Yow.

Back in Seattle. Back at work. Christmas was a hoot. More on that later, when I don't have a billion and one things to do in the office (ugh) to catch up. I just wanted to take a moment and voice my distress over just now getting a massive paper cut in that little web of skin (i.e. Worst Place to Get a Paper Cut Ever Except for Maybe Your Eyeball) in between the middle and ring fingers of my right hand. Stupid books made of stupid paper. Stupid work. Stupid no more vacation...until this weekend :)

My Christmas present to those of you who haven't seen this...

Stephen Colbert's speech at the White House Correspondent's Dinner earlier this year. I haven't laughed this hard in a while. Go Blue 2008!

ps. For those of you who are like my brother-in-law, and will throw a fit after learning upon reading through the following transcript that I have posted the videos of his speech at the end of this blog: I HAVE POSTED THE VIDEOS OF HIS SPEECH AT THE END OF THIS BLOG. Alright. There. Are you happy, Greg???

*****

STEPHEN COLBERT: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bulletproof S.U.V.'s out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.'s and they need to get out.
Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents' dinner. To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper -- that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped.
By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail. Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it's my privilege to celebrate this president. We're not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book.
Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.
I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.
In fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.
Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.
Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback. I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!," and every time he falls everyone says, "Stay down! Stay down!" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie.
OK. Doesn't matter. The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.
I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message: that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.
Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car!
And I just like the guy. He's a good Joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am.
I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.
The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.
As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.
But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.
Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!
Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!
Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some are heroes: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. They've all been on my show. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.
See who we've got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.
Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.
Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
Justice Scalia is here. Welcome, sir. May I be the first to say, you look fantastic. How are you? [After each sentence, Colbert makes a hand gesture, an allusion to Scalia's recent use of an obscene Sicilian hand gesture in speaking to a reporter about Scalia's critics. Scalia is seen laughing hysterically.] Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.
John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.
Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess is what I'm describing, a seasonal cookie.
Joe Wilson is here, Joe Wilson right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god. [looks horrified] Oh, what have I said? I -- Je- minetti (sp?). I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife Joe Wilson's wife. Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight? OK. Dodged a bullet.
And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name, "Snow Job." Toughest job. What a hero. Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.
Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir.
I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns.
In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.

BEGINNING OF "AUDITION TAPE"
Colbert shows a video of a mock press conference. It opens with an empty podium. Colbert's head rises from behind the podium until Colbert is standing at the podium. He addresses the assembled Washington press corps.
COLBERT: I have a brief statement: the press is destroying America. OK, let's see who we've got here today.
COLBERT (acknowledging various reporters): Stretch! (David Gregory nods)
Sir Nerdlington! (reporter nods)
Sloppy Joe! (reporter nods)
Terry Lemon Moran Pie! (Terry Moran nods)
Oh, Doubting Thomas, always a pleasure. (Helen Thomas smiles)
And Suzanne Mal -- hello!!
(Suzanne Malveaux stares at Colbert, looking unhappy. Colbert mimics putting a phone to his ear and mouths "call me.")
REPORTER: Will the Vice President be available soon to answer all questions himself?
COLBERT: I've already addressed that question. You (pointing to another reporter).
REPORTER: Walter Cronkite, the noted CBS anchor, . . .
COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, no, he's the former CBS anchor. Katie Couric is the new anchor of the CBS Evening News. Well, well, how do you guys feel about that?
You, tousle-haired guy in the back. Are you happy about Katie Couric taking over the CBS Evening News?
DAN RATHER: No, sir, Mr. Colbert. Are you? (Laughter)
COLBERT: Boom! Oh, look, we woke David Gregory up. Question?
DAVID GREGORY: Did Karl Rove commit a crime?
COLBERT: I don't know. I'll ask him.
(Colbert turns to Rove) Karl, pay attention please! (Rove is seen drawing a heart with "Karl + Stephen" written on it.)
GREGORY: Do you stand by your statement from the fall of 2003 when you were asked specifically about Karl, and Elliott Abrams, and Scooter Libby, and you said "I've gone to each of those gentlemen, and they have told me that they are not involved in this." Do you stand by that statement?
COLBERT: Nah, I was just kidding!
GREGORY: No, you're not finishing. You're not saying anything! You stood at that podium and said . . .
COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, that's where you're wrong. New podium! Just had it delivered today. Get your facts straight, David.
GREGORY: This is ridiculous. The notion that you're going to stand before us after having commented with that level of detail and tell the people watching this that somehow you've decided not to talk. You've got to . . .
(Colbert is seen looking at three buttons on the podium, labeled "EJECT," "GANNON" and "VOLUME." He selects the "VOLUME" button and turns it. We see Gregory's lips continue moving, but can't hear any sound coming out.)
COLBERT: If I can't hear you, I can't answer your question. I'm sorry! I have to move on. Terry.
TERRY MORAN: After the investigation began, after the criminal investigation was underway, you said . . .
(Colbert presses a button on the podium and fast-forwards through most of Moran's question.)
MORAN (continuing): All of a sudden, you have respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation?
COLBERT (seen playing with rubber ball, which he is bouncing off attached paddle): No, I never had any respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation. Activist judges! Yes, Helen.
HELEN THOMAS: You're going to be sorry. (Laughter)
COLBERT (looking vastly amused, mockingly): What are you going to do, Helen, ask me for a recipe?
THOMAS: Your decision to invade Iraq has caused the deaths of thousands (Colbert's smile fades) of Americans and Iraqis, wounds of Americans and Iraqis for a lifetime.
COLBERT (interrupting): OK, hold on Helen, look . . .
THOMAS (continuing): Every reason given, publicly at least, has turned out not to be true. My question is, why did you really want to go to war?
COLBERT (again interrupting): Helen, I'm going to stop you right there. (Thomas keeps talking.) That's enough! No! Sorry, Helen, I'm moving on. (Colbert tries to turn her volume off, but the knob falls off his controls.)
(Various reporters start shouting questions at Colbert.)
COLBERT (agitated): Guys, guys, please don't let Helen do this to what was a lovely day.
(Reporters keep shouting at him.)
COLBERT (putting his fingers over his ears and shouting in a high-pitched voice): Bllrrtt! No, no, no, no, no. I'm not listening to you!
Look what you did, Helen! I hate you!
(Helen Thomas glowers at Colbert.)
COLBERT (frantic): I'm out of here!
(Colbert pulls back the curtain behind him, desperately trying to flee. He says, "There is a wall here!" The press corps laughs. Colbert has difficulty finding a door from which to exit the room, echoing Bush's experience in China. He finally finds the door and hurries through it.)
COLBERT: It reeks in there! Ridiculous! I've never been so insulted in my life! Stupid job.
(Colbert continues walking away. We hear sinister-sounding music playing. We see Helen Thomas walking behind Colbert.)
(Colbert looks behind him, sees Thomas, and starts running.)
(Colbert trips over a roller skate. He yells "Condi!" We see a close-up of Helen Thomas' face, looking determined and angry. Colbert, increasingly panicked, gets up and continues running, running into a parking garage. He reaches an emergency call box, and yells into it.)
COLBERT: Oh, thank God. Help me!
ATTENDANT: What seems to be the problem, sir?
COLBERT: She won't stop asking why we invaded Iraq!
ATTENDANT: Hey, why did we invade Iraq?
COLBERT: NO!!! (runs toward his car)
(We see Helen Thomas, still walking toward him.)
(Colbert reaches his car, and fumblingly attempts to open it with his key. He is in such a desperate hurry that he fumbles with the keys and drops them. When he picks them up, he looks back and Helen is even closer. In his frantic rush, Colbert just can't get the key into the lock.)
(Just as his anxiety is getting completely out of control he suddenly remembers that he has a keyless remote -- so he just pushes the button on the keychain and the car unlocks immediately with the usual double squeak noise. Colbert jumps in and locks the door, and continues to fumble trying to start the car. He finally succeeds, and looks up to see Helen standing in front of the car, notepad in hand.)
COLBERT: NO!!! NO!!!
(Colbert puts the car into reverse and drives off, tires squealing. Thomas smiles.)
(Colbert is shown taking the shuttle from Washington, D.C. to New York. A car and driver are waiting for him at Penn Station. The uniformed man standing alongside the car opens the door and lets Colbert in.)
COLBERT: What a terrible trip, Danny. Take me home.
(The driver locks the doors, turns around, and says, "Buckle up, hon." IT'S HELEN THOMAS!!!)
COLBERT (horrified face pressed against car window): NO!!!
END OF "AUDITION TAPE"
STEPHEN COLBERT: Helen Thomas, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Smith, members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, it's been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night!

