How I Know My Father Has Relaxed A Bit Since We Were Kids.

Last night, BB had a little bit of a number twosies accident in the upstairs hallway. Unfortunately, my parents' house is carpeted in a dark brown shade the exact color of BB's turds so my father came upon this discovery only after he had already run through with the vacuum, which must have released the noxious odors. With the both of us crouching down and being unable to find the remainder of the turds, he instructed me to, "just spray it with Febreeze. It'll dry up eventually."

What What WHAAAT?

*****

It's tiring being doted on by your Lolo and Lola during the holidays:

Great Christmas.

Annual family party in San Jose. Ate too much too fast. Had much merriment. Had so much merriment that I think I had three asthma attacks throughout the course of the night from all the laughing. Started the drive home and immediately began having a simultaneous allergic sneezing, asthmatic coughing and hiccuping fit that lasted the entire two hour drive. Just ask my mom. Speaking of my mother, after I sneezed and hiccuped at the same time (note: OUCH), she noted that I should go ahead and fart "so that all your orifices are involved." (Except she told the joke in Tagalog.) See? This is where I get it from, mkay? Anyway, then got home and had a singular cough so monstrous that it summoned party food that must have already been on its way to my small intestine and brought it back up into my throat, causing me to run to the bathroom and hover with my mouth open over the toilet in anticipation of puking, but only managed to freakily leak an inordinate amount of drool and bile from my mouth non-stop for about five minutes. It was a weird way to end the night. Totally worth it, though. I hope your Christmas was as awesome as mine!

Four siblings and a Mama. Papa was home in Santa Rosa chilling with BB.

Why yes, that is a creepy doll head jumping out of a Jack in the Box. It's not Christmas in our family until this freaky doll makes her appearance.

And yes, I did get a puppy Bjorn (courtesy of my older brother!) as a gag gift, but I am totally going to use it. Don't act like you're surprised.

It's good to be home!

So, with the razor that I left at my sister's house, the razor that I apparently left at my parents' house and the razor that I packed with me, I am now in the possession of three Gillette Mach3 razors (best razor ever). I have absolutely no excuse to be hairy this vacation. Except that I won't be around Schmoobs for more than two weeks. So there's my excuse.

Merry Christmas Eve from Norcal!

Greetings from...way the hell up in the sky!

My first in-flight blog post ever! Go wi-fi. I got seated in three different seats before settling in to where I am now. That was interesting. Now I'm getting motion sick, so bye.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Greetings from DFW Airport!

California here we come! BB has successfully made about a hundred new human friends. Not really, just two older gentlemen and four women who sat at the gate near us - and coincidentally, one of the men and ALL four women had Shih Tzus in their family. No wonder they were all googly eyed at BB :)

Anyway, I have also successfully gotten my seat neighbor to watch BB and my stuff (I know that's like totally sketchy airport protocol, but I was sick of lugging everything around) while I took a leak. Though it sears my brain at the thought of using germ-filled airport restrooms, I remember what happened last time I travelled and tried to hold everything in. My hooter cooter was sizzling for six weeks and I nearly overdosed on cranberry juice. Never again!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Did you know...

...that I haven't washed my hair in four days? FOUR DAYS. For those of you who are aware of my psychotic obsession with showering and always feeling/smelling so fresh and so clean clean, then you know what a milestone this is for me. I don't really know what to say. I still shower with as much frequency and fervor as ever, but I just found myself enjoying the fact that wearing my hair down is made so much more manageable (and likely) when it is already straight and dry rather than damp and altogether very large that it was worth foregoing the daily shampoo and just putting my hair up in a bun (or an ultra-sexy huge pink shower cap) during my shower. Also: Dry shampoo is my new best friend. Also: Cutting all this deep fried goodness (...I miss you) out of my regular diet is making me feel less greasy and less smelling of fried beef all in all. Winners all around! ALSO: My bangs and layers have all sufficiently grown out and I am able to wear my hair down without feeling like hundreds of dreaded strands of hair are attacking my face from multiple angles (do you see the mental issues connected to all this?). AAALSO: Extensive Googling and reading of beauty forums in researching good dry shampoos made me realize that only washing your hair every couple or few days is something that most normal females do? Is that right? Weird. Anyway. Why am I telling you all this? Hell if I know.

I'm totally washing my hair tomorrow though.

Holy crap, my back hurts like a mofo.

*pops 2 Midol and calls it a day*

...except I can't call it a day because I am deep in the middle of grading a ginormous stack of final exams so I can post grades online before I start getting harrassing emails from students during my precious vacation time. "What's my grade?!" "Where are our grades?!" they'll all ask. Sheesh. This was the story of my life this past week:

Student turning in his exam: "So, when will our grades be posted?"
Me: "They're due at the end of next week."
Student: "So..."
Me: " 'Sooo...' "
Student: "Ok."

Another student in the middle of taking his exam: "If I stay after class, will you grade my test so I can see my grade?"
Me: "No."

Yet another student turning in their final: "When do you think you'll have our tests graded?"
Me: "As soon as I have time to grade them."
Student: "...Ok."

Geez, guys. Give a girl a day to relax and get through Season 5 of Dexter, will you?

Related: I totally stayed up til 3am watching Dexter again last night. No bloody nightmares this time, though. So that's good.

Also: yesterday morning, in keeping maintenance of Operation: Anti-Bloat Face (still going strong!) I weighed myself in our bathroom scale and was horrified to see that I was two pounds heavier than when I started this whole operation. Later in the evening, I checked with the scale again to be sure and it said that I had magically lost five pounds in the last eight hours. Stupid inaccurate scale. Whateverrr (that one's for you, Dan). I'll just be content with knowing that I feel markedly more healthy and less "puffy" - as I described it to Schmoobs - all around just after a week of cutting out fast food, soda and delicious fried goodness. Plus, did you know that sliced chicken breast, dipped in egg and covered in bread crumbs, then baked in the oven can be just as satisfying as deep fried chicken nuggets from the drive-thru? Of course you did, everyone knows that.

However: Do you think I could be forgiven if I had just one meal from In-n-Out when I land in California in a few days? C'mon! It's In-n-Out for Pete's sake! NOM NOMS!

Note to self:

NEVER watch Dexter online until 2 in the morning again.

I dreamt last night that I was at a bathroom sink brushing my teeth and then all of a sudden I started coughing up buckets and buckets of blood. Except it didn't hurt. I just remember thinking, "Oh geez, that's not normal. *COUUUGH* ...Oh ok here's some more! *COUBLAAAGH*...Oh man, I should probably get some help!" And then I started getting light headed so I ran out still holding my toothbrush yelling for somebody to help me.

