy and thriving attention span.

In spite of this, she still manages to go about her daily non-paper-filing-related work duties in a swift and efficient manner, and, hence, is finished with everything that needs to get done by 10:30 in the morning. This means that she is left with 6 1/2 mind-numbing hours with which to do nothing, and yet she must appear as though she is intensely involved in some important project, lest Bossman or Crazy Lunatic Supervisor walk by her desk and realize that she has done nothing but check her email 27 times in the last 5 minutes. Fortunately, this means that she now has more time than ever to appease the ever-growing mob of people that have been harassing her for not updating her blog in an apparently unacceptable time span of two weeks, and can finally update her goddamned blog. Are you happy now??!!

ps. I am 2 hours into the workday and my phone just now rang for the first time this morning. It was a wrong number. Go figure. It seems my usual beloved pack of wild, rabid telephone-wielding symphony patrons have gone into hibernation for the summer.

* * *

Chapter I: Aaah, the office.

IN WHICH I WAX NOT-SO-ELOQUENTLY ON THE BANALITY OF MY DAY-TO-DAY, 9 TO 5 EXISTENCE WORKING FOR A SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA

____________________________________

Ok, so the story goes that about a week and a half ago, our concert season ended, and I took it upon myself to take a one-week vacation. I promptly high-tailed it out of Knoxville and headed to Seattle for a few days to meet up with Scott so we could partake in some various UW-related music events, look at apartments, state and re-state multiple times to each other how awesome Seattle is, have fits of anxiety about not finding a job there (that last one was just me) and just generally bemoan the fact that we still had two more months until we would finally be living there.

Here's the catch: I couldn't actually tell people at the office that I was going to Seattle, because:

a) Crazy Lunatic Supervisor happens to not only be crazy and a lunatic, but also paranoid. She thinks that everybody who takes time off from work is doing so because they are off searching for a new job and she will literally harass you multiple times a day asking you, "You're not taking time off because you have a job interview, are you?" or "You're not looking for a new job, are you?" so many ridiculous times that you have to muster up all your powers of self-control not to just pick her up and throw her off the nearby bridge in the hopes that she will get eaten by a troll. Never mind that she was kind of right to be paranoid in this instance because I am looking for a new job (ha!) and also right to be paranoid when Cool Co-Worker took the morning off a couple of weeks ago because of a "doctor's appointment," (haha!) and definitely right to be paranoid when Bossman went on vacation for several days without telling anybody where he was going (haha again!). It doesn't change the fact that it's Really. Annoying. when she asks you all those questions.

b) Much of the office staff already knew that Scott just graduated. Most also already had it in the back of their minds that he would be leaving Knoxville in the fall to go to doctoral school, and that I might go with him. Some were also privy to the information that he eventually chose the University of Washington. With that in mind, I knew that some on the staff were intelligent enough to put two and two together and realize what was up if I were to tell them I was going to Seattle during my vacation.

Oh, and remember that I did tell a few people about my devious plan while under the influence of margaritas (Oh, Tequila. You clever little devil...), but that's ok because I knew they (probably?) wouldn't tell anyone else. Needless to say, as far as everyone else in the office was concerned, I was going home to California to visit friends and family. The West Coast is where it's at, folks. For realz. Anyway, close enough, right? That's what I thought. Especially when I came back to work on Tuesday and had to go right to the weekly staff meeting, during which this dialogue took place in front of the entire staff:

Bossman: "So, how was your vacation?"

Me: "Awesome."

Clueless coworker: "Now, where exactly did you go again?"

Me: (gulp) "Um, back West...?"

Staff: "Awwwww, that's nice."

Me: (phew)

In any case, the office was sweet enough to throw me a little birthday party during the staff meeting, even though it was nearly one week after the fact. I would like to think that it was because, in the brief time that I've been working here, they've come to respect and appreciate my position as a pleasant and valuable member of the staff. But I know that it's really because they will use any excuse to get away from their desks and eat cake at 9:30 in the morning.

* * *

Chapter II: This one's for you, Robin.

IN WHICH I MAKE IT CLEAR THAT SEATTLE ROCKS HARD AND MY MOVING THERE MAKES ME EVEN THAT MUCH COOLER THAN YOU

____________________________________

Reasons why Ysabel is moving to Seattle:

• Because she likes Scott. A lot.
• Because she will have more opportunites to develop as a musician there.
• Because the clarinet teacher at UW wears short shorts on his professional website.
• Because - all talk of seasonal depression aside - the conditions there are quite temperate and when the temperature is 82 degrees, it actually feels like it's 82 degrees, not like you're standing on the surface of the sun and the air is so thick you can hardly breath, but it wouldn't matter if you could or not anyway because your face is about to melt off.
• Because she also likes Scott's cat, Bela. A lot.
• Because she will be only one 2-hour, nonstop plane ride from her family, rather than an 8-10 hour, 1 or 2 stop airborne nightmare.
• Because she needs to get the hell out of Knoxville.