Weffriddles is eating my soul!

Holiday greetings from sunny warm chilly northern California! I am proud to say that I started and finished all of my Christmas shopping yesterday and now only have to wrap them all up and I am DONE.

In more important news, I came upon this website through a friend of a friend's blog and it has ruined my life. Well, not really, but I have been stuck on Level 14 for almost an entire day and I am becoming distressed. Damn you, Weffriddles!!!

Hope you are all having a happy holidays!

Santa drives a Buick.

For real. Scott and I are hiding out at the Panera Bread at Alderwood Mall just north of Seattle and we spotted Santa driving around in the parking lot driving a beige Buick. Man, I wish I'd had my camera in my purse. I guess Rudolph and his posse are storing up their energy for the big day. Anyway, we are at the mall for this reason. While we are one of the few fortunate ones to have power restored back at our apartment, we are still without Cable or Internet and this, as we have found, is too much to bear for longer than 24 hours. Thank god for free wi-fi at Panera!

On a related note, I haven't had work for two days, which, on the one hand sound like a fantasy situation. But, on the other, means that my next paycheck is going to be severely cut. Bah humbug. But how can I afford to buy myself that gold-plated diamond encrusted clarinet reed case I've been coveting for Christmas? Hahaha.

And then there was the Christmas Tree...

It's been a few days since I've updated. I realize this and offer no apologies. There are several very good reasons for my lack of updating-ness:

1. I've been too busy reading the entire archives of The Daily Dump. Consequently, I've been too busy feeling inferior to his blogging skillz. This guy is freakin' hi-larious.

2. My once-beloved baby boy Lucky is lucky no more, and is, in fact, giving me enormous amounts of stress. The incessant cruel leaking of the rain water has succeeded in destroying my love for the once magnificent Volkswagen Golf, leaving nothing but a cold, hard block of ice in the interiors of my chest cavity and a big dirty hunk of metal filled with mold-harboring moistened cushions and carpet in my parking space. Lucky, you know you will always have a special place somewhere in the dark recesses of my soul, but until I can manage to get you healed up and fully de-humidified, de-mildew-fied, and de-stank-ified, you will heretofore be known as The Mold-mobile. Or Automoldbile. I haven't decided yet.

3. Scott and I apparently bought the official Most Infuriating Christmas Tree Ever this year. I say this because we brought it home the other night and have since spent longer than I am willing to admit trying to make it work. Myself, I am not opposed to just tossing it over the balcony and rolling it over onto the side of the road despite it being more than 2 weeks before Christmas.

See, first we brought it home. We were quite giddy and excited because we had bought a giant, beautiful tree at a nearby lot...for $20! Twenty freaking dollars, people! There was another tree lot down the road that had a dinky little 4' piece of crap for $45. So we were quite - how do you say? - stoked.

Then, we promptly realized that we had bought an 8' 4" tree to put into our living room. A room which has an 8' ceiling. So we snapped a couple inches off the top. Then we put it into the tree stand, secured the screws, and filled it with water.

Then we realized that we did not get the bottom freshly cut and it would probably turn brown before Christmas Day. So we (and by "we" I mean "Scott") had to unscrew the screws (which, by the way, is a bitch to do), get the damned tree out of the stand, spill tons of water onto our carpet in the process, and drag the bottom end of the tree out onto the balcony to make a fresh cut.

The we realized that we did not have a saw. So we had to go to Home Depot to buy a saw. Incidentally, we made a quick detour at Denny's. I had the Super Slam Extreme Grand Slam. And a hot cocoa. It was delicious. Then we went to Home Depot.

Then we realized that the saw we (meaning "Scott") had purchased had about the same effectiveness on the blasted tree as a used nail file. So we (definitely meaning "Scott") spent the next 30 minutes attacking the Unfortunate Christmas Tree of Doom with a combination of the damned worthless saw, a steak knife, a flat-head screwdriver, a hammer, and heaps of curse words. And we put the tree back in the tree stand and re-tightened the screws.

Then 4 hours later we realized that the blasted thing was slowly leaning. So we un-screwed the screws, straightened the tree out and re-screwed the screws.

Then yesterday we noticed that the f*ing tree was leaning again, this time in a different direction. So we f*ing un-screwed the screws, straightened the f*ing tree out and f*ing re-screwed the f*ing screws.

Then we both came home this evening, looked at the tree and...you know. So we...you know.

And then after my rage had cooled to room temperature, we finally got the lights and ornaments - purchased at Target, thankyouverymuch - and decorated the blasted tree.

Then we realized that we hadn't bought enough lights.

Then Ysabel gave up and decided that she didn't care if she woke up tomorrow morning to find that the tree had completely toppled over and that it would remain in that position for the next three weeks.

Most Infuriating Christmas Tree Ever, 2006.
Also: Look at Bela sitting on the couch. Notice how his eyes glow with the rage of a thousand wild monkeys at this tree's stubborn refusal to cooperate. He learned that from me.

A few quick things before I go beddy-bye

1. It's funny how quickly one can turn from Overachieving Office Ingenue to Slackish Office Layzabout. When I first started this new job I was in bed by 11pm and setting my alarm for 6:30 every morning to MAKE SURE I would be out of bed by 7 and at work by 8:30 on the dot. ...Cut to two months later and here I am sitting in bed at 1:19 in the morning after watching tonight's Tivo'd episode of Heroes, blogging away on my laptop because I really don't plan on setting my alarm any earlier than 8am, which - if I allow myself at least one hit of the snooze button - would get me in the shower by 8:10, on the road by maybe 8:35, at the drive-by espresso hut by 8:59 and in the office by...eh, a smidge past 9. But, you know what? I get my job done and I do it well, so neener neener.
2. Speaking of Heroes: Oh. My. God. The best new show of the season, if not one of the best shows on television period. From a purely entertainment standpoint, at least. Hiro is my favorite character. He is Asian. If you haven't started watching this show yet, you should. Scott and I are officially depressed that tonight's episode was the last new one until freaking January 22nd. I think Bela might be too. Oh no, wait. Bela's depressed because Scott spent the majority of last night taunting him with his conducting baton. Also, because his god-damned fleas are back. Damnit! I guess we didn't get them all the last time. Ah, well. Back to Target we go!
3. Speaking of good television: has anyone been watching this season of Survivor? I haven't watched that show since, like, the second year probably, but this season's got me pretty hooked. I'm definitely rooting for Yul. And not just because he's also Asian. I'm rooting for him because he's attractive, humble and wicked smaht...because he's Asian. Hahaha.
4. Hm, I just realized that this post is quite pro-Asian. Asian Asian Asian. If you look at that word long enough, it looks really weird. Hm. Anyway, gooOOO Asians! Ha.
5. Ok, it's 1:30 now so I should go to sleep for real. I do need to get up bright and early for my morning soy latte! ...and work, I guess.

Mmm...pseudophedrine.

Despite my penchant for joking that I possess within the dank hollows of my insides, a bitter, cold and blackened heart, I do have to admit that I - like I would hope most people do - hold a very deep and unconditional love and affection for a select few: my family, Scott, my dear friends, Bela the (now) flea-less cat, the Food Network, Star*ucks...

But I can almost honestly say that, at this moment, there is absolutely nothing I love more than Sudafed, Ibuprofen, and their combined ability to make my head feel, for the first time in 10 days, like it's not gradually throbbing its way into one gigantic disgusting explosion of bile and mucous. So now I must take advantage of this wonderful opportunity before the meds wear off, and do the things I've been wanting to do, lo, these ten days past . Namely, watch the Food Network while sitting up on the couch. And finish off those Thanksgiving leftovers. Ah, it's good to be back.

Also: Snow Pictures!

The lake just up the road from our apartment.

The big grassy hill at our place, now covered in powder.

That's the pool behind those gates, with the fountain still going.
Oh man, if that thing were heated, I would have jumped in.

Snow Daaaaay!!!

Look, ma, we're in the news!