Anyway.

Hey, did you know that I haven't had any fast food or soda in like a week? Yay me. I cooked up some improvisatory curry-coconut-peanut-vegetables thing with a side salad-ish concoction of rice, quinoa and parsley with some baked salmon the other night. I wasn't fond of it in the end but Schmooblybot said he liked it a lot. I guess I will have to learn to like it since it made like eleventy-three servings and I will be eating it at every meal these next few days while Schmoobleburg is out of town.

Oop! That rumbly in my tumbly means my coffee is alerting my booowels. Bye now.

Almost as entertaining as when a student wrote an essay on music being "an ever-rolling ball of phonation."

My Introduction to Music Literature for non-majors class had their final exam this morning. Praise Jeebus, hallelujah. My favorite part (besides the part about me not having to teach that class anymore) was when a student (this student) turned in an extra credit essay in which she stated, "{Beethoven} is a very talented composer and if he were alive today I think his genre of music would be Death Metal, because how he directs, he be shaking his head, and putting action behind what he does." Yup.

Also, directly after the exam I raced back home to pick BB up so that I could get her to PETCO in time for her salon appointment. Conveniently, her vet is right next door to the store and we popped in there for a minute so I could ask them to take a look at her spay stitches and make sure everything was healing up nicely. Although there was just a bit of crusting over where there were just a couple stitches left that hadn't fallen out yet, they gave her a thumbs up and said that she was good to go for her grooming. But then when I went to PETCO, they refused to groom her until all the crusties and stitches were gone and she was totally healed. Sad face. So I went to CVS to pick up a bottle of hydrogen peroxide to help clean out the suture. Bleh.

Anyway, then we returned home whereupon I attempted to at least trim BB's face fur myself. Ten minutes of screaming and strangle-holding and near-poking-of-BB's-shiny-eyes later...yeah, it wasn't happening. I guess I'll just have to be content with just giving her a bath myself and accepting the hot mess of a crazy furball that she is right now.

ps. Schmoobs left this morning for this annual nerdfest. He comes back on Saturday...and then it's off to California for us on Monday! Wheeee!

In case you were wondering...

I have now completed three doctoral program applications and have decided to reward myself with an afternoon glass of Merlot while attempting an improvised asparagus, caramelized onion and goat cheese frittata with a crispy (hopefully) potato crust. Wait, does adding a crust automatically make it a quiche? Is that what makes a quiche a quiche and not a frittata? Also, remember this summer in Brevard when my kweech was poisoned for like six weeks?

Anyway, a few days ago, I had made a batch of asparagus, goat cheese and onion crescent rolls for dinner and had a bunch of blanched asparagus and caramelized onions leftover so I figured I'd use them up now. Hey, in case you're ever in the mood for a super easy and crazy delicious appetizer, do this:

• Slice a bunch of asparagus so that each stalk is in two pieces, about 3 or so inches long. Then blanch them in salted water for not very long at all, just until they turn bright green and are not even really tender yet. I don't know, maybe three minutes? Depends on how thick they are to begin with.
• Now, caramelize up some onions. I used two medium-ish sized ones and ended up with some leftover. You don't know how to caramelize onions? Ech, watch more Food Network. Just kidding. I basically just cook in olive oil or butter over low heat with a couple splashes of balsamic vinegar and a healthy amount of black pepper. At the end, I add salt.
• Then, open up one of those Pillsbury insta-crescent rolls. I usually buy generic because they are cheaper and I am poor. Just as good. However, I don't know if this is a generic-brand thing, but I can NEVER get one of those cans to *pop* open while I am pulling the paper wrapping off like it says it's going to. I end up screaming at the completely-stripped cardboard can and banging it against the counter and pushing in at the perforations with my thumb until it finally explodes in my face. 
• Anyway, roll out the dough in the can and separate the little individual triangle shaped pieces. At the large end of each triangle, place some goat cheese, two or three asparagus pieces and a spoonful of the onions. Then roll each one towards the tip and arrange on a baking sheet. No need to grease the sheet, because these insta-rolls are so buttery already.
• Bake according to the insta-rolls directions. Probably 375-ish degrees for about 10 or 11 minutes. Just until the tops of the rolls turn a golden brown.
• Stuff them all in your face. You can share if you feel like it. The end.

I'd show you pictures, but they are all already in my belly (did I mention that my face is totally bloated?). Well, out in the city sewage center, if you want to be specific.

BB is a lady, okay? ...at least in the literal sense.

Just got back from taking BB for her morning walk n' tinkles where we ran into a nice older lady walking her little snowy white terrier mix. I'm not going to lie, it didn't escape my attention that her pristinely groomed wee little dog stood in stark contrast as she sniffed BB, who stood in all her scruffy, overgrown, piss-stained glory. Nothing brings out the yellow patches in your dog's white fur like natural sunlight. She'll definitely go in for a pre-holiday vacation salon appointment (PETCO grooming) next weekend so she can be so fresh and so clean clean for her BFF (my dad). Also, I would like to mention that Schmoobles and I live in a condo in a very nice, lakeside gated community (why did they let us in here??) where my 1998 Toyota Corolla sits aside shiny new Lexuses and Hummers (blegh) in the parking lot. And so I appreciated that the nice old lady walking her non-piss stained dog with a latte in one hand and wearing a designer bejeweled tracksuit was friendly and not at all judge-y towards the non-showered vagrant walking her filthy animal while wearing sweatpants, flip flops and her boyfriends way oversized drum corps hoodie around the manicured neighborhood.

***

In other news: I FINALLY completed 2 out of 5 (maybe 6?) grad school applications last night. Go me! Only a few more to go... and then we wait.

Also, story time: So I have this student in my non-majors Music Literature class. In a classroom of apathetic, lazy, questionably-functional students, this student - M - stands out for her ability to completely and totally appall me in an increasing fashion with each test that she turns in. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that examples of her work are:

"During what years was the Classical Period? (     Beethoven        --         Flute Clarinet      )"

and

"Please list the three main composers that formed the First Viennese School of music: 

1.       Banjo         
2.      Janissary    
3.         ???          "

You guys. It didn't take me long to figure out that what she was doing was just haphazardly writing in any and all words that she just heard me say in class. It didn't matter in what context or what the question was. Once, she went so far as to answer questions by writing in musical terms that we had never even come close to discussing in class, but that she saw written on the chalkboard leftover from a previous advanced music theory class. BLAAGH! What do you do with that??

Even on a short essay question where I asked them to describe, briefly, the role of the Catholic Church in influencing music during the Medieval Period, she wrote two paragraphs on how much she liked listening to music and how she would continue to appreciate music for her entire life. So I wrote, "M, I appreciate this sentiment, but this does not address the issue of the Catholic Church in Medieval music. Please see me after class."