Reasons why Seattle rocks hard:

• Because there's water everywhere!
• Because you can drive to Vancouver in a few hours and cross the Capilano Suspension bridge and eat buffalo burgers.
• Because the oysters there are abundant and delicious.
• Because they're liberal!
• Because they're so liberal that, even while living in the holy birthplace of Starbucks, most of them don't like going to Starbucks because it's too corporate (I, of course, will still remain true to my passion, however blasphemous that may make me there).
• Because they're so liberal that I actually felt like a stuffy conservative when I went to visit last week!
• Because, not only do they have "The Da Vinci Code" in theaters, they also have "The Da Kinki Code" at the Lusty Lady.
• Because I will once again be living in a city that doesn't allow smoking in public establishments (sorry, Ben).
• Because I can ease off my allergy medication there, I think.
• Because it's on the West Coast, where I belong!
• Because I could go on forever, but I won't.

Reasons why my moving there makes me that much cooler than you:

• Ummm...it just does, ok?

* * *

Chapter III: Because 3 chapters feels better than 2.

IN WHICH I SPOUT OFF A NUMBER OF RANDOM THOUGHTS IN MY BRAIN LIKE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING ON THIS BLOG FOR THE PAST 2 WEEKS

____________________________________

So a couple of days ago, I was eating some leftover office cake at my desk when Crazy Lunatic Supervisor came over and said, "You eat sweets more than anyone I know and you stay so little! ...But that's ok because I didn't start getting big until I hit 40." To which I had two replies: #1 (the actual one): "Yeah, it'll probably catch up to me. But until then...," and #2 (the one in my head): "Even if I eat nothing but oatmeal raisin cookies and iced coffees from Starbucks for the rest of my life, I am at least not a crazy, paranoid loon, so please don't imply that I will end up anything like you at forty. Ew."

Either I am all of a sudden paying for it for slacking off on my allergy medication for several weeks, or I am getting a cold, but I have been sneezing at like 40 BPM all morning. I hit up my Advair last night, but it might be a case of too-little too-late. Speaking of allergies, do you ever rub your eyes so hard when their itchy that you get scared one of them might pop out? I do. When I was little, somebody (probably an evil sibling) told me that Raul Julia (you know, from Addam's Family) once rubbed his eyes so hard that he accidentally popped one of his eyeballs out of its socket and he had to pop it back in. Gross. That stuff sticks with you. Now everytime I rub my eyes I have to tell myself to ease up a little bit so I don't have to pop my eyeball back in.

Ben (i.e. my Daddy #1) is leaving Knoxville in exactly one week. This turns my blackened heart so much more dark and stone-like that if I were to stick it up some un-named orifice, it would turn into a diamond. And then I would use the money I gained from selling that diamond on Ebay to hire stealthy ninjas to kidnap him and take him to Seattle. Or just buy some plane tickets to visit him. Whichever. Anyway, Ben: You've been pretty much my best friend here in Knoxville and I'm going to miss you tremendously. I will need to call you periodically to engage in some phone you-know-what (Don't think dirty thoughts. It involves the clarinet, I swear...). And don't forget that before you go, we need to pull off the single greatest food event East Tennessee has ever seen : The United Nations Food Fest!*

Seriously, my allergies are out of control. I want to pop my nose off my face and put it in a nice, soothing warm milk bath. And then throw my eyeballs in there while I'm at it because they are red and itchy. What is this thing with body parts popping out of my face today?

You know what my current favorite-television-show-of-all-time is (except for the perennial The Simpsons which will forever and always occupy the top space)? The Office. It touches me deeply in places I never knew existed in my soul until I started working my current job. I want a Dwight bobble-head to put on my desk. If you don't already, you need to start watching it. Doing so, much like listening to the Dvorak Cello Concerto, will make you a better, more attractive human being.

Ok, so I just got back from a walk to the mailbox down the street and in the process of doing so, was whistled at twice by a couple of shower-deprived gentlemen. If I weren't already fully aware of the fact that I am completely fabulous, this would have done wonders for my self-esteem. Also, I walked by another shower-deprived not-so-gentleman who was literally pee-ing right there on the sidewalk. And on that note....

* * *

Epilogue

IN WHICH I SAY TO ALL OF YOU: "OK, I'VE GONE AND DONE IT. ARE YOU SATISFIED? I BETTER GET SOME GODDAMNED COMMENTS OUT OF THIS."

____________________________________

Ok, it's now 2:40 in the afternoon and I've actually been working fairly consistently without having to go anywhere near the damned wall of file cabinets. Huzzah! Unfortunately, I've finished most everything else I can possibly do except for file those papers away. Which is my cue to take my lunch break and think of other productive things to do that don't involve inserting things in alphabetical order into a cabinet. And don't say

1) check my email

2) check my Myspace

3) read the news on msn.com

4) read all of the other blogs linked from this one

5) go to the bathroom and reapply my lipgloss for the 10th time

6) go to the kitchen to get some (more) coffee

7) go to the kitchen to check on the office cake situation

8) finish the minutes from last month's Board meeting

9) read about the new Kings head coach

10) check my email again.

Because I've already done all those.

* * *

THE END

* In which we hit up as many restaurants as we possibly can in one day in an attempt to sample all the cuisines of the countries represented in the United Nations. Don't ask why, just learn to accept. And join in if you like.