Hmm...what's better than waking up to a bright, white, pristine snowy day? Waking up to a bright, white, pristine snowy day and not going to work, that's what! Wheee! While a snowy landscape is really pretty, it's also very inconvenient and downright dangerous -- especially in a city like Seattle, which is utterly unaccustomed to having to deal with conditions like this. Last night, it took me 2 hours to drive the usual 8 mile route from work to home and Scott actually had a minor accident driving home from his rehearsal at UW. Because we are not supposed to get snow like this here,* the cities are poorly equipped with salt trucks and snow plows, so everyone was pretty much driving on black ice last night. Black ice, like my cold, black heart. Except my icy, black insides have been temporarily thawed due to the prospect of not having to do anything today except watch the Food Network.

Anyway, I decided to stay in, at least for the morning, so as to not slip and slide my way through the streets of Washington. But then I called in to work just a second ago, and was told to just stay home because they were going to go ahead and close down early anyway. Yahoo!! Nothing beats guiltless hooky. Also, our Wind Ensemble concert tonight has been postponed until Thursday. And now I may just say screw you! to my Invincible Flu and go play in the snow outside. Is that stupid? Don't worry, mom, I'll drink extra Xango to make up for it :)

Also, yesterday was my Dad's birthday. I'm sure he and my mother celebrated by sharing a nice bottle of wine with dinner and then settling in on the couch, watching good ol' Seinfeld reruns on DVD. They have good taste! Happy Birthday Papa!



* Thank you, Global Warming. I blame George Bush. Al Gore, save us!!

A lunatic am I.

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Thanks to Sarah L. for that quiz :)

***

In other news: My poor Scott is stranded in the Denver airport (Or is it somewhere in Wyoming? Is it bad that I don't even know?) today. He left on Friday to head the initial audition/camp for the Troopers drum corps and was supposed to fly back into Seattle this morning -- except that his flight was overbooked and he's now been bumped from two flights. Damn you, airlines! Leave us be!!! Two potential problems that go along with this: 1) we have a Wind Ensemble rehearsal this evening, which, by the looks of it, will not be attended by Scott; and 2) Scott borrowed my luggage for this trip meaning, of course, that the airline will surely lose it. In case you were not aware, there is apparently an Unwritten Airline Code stating that, whenever Ysabel's luggage comes within a 1 mile radius of any airport, the bag must magically disappear and resurface in Chicago or Portland.

Also: I cooked Thanksgiving dinner and it was awesome, thank you very much. ...Okay, I should say that I cooked a roast chicken (turkey's too big for just two people...that was our justification) and veggies, and then warmed up some ready-made cranberry stuffing and pecan pie. Mmmmm... I have no qualms nor feelings of shame regarding eating ready-made food for Thanksgiving dinner because: 1) I was in a medicated haze at the time and still managed to turn out a delicious bird; and 2) I was then and still am in a flu-tainted fog and managed to not vomit inside my mouth even when having to handle and discard the neck and gizzards from the inner cavity of a cold, dead chicken. But I cut it close a couple of times. Also: 3) the stuffing and pecan pie was damn tasty. The only downside to the whole dinner was -- besides the fact as I have mentioned before that I was slightly nauseous the whole night and, hence, could not partake in the usual uncontrolled gorge-fest that is the glorious tradition -- that I seem to have forgotten about Scott's damned Infernal Defective Can Opener of Doom (yes, this very same one) and was not able to include my beloved jellied canned cranberry sauce as part of my dinner. Boo. So now there are two delicious uneaten cans of jellied cranberry sauce waiting for me in the cupboard and I know one definite thing I have to buy next time I'm in Target:

Oh! And also: It snowed last night! Wheee!

Gobble-gobbledygook.

Happy Turkey Day one and all!

I have to admit I have mixed feelings about this year's festivities. For the first time in my entire Thanksgivingy history, there is nobody whom I have somehow managed to convince to cook up a delicious, savory, glutton-fest for me with which to stuff my face past any point of recognition as a means of celebrating the good-will and generosity which the Native Americans showed the newly settled pilgrims early on in our American history. I'm pretty sure that last sentence was grammatically improper on several levels. Whatevs.

I mean, even when I left California and moved to Tennessee, I still managed to finagle my way into the good graces of Ben's mom, Mary Ann - hi Mary Ann!! - and partake in some traditional Southern Thanksgiving deliciousness with their family for three years. *sigh* Those were some good times.

But, alas, this year, Scott and I are celebrating Thanksgiving by going to the grocery store on Thanksgiving Day, people and attempting to concoct our own Thanksgiving dinner by ourselves while hopefully not making the entire apartment complex explode in a giant fiery ball of death. We still have a couple of really really good steaks in the freezer which was so generously given to us by my aunt and uncle a few weeks ago, so we joked about starting a new tradition of having Thanksgiving Steak once a year. But that didn't seem right. And then we joked about just going to KFC or Boston Market and picking up a can of jellied cranberry sauce (Mmmm...delicious. And I'm not kidding.). But that didn't seem right either. So we are going to buckle down in the next hour or so (it's already 11am and I'm still in bed writing this blog...) and bravely join the rest of the sad sacks who are at the grocery store on Thanksgiving Day. Something tells me that new Thanksgiving traditions will be started this day, and that can't be a bad thing, can it?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Owie.

My throat hurts. Waah. Also, my whole body hurts and I can't seem to do anything but lie down on the couch, wrap myself up in a sleeping blanket and moan quietly to myself. Bah, damn this blasted flu season...

***

In other (happier) news: I just came back from spending the last day and a half in California for my baby niece's baptism. The fam is just as kooky as always. Someday, when I'm not slumped down on a sofa having myself a pity party and sipping some disgusting steaming hot TheraFlu from a mug, I will tell you all about it. It was fun. Except for the fact that the airline - I kid you not - managed to lose my luggage...again. Oy vey. Ok, back to wallowing on the couch and watching the Food Network. Huzzah!

* nothing but sounds of Ysabel's rapture *

I went on my first real, good old fashioned, gloriously self-indulgent Target run since I could remember this evening.

Not the standard variety "I need some toilet paper" Target run, where you actually walk out of the store with just toilet paper. I'm talking about the "I'm only going to stop in to buy some flea bombs because of our g*d-damned flea-infested cat...aaand I'll just look around and see if there's anything else I need to buy" Target run, where you (meaning "I") walk out of the store with the following:

1. 3 cans of Blue Diamond almonds. Specifically, 2 cans of Smokehouse and 1 can of Jalapeno Smokehouse. Holy crap, so good. Scratch that. I mean, hooooooooly crap, SO GOOD.

2. Dried cranberries. Delicious and nutritious.

3. Dried cherries. They were next to the dried cranberries.

4. Cute shoes. Closed-toe Mary Jane wedges (i.e. I can wear them outside without getting my toes wet) which not only match exactly the dark brown shade of my purse, but were also on sale at 50% off. C'mon people, how could I not get them?

5. 2 bowls of Campbell's instant soup. 1 Italian Wedding and 1 Chicken Gumbo. By this point in the excursion, I had come to the realization that I was past the point of no return and would have to counter-balance the imminent destruction of my conservative budget and bring my lunch to work from home instead of going out to eat delicious Thai or Indian food as per usual. *sigh* The shoes are worth it.

6. 4 comfy t-shirts. In a variety of colors. They fit me snugly, as I prefer my t-shirts to do, without being from the little boys or the little girls section. They were in the ladies section, damnit. So I bought them. Also half-off. See Dad? I am good with money!

7. 2 sets of Raid flea bombs. I wasn't making it up. Bela has g*d-damned fleas.

8. 1 pack of flea death drops. Ugh.

9. 2 packs of gum. Come on now, you can't partake in a delirious Target run and not throw in a couple packs of gum at the cash register. I'm just glad I didn't end up buying a trashy magazine to top it all off. 'Cause that's just unnecessary impulse shopping.

Anyway, look, I haven't been able to do this sort of thing since I quit my last job, moved across the country and found a new job, so be happy for me and my uncontrollable, unhealthy relationship with Target. Payday is in 3 days and I decided to celebrate a little early :) And I mean, seriously, those smokehouse almonds? So. Freaking. Good.

***

On a somewhat related note, the other day I was at Walgreens and bought a 6-pack of Hanes tube socks. Men's. Size 6-11. Not for Scott. For me. Because I will be wearing boots for an indeterminate number of months straight - seeing as how the only other variety of shoe that I wear are sandals (well, until See Above happened), which happen to be an unintelligent choice during this time of year - and there are few things in my daily life that irritate me more than having my socks continuously slip down below the top of my boots so that the zipper part keeps scratching your skin everytime you walk. Anyway, these socks appear to be made for your standard-issue NBA player and, when stretched to it's full splendor, reach past my knees. It's awesome. No longer will my tender legs be unnecessarily irritated by the dreaded boot zipper. Huzzah!!