So she stayed behind and talked to me that day. I began with, "So...M. I know that you listen in class and take notes because you seem to retain all the terms that we talk about. ...It's just that you don't seem to be absorbing the context of these terms..." I told her that I was worried about her test scores and she started saying things about how she has test anxiety and just wants to get the tests over with as soon as possible. Blah blah blah (not buying it). So I asked her, "Is there anything your other professors do to help you with this anxiety? What can I do to help you actually understand the material?" And she said, "Well, nothing. You're always really good about giving us notes and study guides." ...Ok.


Anyway, I emailed the class last week about offering some possible extra credit writing assignments they can do before the end of the semester and in return I got this email from M:

I mean, I teach college, right?? *siiigh*

Randomses.

My Ear Training classes took their final dictation exam today (one less thing for me to do during Finals Week next week - i.e. "pre-vacation" haha!). At two minutes after the official beginning of classtime, I told the class, "Alright, everyone who's here right now - go ahead and write '+2' at the top of your paper." Extra credit points for being on time! On the flip side, two freshman girls waltzed in five minutes later, after I had already finished playing the first four interval examples. Halfway through the class, one of them raised their hand:

Student: "Um, are you going to go back at the end and repeat the first part of the test?"
Me: "Nope."
Student: "But we weren't here for the first part!"
Me: "I know."
Student: "Oh." ...*pouty face*

***

Day two of Operation: Anti-Bloat Face and things are going well. Last night for dinner, I had some Vietnamese Bo Kho (YUM) and a glass of coconut juice. This morning, I forewent* my Star*ucks Grande Soy Caramel Brulee Latte and instead had a mug of office coffee (black) and for lunch I fixed myself a simple turkey sandwich on wheat. And now I'm starting to feel peckish again, so I may have a bowl of split pea soup. Did you hear that, Chik-Fil-A chicken nuggets meal?? I don't need you!!11!! (Waaah! My loins ache for you!)

***

I was tidying up the condo just now and was the cause of an unfortunate run-in with the vacuum cleaner and our Christmas tree skirt. RIP red glass ornament and red star tree topper :(


* Seriously, what is the past tense of 'forego'?

OMG. You guys.orIt's about goddamn time I had another Microsoft Paint post.

Remember when you were sixteen years old and you used to listen to OLD people - like people in their thirties or whatever - talk about how they needed to lose just five or ten pounds but they just couldn't do it? And you'd think, "Well, that's dumb. How hard is it to lose five pounds? That's nothing!" as you blissfully stuff two more slices of pizza in your piehole (not to be confused with your cornhole) and wash it all down with a strawberry milkshake while somehow managing to burn calories in the process?

Yeah. I get it now.

Seriously, I need to start exercising and eating better right now. No, for realsies. I MEAN IT.

I was looking in the mirror today because I am semi-seriously contemplating chopping roughly eleventy-two hundred inches of hair off of my head and was greeted with Super Bloated Ys. See, this is what you are all used to seeing when fortunate enough to be in my lithe and becoming ("and frequently humming" ...anyone? Bueller?*) presence:

Hey good lookin'! Can I buy you a Ketel One dirty martini?

And this is what I saw in the mirror:

Seriously. If she doesn't get some Pringles, she'll cut you.

Anyway. As my first baby step, I am going back to my no fast food and no soda diet at least until New Years. And I encourage you all to give me advice/challenges (Reasonable ones, please. Keeping in mind that I am prone to gluttony and without semblance of will power.) to help me shed about five pounds via the comments section. Just five pounds, that's all I ask. Mainly because all five of those pounds are currently residing in my face.

* It's a nerdo reference to Stephen Sondheim's Into The Woods, doy.

Oh. Sweet. Relief.

I just spent the last hour turning the entirety of this condo upside down searching for my favorite writing sample to send off with my applications. A paper that was written back when floppy disks were more commonplace than flash drives, hence exists currently solely in its hardcopy form. Moments away from throwing myself off the balcony in despair, I finally found it at the very bottom of the very last box that was left to open and rummage through in our spare room full of unpacked boxes from the move. I can loosen my sphincter now. (Ew.)

Aaaaaand we have internet again!

The weekend:



1. Wake up on Friday morning to find that we have no internet service. Modem DSL light is blinking red. No good.



2. Come home on Friday evening. Still no internet. Modem light is still blinking red.



3. Un-plug and re-plug all possible wires and cables in hopes that it will magically restore internet service. It doesn't. Repeat about twenty times.



4. Push reset button in hopes that it will magically restore internet service. It doesn't. Repeat only two times.



5. Check account to make sure we are not for some reason lapsed on payments and got service shut off. We are not.



6. Call AT&T and go through standard procedure of spending ten minutes going through automated prompts, followed by talking to a human being for ten more minutes, who then transfers me to another human being to the correct department, who then asks me three times if I have a dial tone on our landline. Explain multiple times that we do not own a landline telephone and, therefore, cannot check to see if we have a dial tone.



7. Wait patiently on phone as AT&T operator tells me that she will now run a series of tests to try and locate the problem.



8. Curse in frustration as call gets dropped for no reason.



9. Receive no phone call back from operator.



10. Go to sleep in hopes that internet will be magically restored when you wake up.



11. Wake up on Saturday morning. Still no internet service.



12. Call AT&T again. See #6. Repeat.



13. See #7. Repeat.



14. See #8. But do receive a call back from AT&T operator!!



15. Operator is not able to locate the problem. Tells me that they will have to send a repair technician out to our condo. "Sometime in  between the hours of 8am and 8pm." *!@$#($($&**!!!



16. At 8:00pm on the dot, Schmooblebuns gets on the phone with AT&T and curses them out for telling us that a repair technician is coming and making us wait inside all day for a person that never came. Is told that they did not even have a service docket on the record for us. 



17. Get confirmation that a repair technician will be coming out to visit the next day. "Pfft, yeah right" you think to yourself.



18. Go out to drown our frustrations with food, drinks and merriment with some friends. I stay sober. Schmoobles does not.



19. Pull over on side of newly paved road in our neighborhood as Schmoobles wretches all the demons out of his body out the passenger side window.



20. Wake up on Sunday morning. AT&T repairman shows up. Finds that a single wire was loose in the box where somebody nearby had installed U-verse. Internet is fixed.



The end.





Here are some pictures!

 I found this mini Christmas tree that I had bought last year in a box of forgotten holiday decorations that was hiding in one of our closets. I put it on the floor and, next thing I know, BB had grabbed the top of the tree in her mouth and was attempting to drag it inside her crate! OMG. She wanted her own Christmas tree inside her kennel. She's no longer allowed to be near it without supervision, however, since she just tries to eat the tree.