Oh, to blog freely once again...

Hey, you know what I miss? Blogging about work. Namely: blogging about the delightful nincompoops and lunatics that I used to work with everyday in Knoxville. Ach, but I've been scoping out the internet savviness of this new workplace and I'm still too paranoid to go there. This is Seattle - birthplace of Microsoft - after all. And I have a bad feeling that the second I write about anything even remotely critical (i.e. entertaining) about anybody here, I'd get put on the first train back to Unemploymentville. And that ain't a place I'm ready to go back to yet, ya know what I mean? Especially since, as I've told you all recently, I am currently driving around in a big mildew-harboring sponge-on-wheels and will be needing money to turn it back into the glorious beautiful Lucky it once was. But oy! the stories I have just begging to be shared with the world!! *sigh* Lucky for you, you're all just one unfortunate meeting with a whisky sour or two and a laptop away, and the stories will be free for one and all...

In the meantime, the red Star*ucks holiday cups are here for the season, as are the Eggnog and Gingerbread (and Peppermint...but that's available year round) Latte...wheee!!!

Holiday Bliss in a cup.

Happy Election Day!

GoooOOOOO Democrats!!!

***

On a more serious note, how the hell does McDonald's have the balls to take medium fries off of my artery-clogging deliciously affordable beloved dollar menu? And then replace it with some sort of fallacy called "McValue" fries?? When these so-called "McValue" fries are clearly just small fries in sheep's clothing??!! C'mon, they can't actually think people will fall for this. I am McBitter.

Ugh, I could have sworn there was something else I was going to write about here, but my anger over the McSham fries has caused me to forget. Whatevs.

***

Oh, wait! Now I remember: so I'm sure some of you more news-viewing readers have seen that Seattle has been having some serious rain these last few days. Not the cute drizzly stereotypical Seattle-rain of yore, but like California mudslide rain. Which is all fine and dandy, except that my car has decided to start leaking. Rainwater. On the inside. In mass quantities. And I have no covered parking, neither at my apartment or at work. Bah. It's like driving around in a giant damp sponge with four wheels. A giant sponge that smells like mildew. Blech.

"Christmas time is heeeere..."

I just noticed the first holiday commercial (thank you, Mastercard) of the year whilst watching Seinfeld reruns tonight. Squeeeee!!! Who else is excited??!! Is it too early to start playing Christmas music at work? 'Tis the season of Raspberry Peppermint White Mochas!!

Ysabel apologizes for not blogging enough lately.

"Wow, I haven't updated this blog in a while."

"I've been so busy lately."

"I promise I'll update more from now on."

"[Insert standard overdue blog update remark of choice here.]"

...Anyway, as you may or may not have already surmised, this new job of mine has been taking up quite a bit of my time. This is definitely the most involved, hectic and pressure-filled job I've had (non-performing-wise, that is), which is good since I can actually say that I'm very rarely bored at work. Unfortunately, this also means that I am left with hardly any time to do any entertainingly angst-ridden work-related blogging. Poopy. This past week, which was my first full week by myself as the official Print Buyer for Mills, I've been scrambling around like a crazed hellion trying to re-organize the department to more of my liking, tie up all the loose ends left by my predecessor and clean up my workspace (i.e. making it look cute and faaabulous) while keeping up with all the day to day tasks of managing the print departments for eleven different music stores. Agh. Is the second week too early to ask your boss for 1) an assistant, and 2) a raise? Hahaha.

***

Also: I was driving home the other day talking to Ben on the phone telling him how one of the store managers started calling me "Elise" for no reason. And how I'm too much of a pansy-arse to just utter these simple words: "My name's actually Ysabel." And how to avoid such confrontation, I should just start referring to myself in the third person around said store manager. Like: "Ysabel could really use a coffee break right now." Or "Ysabel needs to make a phone call." And how, while I'm doing that, I should just adopt Elise as my evil alter-ego: "Elise is angry." Or, more likely: "Elise huuuuungry!!" Or "Elise is stressed out. Elise is going to ram her head repeatedly against her keyboard until 6 o'clock rolls around and she can go home."

Tambien: Grande soy no-whip latte with one pump each of White Mocha, Raspberry and Toffee Nut syrup. Trust me.

Auch: Scott and I saw The Departed the other night. Wait, it was last weekend. It just feels like the other night because I've been busy being a raving lunatic all week. Anyway, it was really good. I don't typically enjoy Martin Scorsese movies, mainly because I've seen all of two - maybe three - in my life, but I highly recommend this one. Lots of cursing, lots of killing (of course) and a bit on the lengthy side, but quite engrossing as well.

Aussi: I got offered a gig for my first time in Seattle the other day! How exciting. Unfortunately, I had to turn it down because it was a sub-in gig for a Dixieland band (sounds fun) which required me to have the ability to know my blues scales (which I don't) and improvise (which I can't). So too bad. But it's a start. Jazz-ish, Dixieland band gigs are all well and good, but what's a stuffy old boring classically-trained player to do? Sigh...

Umm....

One of the store managers here has suddenly started taken to calling me "Elise" today. I guess they kind of sound the same. Ugh, now I have to go fix it...

The story of how Ysabel turned into a geriatric.

Ok, there's really no story. Just that I was at work the other day checking our Hal Leonard warehouse inventory, when I realized that I can no longer stand up from a crouching position without putting a hand on one knee and grunting under my breath. And I now have a bedtime of midnight instead of 2am because...ugh, for a variety of reasons - namely being: work. Blah. Also, I find no greater joy than getting ready and driving to work on Saturdays while listening to NPR's Car Talk and Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me. Well, except for not getting ready for work and sleeping 'til noon on Saturdays instead. But that goes without saying.

Speaking of going to work on Saturday: I (of course) swung by the one of the gloriously numerous Star*ucks drive-thrus on my way to work on Saturday morning. As I was pulling into my place in line, I noticed that there was a car just idling a bit behind and towards the right of the end of the line. I thought nothing of it, assuming that it was just waiting for a parking space and proceeded to drive around and in front of it to get in line at the drive-thru. About 20 seconds later I noticed a guy get out of said car and make his way to my car. I immediately figured out what had happened and sighed as he tapped on my window and said, "Hey, I was next in line." At which point I simply said, "Oh, sorry! I didn't know..." and proceeded to pull out of line, drive around the Star*ucks and get back in line behind the guy in his car. Anyway, when it was my turn to pick up my drink (and since you're all dying to know: a tall soy one-pump no-whip pumpkin spice latte...), the lovely Star*ucks barista said, "The gentleman in front of you paid for your drink and he said to tell you 'thank you.'"

!!!

Yay! It totally made my day. Nowadays I think it's so common for us all to become too easily irritated at the little inconveniences and/or misunderstandings that happen constantly throughout the day. I kind of assumed that the guy would be pissed at me for cutting him off in line. And I'm sure that he assumed I would react defensively and put up a fit when he came and tapped on my window. So when a simple misunderstanding ended up being nothing more than just that and we both just reacted like two civilized human beings, I think we were both pleasantly surprised. Huh. Anyway, the guy in front of me was cool, I got a free latte and the Star*ucks barista received a generous tip courtesy of Yours Truly. Everybody wins. Have a nice day!

***

And while we're on this wonderful subject, can I just tell you that stories of the famously overbundant...erm, abundance of coffeeshops in this area is all absolutely true and absolutely fabulous?! So there are these little coffee huts scattered throughout any given city here. Here is an example. They are usually located along a street corner or along the side of the road and are just little roofed stands with, I'm guessing, just one worker (maybe two) and just as many espresso machines where your general busy Seattle-ite can just walk up to or drive through and grab a quick and delicious latte and be on their way. While I will always and forever be a Star*ucks devotee, I have come to love the charm and sheer numerosity of these little java huts. Case in point: there are a rumored 12 (at the least) coffee stands within a one mile radius of my office. Ha!! And the coolest part: many of these places have happy hours, in which, during a specific time of day (usually from 1 or 2 to 4 in the afternoon), any drink you order is just $2.00! I love this place!! Wheee!!

Oog.

I am sooo siiiiiiick.

Unnnnnnnngh.

I hate mucous. I hate that I am producing it in mega-quantities. I hate the Dreaded Violent Hacking Cough. And I hate that I've lost the ability to taste food. Bleeeeaah.

Ok, that's all.

Random thoughts...

1. Happy Friday!!!

2. I hardly slept a wink last night for a variety of reasons, one of them being that my entire head turned into a virtual mucous and bile factory, causing me to spend every five minutes for eight hours tossing back and forth on either side exchanging goo from one nostril to another while simultaneously launching into a repeated attack of the Dreaded Violent Hacking Cough, which would occasionally escalate to the level of the Dreaded Dry Heaves. Appetizing, eh? Add onto that delightful party a dull, throbbing headache and I was able to conclude that my 2-month long allergy/asthma ordeal had somehow morphed itself into a freaking cold. I mean, who gets colds anymore?? I sure don't. At least I don't remember having gotten one in the last five years. Bah. Anyway, this morning I think I snoozed the alarm for about 45 minutes and managed to stumble into work only 15 minutes later than I had originally planned to. And the beauty of that whole scenario? It didn't matter! Because I am the head of my department, people!! Mwahahaahahaha!!! ...Ooh, this is going to take some getting used to, but I can definitely see myself taking full advantage of this role. Did someone say "dictatorship"? Hmm...me likes the sound of that.

3. I cut myself bangs again last night. GodDAMNIT!!! Why can't I stop myself??!! Ugh. Ah well, here's to another 16 months spent growing them out...

4. I just ate a Quarter Pounder meal at McDonald's for lunch. Bleargh. Why do I do this to myself? And in such a repetitive manner? ...Well, because french fries are freaking tasty, damnit, that's why. And so are the burgers that come with them. As well as the delightfully bubbly Diet Coke that washes it all down. The meal is especially tasty if you've trained your brain to completely block out the fact that each toxic bite has like a billion grams of saturated fat. Oy, whatever. Also, I have no concept of willpower whatsoever. This is evidenced by the fact that I think (hope?) today is payday and I've already spent a portion of company time this afternoon checking online to see where the nearest Target and Old Navys are in relation to my office. Hey, I can't even remember the last time I went shopping for myself (pity courtesy shopping trips during visits home to California from my mother and sister notwithstanding) so you will please allow me this little extravagance.

5. Speaking of which, I'm pretty sure today should be payday and I still haven't seen any new money show up in my bank account. This is making me nervous. Only because Target's a-callin' my name, if you catch my meaning. Also, I don't know how much longer I can go on without the office staff here realizing that I have been wearing the same 3 pairs of pants to work for the last 2 weeks. Who knew my wardrobe consisted of 90% denim? Hm. Anyway, yeah I need more nice slacks.

6. Hey, you know what's a really wonderful piece of music? Mendelssohn's incidental music to A Midsummer Night's Dream. I had never really taken the time to listen to much Mendelssohn, especially this particular piece because 1) As you may or may not know, I have spent the last 5 years of my life skillfully avoiding anything and everything to do with the Mendelssohn Scherzo orchestral excerpt for clarinet. This included even acknowledging it's existence, so I clearly could not let myself listen to it. And 2) My uneducated and biased feelings towards Mendelssohn up to this point had been summed in this way: "Hm. Meh." But now that I've finally conquered my deep-rooted hatred for fear of the Mendelssohn Scherzo excerpt, I have come to the realization that this piece is really quite fantastic. Especially the Overture; The sprightly elvish character of a Shakespearean fantasy, the dramatic tension of Sturm und Drang (yeah, I said it), the joyful exuberance of a late classical symphony: it's got everything! And it's especially cool if you're listening to the London Symphony Orchestra perform it. Did I mention that he wrote the Overture when he was seventeen years old?! Oy. Also, check out his Scottish Symphony. It's got a hell-of cool clarinet part - particularly the second movement - well, until you get to all the tonguing nastiness again. Ugh. Damn you, Mendelssohn. At least this one he wrote when he was like 30 or something.

Ok, that's all. Have a wonderful weekend everybody!!!

***

Addendum:

Gah. I was just talking to one of the managers here and he said he thinks that payday is next week. Bah! Baaaah!!! *sigh* Ah well. Target waits....

Gaaah.

Why do weekends have to go by so faaast??!! Blek.

Just FYI...

If you mosey on over to your nearby friendly neighborhood Star*ucks and order yourself a Grande Soy 2-pump no-whip Raspberry White Mocha, you will be a happier person for it. Just so you know.

Especially if it's a Saturday morning and you're on your way to the office.

Actually, I didn't mind going in today because I could go in at my leisure (i.e. sleep in some), and I have to work just for a little while to make up some hours that I missed during the regular work week to go to Wind Ensemble rehearsals at UW. Fair trade-off I suppose. Also, I got to drive to work while listening to Click & Clack on NPR's Car Talk, so I was in a good mood. On my previous unemployed Saturdays, I would just sleep right through Car Talk, so this is good.

Anyway, the fellow (Who, by the way, isn't really all that nutty after all. He's a good guy. And, no, I'm not just saying that because he treated me to a latte the other day. But that helped.) who I'm training with has been out of town since yesterday so I've been left to my own devices until Tuesday. Needless to say, I had to do a fair amount of "improvising" yesterday, which is always fun to do with a brand new job in a brand new field in which you have virtually no experience, but what-the-hey, you know? Keeps things fun.

In any case, I really think I will enjoy this job, and, the more I think about it, the more sure I am that I did the right thing choosing this job over the position at the Bellevue Philharmonic. The people within this company are way cool, and I already have them all wrapped around my widdle finger. Hahaha. Just kidding. But I do think we are a good fit. And, not that I am eager to have outgoing Print Buyer leave because, obviously, I still have a lot of learning and training to do in the next 2 weeks, but I am anxious to finally take over this position for realz if only so I can start re-organizing and implementing some of my own ideas into the print department for this company. Ooh, I'm excited! Every single organization-obsessed bone in my body is jumping at the bit to take over and do a major overhaul. Starting with this desk. Needs a woman's touch. An obsessive-compulsive woman's touch.

Anyway, back to the grindstone...

I look like Jet Li? Sweet!

Work is going well so far. I still feel fairly clueless in the art of print buying, but I'm not worried. After all, every hour I spend being semi-clueless at work is that much more in the bank with which to buy lattes and sushi after the workday is done :) My feet hurt like the dickens after today, though. *sigh* First order of business (i.e. shopping) after payday: nice, dressy orthopedic footwear. Ha. Apparently, part of being a music buyer is maintaining a giant library/warehouse of music and books (i.e. packing/unpacking/sorting/lugging/cursing at/etc. boxes and boxes of sheet). Good. Times.

In any case, in lieu of me writing a long entry (because I'm too lazy to do so), here is the internet's report on my apparent long-lost twins:

Hahaha. Do you like how I blocked out my face? One can never be too paranoid with the internet, I always say. Too bad for you, creepy online stalkers!! Oh hey, I just submitted another picture and got some even more random results:

Really? Raquel Welch?!

Oh, and speaking of random: I was perusing ze internet whereupon I happened to come across the word "pumpkin" and just got the most intense craving for a Star*ucks Pumpkin Spice Latte. ...Okay okay okay, Grande 2-pump Soy No-whip Pumpkin Spice Latte to be exact. Oh God, I want one so bad...

*scampers off to drive to the nearest Star*ucks*

*scampers back to the couch after determining that these little Star*ucks cravings must be curbed until at least the first official paycheck*

*counts down the hours until next Friday*

Drumroll please...

Ok, here's my new job title:

PRINT MUSIC BUYER

Ta daaaa!! Yay!! Ah, how sweet is this? For the first time in my retail-related crappy job history, I finally am no longer required to offer products to the masses in exchange for their money, and, instead, am in charge of buying products from assorted publishers and distributors to sell in our stores! Hahaha! I excel at the expelling of money, people, and it's about goldarned time I got paid to do it. So there, world! Sweet, sweet justice is finally mine...

Anyway, I will be the official Print Buyer for this music company in the Seattle region called Mills Music. They own 11 stores in Washington, and I'll be in charge of the sheet music inventory for all of the stores. Overseeing 11 stores will be quite a challenge, I'm sure, but at least I don't think I'll get bored (or as bored...) -- which my non-existent-attention-span-self is apt to do, as you probably know.