Casual Beebla shot. 

Do you see Bela?

Aaaaaand we have internet again!

The weekend:



1. Wake up on Friday morning to find that we have no internet service. Modem DSL light is blinking red. No good.



2. Come home on Friday evening. Still no internet. Modem light is still blinking red.



3. Un-plug and re-plug all possible wires and cables in hopes that it will magically restore internet service. It doesn't. Repeat about twenty times.



4. Push reset button in hopes that it will magically restore internet service. It doesn't. Repeat only two times.



5. Check account to make sure we are not for some reason lapsed on payments and got service shut off. We are not.



6. Call AT&T and go through standard procedure of spending ten minutes going through automated prompts, followed by talking to a human being for ten more minutes, who then transfers me to another human being to the correct department, who then asks me three times if I have a dial tone on our landline. Explain multiple times that we do not own a landline telephone and, therefore, cannot check to see if we have a dial tone.



7. Wait patiently on phone as AT&T operator tells me that she will now run a series of tests to try and locate the problem.



8. Curse in frustration as call gets dropped for no reason.



9. Receive no phone call back from operator.



10. Go to sleep in hopes that internet will be magically restored when you wake up.



11. Wake up on Saturday morning. Still no internet service.



12. Call AT&T again. See #6. Repeat.



13. See #7. Repeat.



14. See #8. But do receive a call back from AT&T operator!!



15. Operator is not able to locate the problem. Tells me that they will have to send a repair technician out to our condo. "Sometime in  between the hours of 8am and 8pm." *!@$#($($&**!!!



16. At 8:00pm on the dot, Schmooblebuns gets on the phone with AT&T and curses them out for telling us that a repair technician is coming and making us wait inside all day for a person that never came. Is told that they did not even have a service docket on the record for us. 



17. Get confirmation that a repair technician will be coming out to visit the next day. "Pfft, yeah right" you think to yourself.



18. Go out to drown our frustrations with food, drinks and merriment with some friends. I stay sober. Schmoobles does not.



19. Pull over on side of newly paved road in our neighborhood as Schmoobles wretches all the demons out of his body out the passenger side window.



20. Wake up on Sunday morning. AT&T repairman shows up. Finds that a single wire was loose in the box where somebody nearby had installed U-verse. Internet is fixed.



The end.





Here are some pictures!

 I found this mini Christmas tree that I had bought last year in a box of forgotten holiday decorations that was hiding in one of our closets. I put it on the floor and, next thing I know, BB had grabbed the top of the tree in her mouth and was attempting to drag it inside her crate! OMG. She wanted her own Christmas tree inside her kennel. She's no longer allowed to be near it without supervision, however, since she just tries to eat the tree.

Casual Beebla shot. 

Do you see Bela?

Some people just really do not belong in college.

Exhibit A:

Behold the email I received this morning from a student in my Intro to Music Lit for people who make me wonder how they even graduated from high school non-music majors class. A class which happened to have a quiz today, as mentioned in the above email. Also, please observe that this message was sent at 10:49am. Eleven minutes before the beginning of class. Needless to say, I did not respond to this email. I should also note that nobody else in the class had any problems receiving the attachment in this email so my conscience is clear.

Exhibit B:

Speaking of this morning's quiz, one of the questions was "Please list any 3 facts about Beethoven's life or his music that were discussed in the lecture material." One of the students raised his hand and asked me, "In this question about Beethoven facts... can I say, 'He dead.'?" My response: "Are you kidding me? I gave you two full pages of notes about Beethoven and had you watch a two-hour film about his life and music. So...NO."

True(ish) story.

I almost ran off and joined a nunnery today because boys are dumb. The end.

Happy Thanksgiving y'all you guys!

So my masterful plan to have our first ever Restaurant Thanksgiving has somehow devolved instead to me going ahead and fixing an entire unnecessarily large feast for two as usual. Mergh. Mainly because Schmoobs is sick and my plan to just make a small batch of lumpia for snacking throughout the day turned into accidentally making a humongo batch of lumpia, which led to deciding to make a quick green bean casserole because it's easy and super delicious, which then led to deciding to make my dad's awesome baked chicken casserole because I might as well round out this whole thing with an entree and just go ahead and make a freaking full meal. Also, Schmoobs called the restaurant where we were going to have Thanksgiving dinner, and they said that they were currently doing their last seating and were already completely full for the day. Whoops. So I guess calling for reservations would have been a good thing? Whatevs. I guess First Ever Restaurant Thanksgiving will have to wait for another year. Plus, I doubt that restaurant would have traditional Thanksgiving pilgrim lumpia.

Anyway. 

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

UPDATES:

1. Yesterday it was in the low 80s. I wore a pair of tights, a shirt/dress thing and flip flops to go run errands. Today it is in the mid-30s. I took Conehead outside for a quick tinkle and we both nearly froze our tushies off in about two minutes. Texass weather is weird. But at least now it actually feels like holiday weather.

2. Totally unrelated, but OMG you must watch this:

And a Merry Thanksgiving Eve to you!

Time for the annual making of the traditional Thanksgiving lumpia, childrens! (You know that if the pilgrims had just one Filipino friend they would have totally asked them to bring some lumpia to the party, duh.)

I am totally incapable of NOT making too much lumpia filling.

But with my mother's spectacular recipe, there can never really be too much lumpia! ...even if it's just for two people. Yeesh.

 Close up! As you can see, this recipe calls for green beans, sweet potato and ground turkey. This is totally Thanksgiving-y, you guys. Also, note that I have omitted the garbanzo beans and chopped peanuts because I couldn't effing get access to my email (where my shopping list was stored) on my iPhone this afternoon as I was battling the horde of angry, hateful betches in Kroger and had to remember everything on my shopping list by complete memory. Not too bad, only forgetting two ingredients. I have also left out the diced tofu, despite remembering to purchase it at the Kroger of Bitchery because I found myself too damned lazy to do any additional non-crucial dicing and frying. 

 Mmmmm-macro!

No more Monthly Bi-Annual Confirmations for BB.

And in typical BB fashion, at the vet's office, the vet tech brought BB out and let her down on the floor where she proceeded to walk face first right into the glass door. 

She's wearing a pink bandage around her waist because she also had an umbilical hernia that she had at birth fixed at the same time. Poor BB! Also, Schmooblinbotz has been battling some kind of nasty sickness that's been going around (I wonder who he could have caught it from, hmmm....) so I've been doing my best doting, cough drop-fetching, green tea-making girlfriend impression for the past two days. Yay for vacation! Haha.

Day One of Turkey Vacation!

Well, BB is now at her doctor getting her ladyparts snip-snip-snipped away. Schmoobs and I dealt with the subsequent guilt by drowning our sorrows in bacon, pumpkin pancakes and terrible coffee at IHOP.

Speaking of IHOP, while there Schmoobs asked me if I had perchance seen the most recent Facebook status from one of our least-favorite students at the university. This person was in my Music Lit class my very first semester (one of this foursome of idiocy, actually) and failed, then re-took the same Music Lit class the following semester from Schmoobs...and got a C. Anyway, here is the status update:

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. Oh man, this drives me craaazy. If only it were not inappropriate for me, as a faculty member, to comment on this dum dum's Facebook and completely annihilate him, I would. But I'm not supposed to. Bleh. 

1. You put four more years of George Bush on your "ballet"? Hahahahahahahaah! Did you shove him in a pair of tights and make him twirl around on stage like a pretty pretty princess? Now that I would pay to see. 

2. "...that average joe blow off the street gets the same benefits as me that I work my ass off to make sure that I have good health care to cover my ass..." Really? Because I know for a fact that this job at which you speak of working "your ass off" doesn't exist because you don't actually work. Your "job" right now is being a full-time college student and you don't even "work your ass off" at that because you are one of the laziest, most mediocre students I have ever had. And when you are not working "your ass off" to barely get Cs in all of your classes, you are busy updating "your ass off" of your Facebook informing us that you are watching "your ass off" of UFC fights at Buffalo Wild Wings and playing "your ass off" of your XBox instead of studying and doing your homework. So please spare us all and get off of your incredibly ignorant, immature, uninformed, delusional judgmental high horse and come talk to me after you have earned at least one college degree and have spent one day as a professional music educator, working nonstop and earning just enough to barely pay your bills every month. And lest you think that I am only saying these things because I feel entitled to any government-funded handouts, let me remind you that my thoughts come from the compassion and realization that, while I am actually working my ass off teaching five university courses and teaching private clarinet lessons on the side for the whopping grand sum of roughly $8,000 for half a year, there are plenty of others who don't have it nearly as good as I do and I am okay with giving a portion of that away in taxes to help fund programs that will assist those people. (Plus, anyway, my handouts come from my parents and computer-genius brothers...)

3. Let us not even speak of your horrendous grammar.

Anyway, I brought this up because Schmoobs and I were heatedly discussing the pure idiocy of this particular student and the frustration of the sheer ignorance of his statements while seated next to a grizzled old conservative Southern redneck. I couldn't see him, but apparently he was looking quite irritated at our discussion, according to Schmoobs. Heh. Whatevs. I ain't scurred o' you! I'm small and lithe and can easily run away before you can get to your truck and grab your shotgun. Hahaha.

But luckily, there are a few people (some, other students!) that do represent some kind of hope for the future of this society:

Because a family with two kids where the father has been laid off can totally make ends meet if the mother just gets off of her lazy ass and picks up an application at Taco Bell, right, Eric? And any vagrant off the streets can instantly land a job guaranteed if only they would just take the one easy step of going inside any fast food restaurant and merely filling out an application, right, Eric? It's way easy! You're right, if a person loses their home and can no longer support themselves, it's only because they haven't done anything about it. And now they have to depend on your UFC-watching, barbecue wing-eating, uninformed and entitled-griping unemployed ass to pay for their healthcare. Anyway... *high fives Mark and Kraig*

Also: Today was our first day of vacation and I was up, showered and ready to go to the vet at 7:30 this morning with no problems. What has this semester done to me???

One more day...

So I was walking back into our condo after teaching Theory this morning and SLAMMED my elbow on the door knob (do not ask me how that happened). Result: I literally could not straighten my arm from the bent position my elbow was in for about ten minutes afterwards, I'm pretty sure I now have a sizable dent in my elbow and, perhaps most tragic of all, I cannot hold my cup of coffee with my left hand without my hand lapsing into weird spasmic tremors. Must have hit a nerve or something. So, yeah, that was cool...

In other news, Schmoobs' and my former band director in Vol Country and Schmoobs' former grad school mentor came was in town this past weekend to work with the annual high school honor band hosted by our university. It was super fun to see him again. Pertinent life discussions and nostalgic reflections abounded. Look, here are some pictures:

I'm in a band director sandwich! Haaaalp!

Here are Schmoobs and Dr. S in April 2006 right after Schmoobs' final concert in his Master's program.

And here they are nearly five years later.

Note: Schmooblebops has spent the greater part of the last few months moaning and groaning about how much older he feels like he is starting to look with the graying hair and the maturing skin and - oy vey - his "receding hairline." On and on and on about the receding hairline! And I have gone on and on at great length about how he still looks youthful for his age and that - in particular - he is a paranoid psychopath with his hairline because it seriously looks just like it always has for as long as I've known him. But he refused to listen to his wise and all-knowing girlfriend.

And then I showed him these pictures the other night and FINALLY:

Schmoobs: "Hey! So, my hair really doesn't look that different than it did five years ago."

Ys: "Mmhmm."

Schmoobs: "Like, my hairline looks the same!"

Ys: "Yup..."

Schmoobs: "I mean, yeah, there's more gray...but that's not such a big deal."

Ys: "I told you."

Schmoobs: "So I guess my hairline isn't receding!"

Ys: "I tooold you."

Schmoobs: "Huh! My hairline isn't receding!"

Ys: "I. TOLD. YOU."

Two more days...

...until VACATION.

It's always fun (not) to realize that your incessant coughing is actually what is causing your sore throat. Yeesh.

Now click below to jump to a picture that manages to be both disturbing and fantastic at the same time:

That he humored me by putting this on and then letting me take his picture is why I am with him.
(But he doesn't know I'm posting this on the blog...)
(But at least I put it after a jump so it doesn't show up on the front page...)

I knooooooow.

1. I am THIIIIIS close to being done with my !&#@(&^%@(%!*&!# Statement of Purpose. Goddamnit.

2. I have the effing GRE this afternoon. Do you know how much time I've had to study for this thing? A rough total of about twenty minutes. Sweet Jeebus. Let's all pray that I remember how to do effing long division, mkay?

3. I got my Monthly Confirmation today, too. Of course I did.

4. I did finally get my flattish tire replaced and my busted headlight fixed, so there's that. It's amazing how much less stressful and paranoia-ridden driving is when you're not constantly driving around with shifty eyes while evading the law.