So that's that. I start training tomorrow with the outgoing Print Buyer for the next 3 weeks, which should be interesting. And I say this because the fellow seems to be a bit of a nutjob. I spent about 4 hours with him last week, during the morning that I officially accepted the position and got kind of a strange-ish vibe. Nice enough guy, I guess, but the type to stare at you just long enough to make you feel little skeezed out, you know what I mean? Anyway, at least it's only for a few weeks and then I'm large and in charge, baby!!

So yeah. And in the process of accepting this position, I actually for the first time in my life ever, had to turn down a job! I was offered and decided to pass on the Director of Education job with the Bellevue Philharmonic, which may seem foolish because the DE job sounds pretty impressive, but I felt like I meshed better personality-wise with the Mills people than the Bellevue people (Which is a staff of three people. Literally.). So, sorry Heather. I guess we won't be DE sisters after all. Also, the job itself was about 80% administrative/clerical stuff and the rest actual education and music related. Also, when I went to meet and interview with the Bellevue staff (all two of them at the time) the Marketing and Special Events girl decided that that would be an opportune time for her to talk down to me and act as though she was leaps and bounds more experienced and qualified than I, even though 1) she has a background in theater - not music - and 2) had been working for the orchestra for, I kid you not, all of one week. Anyway, so I, of course decided that would be an opportune time for me to say, "Eh. Thanks, but no thanks." Although, I'm sure I would have gotten plenty of good blog stories out of that little wench. Oh well.

Oh, and there's also the fact that Mills is offering me more money, better benefits and a little more schedule flexibility. Yippee!

So wish me luck on this new job and hope that I don't get fired after a month for not having the slightest clue how to be a print buyer. 'Cause I don't.

***

Also: Yes, my brain is still itching. I'm not kidding you. What has it been now? Like three or four days? I don't know anymore because I've gone so far insane that I've lost the ability to count past one. And also probably because I've jammed one too many Q-tips into my skull that I'm sure I must have bruised my brain somehow. Agh. AAAAGGGHH!!!

Something random before I elaborate on the new job thingy.

Ok, all of today I've had this itch inside my right ear that is so far inside that I'm convinced it's actually my brain that itches. Seriously. Has this ever happened to you? I've never experienced anything like this before. The only thing that gives me some sense of reprieve is when I take a pointer finger knuckle and sort of grind it against my outer ear. And then it's like the best feeling everrrr. But then when I stop doing it the brain itch is still there. Sticking a finger in there definitely has proven ineffective. And just now I tried poking a Q-tip up in there... The only problem is that I have a deadly fear that if I wrangle the Q-tip too far in there, it will literally poke my brain ... or at least give me that dreadful instantaneous shockwave of pain that we've all gotten from getting a little too aggressive with the Q-tip cleaning. You know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, long story short, if this brain itch doesn't go away very soon I am going to go insane. Insaaaaaaaane!!! Brain itch!!!!!!!!

I have a job!!!!

Wheeeeee!!!

...Details soon.

Light at the end of the tunnel: Part Duh

Oy, the interviews...

Ok, no job yet, but at least the interviews are abundant. I interviewed for the House Manager position at UW last Friday. I rocked the house, of course (how could I not, what with my overwhelming fabulousness and all...), but was swiftly rejected three days later. Ah, such is life. More specifically: Aaah, such is life when you're a 26-year old struggling musician. Anyway, I am obviously disappointed, bitter, etc etc etc (not really) that I didn't get it, but I have since equally promptly gotten over it (via a few handfuls of mint creme oreo cookies...mmm) and now have my sights on two other possible job opportunities. I've had two interviews at Mills Music, the last one of which was this morning with the president of the company and at which I was told that I would probably be considered for a management position, and have a third interview this Friday. And then I have an interview for the Director of Education position with the Bellevue Philharmonic tomorrow morning.

Going on all these interviews has definitely given me confidence in myself as an interviewee. If not for any reason but that my interviewer at my first Mills Music interview proposed marriage to me during the interview. Hahaha...true story. Anyway, tomorrow's interview should be interesting, and I say this only because I spoke to the Executive Director of the Bellevue Phil yesterday to schedule our interview, and he sounds just like Milton from Office Space. Should be a fun chat.

***

In other news: part of the reason for my extended absence this past week is that Scott's entire family and -- more importantly (horrifyingly?) -- 4 of his college fraternity buddies came to visit this past weekend. His family stayed in a hotel, but the boys all crashed at our apartment. All in all, I guess it was a fun few days...yeah.... Oh, what the hell am I saying? Did you hear me say that there were 5 recovering frat boys staying under the same roof as me? Oy. Vey. Let's just say that the rental of a heavy-duty carpet cleaner was required to clean up a giant brown stain on the living room carpet. And I no longer have to curl up in a fetal position in my closet while slowly rocking myself to blissful sleep every night.

Light at the end of the tunnel: Part I

So I have a job interview with the folks at Mills Music next week. Yaaayyy!......?? Like I said, the whole sales/retail thing is not my bag. At all. We've discussed this before. Not sure yet when the interview will be exactly, but I am just thankful that somebody anybody has responded to ONE of my job inquiries. One for, what, like fifty isn't too bad for a batting average, right? Ha. And he even complimented me on my fab moniker: "Hi Ysabel. Beautiful name, by the way..."

Anyway, we'll see what happens. If I don't get an email response from the lady at the UW concert hall soon, I'm going to have to turn my stalking up a notch and give her a little ringy dingy.

***

And in a completely unrelated note, if you haven't noticed already by the website links towards the left, I'm totally addicted to online trashy celebrity slag. The thing that's gotten the most attention lately is the release of pictures of Suri "my dad is psychotic and my mom has been brainwashed" Cruise:

Look, I am the first to admit that all this celebrity attention is ridiculous and, often times, very mean-spirited. I read this stuff mainly because I am unemployed (but not for long...?) and use all this ridiculous celeb gossip to inject some excitement and hilarity into my otherwise blah-ish day-to-day activities. And I will maintain, as one who has never been a fan thankyouverymuch, that Tom Cruise is (or at least seems to be) completely off his rocker who has scored himself a beautiful blushing brainwashed bride. But I do have to disagree with all the stupid celeb gossip bloggers out there and say that I think Suri is a really cute baby! And I'm not just saying that because I had hair like that when I was a baby. I think. She's not as cute as my two nieces, of course. But she's very cute. Oh, and by the way, I for one do not think she looks Asian at all! Why do people keep saying that??

Toots & poots. orDon't read this post if you're eating.

I would just like the entire blogging community to know that Scott just farted in my face as retaliation for my rolling my eyes at him and saying "Duh" to something he said. And then rolling my eyes again and saying "Doy." It smelled like a combination of rotten eggs, diseased flesh and Jazz Strawberries & Cream Diet Pepsi. Hahaha. Ewwww. Also, a dear friend - who shall remain nameless unless he wishes to divulge his identity; bonus points for you if you guess who! - sent me a text message yesterday to inform me that he "just had the biggest BM in his entire life!" Is this all the universe kicking my karma in the arse for telling you all about my bowel issues last week? Eep. Sorry.

Also, I stayed true to my word last night and sent a saccharine-sweet and unbelievably charming email to the Front of House Operations Manager (i.e. my future supervisor...hahaha) at the UW concert hall to subtley (sp?) enlighten her of my overwhelming awesomeness. We'll see if I get any response... And by that, I mean, "I better get a response. Grrrr." Ah yes, that's more like it. Threatening with a hint of Bitterness: just my style. And I responded to an ad on Craig's List for a nearby music store that's looking to hire for their sales staff. Agh. Sales. Not my bag, baby. But at least I get to talk to people about music. That'll take some of the sting off.

"Oh, you'd like to purchase some clarinet reeds for your little child? And does your precious little jewel have a clarinet teacher? No? Oh, how fortuitous! Let me tell you of the Greatest Clarinet Teacher the World Has Ever Known..."

or

"Oh, you're a world famous orchestra conductor who just happens to be passing through northern Seattle on your way back to Berlin? And you are in desperate need of the Greatest Clarinet Player the World Has Ever Known? Oh, how fortuitous indeed!!"

Hahahahahaha. Yes, that's the plan.

***

And check this out!

Labor Day, Schmabor Day.