Things left to do before December 15:

• Finish my Statement of Purpose, once and for all.
• Order transcripts.
• Make copies of my writing samples.
• Finish filling out all the goddamn online applications that BY THE WAY are infinitely more complicated than just effing doing it the old fashioned on-paper method. /burgeoningLuddite
• Oh yeah, keep teaching all my buttload of classes and students and stuff.

Oh yeah, because of all this, I have a sneaking suspicion that Schmoobs and I will be celebrating Turkey Day next week by going to a nice restaurant in town and having Thanksgiving dinner cooked for and served to us. There, I said it.

UPDATED TO ADD: And I forgot to mention that my little BB is getting her uterus yanked out next Wednesday! Waaaaah! Poor BB!!

Super Animal iPhone Picture Fun Time!

Oh hai. Don't mind me. Just looking at you with the cutest shiny eyes ever. ...Treat?

The sun worships ME.

Roarrrrr!

Okay, sleepytimes. ZZZZzzzzzzzz.

Blaaaarrrrrp.

Post cold Chinese food leftovers eaten directly out of the takeout containers chased by two fun-size Twix bars bloat. I'm disgusting.

Things I need to write about (but won't until later because I'm tired busy lazy.

1. Schmoobles' mother's surprise-ish visit this weekend. Wholly not as tense and awkward as anticipated. Ya.

2. My one-man road war with an angry old man (probably a tree-hating* conservative) in a pickup truck last week.

3. The fifty-year old Texas millionaire gambler who owns four boats and got divorced two years ago with self-esteem and possessiveness issues who got into a fight over his girlfriend with another fifty-year old at a bar with Schmoobs and I sitting right between them.


Also, I have already taught two classes this morning (with one more to go, and then some clarimanet lessons this afternoon) and my greatest accomplishment thus far is FINALLYFINALLYFINALLY getting three stars on Level 1-21 of Angry Birds on my iPhone! Boo yah!

Well.

I certainly had a most interesting Thursday evening. How about you? Let's just say my evening involved a fifty year old millionaire getting into an argument at a bar about his girlfriend and then informing me that he believed President Obama was a Muslim terrorist. And then him paying for my and Schmoobles' bar entire bar tab. The end.

...But not really because I'll explain tomorrow. When I am more sober.

Hmm...

1. All my pants seem to be fitting more snug around the ol' waist region lately. I guess the washer must have shrunk all my pants or something. Darn washer!

2. Apparently Schmooblybonbons' mother is flying in to town to visit for the weekend today. He forgot this was happening until this morning. And I was gifted with a text message in the middle of Ear Training class informing me as such. Uh... whatwhatWHAAAT?!

3. Wanna see some videos of BB and Bela?  Of course you do. Why would I even ask such a stupid question?

In 1998, my senior year in high school, I cut class with my friends - for the first and only time EVER (nerd alert) - and went to the mall. So we could go to the Discovery Channel nature store (nerd alert again). Twelve years later, I still have my one memento from that outing: Spike my beloved rubber blowfish. Spike has lived the majority of his life inside every car I have owned since that day - first, the gray Chevy Nova; then my teal Saturn SC2; then Lucky, my beloved black VW Golf baby boy; then Kablooie. For the past several months, however, Spike has finally made it indoors to our condo and, this afternoon, he decided to taunt BB by puffing his bad breath (he can't help it) in her face.

Update: Two minutes after I left BB with Spike, I found her chewing on him...with both of his fins torn off and lying in pieces on the couch. Waaah! Bad BB!

Two years later...yeah, they're still not BFFs. Damn.

(Also, please pardon the mess of unmade blankets and dirty clothes strewn about. I've tried explaining to BB again and again that if she wants to continue living with us rent-free, she'll have to earn her keep by doing some chores around the house, but she refuses to listen.)

Happy Halloweenie!

 One day a year, BB transforms into...Bumble Bee Bee!

 Obligatory shot of Bela in the background refusing to participate in Animal Picture Fun Time.

Always with the tongue licking the nose...

Off to search for honey. Or pupperoni.

* * * * *

Also, because I can't be updating my Facebook status every ten minutes (because that is obnoxious) and because Schmoobs won't be back for another couple of hours and I can't be sharing these thoughts out loud to BB (because that is weird):

1. The other night, I dreamt that I was vacuuming our condo. Then I woke up. Last night, I dreamt that I was practicing effing articulation exercises on the ol' devil stick. Then I woke up. What's next? Am I going to dream that I am going on a five-mile run and then come home to fold a load of laundry? Most. Nagging. Subconscious. Ever.

2. You know what I'm a big fan of? Non-threateningly handsome men with Australian accents on my television cooking delicious food. Evidenced by:

YUM. And I'm not talking about those eggs! Zing!

Update.

Okay, so Rangers fans got their win tonight. That's enough for me. Giants in 5! LET'S GO GIANTS!!!

Let's get some blogging done up in here.

Hey, did you know that THE GIANTS are up 2 - 0 in the MOTHER-EFFING WORLD SERIES?! Yeeaaa! Boiiiii! They play the next three (or maybe two? hehehe) games here in Arlington and OMG if I had, you know, several hundred dollars to spare I would totally buy a ticket and go decked out in all orange and black and be the one lone Giants fan in Rangers Ballpark. It would be awesome. And if I had double the hundreds of dollars to spare, then I would buy a ticket for Schmoobles, too. He is no longtime Giants fan (he is of the Cardinals and A's persuasion) but he has been very good at showing support for my team the past few weeks. And, thankfully, we have not encountered any unnecessarily  combative and obnoxious Texas fans.

Schmoobs and I went out to watch Game 2 at one of our favorite nearby bars - one that has a slightly older and richer clientele and a really cool bartender who likes us a lot and would not object to having us non-Ranger fans at his bar. I was non-obnoxiously dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt with a huge bright Giants-orange scarf while Schmoobs wore his black Tennessee Vols jacket, which I pointed out to him, was actually a very nice neutral piece of clothing to wear, as it was black with an orange "T" on the front, so all the bases are covered. Ha. Anyway, we were definitely surrounded by Rangers fans there, but even when we were outed as the only two Giants fans in the place, everyone was cool and respectful. I think especially because Schmoobs and I made a concerted effort to not be obnoxious in our celebration throughout the game. Just doing a quiet "Go Giants" toast when we got our drinks, casting each other subtle knowing smiles anytime the Giants made a good play, and doing some under-the-bar clapping during each run or strikeout.

Truthfully, it has been a little bit sad (no, seriously) being around all of these rabid Rangers fans who have had to watch their beloved team get spanked. Nobody was expecting this. Not even any Giants fans. Of course, at the end of it all, I want the Giants to win. But I also want the Rangers fans to get a good, exciting, fun series to watch. Anyway, the series isn't over yet so I should definitely stop talking like we have already won the whole thing. And DUH of course I want the Giants to continue dominating, but I do hope the Rangers step it up...just a liiiiittle bit these next couple of games so these Texans can get a boost in spirit. But...GOOOO GIANTS!!!