Ah, Labor Day. In which our government honors its hard-working citizens by giving them a federal holiday out of the office, thereby giving those such sturdy laborers a day with which to have a barbeque, relax by the lake, take a trip to the beach, lounge about on the couch and watch football, or whatever else your hard-working hearts desire. Or, if you're like me, curse this one additional opportunity for the universe to remind you that you're miserably unemployed and shouldn't even have the right to celebrate this blasted holiday anyway. Pooh. And in a brilliant move which only the likes of myself would dare pull, I chose to commemorate this unfortunate holiday by asking my hard-laboring computer genius brothers for more pity money so that I can feed my non-laboring belly.

***

In other news, I feel quite good about the House Manager position at UW. I fully intend to pull the no-holds-barred, shameless, ulterior-motive-filled move in which I find out who might be the immediate supervisor of the currently open position and invite them to a "friendly lunch" during which I blow him/her away by my wit/charm/stunning beauty/brilliance/general awesomeness until they have no other option but to hire me for the job. Ahahahhhahaha. If only.

***

And in other, more clarinerdy news: I finally found a reed today that might have a chance of perhaps maybe someday being considered slightly "good." And by "good," I just mean "not quite as overwhelmingly sucky," like every single one of the ten thousand reeds that I have tried to blow on since arriving in Seattle. Huzzah!!! Huzzzzaaaaaaahhh!!!

And in very exciting (but only for me, not you, I'm sure) related news : I'm now only 8 clicks on the metronome away from reaching my goal tempo* on the blasted Mendelssohn Scherzo excerpt (i.e. The bane of Ysabel's existence or The excerpt which Ysabel has literally been avoiding like the black plague for the past 5 years or That which is on every. single. freaking. audition. ever.). I'm sure this in thanks in part to my discovery of The One reed today. Anyway, I know this isn't exciting for anybody but me. Unless maybe if your name is Erin, Ben or Heather. But be happy for me. I order you. It is quite an accomplishment, considering I have the tongue of a cow when forced to articulate anything on the devil stick. Wheee!!!

"Happy peanut soar..."

I have no idea why, but this commercial makes me laugh everytime I see it. And I found one of the actor's blogs online! Here it is.

In other news, the unemployment situation remains unchanged. There is another job at UW that I now have my sights set on. House Manager for the big performance concert hall on campus. It will be mine... Oh yes. It will be mine.

When two rights make a WRONG.

This is what I learned today:

Even though 1) Berries & cream = delicious, and 2) Diet Cola = delicious, Berries & cream plus Diet Cola = Ysabel taking a wee sip and then nearly vomiting inside her mouth.

The newfangled "Jazz" Strawberries & Cream Diet Pepsi is N.A.S.T.Y. I should have known better than drink it, considering it was Pepsi (Coke rules! Specifically, Diet Coke!!), but Scott and I went to his teacher's house last night for a cook-out and walked away at the end of the night with a leftover opened 2-liter bottle of the devil drink. Don't ask me why. I think because nobody else wanted it and we are suckers for free food and drink.

Anyway, don't take my word for it. You should try it and let me know what you think. I mean, you may end up liking it. If you like the taste of a pack of strawberry Starbursts melted into a bottle of inferior brand Diet Cola, with an additional cupful of sugar substitute thrown in for good measure plus a dash of gasoline just for the hell of it.

***

ps. And because I know you have all been dying to be updated on the status of my booooowels (I have to say it like that to soften -- haha, get it? "soften"? -- the inappropriate nature of this subject matter), I am well on my way to leading a satisfactorily regular lifestyle once again. Not primo yet, but at least starting to see some action again. Phew!!

Blah. That's all.

All my feelings of stress/guilt/anxiety/ineptitude/despair/anger/poopiness/etc. about having not yet found a job has manifested itself physically in the form of a muscle spasm below my right eye that has been going full-blast nonstop for about an hour now. The first twenty seconds it was "cool." When it lasted five minutes it became "funny." Twenty minutes in I started becoming "peeved." And now I just want to "bash my head against this laptop continuously until the blessed spasming finally stops."

In any case, as you have just learned I am still unemployed. It's been my daily activity since I've been back now to respond to a dozen job postings on Craig's List and anxiously await the inevitable "Thank you for your response. The job has already been filled but we will keep your resume on file." message in my Inbox. Blast it all. And to make matters worse, I've already gone through all the past episodes of Felicity that had been TiVo-ed during my recent California vacation (Vacation? Vacation from what??) so my daily existence is just that much more empty and banal. Part of me says, "Just suck it up and go get another coffeeshop job. A paycheck is a paycheck, right?" While the other -- bigger and more likely to get its way -- side of me says, "Waaaaaaaahh! Noooooooooo!!!!"

So, blah.

Something will turn up. Even I know that. At least my resume is still "In review" for a job at the Graduate School at UW, but I was given a swift roundhouse kick of rejection for the job I was really hoping to get at the School of Music. Whatevs. Anyway, I should have a bunch of packets ready and mailed out to area public school music programs peddling my wares as a clarinet teacher, so hopefully that will illicit some response. But all this waiting and constant rejection is quite intolerable. Quite intolerable.

In other news, today has been the first gray and chilly day I've experienced in Seattle since we've been here. And should I ever catch myself complaining about it even for a moment, I just have to remind myself that, less than one month ago we were two seconds away from spontaneously combusting into a ball of fire whilst loading the damned U-Haul for two days on the surface of the Sun in Knoxville. "Oh wait, what? I should turn the heat on in the living room for a few minutes because it's kind of chilly in here? Well, don't mind if I do!!" Ha ha ha!

***

ps. And since I am still technically a clarinet player (I hope), I do have to say this: the sudden climate change today has made all my reeds turn to crap. Crappp!!! Where's a brand new box of Vandoren V-12s when you need one??!! My kingdom for a good reed!!!

In which Robin kicks me in the ass for neglecting this blog...so you can blame him for what you are about to read.

"Damn Ys, I read your blog for it's witty comments on office life, gluttony, and the like, not for sixty-question surveys!..."

Point taken, my friend.

Ok, so to swiftly get you crazies back to reality lest you start thinking that my blog-absence has actually had a negative effect on your day-to-day existence, here is the first thing that I can think of to share with you all -- and you can file it under the category of Waaaay Too Much Information:

I flew back to Seattle on Tuesday, and for the four days that followed my triumphant return, I did not have one single BM. That cannot be healthy, n'est-ce pas? And I don't get it, because for the 10 days that I was in California, embarking on my newly invigorated healthy-eating makeover, I was as regular as...well, I don't know what, but I was freaking regular, people. In one end and out the other, as they say. And I have been trying very hard (well, harder than I usually do) to keep up with the healthy eating since I've been back. Cutting back on the Diet Coke, not a single trip to any fast food joints -- despite Scott's regular attempts to break my resolve by putting a Jack ball inside my car and making it taunt me everytime we drive by a Jack-in-the-Box restaurant, drinking lots of water, taking my multi-vitamins, etc etc etc. I am becoming very distressed about all of this. Why are things not moving along? Perhaps Scott's insistence that girls don't poop has proven so intense that his twisted fantasy has actually come to fruition and I have completely lost the ability to perform this necessary human function... Anyway, I haven't been eating any less, that's for sure. The thought of all that stuff building up inside is quite disgusting, I'm sure you'll agree. Blech. Out! Out!! Ouuut!!!

Now, aren't you all glad that I've returned to my blog? Yeah, I didn't think so. I hope you've all learned your lesson. I still haven't gotten a job and I have lost all purpose in life, so much so that all I have to write about is my lack of movement in the bowel area. Hahaha. Ugh.

I need a job.

Are you still there?

Well, well, well.

It's been so long since I've updated this damned thing that even I am fed up with myself. My apologies. I know that you all depend on my bountiful witticisms and thoughtful insights to get you through your dreary day-to-day existence (oh wait, I'm the one with a dreary day-to-day existence...more on that, for sure)... Anyway, I for sure have a lot to update you all on -- oh my God, have I really not written about the epic mid-Western cross-country tour, my first weeks in Seattle, or my recent visit home to California??!! Zoiks. My bad. But, in the meantime, I do have to say that it'll take me some time to get back in the swing of things back in the blogosphere, so as a warm-up, let me offer you this survey:


1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Oy. All of them. Especially considering my current state of abyssmal unemployment. But the most costly one is my car payment...