Anyway, an assortment of other things I've been slacking off on writing about:

1. Oh wait, this first one is still baseball related. So Schmooblins' boss at the university is a decades-long Rangers fan. As Schmoobs said a few days ago, "You know how awkward this is for me, right? All the people I work with, especially my boss, is a Texas fan. But my girlfriend and the person I live with is a Giants fan." In fact, I was walking down a hallway at work on Wednesday morning when his boss came up behind me. I just looked over my shoulder and smiled, and a second later he returned my greeting with, "Oh. Hello...Giants fan." Can you imagine the amount of self-control I had to exercise to NOT return the favor with a huge smug smile directed at him on Thursday and Friday morning? See how good a person I am? Actually, Friday morning I was getting ready to leave the music building when I saw him standing there with another person at the main exit door, so I purposely turned the corner and went out an alternative exit just because I couldn't trust myself to not rub the Game 2 win in his face if I were to pass by him. HAH.

2. So I got an email a few weeks ago from a prominent textbook-publishing company asking if I would be interested in reviewing one of their new College Success textbooks. Woot! At first, I was super paranoid and convinced that it was some kind of scam to get me to give them my personal information, but I Googled the hell out of the company and they are totally legit. The review itself didn't take terribly long and I get a $150 honorarium out of it...eventually (hasn't shown up yet). But, best of all, I get to put an official textbook review in my CV! Nice.

3. I am officially seven pounds overweight you guys. Schmoobs and I weighed ourselves at a big, very exact scientific scale in the science building at work and we are both shlubby. Bleh. Seven pounds may not seem like a lot, but considering I have not grown any taller since I was, like, twenty, and that I am just a shade over five feet tall, seven pounds is significant. I have made it a goal to try and get back close to the weight that I was when I was in college. First order of business: I really really should cut back on the sugar. This, clearly, is made all the more difficult by my newfound obsession with sweet tea, Snickers bars and Twix bars. Gah. I will say that I have not had any candy bars or sweet tea in two days AND BB and I have been going on super-long (for us) walks around our neighborhood thankyouverymuch. Two miles! (Sh, that's good for us.) Anyway, I have been making some strides in my dietary improvements I think. For example, last night, instead of having one or three fun size Twix bars, I had two pieces of bread smeared with peanut butter, chocolatey delicious Nutella and not-at-all sugar laden strawberry jelly. And this morning for breakfast, instead of whipping out the bag of Cheetos Puffs in the pantry, I opted for Bold Party Flavor Chex Mix! See? I feel the pounds melting away already.

4. Uh...speaking of eating healthier (i.e. NOT): How far is Bedford from Rockwall??

5. I may have mentioned once or twice (heh) before how I have to teach at mother-effing 8am every day this semester, right? Which, factoring in a one-hour commute in plus my inability to function before noon, and I am pretty much running in to the music building at 7:59 every morning. On a good day. Well, T-DOT decided this fall to begin a re-paving project on the highway that pretty much extends the entire length of the drive to the university. It's a fun, exciting and not at all stressful crap shoot to discover each morning just how many lanes they decided to close that day or which stretch of road would be torn up and turned into a gravelly mess and for how many miles.

So, several mornings ago, I was racing to get to 8am Theory in time when, about twenty miles away, the traffic just stopped. Completely. Because apparently stopping traffic on both lanes of a busy highway during morning commute time so that a tractor can do some maneuvering is something that people do here. In a panic, I tried calling our department secretary again and again to see if she could post a sign on the classroom to say that class would be late, but - because the offices don't open until 8am - she wasn't in yet. So I did the only thing I knew left to do, and I went on Facebook in my iPhone, looked up one of the few students in the freshman class that had sent me a friend request, found her cellphone number and called her:

Student: (weakly) "...hello...?"
Ys: "Hi, Jamie?"
Student: "...yes..."
Ys: "Jamie, this is Ms. Sarte. .....Are you okay? You sound terrible. Are you sick?"
Student: "...yes, I'm sick....."
Ys: "Oh, well then I guess you're not planning on coming to Theory today. Whoops! The reason I'm calling is because I am going to be late and needed one of you to tell the rest of the class. But I don't think that you'll be able to apparently."
Student: "...no...but...Clay should be there...I can give you his number..."
Ys: "Ok, great! Actually, can you text it to me at this number? I can't write it down since I'm driving."
Student: "...sure..." (*sounds like she is about to start crying*)
Ys: "Ok, bye Jamie. Get some rest!"
Student: "...ok...thanks..." (*whimpering*)

Can you imagine getting a random phone call from your weirdo professor before 8am when you are actually legitimately sick? Ha! That must have been surreal. But that's what she gets for Facebook friending me.

6. I just remembered that last night I dreamt that I vacuumed our condo. And that most of what I picked up was BB's kibble. That's all I dreamt. Weird.

7. Three times in the last two weeks, our overhead bedroom light has turned itself on while I was lying in bed and Schmoobles wasn't home. So...um, yeah. I should be more freaked out, but I have every confidence in BB's ability protect me should Knuckles decide to get more aggressive with his pranks. Really, all she has to do is aim her big shiny brown doggie eyes at him and then roll over so he can ghost-pat her warm belly and I'm safe.

So. Many. Things. To. Blog. About.

But first I am going to finish drinking my post-8am Theory class coffee. And then I am going to have a leisurely morning BM. And then I am going to read some blogs and threads about THE GIANTS!!! And then I am going to "rest my eyeballs" for a while. And THEN maybe I'll finally get around to updating this mother-effing blog.

Happy Friday!

Out damned uterus!orSeriously?

My ladyparts really need to hurry up and shed their baby-hosting lining (too far?) because I just finished polishing off an entire footlong BLT topped off by a full-size frozen Snickers bar for dessert. It took me ten minutes. OMG. I think I gained five pounds just typing that first sentence. Also, I think I have wept about two quarts of girly-tears in the last week because I am in the midst of feeling very sorry for myself and suffering from a case of the sads (hence, the Snickers bar) (and the bacon). Luckily I have episodes of "Community" online to assist in beatch-slapping my woman-hormones into submission.

Seriously, can Señor Chang be anymore psychotic awesome?



Also: GIANTS WON! GIANTS WON! GIANTS WON!
Next: DEFEAT THE TEXASS RANGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts.

1. I think you all should start watching the new Fox show "Running Wilde." Because I happen to find it hilarious. And yet nobody is watching it and it got terrible reviews when it premiered. Even though it stars Felicity Porter! And Will Arnett! And some amazing British actor playing a vaguely Middle Eastern character named Fa'ad who can lull me into a trance with his line delivery every night.

2. I would really like to eat a BLT right now. Somebody please punch me in the face for not having EVER eaten a BLT until two days ago. I am excited for tomorrow just so I can go to Subway for lunch after teaching classes and order a BLT. OMG, it's going to be so delicious.

3. I would really really rully like for the Giants to win tonight. Because if they win tonight, it just feels like they will take the NLCS pennant. Which means they will maybe face Texas in the World Series. Which means that I will get to go to work wearing my Giants hoodie and smile smugly amongst all my Rangers-loving students who will not get to say one disparaging word about it to me because I will automatically fail them if they do. HAHAHA! (I'm kidding...maybe.)

4. I started this post because there were a couple things I wanted to write about and that included none of the above. But now I can't remember what I originally wanted to say. Oops.

It's only Wednesday??

Scenes from Ear Training, Episode Two:

Freshman: "Do we have a test in Ear Training tomorrow?"
Me: "Did you just ask me if we have a test tomorrow?"
Freshman: "Yes."
Me: "That's because you weren't in class yesterday, were you?"
Freshman: "Oh. Um...yeah."
Me: "We have a sight singing test tomorrow and a dictation test on Tuesday."
Freshman: "But what if it hurts me to sing? I've had a sore throat for a few days."
Me: "Well, if you can talk, you can sing, can't you?"
Freshman: "Barely...but it hurts."
Me: "Then I guess you should quit with the talking."


Also, let's check in on The Ever-Expanding List of Things Wrong With Winnie the Old Toyota That Ysabel Can't Afford to Fix, shall we?:


1. Busted headlight. It's not the bulb, because I already bought a new bulb and installed it myself (which may or may not have taken me an hour to do) so it's probably electronic. As a result, I have been driving around with my brights on for a few weeks now, probably pissing off the greater DFW metropolitan area. Whatever, I'm not getting pulled over for a broken headlight, ya dig? Especially when my car has automatic daylights, which make me even more conspicuously vulnerable to the coppers. (I probably will for driving with my brights on, though...)


2. Oil leak. My oil warning light comes on every two weeks like clockwork. And so I have to top it off with 2 quarts of oil every weekend. I brought it in to a shop, but they told me they couldn't find a leak anywhere. However, they also told me that my oil tank was nearly empty when they checked on it - two weeks after I had gotten an oil change. Also, they told me that my dip stick was the wrong size and so I wouldn't be able to tell on my own if it was empty or not. Cool.


3. Flattish left rear tire. Stupid never-ending construction on my daily commute. They've torn up the road completely and I can feel the dollars falling out of my pockets with every pothole, groove and bump I have to drive over every morning. 


4. Worn brake pads. Almost forgot this one. Who needs fully-functioning brakes anyway, right? Last time I was at an auto shop (a little over a month ago, I think...I blocked it out), I went in for a simple wheel balancing and alignment and came out having to buy two new tires. And then they told me that my brake pads were on their last legs. Yeah, so that was fun.

So I guess that WAS my official weekend post. Oops.

So far today I have driven to work through hellish constant highway construction resulting in a flattish tire (ugh), taught two Ear Training classes, driven back home with a slightly less-flattish tire courtesy of the local gas station, constructed a Theory test, a Music Lit test and a Freshman Success reading test (All for tomorrow...ha! Sorrrry, students. Wait, no I'm not.) AND completed a ten-page textbook review* for a publishing company that was requested five days ago. Yeesh. Oh yeah, and I totally ate a bowlful of leftover barbecue brisket somewhere in there, too. And a frozen Snickers bar. Naptime now.

* More on this later (!).

This isn't my REAL weekend post, just so you know.

A couple of days ago it was really stifling inside our apartment, both Schmoobs and I were stressed/overworked/crabby/etc. so he dashed out for a few minutes to grab some beer. He asked me if I wanted anything and I said, "Can you get me a candy bar?" And so he brought home two Snickers Almond chocolate bars which I popped into the freezer before eating. And ever since then I've been wanting MORE. I have also been really into Sweet Tea lately, which is really strange because I've never really liked Sweet Tea much. Okay, there was a very brief period that I voluntarily drank it when I first moved to Knoxville, mainly because it was such a novelty more than anything. Seriously, it's not "tea." It's more like "melted sugar with a side of water." But I've been really craving it. Usually when it's Pre-Monthly Confirmation Time I crave every and all things salty and/or cheesy and/or fried, but it seems like this go around it's all about the sugar. Estrogen is weird.

So this afternoon I went to Target and spent $15 of the last remaining $50 left to my name (until the next time my schools and students decide to effing pay me again goddamnit. When would that be? I don't effing know anymore. Feh.) on 2 packs of (fun size!) Snickerses, 1 pack of (fun size!) Twix, a giant jug of Sweet Tea (that's "swayt tay"), a pack of turkey bacon (healthy!) for breakfast tomorrow, a dozen (organic! and cage free!*) brown eggs, dried cranberries (healthy! ...not really!) and (holy crap these things exist?!) cornbread crackers.

Anyway, leave me alone now so I can commence making myself sick with a late lunch of sugar water and frozen Snickers bars.


* The drive between Rockwall and Commerce is a 45 mile stretch of highway which, I have learned, is frequently driven by chicken truck drivers. As in, drivers who drive trucks filled with cages filled past capacity with poor, cute, fluffy, innocent chickens on their way to a miserable death. I have, on countless occasion, had the unfortunate experience of having to drive directly behind one of these trucks and having to stare at these sad fluffy chickens with their sad little beady chicken eyes that look into mine as if they are saying, "Ysabel, why am I here in this clucking miserable cage-truck where I can't even move my poor little chicken head a clucking inch because they've packed us so tight in here? Cluck me! Save me, Ysabel! Save me, for cluck's sake!" OMG, you guys, and the worst part is when one of these wee creatures falls out of their effing cage and you see a white fluffy dead chicken on the shoulder of the highway. Poor chickens. Anyway. I love chicken nuggets too much (I'm such a selfish, heartless betch!) to stop eating meat. But someday I will earn enough money that I can afford to be super-discerning about what meat I purchase and - specifically - only buy meat from animals that have been raised humanely on local free-roaming farms. In the meantime, I am trying to do better by those poor white fluffy highway chicken friends by only buying the organic eggs that come from cage-free chickens. It may cost twice as much for those, but I figure I can spend an extra $2 to know that I'm not supporting the stupid cruel chicken factories.