2. What's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
In Knoxville? I loved Wasabi. Who knows why? Mmm...Japanese teppan-yaki with the sweet, delicious orangey-colored sauce. Gggghhhllllarrrgh. Not really romantic, but since Scott and I can do some serious bonding over our mutual love of gorging ourselves sick on scrumptious grilled delights, then I have no choice but to list this one. Anyway, in Seattle? Haven't really found a place yet. We haven't ventured out much together outside of the Jack-in-the-Crack or Denny's vicinity. Agh. I need a job. Soon.

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
Oh God. It's happened only twice. And the last time was nearly three years ago? Let's just say I had an extra-strong gin and tonic made for me by an ultra-cool world-reknowned clarinet playa and had the bad judgment of drinking said extra-strong gin and tonic, whilst devouring an entire party bowl of M&Ms. Crikey. Later that night...cut to me with my head in the toilet in the bathroom of the Knoxville West Towne mall after trying to sit and watch "Big Fish" at the movie theater. Not my greatest moment.

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
Never.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
I honeslty don't remember. She was the mother of a friend of my younger brother. That's all I remember.

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
I'm currently sitting on my couch watching Felicity reruns which I've saved up on DVR (huzzah!) while blogging on my laptop. Pure bliss. The only thing I need different is to have a job. Have I mentioned that I'm unemployed? Agh.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
Cartoonist. Then a musician.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
Zwei. University of the Pacific and University of Tennessee. I did spend one cool summer taking Astronomy at CSU Sacramento. That was fun.

9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
A white racer-back tanktop. Because it does not require me to wear an undergarment. Ah, free and easy...

10. GAS PRICES! First thought?
"F*ing George Bush."

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you...
Hahaha. Moving to Seattle with Scott has been preeeetty sweet, so far, I'd have to say. I would just wish that northern California was just a bit closer so that I could visit family even more easily.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
What alarm? Hahahahah! Oh wait. Damnit, I need a job.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
"Mmm...back in Seattle!"

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Hip-huggers or boy-shorts.

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
Meh. Boxers?

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Changing the shower curtain-liner.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery?
Sure.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Proooobably sleep in. But once in a while it's nice to get up early and enjoy the quiet.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Homer.

20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Eat? Watch a movie? Whatevs.

21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing?
If there's something I don't mind everyone knowing, then you know it already. Otherwise, I don't want you to know.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
I don't really feel old. Turning 26 and being closer to 30 than 20 is pretty interesting though, I'd have to say. I welcome the coming years though! Assuming it brings wisdom, insight, a steady career and a stable income.

23. Favorite 80's movie?
Just one? Agh, then it'd have to be The Princess Bride. But Ferris and The Empire Strikes Back come a close second.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
turkey

25. What do you get every time you go into Costco?
Mmm...if I'm hungry, then a Polish Sausage.

26. Beach or lake?
Beeeeaaaaach!

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
Nah. I have a little bit of the romantic left in me, I guess.

28. Who do you stalk on MySpace?
Myself.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Laguna Beach on MTV. Oh my God, I love that show!

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
Dude, where's my car? Hahahaha!! "And theeeen??!"

31. What's your drink?
Ok, for my family who apparently thinks I'm a lush because everytime I go out and have drinks with friends -- which, by the way, happens like once a month -- I write about it in this blog: I. Am. Not. A. Lush. But for those times when I do enjoy a beverage of choice, I generally choose from this list of tried-and-true favorites:

1. gin and tonic
2. whisky sour
3. tequila
4. vodka and grapefruit juice
5. long island
6. vodka on the rocks with a couple of olives
7. gin on the rocks with a couple of olives

32. Cowboys or Indians?
Whatever.

33. Cops or Robbers?
Whatever.

38. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Meh.

39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
I don't know any stations in Seattle yet.

42. Norm or Cliff?
Nooormmm!

43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
The Simpsons. Doy.

44. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Hmm. No comment.

45. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
Oy vey. Must everything remind me that I don't have a job??!! ...Anyway, I did at my previous job. She was cool.

46. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
Nobody...

47. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Scott Speedman. Hahaha. Only because I'm watching Felicity right now.

48. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
See above.

49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Nope.

50. Last book you read for real?
Just finished The Devil Wears Prada last night at the airport. Good fluffy travel reading!

51. Do you have a teddy bear?
I think I have some left at home.

52. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
Hmmm...must be some airport bathroom or something. Not too weird I guess.

53. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Either way up north or way down sought. I think I've got the other areas covered.

54. Number of texts in a day?
Probably around 5 or so.

55. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
Career. Careeeeeeeeeeeer!!!

56. Do you go to church?
Oy. Not regularly like I should. Sorry, Mom and Dad.

57. Pencil or pen?
Pen, usually. Definitely pencil when doing crosswords though.

58. bueller??? bueller??? bueller?
Yes!!

59. How many jobs have you had?
Customer service/retail: 2. Food service: 2. Music related: 3? (not counting gigs) Currently: 0. Argh.

60. What do you want to achieve in life?
I want to get a job in which I can continually advance and grow, both inwardly and outwardly. Preferably something in the music or arts field since I (i.e. my parents) spent enough Goddamned money getting me degrees in said field. Oh and to be more specific, preferably one that involves me playing the clarinet. For lots of money. Lots and lots. Of money. Is that too much to ask?

West Siiiide!!!

Oh my God!

We're here! We survived! The weather is AWESOME!! Seattle rocks!

Unfortunately, we don't have internet in the apartment yet, so I'm seeking solitude at the nearest Star*ucks to get on the precious internet for the first time since leaving Knoxville. Anyway, I don't have much time to spend recapping the hijinks of the last week on the road, but I promise to do just so as soon as our cable and internet is set up at home. Unless I become so distracted by having cable television again that I forget about you all and this neglected blog and choose to watch 10 straight hours of the Food Network instead. We'll see.

One highlight you can look forward to reading about: "Hey Scott, remember on our fourth day of driving when we drove for over 13 hours to get from Casper, Wyoming through all of Montana, and Idaho and then finally Washington and then when we finally stopped just outside of Spokane we couldn't find a hotel with any vacancies anywhere and ended up driving over 100 miles more past Spokane because the towns (if you can even call them that...do 2 gas stations, 3 crummy hotels - none of which has any vacancies - and a Denny's count as a town?) are 40 miles apart and then before we knew it, we had been driving for 16 hours and I got a f*cking flat tire at f*cking four o'clock in the morning and you had to change my tire on the side of I-90 in the middle of godforsaken nowhere in the pitch black of night and then after we got back on the road for about 10 seconds, we found that my f*cking spare tire was flat too, and then we had to get your truck out of the U-Haul trailer so that we could put my poor VW Golf on there instead and I could drive your truck to the next town, which as it ended up, was about 50 yards from where we were, and then I paid over $100 to get a hotel room that we would only occupy for about 5 hours, but neither of us cared anymore because we just wanted to get the hell off the road and into a horizontal position for a few precious hours, and when we finally got into the hotel room, Bela ran out of the room like 3 times because at that point, even he hated even the sight of the both of us and couldn't even stand to be in yet another hotel room with these two worthless human beings?? Remember that? Hahahaha. What memories!!"

Countdown!

Hi. I'm still alive. You will please forgive me for not updating this blog in a while. I've been busy sitting on the couch and eating bad food and procrastinating about the Big Move. And going to cool hipster bars in Market Square and watching a slightly disappointing burlesque show while drinking gin and whisky (not at the same time). Oh, and attending a fabulous going away party* (Thanks Heather!! You are awesome!!!) also attended by one especially cool surprise guest (Benhamin!! Yayyy!!). So, as you can see, I've clearly been busy doing Everything Possible But Actually Getting Ready to Move Across the Country in Less Than A Week.

...That is, until today, when I've packed up the kitchen, a good amount of the living room, some clothes and some of the bathroom. Whee! Packing itself, I've found, is not sooo much of a pain. The loading of the U-Haul tomorrow, however, in disgusting Southern summer heat and general climatey grossness will surely be a b*tch. But here's the thing: a hellish day of loading tomorrow, followed by about 5 days of hellish cross-country driving madness, and I will be officially living in Seattle (or the vicinity thereof) in exactly one week!

Aaaaah!!!


* Hilarious recaps and potentially incriminating photos of said party to be posted at a later date. Maybe tomorrow if I feel like procrastinating with the truck loading.